FORD
09-23-2004, 11:55 AM
Bush Administration's Book Changes History
Written by KDAnteater
http://www.thespoof.com/picstore/GeorgeBush/resize_699318_resize_907351_bush%20read.JPG
President George W. Bush reads along with a school child.
President George W. Bush’s Secretary of Education Rod Paige has announced the release of a pro-Bush text book for schools across the nation. The book will exclusively include conservative perspectives, and discourage liberal thoughts, removing such items as George Washington’s famous quote, “I hope ever to see America among the foremost nations of justice and liberality." Paige says George Washington was misquoted, and meant to say, “Restructure the Constitution to fit the president’s every desire. Make sure to appoint John Ashcroft onto your cabinet, and set up free speech zones for pesky protestors.”
Full of misquotes and deceptions, An Idiots Guide to America's Blind Patriotism is a required reading in schools and colleges this quarter before elections. The book will teach you how to become misinformed and just plain ignorant enough to support a president no matter what, unless of course they happen to be a Democrat. Then you must not only hate their guts, but must impeach them.
The book makes weak arguments for narrow minded people, and is expected to not only fill school backpacks, but sell at Borders and other big chain book stores, just like the book Unfit for Command.
The book includes Native American history. “The Native Americans had it coming. Modern business people need that land, and settlers killed and murdered to get it, so unrestricted free market capitalism won in the end.” They take pride in Native American history, but note to respect the culture from a distance. “Worshiping mother earth is the devil’s work, worshiping human beings is the devil’s work, profits are God’s work,” says the text. “If you expect us to respect the land and animals like Chief Seattle requested to us, then you have another thing coming,” says Gale Norton. “I mean, just listen to the words of protest singer Bob Dylan,” said George Bush, ““The cavalries changed, and the Indians died, for the country was young, with God on our side.” He makes it clear that God wanted us to kill native peoples.”
“It’s called irony, you uneducated moron,” said Bob Dylan to the president. "I also said that even the president of the United States must sometimes have to stand naked." Dylan later apologized, saying "I am sorry for the putting this disturbing image in people's heads."
The topic of slavery also appeared in the book. Bush realizes that relying on slave labor, especially in other countries, makes the American economy grow to its full potential, leaving the rest in the dust. Bush, however, believes that there is hope for slaves everywhere. "It's very interesting when you think about it, the slaves who left here to go to America, because of their steadfast and their religion and their belief in freedom.” Senator Trent Lott denies that slaves were persecuted in America and came to gain the freedom that Thomas Jefferson and the original Bill of Rights bestowed upon them.
The women’s rights movement of the 1940’s and 50’s is documented in the book, where women triumphantly took a stand to obey their husbands, work at home, and accept lives as objects who bare as many children as possible. These women who took a stand for their civil rights are praised by the authors. The book fails to mention Susan B. Anthony and Elisabeth Cady Stanton, but what did they ever do anyway? As Bush believes, unruly women never change the course of history. John Ashcroft is quoted in the book as saying, “Women should not question if big polluters who are polluting their children’s world, and should trust others to care for their children. In fact, they should remain silent and not speak out against President Bush. Mothers Opposing Bush, in fact, is an example of a terrorist organization. Good thing we arrested that military mother for protesting the Iraq War at one of our fundraisers. There might possibly be a link to MOB.” Only men voice their opinions in this section of the book.
The women’s rights movement is not the only movement that is covered in the book. Cesar Chavez’s labor movement also appears, and is described as, “as communist, business ruining, sack of horse droppings movement.” Chavez, who united farm workers to fight for their rights, was a vegetarian and a supporter of organic farming, two agricultural values that Bush cannot stand. “Organic farming actually pollutes the soil more than pesticides do, and pesticides are neither pollutants nor subsidized by this administration, and as for topsoil eroding cattle. Well, it’s very good for the heart” says Secretary of Agriculture, Ann M. Veneman, who has political ties to big meat producers.
The book includes forged photographs of the Vietnam War where Bush is bravely flying dangerous missions over Hanoi and receiving four purple hearts for bravery. John Kerry, on the other hand, is photographed with a flower in his hand, a tie-dye t-shirt, a marijuana leaf, and The Communist Manifesto in his pants pocket. The book fails to mention that joining the National Guard in that era was a ticket out of going into Vietnam. The book applauds Nixon for his “secret plan” to get out of Nam, and slams Secretary of Defense Robert McNamara for flip-flopping on the war itself.
The book also includes modern events, such as America’s relations with such nations as Saudi Arabia, Iraq and Chile. It turns out that Pinochet was just helping American business people become richer by purchasing weapons to kill his own people, and supporting businessmen in not unlawful. As for Bush’s ties to the Royal Family, they are sugar coated, and do not mention Saudi connections to terrorism or 9/11. Apparently, Saudi Arabia is a booming Democracy with freedom of religion and free speech. “Michael Moore had it all wrong. The Saudi Royals are admirable people whom I feel comfortable exchanging billions of dollars for oil with. Read my, I mean, this book to find out why,” said the President.
The authors argue that when President Ronald Reagan financially supported Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden, and when Halliburton puppet-master Dick Cheney financially supported Saddam Hussein and the Iran contra affair, it was good for America. “By supporting the Iran contra affair, Dick Cheney stood by his stead fast belief to ignore Congress and the United Nations, Dick is a true patriot. By supporting Nicaraguan rebels attempting to extinguish a democratically elected Sandinista government in Nicaragua, “Hollywood” Ronald Reagan is an American hero,” says George Bush in the book.
George W. Bush is praised by the authors for destroying the environment, putting big business ahead of the American people, exporting American jobs overseas, not finding bin Laden, creating a huge deficit, misleading the United States into war, losing world support over Iraq (including that of one of America’s greatest allies, Costa Rica), restructuring the English language, pandering to born again Christians and businessmen, ignoring the popular vote, and most importantly, standing committed behind ignorant and false beliefs. Bill Clinton is portrayed as a horny pimp, and nothing more.
The book predicts a Bush victory in November because he is doing such a great job. The book ends with a tribute to Fox News for being so fair and balanced in their liberal bashing, and the words, “We Remember 9/11: This phrase is a registered trade mark of the Republican Party. Any reuse, republication, or rebroadcast of this phrase without the express written consent of the Republican Party is prohibited.”
George Bush insists that this book is not meant to counter Jon Stewart's satirical book, stating "this book is purly factual. We get all our information from my presidential and clothing cabinets, Fox News, and Ahmed Chalabi. If that is not fair and balanced, I do not know what is."
Written by KDAnteater
http://www.thespoof.com/picstore/GeorgeBush/resize_699318_resize_907351_bush%20read.JPG
President George W. Bush reads along with a school child.
President George W. Bush’s Secretary of Education Rod Paige has announced the release of a pro-Bush text book for schools across the nation. The book will exclusively include conservative perspectives, and discourage liberal thoughts, removing such items as George Washington’s famous quote, “I hope ever to see America among the foremost nations of justice and liberality." Paige says George Washington was misquoted, and meant to say, “Restructure the Constitution to fit the president’s every desire. Make sure to appoint John Ashcroft onto your cabinet, and set up free speech zones for pesky protestors.”
Full of misquotes and deceptions, An Idiots Guide to America's Blind Patriotism is a required reading in schools and colleges this quarter before elections. The book will teach you how to become misinformed and just plain ignorant enough to support a president no matter what, unless of course they happen to be a Democrat. Then you must not only hate their guts, but must impeach them.
The book makes weak arguments for narrow minded people, and is expected to not only fill school backpacks, but sell at Borders and other big chain book stores, just like the book Unfit for Command.
The book includes Native American history. “The Native Americans had it coming. Modern business people need that land, and settlers killed and murdered to get it, so unrestricted free market capitalism won in the end.” They take pride in Native American history, but note to respect the culture from a distance. “Worshiping mother earth is the devil’s work, worshiping human beings is the devil’s work, profits are God’s work,” says the text. “If you expect us to respect the land and animals like Chief Seattle requested to us, then you have another thing coming,” says Gale Norton. “I mean, just listen to the words of protest singer Bob Dylan,” said George Bush, ““The cavalries changed, and the Indians died, for the country was young, with God on our side.” He makes it clear that God wanted us to kill native peoples.”
“It’s called irony, you uneducated moron,” said Bob Dylan to the president. "I also said that even the president of the United States must sometimes have to stand naked." Dylan later apologized, saying "I am sorry for the putting this disturbing image in people's heads."
The topic of slavery also appeared in the book. Bush realizes that relying on slave labor, especially in other countries, makes the American economy grow to its full potential, leaving the rest in the dust. Bush, however, believes that there is hope for slaves everywhere. "It's very interesting when you think about it, the slaves who left here to go to America, because of their steadfast and their religion and their belief in freedom.” Senator Trent Lott denies that slaves were persecuted in America and came to gain the freedom that Thomas Jefferson and the original Bill of Rights bestowed upon them.
The women’s rights movement of the 1940’s and 50’s is documented in the book, where women triumphantly took a stand to obey their husbands, work at home, and accept lives as objects who bare as many children as possible. These women who took a stand for their civil rights are praised by the authors. The book fails to mention Susan B. Anthony and Elisabeth Cady Stanton, but what did they ever do anyway? As Bush believes, unruly women never change the course of history. John Ashcroft is quoted in the book as saying, “Women should not question if big polluters who are polluting their children’s world, and should trust others to care for their children. In fact, they should remain silent and not speak out against President Bush. Mothers Opposing Bush, in fact, is an example of a terrorist organization. Good thing we arrested that military mother for protesting the Iraq War at one of our fundraisers. There might possibly be a link to MOB.” Only men voice their opinions in this section of the book.
The women’s rights movement is not the only movement that is covered in the book. Cesar Chavez’s labor movement also appears, and is described as, “as communist, business ruining, sack of horse droppings movement.” Chavez, who united farm workers to fight for their rights, was a vegetarian and a supporter of organic farming, two agricultural values that Bush cannot stand. “Organic farming actually pollutes the soil more than pesticides do, and pesticides are neither pollutants nor subsidized by this administration, and as for topsoil eroding cattle. Well, it’s very good for the heart” says Secretary of Agriculture, Ann M. Veneman, who has political ties to big meat producers.
The book includes forged photographs of the Vietnam War where Bush is bravely flying dangerous missions over Hanoi and receiving four purple hearts for bravery. John Kerry, on the other hand, is photographed with a flower in his hand, a tie-dye t-shirt, a marijuana leaf, and The Communist Manifesto in his pants pocket. The book fails to mention that joining the National Guard in that era was a ticket out of going into Vietnam. The book applauds Nixon for his “secret plan” to get out of Nam, and slams Secretary of Defense Robert McNamara for flip-flopping on the war itself.
The book also includes modern events, such as America’s relations with such nations as Saudi Arabia, Iraq and Chile. It turns out that Pinochet was just helping American business people become richer by purchasing weapons to kill his own people, and supporting businessmen in not unlawful. As for Bush’s ties to the Royal Family, they are sugar coated, and do not mention Saudi connections to terrorism or 9/11. Apparently, Saudi Arabia is a booming Democracy with freedom of religion and free speech. “Michael Moore had it all wrong. The Saudi Royals are admirable people whom I feel comfortable exchanging billions of dollars for oil with. Read my, I mean, this book to find out why,” said the President.
The authors argue that when President Ronald Reagan financially supported Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden, and when Halliburton puppet-master Dick Cheney financially supported Saddam Hussein and the Iran contra affair, it was good for America. “By supporting the Iran contra affair, Dick Cheney stood by his stead fast belief to ignore Congress and the United Nations, Dick is a true patriot. By supporting Nicaraguan rebels attempting to extinguish a democratically elected Sandinista government in Nicaragua, “Hollywood” Ronald Reagan is an American hero,” says George Bush in the book.
George W. Bush is praised by the authors for destroying the environment, putting big business ahead of the American people, exporting American jobs overseas, not finding bin Laden, creating a huge deficit, misleading the United States into war, losing world support over Iraq (including that of one of America’s greatest allies, Costa Rica), restructuring the English language, pandering to born again Christians and businessmen, ignoring the popular vote, and most importantly, standing committed behind ignorant and false beliefs. Bill Clinton is portrayed as a horny pimp, and nothing more.
The book predicts a Bush victory in November because he is doing such a great job. The book ends with a tribute to Fox News for being so fair and balanced in their liberal bashing, and the words, “We Remember 9/11: This phrase is a registered trade mark of the Republican Party. Any reuse, republication, or rebroadcast of this phrase without the express written consent of the Republican Party is prohibited.”
George Bush insists that this book is not meant to counter Jon Stewart's satirical book, stating "this book is purly factual. We get all our information from my presidential and clothing cabinets, Fox News, and Ahmed Chalabi. If that is not fair and balanced, I do not know what is."