View Full Version : Another candidate dives into the race

01-29-2004, 02:54 AM

High Life Man
01-29-2004, 12:03 PM
Finally a candidate who admits he's evil!

And short.

01-29-2004, 12:50 PM
it would have been nice if they changed the Dean banners in the background :D

01-29-2004, 12:53 PM
nah, jimmy dean's ronnie's running mate.

it's so when secretary of state paul stanley says, "nice sausage," they can just spin it that he's referring to jimmy's breakfast links.

01-29-2004, 02:36 PM
Dio's stance on gay marriage: "Rob Halford wants it, so it's cool with me" :D

Flash Bastard
01-29-2004, 04:55 PM
He has a better chance than Al Sharpton.

01-30-2004, 11:40 PM
Dio Campaign Scrambles to Explain Priest Tossing


YUMA, AZ - An interfaith prayer breakfast attended by Democratic Presidential Candidate Ronnie James Dio went horribly awry this morning when the candidate bound an Episcopal priest in heavy chains and threw him into the rushing Colorado River. The Right Reverend Robert Delvecchio was quickly rescued from the rapids by a team of EMTs as well as a rabbi, a nun and a seventh-day adventist, but the political damage dealt the floundering Dio campaign is still being calculated.

“This has just been a real busy morning for us,” said Dio campaign consultant, Matthew Haughey. “We’ve got the churches up in arms for obvious reasons, but we couldn’t possibly have anticipated the incredible backlash from environmentalists.”

“Dr. Dio must surely be aware that our rivers already contain over 750 parts per million of clergy,” said Greenpeace spokesman Josh Boorman. “This is just the kind of behavior that I’d expect from an Udo Dirkschneider or even a Blackie Lawless, but this is very disappointing coming from the same Dio who in 1980 warned, ‘LOOK OUT! The sky is falling down!’”

The news comes at the worst possible time for a campaign team struggling to recover its footing after remarks Dio made at a League of Women Voters’ luncheon in Contoocook, NH last week. Dio, staring menacingly at the event’s elderly hostess, Eileen Landingham, reportedly shrieked, “There's a lady they say who feeds the darkness; it eats right from her hand. She's a magical, mystical woman. Lady evil, evil in my mind.”

01-31-2004, 01:13 AM
And his message?

"We Rock!"

And he'll come to your house for a measly $6,000.00...