Republican Night Before Christmas

[FORD]

A Republican Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the land,
not a critic was stirring, for stirring was banned.
A thousand brown prisoners, snug in their cells,
all held without charges or tinsel or bells;

And mamma was wrapped in the national flag,
while we sang "Where there's never a boast or a brag."
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the TV I flew like a flash;
I then watched "Survivor" and reruns of "Mash."
The fireworks, exploding above the new snow,
gave a luster of objects to people below.

When what saw my wondering eyes in the flashes:
a miniature George Bush and eight tiny fascists!
Their jerseys were blue and said "WORLD DOMINATION";
I knew right away this was not just claymation.

More rapid than eagles the warlords they came,
as the little Bush whistled and called them by name:
"Now, Daschle! now, Ashcroft! Now Strom, don't relent!
On, Poindexter, Rumsfeld! on Henry and Trent!

To the top of the globe, while the crowd's at the mall,
now bomb away, bomb away, bomb away all!"
His sack had a war game for each girl and boy;
his pocket, four billion from just Illinois.

Far up on his high seat the driver did mount,
with more massive weapons than Kofi could count.
And then, I heard sounds from away off somewhere,
the booming of bombs that were bursting in air.

As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
down the chimney old Dick Cheney came with a bound.
He said not a word, nor disclosed his location;
he wiretapped my house in the name of the nation.

Then holding the strings of his little Bush puppet,
he went to the chimney and quickly rose up it.
The sleigh was still running, but Dick didn't hurry;
gas guzzlers, it seemed, were no longer a worry.

He popped the champagne and exclaimed as he served it,
"The world is now ours, and GOD DAMN, we deserve it!"

[fanofdave]

Happy Holidays, FORD.

I truly wish the following gifts for you this
Christmas:

the gift of finding your glass half full, not half empty
all the time.

the gift of looking for good in the world, not just
looking for the wrongs and mistakes.

the gift of finding other interests in life besides
the hopeful demise of a political party and its
representatives.

finally, the gift of peace, which i wish for everyone.

Merry Christmas, my friend. And.......

Congrats on the recount. Regardless of my desires
to have a particular candidate in office, it is my overriding
desire to see the process carried out legally and have each
vote counted fairly.

Happy 2005! see you somewhere in the Forums.......

[FORD]

Right back at ya man! :bottle:

[Sammy_God]

sorry Ford...

that doesn't wash...

bush has a hispanic fetish...not an american one

[DaveIsKing]

Hey Ford!

You're liberalism is flaming. ;)

[Sammy_God]

ford loves bush...

really

[FORD]

Are you having a good conversation with yourself?

[Ally_Kat]

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
There was Santa again, on his annual journeys,
Ensnared in a group of eight tiny attorneys.

They looked pretty grim and they threatened to sue,
So we knew in a flash -- "It's the ACLU!"
They paid us no heed, but went straight to their work,
Handcuffing poor Santa, then said with a smirk:

"This is secular airspace, we can't have a saint
"Flying our flightpaths -- we need some restraint.
"A sleigh full of toys is OK, we suppose,
"But faith-based incursions we've got to oppose."

Litigation on Christmas is something we dread,
So we nestled our children all under their beds
The grinch doesn't scare them, and Scrooge they see through,
But what kids are prepared for the ACLU?

The reindeer were shackled as a further incitement,
Then the lawyers unpackaged a 12-count indictment.
"Merry Christmas to all!" they just had to foreclose
(Though they had no complaint about all the "Ho Hos").

One lawyer objected to Santa's red clothing.
"It's religiously tainted," he said with some loathing.
"Poinsettias (the red ones) everybody must note, are
"A church-state offense in St. Paul, Minnesota!"

Santa's climb up each chimney (one lawyer made mention)
Is a symbolic reference to Jesus' ascension.
And the reindeer, of course, recall the Apostles,
And those who deny it are nothing but fossils.

These lawyers had labored at neighborhood schools,
Making Christmas extinct there as part of the rules.
Praise Kwaanza or Ramadan -- they think it's quite splendid,
But say "Merry Christmas" and you might get suspended.

Our children, God bless them, don't get or recall
Why "inclusiveness" doesn't include them at all,
Why diversity theory (as the lawyers insist) must
Require the annual quashing of Christmas.

In Canada, home of post-everything living,
Now "The 12 Days of Christmas" are "The 12 Days of Giving."
Christmas trees aren't part of their season at all,
They buy "multicultural trees" at the mall.

At a hospital (Catholic) the staff is ashamed
To use the word Christmas, so their tree is misnamed
As a "care tree," though some would prefer "tree of life."
(Why not "tall lit-up flora" to avoid any strife?)

Australians are told they should have no compunctions
Calling parties at Christmastime "end-of-year functions."
The idea is to make Christmas somehow unmentionable,
A tactic I think of as wholly contemptionable.

Instead of "White Christmas" they will probably sing,
"I'm dreaming of a snow day some time in pre-spring."
Here's my suggestion, a harsh one I fear,
Why not call Christmas "Christmas"? (It's just an idea.)

Merry Christmas, everyone!

[Jesus Christ]

Originally posted by Ally_Kat

Santa's climb up each chimney (one lawyer made mention)
Is a symbolic reference to Jesus' ascension.

:confused:

And the reindeer, of course, recall the Apostles,
And those who deny it are nothing but fossils.



Verily, at the age of 2004, some might describe Me as a "fossil" but I hath not eight tiny apostles, but 12 of them, most of whom were not tiny at all by the standards of the year 30 AD.

[BigBadBrian]

Merry Crimmus!

Was de nite befo Crimmus
And all ower da hood
ewreybody waz sleepin'
Dey was sleepin' good.

Ae hunged up our stocking
and hoped like de heck
That old Santa Caluse
Be bringin' our check.

All o'de fambily
wuz layin in de beds
while ripple and thunderbird
danced thru dey heads.

I passed out onna' flo
right next to maw
when i heard sech a fuzz
I thunk..it mus be de law !

I looked out thru de bars
that covered my doe
'specting de sheriff
wif a warrant for sho.

And what did i see
I said *Lawd look at dat! *
Ther wuz a huge watermelon
Pulled by giant warf rats !

Now ober all de years
Santa Clause he be white
But looks like us bros
Gets a black Santa dis nite.

Faster dan a po'lees car
my home boy he came
He whupped on dem warf rats
and called em by name:

On Leroy, on Lonzo,
and on Willie Lee
on Saphire, On chenequa
Dey wuz a site to see !!

As he landed dat watta' melon
out der in da street
i knowed it was fo' sho
Da damndest site i ebber see.

He didn't go down no chimbley
He picked da' lock on my doe
an I sez to myself
*he has done this befoe ! *

He had dis big bag
Full of prezents I ' supect
Wid fubu and fake gold
To wear 'roun my neck

But he left no good prezents
Jus started stealing my shit
Got my drugs, got my guns,
even got my burgla's kit

Wit my stuff in de bad
Out da window he flew
I woudda tried to catched him
but, he stole my 'nife too !

He jumped on dat wadda melon
an whipped out a switch
He waz gone in a seccon
dat son of a bitch

Next year i be hopin'
Anutha Santa we git
Cuz diz he sanna clause
ain't werf a shit.

MERRY CRIMMUS G'S !!!!

[FORD]

Wow, now we even have the racist version. Gee how true to the spirit of Peace on Earth and all that shit....... :rolleyes:

[The Lord]

Originally posted by FORD
Wow, now we even have the racist version. Gee how true to the spirit of Peace on Earth and all that shit....... :rolleyes:


:rofl:

[BigBadBrian]

Originally posted by FORD
Wow, now we even have the racist version. Gee how true to the spirit of Peace on Earth and all that shit....... :rolleyes:

Peace on Earth? From you. HA! :p :D :p :D

[ODShowtime]

I enjoyed it.

[lms2]

I enjoyed all of them.

Merry Christmas Guys and Gals!

[4moreyears]

Wow, now we even have the racist version. Gee how true to the spirit of Peace on Earth and all that shit.......

Only Here do we get that type of love!!!

[Ally_Kat]

:D

New York Style Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas,
Da whole house was mella,
Not a creature was stirrin',
Cuz I had a gun unda da pilla.

When up on da roof
I heard somethin' pound,
I sprung to da window,
To scream, "YO! Keep it down!"

When what to my
Wanderin' eyes should appear,
But da Don of all elfs,
And eight freakin' reindeer!

Wit' slicked back black hair,
And a silk red suit,
don Christopher wuz here,
And he brought da loot!

Wit' a slap to dare snouts,
And a yank on dare manes,
He cursed and he shouted,
And he called dem by name.

"Yo Tony, Yo Frankie,
Yo Vinny, Yo Vito,
Ay Joey, Ay Paulie,
Ay Pepe, Ay Guido!"

As I drew out my gun
And hid by da bed,
He flew troo da winda
And slapped me 'side da head.

"What da hell you doin'
Pullin' a gun on da Don?
Now all you're gettin' is coal,
You freakin' moron!"

Den pointin' a fat finga
Right unda my nose,
He twisted his pinky ring,
And up da chimney he rose.

He sprang to his sleigh,
Obscenities screamin',
Away dey all flew,
Before he troo dem a beatin'.

Den I heard him yell out,
What I did least expect,
"Merry Freakin' Christmas to all,
And yous better show some respect!"