Daveman's Saga To Be The Next Lead Singer Of Van Halen If only it wasn't for the Damm Pepsi! "Daveman's Saga To Be The Next Lead Singer Of Van Halen" If only it wasn't for the Damm Pepsi! By dave@lenconnect.com Above: A Young Dave Clark giving an autograph to fan (DLR Drummer) Matt Bissonette. FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE NOVEMBER 18, 1999 Daveman announces he's not up for VH job (A.P.) ADRIAN, Mich. - Responding to several anonymous rumorscirculating throughout the Internet and hard rock community, Dave"Daveman" Clark has announced that he has not been officially approachedby Van Halen for the job as new lead singer. But he's not ruling it out either. "Sure, he's a fan but it's never been something he's considered," said a spokesperson from Clark's official fan club, located in Los Angeles(aren't they all?). "If he ever was considered as singer for Van Halenhe would certainly give it his best effort. He'd sing from his heart,play the kazoo out of his ass... whatever the job required." Speculation concerning the lead singer job has been a major topic of debate among fans and industry people alike as guitarist Eddie Van Halen, bass player Michael Anthony and drummer Alex Van Halen search for a vocalist. Though Daveman seems like an obvious choice, others including Sebastian Bach, David Coverdale, Slayer's Tom Araya and the fat chick from Wilson Phillips have also been mentioned as possible candidates. Daveman issued a statement earlier concerning the break-up of the band with former singer Gary Cherone. "I certainly wish Gary the best, even though he had no fucking business in that band from the start. My little sister could have done as good a job as him. Somebody needs to tell Ed to get a clue and once again join forces with the baddest motherfucker on the planet, David Lee Roth," Clark said through his publicist. According to Clark it's just that easy to write up an "official looking" press release or statement to get rumors going. It's amazing to him that more people haven't tried this little stunt, Clark said. He wouldn't put the sneaky trick past Vince Neil, Ted Nugent, Kevin DuBrow or others, Clark said. Until official word arrives from the Roth camp, Van Halen camp, or otherwise, fan speculation is just that - speculation. If Clark is not hired, and the job goes to someone other than Roth, he'll have some harsh words for band leader Ed Van Halen the next time the two meet. "He better be wearing a cup. That's all I have to say," Clark responded. Interview are available by contacting Clark's publicist at Fear and Loathing Records, (800) D-I-P-S-H-I-T. FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE NOVEMBER 19, 1999 Daveman thanks fans for support but declines Van Halen offer (A.P.) ADRIAN, Mich. - Despite strong reaction by fans, Daveman has declined the job as new lead singer for world-famous rock band Van Halen Friday. The internet mailing list hosted by David Lee Roth's management was abuzz yesterday when learning that Daveman was considering the job. "I was very flattered by the kind reaction by fans ," Clark said through a spokesperson. "I think it was the ass kazoo that really put me over the top with way more support than Sammy Hagar. As far as I can see it was only me and Dave in the running. And Udo from Accept, of course, but only if he doesn't take that gig with Queensryche or Dream Theater." Regardless, Daveman has taken himself out of the running, stating "there is only one man for the job and it ain't me. Get Diamond David Lee Roth back or call it a day." Speculation concerning the lead singer job has been a major topic of debate among fans and industry people alike as guitarist Eddie Van Halen, bass player Michael Anthony and drummer Alex Van Halen search for a new vocalist. Though Daveman seemed an obvious choice, Van Halen expert Todd Plesco points out that other means may be used to find a replacement. "I hear the next lead singer might be chosen by getting the winning Pepsi bottle cap. They'll also wind up on a box of Wheaties," Plesco said. A publicist confirmed that Daveman indeed eats his Wheaties but does not enjoy Pepsi-Cola. Daveman's management announced that he prefers Coke or Faygo to Pepsi and has said so repeatedly. Citing "carbonated differences" in the Van Halen's alliance with Pepsi, Daveman has taken himself out of consideration for lead singer duties. "Although I was never officially contacted in the first place, I'm withdrawing my name from consideration. Van Halen won't have Daveman to kick around anymore. Let them choke on their Pepsi, the bastards. I fully support David Lee Roth and hope that, although the guys in VH rejected me, they will come to their senses and work with Dave again," Clark said. AN OPEN LETTER TO THE DLRML: As you are by now aware I've officially stepped aside as a possible candidate for singer of the band Van Halen. Like you, I had visions of seeing the band restored to its former glory, but it's time to stop pretending and being dishonest. That was never my style. For all my fans and supporters on the DLRML, I say thanks. But for history's sake, let's set the record straight - EDDIE DID IT! Sure, I was never officially contacted by the band, their management, their record label, any member of the press, by music industry insidersor even the guy at the local used c.d. store, but I do have it on good authority that I WAS considering the job. It's easy to create this kind of mindless hype if you're the kind of mindless goon who actually thinks you've got a shot at being in VH. Luckly I am that type of goon, but the fact of that matter was Wheaties or no Wheaties, the Pepsi - Coke thing was something we wouldn't have been able to ignore if I did join VH. That and the fact they suck without Dave. It's been a great ride, but I think it's time that we faced facts, both parties just aren't compatible. I should have known better, but hey, I got caught up in the hype just like all of you. For my part I have to say, I could have been at least as good as Gary and I've got a better ass for spandex pants than Sammy ever did. Like so many of my peers who have not been contacted but are also considering the singer gig (Sebastian Bach, David Coverdale, Bastard Boy Floyd, Ronnie James Dio and the skinny chick that replaced Natalie Merchant in 10,000 Maniacs) I feel it was an honor just to have been considered by myself. Just a quick note to say thanks to everyone who supported me as a singer candidate for Van Halen. As you know it's never an easy decision to leave a band, but I do so with a clear conscience, before I even joined. Now back to the real business at hand; Ed, this isn't about your fucking hip. BRING BACK DAVID LEE ROTH!!! Daveman   To email the article you just read above to someone else {click here} .

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