The Heterosexuality Questionare

[FORD]

This is the "heterosexuality questionaire" created by Martin Rochlin, Ph.D. It is frequently used in speaking engagements and sensitivity training by gay groups to illustrate how gay people feel when asked certain questions by a sometimes hostile straight audience. When you read these questions, keep in mind that as exaggerated as they sound, these are exact reversals of what gays are often asked. They are designed to make you think.....

1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality?

2. When and how did you first decide you were a heterosexual?

3. Is it possible your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of?

4. Is it possible your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?

5. Isn't it possible that all you need is a good Gay lover?

6. Heterosexuals have histories of failures in Gay relationships. Do you think you may have turned to heterosexuality out of fear of rejection?

7. If you've never slept with a person of the same sex, how do you know you know you wouldn't prefer that?

8. If heterosexuality is normal, why are a disproportionate number of mental patients heterosexual?

9. To whom have you disclosed your heterosexual tendencies? How did they react?

10. Your heterosexuality doesn't offend me as long as you don't try to force it on me. Why do you people feel compelled to seduce others into your sexual orientation?

11. If you choose to nurture children, would you want them to be heterosexual, knowing the problems they would face?

12. The great majority of child molesters are heterosexuals. Do you really consider it safe to expose your children to heterosexual teachers?

13. Why do you insist on being so obvious, and making a public spectacle of your heterosexuality? Can't you just be what you are and keep it quiet?

14. How can you ever hope to become a whole person if you limit yourself to a compulsive, exclusive heterosexual object choice, and remain unwilling to explore and develop your normal, natural, healthy, God-given homosexual potential?

15. Heterosexuals are noted for assigning themselves and each other to narrowly restricted, stereotyped sex-roles. Why do you cling to such unhealthy role-playing?

16. How can you enjoy a fully satisfying sexual experience or deep emotional rapport with a person of the opposite sex, when the obvious physical, biological, and temperamental differences between you are so vast? How can a man understand what pleases a woman sexually or vice-versa?

17. Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?

18. With all the societal support marriage receives, the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships among heterosexuals?

19. How could the human race survive if everyone were heterosexual like you, considering the menace of overpopulation?

20. There seem to be very few happy heterosexuals. Techniques have been developed with which you might be able to change if you really want to. Have you considered trying aversion therapy?

21. A disproportionate number of criminals, welfare recipients, and other irresponsible or antisocial types are heterosexual.

Why would anyone want to hire a heterosexual for a responsible position?

22. Do heterosexuals hate and/or distrust others of their own sex? Is that what makes them heterosexual?

23. Why are heterosexuals so promiscuous?

24. Why do you make a point of attributing heterosexuality to famous people? Is it to justify your own heterosexuality?

25. Could you really trust a heterosexual therapist/counselor to be objective and unbiased? Don't you fear he/she might be inclined to influence you in the direction of his/her own leanings?

[Guitar Shark]

Well, this seals it. FORD is gay.

[ELVIS]

Originally posted by FORD

Isn't it possible that all you need is a good Gay lover?



I'm not interested, FORD...

Try Dennis, he might like you...

[ELVIS]

I agree GS...

FORD, you are gay...

[diamond den™]

Originally posted by ELVIS
I'm not interested, FORD...

Try Dennis, he might like you...

GREG..........

I'm Married to Susie Q™ :)

[FORD]

Originally posted by Guitar Shark
Well, this seals it. FORD is gay.

If I were gay, I would have no problem admitting it, because I don't believe there's a damn thing wrong with it.

However, I dress sloppy, hate shopping, have never owned a Broadway musical soundtrack or a Barbara Streisand album, hate housework, prefer beer over wine, and just don't find men sexually attractive.

So I'm afraid they rejected my application.

[diamond den™]

Originally posted by FORD
If I were gay, I would have no problem admitting it, because I don't believe there's a damn thing wrong with it.

However, I dress sloppy, hate shopping, have never owned a Broadway musical soundtrack or a Barbara Streisand album, hate housework, prefer beer over wine, and just don't find men sexually attractive.

So I'm afraid they rejected my application.

You haven't had sex with a woman in a while either (IF EVER)....

:D

[ELVIS]

Originally posted by FORD
If I were gay, I would have no problem admitting it, because I don't believe there's a damn thing wrong with it.

You may not have had a gay sexual encounter, but you have clearly considered it...

However, I dress sloppy, hate shopping, have never owned a Broadway musical soundtrack or a Barbara Streisand album, hate housework, prefer beer over wine, and just don't find men sexually attractive.

These are gay attributes ?? I know a gay guy that hates all this stuff...

So I'm afraid they rejected my application.

You applied ?? I guess you have gone farther than just considering it...



:elvis:

[diamond den™]

Originally posted by ELVIS
:elvis:

FORD got found out!!!!!!

:D

[Guitar Shark]

Originally posted by ELVIS
You applied ?? I guess you have gone farther than just considering it...


LOL!

Maybe all those "Cheroney pony" comments made him curious... ;)

[aesop]

You forgot the most important questions, esp. for all you leftist Christian bashers who insist that evolution is 100% spot-on:

"Do you think it's natural to have to artifically lubricate your lovers butt crack and then proceed to jam your manhood into a place evolution deemed best suited for the forced expulsion of bodily waste?"

[Figs]

Originally posted by FORD

1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality?

Marilyn Monroe pictures, and my 2nd grade teacher



2. When and how did you first decide you were a heterosexual?

When I found out that women gave me boners



3. Is it possible your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of?

No, not yet, but then again I've never done any time in the slammer



4. Is it possible your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?

Well, I was a little scared of this bum that was showing me his ween, but other than that...



5. Isn't it possible that all you need is a good Gay lover?

Uhh, no.



6. Heterosexuals have histories of failures in Gay relationships. Do you think you may have turned to heterosexuality out of fear of rejection?

No. I think there is more chance of rejection among heteros. For example, only half the people in a "hetero" bar are fair game while all are fair game in a gay bar.



7. If you've never slept with a person of the same sex, how do you know you know you wouldn't prefer that?

As the saying goes (stolen from Matt White), I don't need to take a bite of a shit sandwich to know I won't like the taste of it.



8. If heterosexuality is normal, why are a disproportionate number of mental patients heterosexual?

Have you ever dealt with women???



9. To whom have you disclosed your heterosexual tendencies? How did they react?

Most everyone I meet. The men agreed, the women ran.



10. Your heterosexuality doesn't offend me as long as you don't try to force it on me. Why do you people feel compelled to seduce others into your sexual orientation?

I actually don't, I don't need the competition



11. If you choose to nurture children, would you want them to be heterosexual, knowing the problems they would face?

Uhhhhh




12. The great majority of child molesters are heterosexuals. Do you really consider it safe to expose your children to heterosexual teachers?

As long as they are women teachers




13. Why do you insist on being so obvious, and making a public spectacle of your heterosexuality? Can't you just be what you are and keep it quiet?

Booze does that to me.



14. How can you ever hope to become a whole person if you limit yourself to a compulsive, exclusive heterosexual object choice, and remain unwilling to explore and develop your normal, natural, healthy, God-given homosexual potential?


see "shit sandwich" answer




15. Heterosexuals are noted for assigning themselves and each other to narrowly restricted, stereotyped sex-roles. Why do you cling to such unhealthy role-playing?

I like the role where I'm the boss, and my wife plays the part of a single mother who must perform oral sex in order to keep her shitty job.




16. How can you enjoy a fully satisfying sexual experience or deep emotional rapport with a person of the opposite sex, when the obvious physical, biological, and temperamental differences between you are so vast? How can a man understand what pleases a woman sexually or vice-versa?

boring...




17. Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?

Is there anything better?




18. With all the societal support marriage receives, the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships among heterosexuals?

Have you ever dealt with women???

[Nickdfresh]

Originally posted by ELVIS
I'm not interested, FORD...

Try Dennis, he might like you...

Dennis is in a long term relationship with a panda he met at the Cincinnati Zoo!

[Nickdfresh]

Originally posted by ELVIS
[B]:
These are gay attributes ?? I know a gay guy that hates all this stuff...


How well do you know this "gay guy???":confused:

[aesop]

I think all of the Gay Pride underwear wearing people on this board MUST be forced to watch ten minutes of great hetero porn (like The Pink Lagoon :) " and then be forced to watch 5 hours of guys in biker studed thongs chasing each other with hampsters and KY.

THEN report back and comment on this topic.

[Nickdfresh]

Originally posted by aesop
You forgot the most important questions, esp. for all you leftist Christian bashers who insist that evolution is 100% spot-on:

"Do you think it's natural to have to artifically lubricate your lovers butt crack and then proceed to jam your manhood into a place evolution deemed best suited for the forced expulsion of bodily waste?"

You keep considering those deep existential questions Aesop.

[FORD]

Congratulations to Figs for his first post that made any sense this week. And for being the only one to answer the questions.

The rest of you, continue your depraved little fantasies of me in a leather thong :rolleyes:

[Switch84]

Originally posted by aesop
You forgot the most important questions, esp. for all you leftist Christian bashers who insist that evolution is 100% spot-on:

"Do you think it's natural to have to artifically lubricate your lovers butt crack and then proceed to jam your manhood into a place evolution deemed best suited for the forced expulsion of bodily waste?"


:D Oh, SHIT (pun intended)! That pretty much sums it up, aesop! Here's another one...

"Do you think it's natural to have to purchase an artifical male member, strap it on, lube up the vag and imitate a man's thrusting motions when you can get a REAL MAN to do it?

As for the 'evolution' jazz, why has it stopped? Wouldn't the primates of today continue to evolve into humans if that's where we came from? Why are they still primates? Shouldn't they be turning into humans?


Just asking.

[Figs]

I have a bad feeling that whenever a lesbian looks at me they think "That's why I'm not a heterosexual."

[aesop]

Originally posted by Nickdfresh
You keep considering those deep existential questions Aesop.

Hey they can do whatever they want in the privacy of their own bedroom. I don't give a fuck. But don't try to sugar coat all the time with moronic shit like "Will and Grace" and don't try to guilt-trip normal people into considering homosexual courtships need to be officially recognized in any government capacity.

Why do queers get uncomfortable when someone describes what they actualy do?

Now instead of Will and Disgrace, watch the classic Southpark episode Episode 614: The Death Camp of Tolerance. Here we find to what lengths the uneducated will go to force a minority opinion on the magority. Enjoy.

http://images.southparkstudios.com/media/images/614/614_image_12.jpg

[Figs]

Women, you can't live with 'em and you can't have heterosexual sex without 'em.

[Switch84]

Originally posted by Figs
I have a bad feeling that whenever a lesbian looks at me they think "That's why I'm not a heterosexual."


:D LOL! It's not you, Figs! Her wiring is all fucked up!

Let the Lesbos do their thing...that's just more men for ME!

BUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!

[Figs]

In women's tennis, I always root against the heterosexual.

[aesop]

Click here:

Click here:
http://www.southparkstudios.com/down/download.html?file=/media/sounds/614/OHJESUSCHRIST.wav

[aesop]

OMG LOTFLMAO

http://www.southparkstudios.com/down/download.html?file=/media/sounds/614/WELLIGUESS.wav

[Nickdfresh]

If anyone has taken a good course on ancient history, they might learn that in many ancient societies, homosexuality was either not as big of a taboo, or it was actively emphasized for young males (and women;)) In fact, the Greeks expected that the young would have gay experiences.

-AND-

You know what...and this might shock some of you...They still had a huge over-population problem (in Greece at least). Most people still had heterosexual relationships, married, and had too many children to feed. So I think that effectively kills the argument that I so often read during the macho, gay-bashing diatribes (that everyone will turn gay and our society will die out).

Most in the ancient world were probably somewhat bi-sexual and homosexuality was emphasized as a form of birth control. I don't know why more people are not aware of this, but this issue is often politicized by both the gay rights groups and the Christian right.

The gays will say,- "see a lot of famous people were gay (i.e. Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, Sappho),"- when in fact they were probably bi-sexual or were mainly heterosexual (i.e. Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, Sappho). While some Christian rightist (like the 700 Clubs) will try to frame this a morality issue- "the ancient Greeks and Romans collapsed because they were debaucherous"- which also isn't true. They prospered many centuries while being debaucherous and had plenty of children to carry on society.

Just a fact that is often ignored by the historically clueless.

[aesop]

OMG STILL ROFLMFAO. VIVA LA SOUTH PARK!!!!!!

http://www.southparkstudios.com/down/download.html?file=/media/video/614/spankingslave2.mov

[Figs]

Nick, I think I remember something about ancient Greece where it was considered better to bone another male than to take the virginity away from an unmarried woman, and basically ruining her life. Do you remember this?

[Nickdfresh]

On David Letterman over the Summer during "Viewer Mail"-

(paraphrasing) Mailbag Q: "What are the political parties' views on gay marriage:"

A: "Well let see, it says the Democrats believe that gays have the right to have legalally recognized partnerships...And the Republicans believe that the sanctity of marriage should not be violated by gays, unless of course it's two hot chic's."

[Nickdfresh]

Originally posted by Figs
Nick, I think I remember something about ancient Greece where it was considered better to bone another male than to take the virginity away from an unmarried woman, and basically ruining her life. Do you remember this?

I think I do. But I also remember that being in the Greek Army was also sort of like being in Prison, especially if you were a Spartan, in which case they wouldn't let you marry or have a woman unless you "earned it" by sneaking out of the barracks to court your lady. One of the big rewards in the ancient armies was that when conquering enemy territory, you got to "leave your buddies behind" and rape any woman you wanted. -Hence the Greek Army butt-fucking jokes.

[Figs]

"leave your buddies behind" oi vay!

[Nickdfresh]

Originally posted by Figs
"leave your buddies behind" oi vay!

LOL- I think I am the thread killer!

[BigBadBrian]

Originally posted by ELVIS
I'm not interested, FORD...

Try Dennis, he might like you...


:D :D :D

[FORD]

Originally posted by Switch84

As for the 'evolution' jazz, why has it stopped? Wouldn't the primates of today continue to evolve into humans if that's where we came from? Why are they still primates? Shouldn't they be turning into humans?


http://home.comcast.net/~chloraform/bush-chimp.jpg

[Snow Ho]

Originally posted by Switch84
:D Oh, SHIT (pun intended)! That pretty much sums it up, aesop! Here's another one...

"Do you think it's natural to have to purchase an artifical male member, strap it on, lube up the vag and imitate a man's thrusting motions when you can get a REAL MAN to do it?




Just asking.

how natural is a woman strapping one on and doing a man? :rolleyes:

[Figs]

Who remembers the Mentors!?!

Heterosexuals have the right to rock
So glam fags get off the block
Who wants to see transvestites in drag
Who look like a glam rock fag

Looking like a sissy and a bitch
Ya look like that your daddy must be rich
Make up on their face and their hair in a shag
You know that they're a disgrace and a fag

Round up all glam faggots and put em in a cage
So the hetero Mentors can rock the stage
Heterosexuals have the right to rock
Wanna see a girl with a pussy and not a cock

Heterosexuals want a rockin' chance
We don't wear dresses,we wear pants
On the stage we'll rock you all we can
We're gross and fat,but we look like a man

Listen everyone,we're gonna rock
Look like a man not a peacock
The jerks with the make up who wear the braids
Are most likely to have AIDS

Heterosexuals have the right to rock
Heterosexuals have the right to rock
Heterosexuals have the right to rock
Heterosexuals have the right to rock

Ya know that their weiner looks like a noodle
They prance all around like a french poodle
They hang around in cliques for kicks
But we all know they're chicks with dicks

They wash their hair in a washing machine
You know it's full of sperm and it ain't too clean
The fags wear earrings in their ear
You know that they're a mother fucking queer

Heterosexuals have the right to rock
Put your homo head on the chopping block
Heteros want to see rock this year
Mentors and not a queer

Heterosexuals have the right to rock
Heterosexuals have the right to rock

[FORD]

That's almost as good as The Sloppy Seconds.....

People are telling me that I'm missing out on the fun.
' Cause I don't go anywhere, and I don't meet anyone.
But I know how rumors fly.
When you're a lonely guy.
And I'm here to tell you it's a lie.

There's stange things going on at night most everywhere.
You know those places, well you'll never see me there.
I walk by other men.
And I don't notice them.
But then those rumors start again.

So I'm gonna tell the world.
I Don't Wanna Be a Homosexual.
I'm gonna find a girl.
'Cause I Don't Wanna Be a Homosexual.
I guess that it's okay.
If other guys are gay.
But my hormones are one-directional.
And I Don't Wanna Be a Homosexual.


Somebody tell me what I did to start this talk.
Is it the way I look? Is it the way I walk?
Is it the clothes I wear,
that make the people stare?
Is it the way I comb my hair?

I'm only hoping maybe there will come a day
When I can make them understand that I'm not gay.
But 'till that day is near,
Iguess I'll live in fear.
And I curse the day I pierce my ear.



There's nothing wrong with me.
I Don't Wanna Be a Homosexual.
Know what I want to be.
And I Don't Wanna Be a Homosexual.
Soft boys and closet queens,
think Judy Garland's keen.
But I don't think she's nothing special.
And I Don't Wanna Be a Homosexual.


(instrumental break)



So now I'm wondering if maybe they're not right.
'Cause I've gone all paranoid and I can't sleep at night.
I went to see the shrink.
What did the doctor think?
I swear to god I saw him wink.


I pray to God I'm wrong
I Don't Wanna Be a Homosexual.
Why did I write this song
If I Don't Wanna Be a Homosexual?
I hope it's not too late,
for them to set me straight.
I've got to see a real professional.
'Cause I Don't Wanna Be a Homosexual, no!
No no no no. No no no no no no no.



I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be
I Don't Wanna Be a Homosexual.
(repaeated in background)


I don't wanna go with guys named Shamus.
I don't wanna be rich and famous.
I don't wanna go to a French art festival
and I Don't Wanna Be a Homosexual.

[Figs]

Ha! El Duce! One sick fucker!

[ELVIS]

Originally posted by FORD
Congratulations to Figs for his first post that made any sense this week. And for being the only one to answer the questions.



Dude, or dudette whatever...

I can't believe you posted this gay thread! I just reread the stupid questions and I was literally embarassed for you...

Answer me this one question:

Have you ever had a gay fantasy ??

[ELVIS]

PS - A simple yes or no will suffice...

[FORD]

None whatsoever.

Maybe you should ask the Anndrew Coulter fans in the audience ;)

[ELVIS]

They might be more inclined to tell the truth...

[Nickdfresh]

Heterosexual Man
by Odds

Album : Bedbugs


I wanna make every woman I see,
I wanna make every woman I see,
Do you know what's the matter with me,
I'm a heterosexual man,
Just a heterosexual man,

I wanna do every woman I know,
I wanna do it to them in their clothes,
I wanna make it with'em don't you know,
I'm a heterosexual man,
It's just a problem with my glands,

I'm a heteroooosexuallll heterosexual man,
I'm a heteroooosexuallll heterosexual man,

I wanna make every woman I see,
I wanna make every woman I see,
Maybe make a make a baby with me,
Cause I'm a heterosexual man,
Just a heterosexual man,

I wanna have every woman I know,
I wanna have'em take off their clothes,
I'll make it with them unless they say no,
Cause I'm a heterosexual man,
I'll make it with them whenever I can,

I'm a heteroooosexuallll heterosexual man,
I'm a heteroooosexuallll heterosexual man,

I'm heterosexual,

I wanna get every girl on the globe,
We kiss & hug & then we disrobe,
It's a short circuit in the frontal lobe,
Cause I'm heterosexual man,
It's just a problem with my glands,

I'm heteroooosexuallll heterosexual man,
I'm a heteroooosexuallll heterosexual man,
I'm a heteroooosexuallll heterosexual man,
I'm heteroooosexuallll heterosexual man,

[FORD]

Originally posted by ELVIS
They might be more inclined to tell the truth...

What, that they're attracted to a "woman" with "optional equipment"??

[ELVIS]

Ann Coulter is a real female...

[Nickdfresh]

Originally posted by ELVIS
Ann Coulter is a real female... :D

[FORD]

Originally posted by ELVIS
Ann Coulter is a real female...

Yes, real females always have Adam's apples and humongous hands.

[Nickdfresh]

Originally posted by FORD
Yes, real females always have Adam's apples and humongous hands.

The hormone shots won't fix that dude.

[W.W.D.D.?]

It's ok for you to be gay Ford.
I think it's sad that all these homophobes have made you so uncomfortable that you had to post this thread in order to find your way. This is 2004 dammit, and if you are gay you should be proud. Don't let these guys mess with you.
Just because me and many of the others are not gay doesn't give us the right to judge you.
Stand proud.
You go girl! ( I hope that part wasn't offensive...just trying to be supportive.)

[Switch84]

Originally posted by Snow Ho
how natural is a woman strapping one on and doing a man? :rolleyes:

:D About as natural as you liking it.

[Cathedral]

Originally posted by FORD
This is the "heterosexuality questionaire" created by Martin Rochlin, Ph.D. It is frequently used in speaking engagements and sensitivity training by gay groups to illustrate how gay people feel when asked certain questions by a sometimes hostile straight audience. When you read these questions, keep in mind that as exaggerated as they sound, these are exact reversals of what gays are often asked. They are designed to make you think.....

1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality?

Nature, being born a male, getting wood when my 2nd grade teacher wore those really tall boots that showed about 4 inches of thigh before the skirt.

2. When and how did you first decide you were a heterosexual?
See answer #1

3. Is it possible your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of?

Not a chance in Calligula's Hell

4. Is it possible your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?

No, it stems from a burning desire to steal my Dad's Playboy collection, after i already knew i was heterosexual, thanks.

5. Isn't it possible that all you need is a good Gay lover?

I need a good gay lover like he needs a good bullet in the head. I've been hit on by gays before, when i worked for a Vending Company and had to do collections at a gay bar.

6. Heterosexuals have histories of failures in Gay relationships. Do you think you may have turned to heterosexuality out of fear of rejection?

No, but they certainly seem to have, now what was that you were saying about it not being a choice?

7. If you've never slept with a person of the same sex, how do you know you know you wouldn't prefer that?

Because i'm not a FAG, dude.

8. If heterosexuality is normal, why are a disproportionate number of mental patients heterosexual?

Because even the craziest of mofo's know how their tools operate.

9. To whom have you disclosed your heterosexual tendencies? How did they react?

To my family, friends, lovers and bandmates, they reacted by saying "Let's go find some pussy" and then we did just that.

10. Your heterosexuality doesn't offend me as long as you don't try to force it on me. Why do you people feel compelled to seduce others into your sexual orientation?

Because the good book says we are to spread the good news, not Dave's butt cheeks.

11. If you choose to nurture children, would you want them to be heterosexual, knowing the problems they would face?

Yes.

12. The great majority of child molesters are heterosexuals. Do you really consider it safe to expose your children to heterosexual teachers?

I don't trust anyone i don't know around my children, these days that is just stupid. and if my child is ever molested by anyone, the cops will be the last people they will have to fear, period.

13. Why do you insist on being so obvious, and making a public spectacle of your heterosexuality? Can't you just be what you are and keep it quiet?

I don't make a public spectacle of myself, except for the time last summer where i got find for public indecency in Winton Woods with a date, of the opposite sex.

14. How can you ever hope to become a whole person if you limit yourself to a compulsive, exclusive heterosexual object choice, and remain unwilling to explore and develop your normal, natural, healthy, God-given homosexual potential?

The only thing "God Given" about being gay, is the pit of hell you will be endearing for eternity if you do not repent and accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior...But you are free to do as you choose, just choose wisely my brothers and sisters.

15. Heterosexuals are noted for assigning themselves and each other to narrowly restricted, stereotyped sex-roles. Why do you cling to such unhealthy role-playing?

If being a male and loving women is unhealthy, my pants will never fall to the floor again.

16. How can you enjoy a fully satisfying sexual experience or deep emotional rapport with a person of the opposite sex, when the obvious physical, biological, and temperamental differences between you are so vast? How can a man understand what pleases a woman sexually or vice-versa?

If you even have to ask this question, You're too damn gay and there is no hope for you.
I am an explorer of the female anatomy, and have had no trouble pleasing them all so far.

17. Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?

Because the union between a man and a woman is the natural order of things. God took the rib of Adam and gave him Eve, not Steve.
Basically, the "rib" is a term meaning DNA, basically.

And furthermore, bearing children was a curse for Eve sleeping with Satan which resulted in the split seed, Cain and Abel. One pleasing to the Lord, One Not pleasing to the Lord.

18. With all the societal support marriage receives, the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships among heterosexuals?

Because the Devil is a liar, and those who are not washed in the blood of Jesus have no armor to protect them.
The Devil is the Destroyer of all things good, the proof is in the existance of these quesions i am answering now.

19. How could the human race survive if everyone were heterosexual like you, considering the menace of overpopulation?

My brother, our time here on earth is so very short, but is the precursor to eternity. Do good works and help your fellow man find the path to Christ if you want to dwell in the kingdom of God.
To answer the question, It is our own choices that have led to over population. So many people are sexually active without taking responsibility for the act...remember, it was a curse to begin with.

20. There seem to be very few happy heterosexuals. Techniques have been developed with which you might be able to change if you really want to. Have you considered trying aversion therapy?

Speak for yourself, I am very happy being a Heterosexual. and will be until i lay down for my dirt nap.

21. A disproportionate number of criminals, welfare recipients, and other irresponsible or antisocial types are heterosexual.

Really? That's great news to me.

Why would anyone want to hire a heterosexual for a responsible position?

Sexual Orientation doesn't, or shouldn't have anything to do with employment. unless you are irresponsible and create a hostile work atmosphere by forcing yourself on co-workers.

22. Do heterosexuals hate and/or distrust others of their own sex? Is that what makes them heterosexual?

I don't hate anyone, so my answer is no. Natural selection determines who is man and who is woman... choice determines their bed partners.

23. Why are heterosexuals so promiscuous?

I have been guilty of this, but it isn't right and i have prayed for forgiveness. Remember, the Devil wants you to sin, and sin regularly.
If Satan isn't trying to make you do wrong, then he already has you where he wants you. If you are constantly tempted, and attacked by the non-believers, Then you are apparently doing something right, and that Satan doesn't like...think about it.

24. Why do you make a point of attributing heterosexuality to famous people? Is it to justify your own heterosexuality?

I don't do this, so NO!

25. Could you really trust a heterosexual therapist/counselor to be objective and unbiased? Don't you fear he/she might be inclined to influence you in the direction of his/her own leanings?

Trust has to be earned, and i refuse to be manipulated by anyone.

[BIG GOOSE]

Originally posted by FORD
This is the "heterosexuality questionaire" created by Martin Rochlin, Ph.D. It is frequently used in speaking engagements and sensitivity training by gay groups to illustrate how gay people feel when asked certain questions by a sometimes hostile straight audience. When you read these questions, keep in mind that as exaggerated as they sound, these are exact reversals of what gays are often asked. They are designed to make you think.....

1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality?

2. When and how did you first decide you were a heterosexual?

3. Is it possible your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of?

4. Is it possible your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?

5. Isn't it possible that all you need is a good Gay lover?

6. Heterosexuals have histories of failures in Gay relationships. Do you think you may have turned to heterosexuality out of fear of rejection?

7. If you've never slept with a person of the same sex, how do you know you know you wouldn't prefer that?

8. If heterosexuality is normal, why are a disproportionate number of mental patients heterosexual?

9. To whom have you disclosed your heterosexual tendencies? How did they react?

10. Your heterosexuality doesn't offend me as long as you don't try to force it on me. Why do you people feel compelled to seduce others into your sexual orientation?

11. If you choose to nurture children, would you want them to be heterosexual, knowing the problems they would face?

12. The great majority of child molesters are heterosexuals. Do you really consider it safe to expose your children to heterosexual teachers?

13. Why do you insist on being so obvious, and making a public spectacle of your heterosexuality? Can't you just be what you are and keep it quiet?

14. How can you ever hope to become a whole person if you limit yourself to a compulsive, exclusive heterosexual object choice, and remain unwilling to explore and develop your normal, natural, healthy, God-given homosexual potential?

15. Heterosexuals are noted for assigning themselves and each other to narrowly restricted, stereotyped sex-roles. Why do you cling to such unhealthy role-playing?

16. How can you enjoy a fully satisfying sexual experience or deep emotional rapport with a person of the opposite sex, when the obvious physical, biological, and temperamental differences between you are so vast? How can a man understand what pleases a woman sexually or vice-versa?

17. Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?

18. With all the societal support marriage receives, the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships among heterosexuals?

19. How could the human race survive if everyone were heterosexual like you, considering the menace of overpopulation?

20. There seem to be very few happy heterosexuals. Techniques have been developed with which you might be able to change if you really want to. Have you considered trying aversion therapy?

21. A disproportionate number of criminals, welfare recipients, and other irresponsible or antisocial types are heterosexual.

Why would anyone want to hire a heterosexual for a responsible position?

22. Do heterosexuals hate and/or distrust others of their own sex? Is that what makes them heterosexual?

23. Why are heterosexuals so promiscuous?

24. Why do you make a point of attributing heterosexuality to famous people? Is it to justify your own heterosexuality?

25. Could you really trust a heterosexual therapist/counselor to be objective and unbiased? Don't you fear he/she might be inclined to influence you in the direction of his/her own leanings?


Fuckin hell !!
This shit is soooo liberal. :blow:

[Warham]

Absurd poll.

[FORD]

Originally posted by Warham
Absurd poll.

Exactly. As it was designed to be.

[DaveIsKing]

Ford has come out of the closet.

Hide your weiners... :D

[FORD]

Yeah.... I've been "outed" and I wasn't even in! - Jerry Seinfeld

[Nickdfresh]

Originally posted by DaveIsKing
Ford has come out of the closet.

Hide your weiners... :D

Why would you have to "hide your weiner" Dave? What, do you have it out at all times dude? Seriously, you are way too obsessed with this subject. And by the way, thanks for kicking up the old thread:

[DaveIsKing]

No problem.

The good threads need to survive.

Otherwise, it would be no fun.

[LoungeMachine]

Originally posted by Nickdfresh
Dennis is in a long term relationship with a panda he met at the Cincinnati Zoo!

Their relationship is an "open" one.

Each is free to taste the Zoo's buffet

[LoungeMachine]

Originally posted by ELVIS
Ann Coulter is a real female...

Considering you troll for sex in the basement of a church I wouldn't dare take YOUR word for it

[Seshmeister]

Gay is the way!

I wish I was gay so I didn't need to deal with womrns's fucking hormones and nagging.

[Seshmeister]

45 minutes of misery each week getting fucked in the ass.

Can it really be that bad?

What if you found an old rich gay guy that couldn't get it up.

Money plus no nagging. It's worth thinking about.

[DaveIsKing]

Sounds like you have weiner fever, Sesh. Or had you rather be the assmaster?

[Nickdfresh]

Originally posted by Seshmeister
Gay is the way!

I wish I was gay so I didn't need to deal with womrns's fucking hormones and nagging.

You're right Sesh! All I ever have are young college girls saying things like, "Wow Nick, that hurt so good...Can we do this again...No, I can't stop calling you Nick, you were sooo good last night! I can't believe you took care of BOTH me AND my friend..."

What a drag man! Maybe guys would leave me alone afterword!:D ;)

[DaveIsKing]

Go for it, Nick.

You're obviously a viable candidate. ;)

[Kristy]

I only have one question:

1. When did you first think that FORD was a loser for tyring to be so irreverent?

[The Lord]

Ford's always been a loser.

[FORD]

And as long as idiots from Sisterfuck GA think so, I know I'm doing my job :)

[The Lord]

Really, I love Ford. I just wish he wouldn't try to impersonate me.

[FORD]

If I believed for one minute that you were God, I'd be making an appointment with Satan to sell my soul, because I have a hard time praying to assholes who change aliases just so they can fuck with me ;)

[The Lord]

Ford, I am the Lord. I am sexless. Remember? I can't fuck with you, sweetheart.

;)

[The Lord]

Originally posted by FORD
This is the "heterosexuality questionaire" created by Martin Rochlin, Ph.D. It is frequently used in speaking engagements and sensitivity training by gay groups to illustrate how gay people feel when asked certain questions by a sometimes hostile straight audience. When you read these questions, keep in mind that as exaggerated as they sound, these are exact reversals of what gays are often asked. They are designed to make you think.....

1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality?
I did.

2. When and how did you first decide you were a heterosexual?
I determined this to be the way to procreate to sustain life for human beings.

3. Is it possible your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of? Only if they pervert my true way.

4. Is it possible your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex? No, as I said earlier, I did it purposely.

5. Isn't it possible that all you need is a good Gay lover?
I, personally, don't need a lover. I am a lover of all. But, perversion of my true plan is not a "need" or cure.

6. Heterosexuals have histories of failures in Gay relationships. Do you think you may have turned to heterosexuality out of fear of rejection?
Because, finally they see the error of their ways and came back to the original plan. No fear involved except of possible disease.

7. If you've never slept with a person of the same sex, how do you know you know you wouldn't prefer that?
Well, only those who pervert my way do that.

8. If heterosexuality is normal, why are a disproportionate number of mental patients heterosexual?
Because more people are heterosexual (aka normal). Duh.

9. To whom have you disclosed your heterosexual tendencies? How did they react?
I am the Lord, I don't have those "tendencies".

10. Your heterosexuality doesn't offend me as long as you don't try to force it on me. Why do you people feel compelled to seduce others into your sexual orientation?
No one forces you to procreate, Ford. But, if you want to have sex the proper way I created it, you will find a female not another man's assh--er...another man.

11. If you choose to nurture children, would you want them to be heterosexual, knowing the problems they would face?
Yes. That's is how we get children in the first place.

12. The great majority of child molesters are heterosexuals. Do you really consider it safe to expose your children to heterosexual teachers?
See the same answer for question #8. And no, that's a fallacy.

13. Why do you insist on being so obvious, and making a public spectacle of your heterosexuality? Can't you just be what you are and keep it quiet?
Sex should be personal, Ford. But, without procreative sex you wouldn't exist. A colony of all-queer would die out because they could not sustain themselves. It's against my will. Period.

14. How can you ever hope to become a whole person if you limit yourself to a compulsive, exclusive heterosexual object choice, and remain unwilling to explore and develop your normal, natural, healthy, God-given homosexual potential?
My way is just the way it IS. Accept normality, Ford. If you want to pervert my way, you have the freedom to do so, but you will face the consequences. Either here on earth with disease, or in the netherworld.

15. Heterosexuals are noted for assigning themselves and each other to narrowly restricted, stereotyped sex-roles. Why do you cling to such unhealthy role-playing?
Marriage is healthy. People are unified in my name. Divorce is unhealthy. Queerism is unhealthy. Dogfucking..er...bestialty is unhealthy. Monogamy is healthy (in and of itself).

16. How can you enjoy a fully satisfying sexual experience or deep emotional rapport with a person of the opposite sex, when the obvious physical, biological, and temperamental differences between you are so vast? How can a man understand what pleases a woman sexually or vice-versa?
I created it as such. A man for a woman and vice-versa.

17. Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?
Because, procreation is a form of self-perservation which is the highest law, my son.

18. With all the societal support marriage receives, the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships among heterosexuals?
It's sin, I'm afraid. Sin...much like queerism.

19. How could the human race survive if everyone were heterosexual like you, considering the menace of overpopulation?
My will be done, Ford. I am in control. Don't go into hysterics. Remember, it has been this way since the beginning of time. Only a few perverts have challenged nature. Most die from disease. Nature's awful retribution.

20. There seem to be very few happy heterosexuals. Techniques have been developed with which you might be able to change if you really want to. Have you considered trying aversion therapy?
No, because that would be contrary to my creation and my will. It is sin.


21. A disproportionate number of criminals, welfare recipients, and other irresponsible or antisocial types are heterosexual.Why would anyone want to hire a heterosexual for a responsible position?
Sex shouldn't be an issue in this case, Ford.

22. Do heterosexuals hate and/or distrust others of their own sex? Is that what makes them heterosexual?
No, Ford. I am afraid it's more than that silly notion.

23. Why are heterosexuals so promiscuous?
Well, mostly the perverts (including queerism) are MORE prone to fooling around. But, sex is natural. IF it is used the proper way. My way.

24. Why do you make a point of attributing heterosexuality to famous people? Is it to justify your own heterosexuality?
I don't think sex should be a factor here, Ford.

25. Could you really trust a heterosexual therapist/counselor to be objective and unbiased? Don't you fear he/she might be inclined to influence you in the direction of his/her own leanings?
I am afraid that if a counselor could make someone a heterosexual, then that person must've been a pervert before and the therapist lead him back to me.

[Nickdfresh]

Originally posted by DaveIsKing
Go for it, Nick.

You're obviously a viable candidate. ;)

Trying to "covert" me Dave?:p