View Full Version : Toenail or fingernail clipping
Ok,
So there I was just a few minutes ago doing my nightly routine. I washed my face, shaved, brushed my teeth, flossed, gargled Listerine and used Q-Tips in my ears when I started looking for other shit I could do. Well, I haven't trimmed my toenails in a few days so I thought "What the fuck" and went for it. Anyway, I clip one of the little fuckers and it must have jumped if it were five feet, I'd say a mile across the room. Now, I'm pissed cos I cannot find the clipping and I like to check them out and have them all accounted for before I dispose of them.
I know this sounds creepy but this is the kind of shit that I think about when the power goes off and what kept me out of the really good schools.
Anyone else have this problem?
Yeah, man. I mean, you have to collect all of them, don't you? I mean some people like to put them all in a jar even and have each year's supply instead of throwing pieces of themselves out.
MAX, you gotta find that fucker. You can't just let it be alone without its brothers.
Speaking of toenails, what's your opinion of raking leaves? I mean, leaf raking time must be over...but do you have a real opinion of the whole issue, anyone?
Fuck leaves!!!
I must have done 500 bags last month. Sons a bitches!!!
I'm still pissed off about that A.W.O.L. nail clipping cos I just vacuumed that room this afternoon and I swear it's hiding from me!!!
I'll bet money right as I'm doing my sit-ups the sharp fucker will embed itself right into my back. This shit pisses me off to no end.
Sometimes in the morning, after a good masturbate, I like to lie down on the carpet and let the toenail clippings that have been left there just embed themselves in my back. Then I can get up slowly and pull them all out and put them in a ziplock which I place in the freezer. Then I can lie down again, become embedded with more toenail clippings and remove them again. The cycle goes on for hours until the whole carpet is clear.
Days like that make life worth living.
I wish I had an iguana named Paul.
ashstralia
12-06-2004, 03:04 AM
yes!
i thought i was the only
obsessive compulsive freak
on here.
if i don't have 10 fingernail
clippings there's drama.
my chick actually complains
about how clean my place is.
Rikk,
Now I call that shit the righteous and the wicked!!! WHOAH!!!
After a good self-abusing session I usually like to hold myself, cuddle and whisper sweet nothings to myself. I'm extremely vain, so I always like to tell myself how good looking I am so I like to treat myself right. I don't want myself to feel cheap and sleazy. Sometimes I will send myself flowers or take myself out for an expensive dinner. Hey, if a person ever swaps hands while one is pleasuring themselves, is that considered cheating on your "normal" hand? :confused:
Originally posted by ashstralia
if i don't have 10 fingernail
clippings there's drama.
I hear you mate and I still cannot find the ecaped clipping. It's driving me crazy!!!! :mad:
ashstralia
12-06-2004, 03:08 AM
no max,
all's fair in self pleasure and war.
btw, be very careful inserting
anything in your ears. seriously.
Originally posted by ashstralia
no max,
all's fair in self pleasure and war.
btw, be very careful inserting
anything in your ears. seriously.
I've been doing the same Q-Tip thing since I was a teen. Unlike other finer things in life, I don't penetrate to far or hard. Just enough to clean. :)
ashstralia
12-06-2004, 03:15 AM
Originally posted by MAX
Unlike other finer things in life, I don't penetrate to far or hard. Just enough to clean. :)
amen bro!!
(*slap!* who's yo daddy!)
he he...
When I wipe my ass, the only annoyance I can occasionally run into is when pieces of cotten rip off the toilet paper and get stuck in the ass.
Someday, I hope they make a toilet paper that is both soft as a nice cushion but strong enough to not tear to shreds when shoved inside an asshole. Of course, it also has to be flushable.
I suppose if one dates oneself a lot, wiping one's ass could be considered a form of sodomy if you don't yourself if it's okay first.
Originally posted by ashstralia
amen bro!!
(*slap!* who's yo daddy!)
he he...
You know it my stellar mate from Oz!!!
A good spanking is always a good thing. LOL!!!
ashstralia
12-06-2004, 03:49 AM
Originally posted by Rikk
I suppose if one dates oneself a lot, wiping one's ass could be considered a form of sodomy if you don't yourself if it's okay first.
yeeaaah max!
love ya work, man.
hey rikk, as long as you
consent, who gives a fuck?
Alright Rikk,
I'm not going there!!!
Someone over at the links has this in their sig from when I first said it many miles back and I'll repeat it again hers cos it seems fitting.
I'm as big of a horndog as anyone. However, I have not nor have I ever been interested in going in the back door.
Originally posted by ashstralia
yeeaaah max!
love ya work, man.
You too mate. I once spanked a woman so hard that I left my pink handprint on her right cheek. She kept asking for it so I did it. It was in the afternoon so I could see it plain as day. I shit you not mate. Then I fell on the floor LMAO and she told me to get the fuck out. Go figure? LOL!!!
ashstralia
12-06-2004, 04:30 AM
i
Originally posted by MAX
I once spanked a woman so hard that I left my pink handprint on her right cheek. She kept asking for it so I did it. It was in the afternoon so I could see it plain as day. I shit you not mate. Then I fell on the floor LMAO and she told me to get the fuck out. Go figure? LOL!!!
i trust you mean her ass cheek??
he he.
i had a chick shave her initials
into my chest hair.
took months to grow out!
your story
reminds me of dave's
hairbrush story.
ya rock pig!!!!
Panamark
12-06-2004, 05:19 AM
You have to improve your cutting technique Max. Everyone knows that Toenails are just mini boomerangs. Shape them with care and they will fly straight back to you !
Failing that, buy a jumbo can of DNA expansion spray, spray the room liberally, and wait for that MAX clone to start growing away. Dispose of thoughtfully.
Northern Girl
12-06-2004, 11:35 AM
:rofl:
This is a very sharing place, isn't it? Max, you and I share the same nightly routine. Only I don't shave, I moisturize. I shave stuff in the morning, which is why I don't have time for any self-love like Rikk. ;) Okay, maybe a quickie with the shower massage, but only 2 minutes tops. :p
Carmine
12-06-2004, 11:43 AM
quite the interesting and "personal info" little thread you guys got going here.
Carmine
12-06-2004, 11:48 AM
I go with the nighttime shave as well, that way your skin relaxes back to a normal state before you have to face the world. Which leads me to a question: Blades or electric? I just bought the new M3P vibrating blade. The best razor I ever used, well worth the money(15.99) and the 4 pack of replacement blades(10.99) if you have not tried it, get one. NO CUTS< NO RED FACE< SMOOTH AS SILK!
distortion9
12-06-2004, 11:56 AM
Originally posted by ashstralia
btw, be very careful inserting
anything in your ears. seriously.
Fuck that action.....EVERYTHING goes in my ears. Especially when ya get that "deep, inside the head itch" things...itchy brain?!
Pen caps, fingers, matches...whatever.
Northern Girl
12-06-2004, 02:40 PM
Plus, you couldn't have eargasms !
Originally posted by Northern Girl
I shave stuff in the morning, which is why I don't have time for any self-love. Okay, maybe a quickie with the shower massage, but only 2 minutes tops.
Well, I have to be honest cos I don't shave everynight. A lot of times it's done in the morning. As for the self-love, only TWO minutes? Talk about a tease!!! LOL!!! ;) :D
Carmine
12-06-2004, 04:26 PM
Originally posted by MAX
As for the self-love, only TWO minutes? Talk about a tease!!! LOL!!! ;) :D
Maybe its just a highly productive 2 minutes!
Originally posted by Carmine Raguzza.
Maybe its just a highly productive 2 minutes!
Definitely some food for thought. :)
Originally posted by distortion9
Pen caps, fingers, matches...whatever.
MATCHES!!!! What the fuck? :eek:
D9 My old friend, I always knew you were a little crazy but this......... ;)
Guitar Shark
12-06-2004, 04:50 PM
Originally posted by Panamark
You have to improve your cutting technique Max. Everyone knows that Toenails are just mini boomerangs. Shape them with care and they will fly straight back to you !
LOL! That's some funny shit right there.
Why do pinky toes have nails, anyways?
DLR7884
12-06-2004, 04:53 PM
LOL :)
DLR7884
What a fucked up thread!
Carmine
12-06-2004, 04:53 PM
Originally posted by Guitar Shark
Why do pinky toes have nails, anyways?
Strictly for the annoyance factor involved when trying to clip them!
DLR7884
12-06-2004, 04:56 PM
Why do pinky toes have nails, anyways? [/B]
There's a question for the ages....
Here's another:
Why do men have nipples?
DLR7884
????
Originally posted by Panamark
Failing that, buy a jumbo can of DNA expansion spray, spray the room liberally, and wait for that MAX clone to start growing away. Dispose of thoughtfully.
Mark,
So is that your polite Oz way of saying that one Max is more than enough? :p
Guitar Shark
12-06-2004, 05:07 PM
Originally posted by DLR7884
Why do men have nipples?
DLR7884
????
SHOCK AND AWE!!!!!!!!!
Originally posted by DLR7884
There's a question for the ages....
Here's another:
Why do men have nipples?
DLR7884
????
That's a no brainer........ :rolleyes:
So women can nibble on them. :)
DLR7884
12-06-2004, 05:09 PM
Ugh.
DLR7884
Looks like Sam's got a pair of silver dollars under those lame ass shirts.
Shark,
That's disgusting!!! It's just plain sick and wrong!!!!
Guitar Shark
12-06-2004, 05:16 PM
:D
No kidding! It's anyone's guess how he managed to get a hot looking wife!
Originally posted by Guitar Shark
:D
No kidding! It's anyone's guess how he managed to get a hot looking wife!
In his case he must have gotten her beyond shitfaced with his overpriced moonshine plus he has $$$.
Oh, I hear you with pinky toenails btw. They are definitely an enigma. :confused:
Northern Girl
12-06-2004, 05:44 PM
Originally posted by MAX
As for the self-love, only TWO minutes? Talk about a tease!!! LOL!!! ;) :D
Hell, less than two minutes. Put that puppy on pulsate at full force. There ain't nothing like it. :D
DaveIsKing
12-06-2004, 06:21 PM
Damn, I am sorry but, you guys got no business fucking bad-mouthing Wayne L.
;)
Originally posted by Northern Girl
Hell, less than two minutes. Put that puppy on pulsate at full force. There ain't nothing like it. :D
The two minute drill. LOL!!!
Originally posted by DaveIsKing
Damn, I am sorry but, you guys got no business fucking bad-mouthing Wayne L.
;)
YEEEAH-HA!!!!
NOW!!! DIG DIS BABY.............YO!!! STOP ACTIN' SO CRAZY!!! :rockit2: :rockit2: :rockit2:
Fabulous Shadow
12-06-2004, 08:29 PM
This is a rather disturbing conversation...
I have the solution tho... Go get a pedicure and let THEM worry about the clippings...
DaveIsKing
12-06-2004, 08:42 PM
Or give them to Wayne L. :D
Originally posted by DaveIsKing
Or give them to Wayne L. :D
Why? Does that BORING sumbitch collect them or something? :confused:
diamondsgirl
12-06-2004, 09:58 PM
Originally posted by MAX
I know this sounds creepy but this is the kind of shit that I think about when the power goes off and what kept me out of the really good schools.
LMAO! :D
...ello, Max. :)
Originally posted by diamondsgirl
LMAO! :D
...ello, Max. :)
Oooooooh and it's nice out here. I think I'll stay for a while. :)
Panamark
12-07-2004, 01:48 AM
Originally posted by MAX
Mark,
So is that your polite Oz way of saying that one Max is more than enough? :p
Not at all ! You could always let it keep growing it, nurture it with care and send it off to do shit that pisses you off !!
Originally posted by Panamark
Not at all ! You could always let it keep growing it, nurture it with care and send it off to do shit that pisses you off !!
If I ever find the little bastard I'll send it to you and Mar as a wedding gift. Then I'll know for sure it will grow up in a home full of love. :)
Originally posted by Panamark
Not at all ! You could always let it keep growing it, nurture it with care and send it off to do shit that pisses you off !!
Heh!!! In hindsight, I didn't catch your joke. :) I could've sure scratched the hell out of a certain someone's calf.
I kind of like that idea. :)
I think I'll let my nails grow for a while........... ;)
Panamark
12-07-2004, 04:16 AM
Originally posted by MAX
If I ever find the little bastard I'll send it to you and Mar as a wedding gift. Then I'll know for sure it will grow up in a home full of love. :)
Mark and Mary's Adopted Toenail Home ??
I thankyou from the heart of my bottom !!!
Such a personal gift..
P.S.
Dude ! We are fine for Q-tips !!!
Bob_R
12-07-2004, 12:11 PM
Originally posted by MAX
Ok,
So there I was just a few minutes ago doing my nightly routine. I washed my face, shaved, brushed my teeth, flossed, gargled Listerine and used Q-Tips in my ears when I started looking for other shit I could do. Well, I haven't trimmed my toenails in a few days so I thought "What the fuck" and went for it. Anyway, I clip one of the little fuckers and it must have jumped if it were five feet, I'd say a mile across the room. Now, I'm pissed cos I cannot find the clipping and I like to check them out and have them all accounted for before I dispose of them.
I know this sounds creepy but this is the kind of shit that I think about when the power goes off and what kept me out of the really good schools.
Anyone else have this problem?
I hope you are this fucking detail oriented when you mow my fucking lawn next spring! :) :D ;) :p
ZahZoo
12-07-2004, 12:54 PM
Max, it surprises me that you're not that resourceful... Get a large ziplock freezer bag and place it over your foot before clipping. Kinda like a baseball backstop for catching toenail shrapmel...
aesop
12-07-2004, 01:00 PM
...Or just use a #10 envelope. That way it can go straight from your carcass to the mailbox of your most cherished malevolent Army member...
Originally posted by EVH FANATIC
I hope you are this fucking detail oriented when you mow my fucking lawn next spring!
No problem buddy as long a Mrs. Fanatic still makes me ice cold lemonade and if you still have that hot naked neighbor like last year, or did she move? ;) :p
Originally posted by ZahZoo
Max, it surprises me that you're not that resourceful... Get a large ziplock freezer bag and place it over your foot before clipping. Kinda like a baseball backstop for catching toenail shrapmel...
Seriously, do you do that ZZ? :confused:
tjvhou812
12-07-2004, 03:29 PM
Originally posted by MAX
Seriously, do you do that ZZ? :confused:
what's up bro
How the hell are you TJ? I hope all is well my friend. :)
Bob_R
12-07-2004, 04:55 PM
Originally posted by MAX
No problem buddy as long a Mrs. Fanatic still makes me ice cold lemonade and if you still have that hot naked neighbor like last year, or did she move? ;) :p
Good memory buddy! She moved. :(
Originally posted by tjvhou812
what's up bro
POOP BOY, how the fuck are you?:)
Originally posted by EVH FANATIC
Good memory buddy! She moved. :(
Buddy,
After all the years that you've known me, you have to know that I NEVER forget hot, naked women stories? LOL!!! ;)
I remember you wanting to treat yourself like an amusement park while watching her hang her laundry out to dry.
Hee Hee!!!!
You devil, you.
And yeah......
Now DIG THIS!!!!!
Ohhhhhhhhhh...............
Move over Rover and let Maximus take over!!!!!
You know he's bad!!! You know he jams!!!!!
You know he gives it to her!!!!!
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!
Yep. I'd gladly mow her lawn anyday. :D
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