View Full Version : The Code:
Cathedral
12-09-2004, 03:55 PM
Please allow me to vent. I have had it. I've taken all I can stand and I can't stand any more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men prancing about, redecorating houses and talking about foreign concepts like "style" and "feng shui." Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and purple-sexual - bogus definitions have taken over the urban and suburban world!
Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your ass, belch, rub your beer belly in satisfaction and yell "ENOUGH!" I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture Wars, the "Retrosexual Movement."
The Code :
A Retrosexual man, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.
A Retrosexual man opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.
A Retrosexual DEALS WITH IT, be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you deal with it.
A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.
A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you. If you are still having sex, you are a God.
A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods.)
A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old.
A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill animals (or people) if need be. This falls under the "dealing with it" portion of The Code.
A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title.
A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV.
A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women. Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a foo-foo little pussy, and in the long run, she ain't worth it.
A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak tree chipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city, favorite dog expiring, etc. You are not allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy dealing with it. When you screwed up, he dealt with you.
A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.
A Retrosexual knows how to tie a double Windsor knot when wearing a tie -- and only a double Windsor knot.
A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting.
A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can -- or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you are.
A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled with fear, guns are tools and are often essential to deal with it. Plus it's just plain fun to fire one off in the direction of those people or things that just need a little "wakin' up".
Crying. There are very few reason that a Retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do not count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part, or loss of major body part on your Ford truck.
When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, heck, any woman gets on, that retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you punks" look on his face.
A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct emphasis and pronunciation on "Under God". He also knows the words to the Star Spangled Banner.
A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged or in a serious healthy relationship - i.e., hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance.
A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils.
A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (hell, a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20 mph, without anxiety, and without high-centering his ride in a snow bank.
A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Wherever it lands is where he damn well wanted it to land. Except on his truck--that would happen because of a "force of nature", and then the retrosexual man's options are to cry, or to deal with it, or both.
Carmine
12-09-2004, 03:59 PM
Farg! I had everyone until the crying part, Rocky II and Field of Dreams get me everytime!
LMAO.... I am almost retrosexual... :D
Ally_Kat
12-09-2004, 04:03 PM
classic! i love it, especially all the parts about treating me nice ;)
Carmine
12-09-2004, 04:06 PM
Originally posted by Ally_Kat
especially all the parts about treating me nice ;)
A REAL man or Retrosexual as Cat puts it, would do nothing less!
Cathedral
12-09-2004, 04:19 PM
Damn straight, and crying isn't a sin. I cried last night when my bottle of Crown Royal crashed on the floor.
Of course i had had enough by that time, but it still broke my heart. :(
Seriously though, I'm sick and tired of how panZy-assed the male race has become.
Women opening their own car doors, men showing no romantic tendencies anymore...it's just fucking sad and it is my job to make you panzy-assed men look bad.
I love the look i get from a strange woman when opening the door for my lady. they look at their men and make a comment that for sure makes their men look at me with murder in their eyes, lol.
Man the fuck up and defend your gender, I cannot win this battle alone.
No wonder more and more women are becoming lesbians, they don't get any kind of tenderness, love and/or affection from the male anymore.
My disgust is very deep, and if you don't pull up those boot straps fast, that male ass will be even deeper for you loser fagget boys in the near future.
PLEASE YOUR WOMAN, MAKE HER FEEL SPECIAL BEFORE HER BEST FRIEND DOES IT FOR YOU LEAVING YOU NO OTHER OPTION BUT BUTT PIRATING!!!
bueno bob
12-09-2004, 04:31 PM
Are you fuckin' kidding me?
Women don't want that shit anymore.
My wife certainly doesn't.
If anything, I'm the bitch in our relationship :)
Of course, I don't talk all that much anymore, either, lol...
Model Citizen
12-09-2004, 04:42 PM
Originally posted by bueno bob
Women don't want that shit anymore.
Some don't, but most do
Carmine
12-09-2004, 04:45 PM
Originally posted by bueno bob
Are you fuckin' kidding me?
Women don't want that shit anymore.
My wife certainly doesn't.
If anything, I'm the bitch in our relationship :)
Of course, I don't talk all that much anymore, either, lol...
LOL! She wears the pants eh? I know a few guys that dont even own pants!:D
Bueno Bob, are you having a bad day?
bueno bob
12-09-2004, 04:54 PM
Originally posted by lms2
Bueno Bob, are you having a bad day?
Seasonal depression...that's most of the reason I haven't been posting a lot lately. I can't stand the fuckin' weather and I hate Christmas and everything that goes with it...trying to get positive, but it's hard.
DaveIsKing
12-09-2004, 04:55 PM
Cathedral, my god bless you, my man.
At the end of the day, when it's all said and done, what a woman REALLY wants is a MAN to "take her"...always has, always will.
Nature of the beast, my man, nature of the beast.
Cathedral
12-09-2004, 05:44 PM
Originally posted by DaveIsKing
Cathedral, my god bless you, my man.
At the end of the day, when it's all said and done, what a woman REALLY wants is a MAN to "take her"...always has, always will.
Nature of the beast, my man, nature of the beast.
Amen brother!
Now i have known a few strong willed women in my day, and have learned this one simple fact...when they say they don't get into all the bubbly lovey dovey shit, they are lying.
The first time you drop the ball you have failed the test and time to fix the damage is short.
No means Yes in select circumstances, sex is not one of those circumstances either because that is one of the only times that NO actually means NO.
Live and learn guys, live and learn...
Cathedral
12-09-2004, 05:48 PM
Cat's Tip:
Flowers regularly, Diamonds every few years.
Gold, when you just want her to know you respect and appreciate her.
Heaven can be had and bliss will ensue if these things are done and come from the heart.
Remember, the eyes are the windows of the soul, and they can read ours better than we can read their's.
The latter was a hard learned lesson for me and my advice is to never think you can figure out a woman...It's not possible.
Katydid
12-09-2004, 06:13 PM
That's my definition of a real man also....I'm from the old school.
You might add loyalty and fidelity also.
Sad to say tho...that all the good ones are gone.
Originally posted by Cathedral
Please allow me to vent. I have had it. I've taken all I can stand and I can't stand any more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men prancing about, redecorating houses and talking about foreign concepts like "style" and "feng shui." Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and purple-sexual - bogus definitions have taken over the urban and suburban world!
Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your ass, belch, rub your beer belly in satisfaction and yell "ENOUGH!" I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture Wars, the "Retrosexual Movement."
The Code :
A Retrosexual man, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.
A Retrosexual man opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.
A Retrosexual DEALS WITH IT, be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you deal with it.
A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.
A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you. If you are still having sex, you are a God.
A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods.)
A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old.
A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill animals (or people) if need be. This falls under the "dealing with it" portion of The Code.
A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title.
A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV.
A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women. Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a foo-foo little pussy, and in the long run, she ain't worth it.
A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak tree chipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city, favorite dog expiring, etc. You are not allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy dealing with it. When you screwed up, he dealt with you.
A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.
A Retrosexual knows how to tie a double Windsor knot when wearing a tie -- and only a double Windsor knot.
A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting.
A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can -- or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you are.
A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled with fear, guns are tools and are often essential to deal with it. Plus it's just plain fun to fire one off in the direction of those people or things that just need a little "wakin' up".
Crying. There are very few reason that a Retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do not count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part, or loss of major body part on your Ford truck.
When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, heck, any woman gets on, that retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you punks" look on his face.
A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct emphasis and pronunciation on "Under God". He also knows the words to the Star Spangled Banner.
A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged or in a serious healthy relationship - i.e., hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance.
A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils.
A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (hell, a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20 mph, without anxiety, and without high-centering his ride in a snow bank.
A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Wherever it lands is where he damn well wanted it to land. Except on his truck--that would happen because of a "force of nature", and then the retrosexual man's options are to cry, or to deal with it, or both.
Amen. Fantastic, everything is perfect. :gulp: for Cathedral!
Two things you mentioned:
A Retrosexual man, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.
Amen. It's annoying having to convincing them your actually taking them out, and therefore paying. It shouldn't be a mission just to get some grub. I abide by this rule :D
Second one....
A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting.
How about the scar on the side of my face that I've had since I was 5 after getting bitten by a Bullmastiff (Dog). It was ours too. I stroked it and it growled, so I went to tell my sister (we had to tell someone if he started growling at us) and I fell over. He then decided to take a bite outta me, and I've still got the scar. Now it's about the size from top to bottom of a little finger, but it was bigger than that. And it's also in the shape of a backwards E. Strange..... Took something like 36 stiches to sort out.
Here's a pic of one (bullmastiff), they're bigger than they look though.
http://www2.dogshow.com/spring2000/pictures/0224-1.jpg
Fuck it, let's add a third:
A Retrosexual DEALS WITH IT, be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you deal with it.
If you can't deal with it, then you can't deal with having balls.
ALinChainz
12-09-2004, 06:20 PM
Originally posted by Katydid
That's my definition of a real man also....I'm from the old school.
You might add loyalty and fidelity also.
Sad to say tho...that all the good ones are gone.
Only in your age group Granny.
The old school you're from is called a "Cave".
ALinChainz
12-09-2004, 06:22 PM
Originally posted by Cathedral
Cat's Tip:
Flowers regularly, Diamonds every few years.
Gold, when you just want her to know you respect and appreciate her.
Heaven can be had and bliss will ensue if these things are done and come from the heart.
Remember, the eyes are the windows of the soul, and they can read ours better than we can read their's.
The latter was a hard learned lesson for me and my advice is to never think you can figure out a woman...It's not possible.
Cathedral knows the deal. A wise man indeed.
:D
Here's to "The Code", and those who live by it.
DaveIsKing
12-09-2004, 08:39 PM
Cheers to the Code, my brothers...
Ozzy Fudd
12-09-2004, 09:45 PM
Originally posted by bueno bob
Are you fuckin' kidding me?
Women don't want that shit anymore.
My wife certainly doesn't.
If anything, I'm the bitch in our relationship :)
Of course, I don't talk all that much anymore, either, lol...
Are we realated ?
you sounded just like me for a minute LMMFAO
Cat,
I don't like being tagged a "retrosexual" it's called just being a man!!! LOL!!!
Except real men drive Chevy's and not Ford's. LMAO!!!
Cathedral
12-09-2004, 10:28 PM
Originally posted by MAX
Cat,
I don't like being tagged a "retrosexual" it's called just being a man!!! LOL!!!
Except real men drive Chevy's and not Ford's. LMAO!!!
Ooops, wrong answer there Max, lol.
A REAL man drives a Mopar (Dodge, Chrysler, Plymouth), preferably a RAM like the one i have. :)
"Yeah, It's got a Hemi"
:p
Originally posted by Cathedral
Ooops, wrong answer there Max, lol.
A REAL man drives a Mopar (Dodge, Chrysler, Plymouth), preferably a RAM like the one i have. :)
"Yeah, It's got a Hemi"
:p
Blood Bro's or not, fuck you Cat!!!
I have a fucking 350 Vortec in my Suburban!!! Don't give me any of your pussy "Hemi" shit!!!! LOL!!! :p
Northern Girl
12-09-2004, 10:37 PM
Originally posted by Cathedral
or loss of major body part on your Ford truck.
BTW, how'd that turn out? Did ya make the bitch pay?
Originally posted by Northern Girl
BTW, how'd that turn out? Did ya make the bitch pay?
It's a Ford. They probably hit a speedbump and the transmission fell out. LOL!!!
DaveIsKing
12-09-2004, 10:43 PM
No More Pussyboys!
Only Men who love Pussy.
Northern Girl
12-09-2004, 10:56 PM
Originally posted by Northern Girl
BTW, how'd that turn out? Did ya make the bitch pay?
I was referring to this. His last vent, I think. ;)
http://www.rotharmy.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=11883
Originally posted by MAX
It's a Ford. They probably hit a speedbump and the transmission fell out. LOL!!!
Max,Does Ford stand for Fix Or repair daily?
Originally posted by Dan
Max,Does Ford stand for Fix Or repair daily?
LMAO!!!
Absolutely and also:
Fucked Up Road Disaster
Found On Road Dead
or reverse it and.........
Driver Retirns On Foot. LMAO!!!!
There are a million more. :D
Cathedral
12-09-2004, 11:15 PM
Originally posted by Northern Girl
I was referring to this. His last vent, I think. ;)
http://www.rotharmy.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=11883
Yep, that was it.
I got $7,000.00 to fix it. I did the body work to the roof, fixed the driver door and primed it. Got two new fenders and a grill for the front end, had the wheels aligned and 4 new tires put on, plus a new rim which cost $550 alone, lol.
It's in progress at my shop but i'm waiting until spring to paint it, don't want any winter weather touching it until next year.
I am also trying to decide between two color scheme's...Either green as it is now, or going flat black and making a Rat Ram as it were.
I also have a Charger to work on during down time, but i'm taking my time re-building that car. It turns out that with all the resto work that was already done to that one, i found some really bad rust spots on the frame, which i am pretty sure i'm going to replace all together. it will take time and i need the truck out of there before i start on that project.
No fight at all, her adjuster came out and wrote the estimate and i had a check in 4 days with no problems whatsoever.
With work and all that going on it's no wonder y'all don't see me much anymore.
Anyone want to buy a cheap Windstar?
I hate fucking Ford's and it is going bye bye, lol.
Cathedral
12-09-2004, 11:16 PM
Originally posted by MAX
LMAO!!!
Absolutely and also:
Fucked Up Road Disaster
Found On Road Dead
or reverse it and.........
Driver Retirns On Foot. LMAO!!!!
There are a million more. :D
I heard one that pissed me off the other day, lol.
Fucked Over Rebuilt Dodge...This is not the way to get to know me, trust me, grrrrrrrrrr.
rustoffa
12-09-2004, 11:19 PM
Fucking Over Rated Disaster.
And I own one!:D
Nice stuff Cat. Being somewhat of a southern gentleman, I believe in opening car doors, paying for everything, and noticing the pretty eyes where the ladies are concerened.
Another favorite is commenting on how great the outfit looks.
You leave it alone for awhile then bring it back up, adding: "it'd look even better laying on the floor."
:)
Cathedral
12-09-2004, 11:22 PM
Originally posted by rustoffa
Fucking Over Rated Disaster.
And I own one!:D
Nice stuff Cat. Being somewhat of a southern gentleman, I believe in opening car doors, paying for everything, and noticing the pretty eyes where the ladies are concerened.
Another favorite is commenting on how great the outfit looks.
You leave it alone for awhile then bring it back up, adding: "it'd look even better laying on the floor."
:)
You are a man after my own heart. There is just a sense of fullfillment when i make a lady feel special, and 9 times out of 10 the evening ends on just the right notes, if she moans in key that is, lmmfao.
Originally posted by Cathedral
I heard one that pissed me off the other day, lol.
Fucked Over Rebuilt Dodge...Thius is not the way to get to know me, trust me, grrrrrrrrrr.
I NEVER ripped on Dodge my brother cos you guys are a breed of your own. lol.
I'm just a massive Chev dude. Living in this climate I need an SUV plus we own a boat, so I need something big for towing. My Burbee has never done me wrong. I'm seriously cuntsidering an Avalanche as my next car. Mrs. Max drives a Toyota 4-Runner.
Antman
12-10-2004, 09:15 PM
Amen to that. I'm with you on all of them, even the crying. I will admit I wept when Pam Anderson announced that she had her implants removed a few years back.
SheAintWaiting
12-11-2004, 12:47 AM
The Code :
A Retrosexual woman, no matter what, allows the man to pay for the date.
A Retrosexual woman steps through doors held open for her and says a sincere, "Thank you".
A Retrosexual woman DEALS WITH IT, be it a sick child, tired husband, or a natural disaster, you deal with it.
A Retrosexual woman not only cooks red meat, she does the dishes without complaining.
A Retrosexual woman doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well you keep yourself. If you're 90 years old and still keeping trim and healthy, I salute you. If you are still having sex, you are a Goddess.
A Retrosexual woman does not wear suits or climb corporate ladders. Retrosexual women dedicate themselves to their men and their families, not to companies or careers.
A Retrosexual woman does not dress in clothes from Pac Sun when she's 30 years old.
A Retrosexual should know how to properly cook animals (or people) if need be. This falls under the "dealing with it" portion of The Code.
A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title, nor does she allow her children to do so.
A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in her house on national TV, nor does she crave the attention of national TV.
A Retrosexual should not give up any amount of femininity for feminists. Some is perhaps inevitable,
(voting, wearing long pants, etc.) but major reinvention of yourself will only lead to you to becoming a hard-edged, selfish little b*tch, and in the long run, Gloria Steinem ain't worth it.
A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak tree chipper accident, favorite exercise club being moved to a different city, favorite dog expiring, etc. You are not allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy dealing with it. When you screwed up, he dealt with you.
A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in her wardrobe designed to look good on her man's arm.
A Retrosexual knows how to tie a double Windsor knot backwards, in case her husband or son has injured one of his hands.
A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound she can brag about getting.
(Especially if she grew up on a farm.)
A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of cooking and cleaning utensils. If you can't bake a roast, make a decent cobbler, or get the entire house clean in 3 hours or less, practice in secret until you can -- or be rightfully ridiculed for the useless liberated c*nt you really are.
A Retrosexual woman knows that owning a gun is not a sign that you are useless liberated c*nt; guns are sexy and are often useful if someone breaks in the house while your Protector is away. There's nothing that will set his mind at ease while he's gone, like knowing you have a gun and you know how to use it.
Crying. Do it in moderation and when appropriate. Otherwise, suck it up; your kids and your husband need you TOGETHER. Appropriate reasons a Retrosexual woman can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part, or backing your husband's beloved Chevy into that other guys Ford. Crying because you're PMSing is bullsh*t and an excuse. Eat some chocolate and feckin' get the house cleaned; the kids'll be home in an hour.
When a Retrosexual man gives up his seat for you on a bus or some other public transportaion, thank him kindly, and remember that moment the next time a man does something that irritates you. Cut 'em some slack.
A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct emphasis and pronunciation on "Under God". She also knows the words to the Star Spangled Banner. She teaches her children to know them as well.
A Retrosexual woman will let a man have hobbies and habits she does not understand, and will leave him the heck alone when he's out doing them. She will trust that he loves her, and eventually, he will make some time to do something with HER, too.
A Retrosexual woman knows how to clean and properly care for her cleaning and kitchen utensils. Do not call your husband at work because you cannot get the vacuum cleaner bag back in. He's got enough to do where he is. Deal with it.
A Retrosexual woman can drive in snow (hell, a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20 mph, without anxiety, and without high-centering her husband's ride in a snow bank. You're a woman, not a complete imbecile; learn to drive. Your children's lives depend on it.
A Retrosexual woman can make a man feel loved on the worst day of his life. She can give her children pride and confidence even in the darkest of times. And, when all hell breaks loose, the Retrosexual woman can feed entire armies of people with the smallest amounts of food and ingredients imaginable.
A Retrosexual woman is not proud of being a b*tch, is capable of saying she's sorry, and is willing to say she's wrong even if she's not sure she was... because she loves her family, her man, and a peaceful home, more than she loves any wrongheaded ideas about "fulfillment" "self-realization", or "liberated women".
Backatcha guys. :)
Well shit. I think I come closer to being a retrosexual male than a retrosexual female...
If a man holds a door for me, I thank him politely, if he doesn't, I make it a point to hold it for him... with a smile on my face. You would be surprised how many get embarrassed and insist I go first. (especially the elderly).
If a man asks me out for a date, I not only let him pay...I expect it. I also tend to date men who make more money than me... However, if I am dateless, or if my man is moneyless, there is no reason to do without!
I can use cooking utinsels and house hold tools with ease. I can fix the stupid toilet while the roast is in the oven!
I don't own a gun, and I don't need one. I don't have a problem with it if you do. But if you kill it, you clean it. I can deal with the cooking. Otherwise, I am a quite capable gardner and could survive as a vegeterian. :D
I am as comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt as I am a dress and heels. (kidding, I don't wear heels...unless you promise I don't have to walk in them ;) )
I can maintain a job, and a family, and understand the balance between them. Its simply a matter of priorities.
TV shows with queer in them... who has time for TV. I recognize that reality TV is for people who are not in touch with reality. I live life all day long, who needs to watch it at the end of the day. That is a time for reflection and introspection.
I can deal with it, without psychiatric help. Even if the fish dies.
I don't feel the need to be a bitch or a door mat...
I can clean the house in three hours or less... I just never have three hours. The full time job, kids and computer keep me too busy. I ain't Martha Fucking Stewart damnit. I have but one life to live, and I am going to live it. So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep, I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep! I believe it was Ann Landers who said it was a case of mind over matter... if you don't mind it don't matter.
Northern Girl
12-11-2004, 08:28 AM
Great Job, SAW. I especially like this one:
Originally posted by SheAintWaiting
A Retrosexual woman will let a man have hobbies and habits she does not understand, and will leave him the heck alone when he's out doing them. She will trust that he loves her, and eventually, he will make some time to do something with HER, too.
Stop nagging your man. You knew he liked football when you met him, so leave him alone. You'll both be much happier.
SheAintWaiting
12-11-2004, 09:43 AM
Or, you could be like some of us and actually like sports right along with him. :) I definitely think "Stop Nagging Your Man"
would be a good practise for women to undertake in general. GOD, I get tired of hearing some of my Aunts nag my Uncles CONSTANTLY for sh*t that doesn't even matter!!! Who CARES if he wants to watch the Myth Busters marathon ALL DAY LONG. Leave him alone!!!!!
sAw
twonabomber
12-11-2004, 10:52 AM
Originally posted by Cathedral
A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old.
they have cool tshirts though. maybe you meant the "goth" stuff? :D
SheAintWaiting
12-11-2004, 12:35 PM
>> maybe you meant the "goth" stuff?
That's what I assumed.
Men in fishnet shirts
and little lacey gloves?
YUCK.
Fabulous Shadow
12-11-2004, 03:25 PM
Originally posted by MAX
It's a Ford. They probably hit a speedbump and the transmission fell out. LOL!!!
Hey at least FORD circles the problem for ya! http://www.ford.com/NR/fordcom/images/en/home/brands/ford.gif
Fabulous Shadow
12-11-2004, 03:32 PM
Originally posted by SheAintWaiting
The Code :
A Retrosexual woman, no matter what, allows the man to pay for the date.
A Retrosexual woman steps through doors held open for her and says a sincere, "Thank you".
A Retrosexual woman DEALS WITH IT, be it a sick child, tired husband, or a natural disaster, you deal with it.
A Retrosexual woman not only cooks red meat, she does the dishes without complaining.
A Retrosexual woman doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well you keep yourself. If you're 90 years old and still keeping trim and healthy, I salute you. If you are still having sex, you are a Goddess.
A Retrosexual woman does not wear suits or climb corporate ladders. Retrosexual women dedicate themselves to their men and their families, not to companies or careers.
A Retrosexual woman does not dress in clothes from Pac Sun when she's 30 years old.
A Retrosexual should know how to properly cook animals (or people) if need be. This falls under the "dealing with it" portion of The Code.
A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title, nor does she allow her children to do so.
A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in her house on national TV, nor does she crave the attention of national TV.
A Retrosexual should not give up any amount of femininity for feminists. Some is perhaps inevitable,
(voting, wearing long pants, etc.) but major reinvention of yourself will only lead to you to becoming a hard-edged, selfish little b*tch, and in the long run, Gloria Steinem ain't worth it.
A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak tree chipper accident, favorite exercise club being moved to a different city, favorite dog expiring, etc. You are not allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy dealing with it. When you screwed up, he dealt with you.
A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in her wardrobe designed to look good on her man's arm.
A Retrosexual knows how to tie a double Windsor knot backwards, in case her husband or son has injured one of his hands.
A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound she can brag about getting.
(Especially if she grew up on a farm.)
A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of cooking and cleaning utensils. If you can't bake a roast, make a decent cobbler, or get the entire house clean in 3 hours or less, practice in secret until you can -- or be rightfully ridiculed for the useless liberated c*nt you really are.
A Retrosexual woman knows that owning a gun is not a sign that you are useless liberated c*nt; guns are sexy and are often useful if someone breaks in the house while your Protector is away. There's nothing that will set his mind at ease while he's gone, like knowing you have a gun and you know how to use it.
Crying. Do it in moderation and when appropriate. Otherwise, suck it up; your kids and your husband need you TOGETHER. Appropriate reasons a Retrosexual woman can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part, or backing your husband's beloved Chevy into that other guys Ford. Crying because you're PMSing is bullsh*t and an excuse. Eat some chocolate and feckin' get the house cleaned; the kids'll be home in an hour.
When a Retrosexual man gives up his seat for you on a bus or some other public transportaion, thank him kindly, and remember that moment the next time a man does something that irritates you. Cut 'em some slack.
A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct emphasis and pronunciation on "Under God". She also knows the words to the Star Spangled Banner. She teaches her children to know them as well.
A Retrosexual woman will let a man have hobbies and habits she does not understand, and will leave him the heck alone when he's out doing them. She will trust that he loves her, and eventually, he will make some time to do something with HER, too.
A Retrosexual woman knows how to clean and properly care for her cleaning and kitchen utensils. Do not call your husband at work because you cannot get the vacuum cleaner bag back in. He's got enough to do where he is. Deal with it.
A Retrosexual woman can drive in snow (hell, a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20 mph, without anxiety, and without high-centering her husband's ride in a snow bank. You're a woman, not a complete imbecile; learn to drive. Your children's lives depend on it.
A Retrosexual woman can make a man feel loved on the worst day of his life. She can give her children pride and confidence even in the darkest of times. And, when all hell breaks loose, the Retrosexual woman can feed entire armies of people with the smallest amounts of food and ingredients imaginable.
A Retrosexual woman is not proud of being a b*tch, is capable of saying she's sorry, and is willing to say she's wrong even if she's not sure she was... because she loves her family, her man, and a peaceful home, more than she loves any wrongheaded ideas about "fulfillment" "self-realization", or "liberated women".
Backatcha guys. :)
LMAO! Most of these are right on but her, what can I say? I cry at a good Hallmark commercial and I reserve the right to be a BITCH during that time of the month... Ok Most of the time... Ok OK ... ALL the TIME
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