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BigBadBrian
02-14-2005, 09:16 AM
What will Alec Baldwin find in Canada?
John Leo


February 14, 2005


Some 10,000 to 20,000 Americans, unable to come to terms with the re-election of President Bush, are believed poised to leave the United States and become Canadians. Many, of course, will remain permanently in the poised position, just like Alec Baldwin, who has apparently been on the tarmac for four years awaiting a plane to some other country.

But suppose the disaffected 10,000 to 20,000 actually depart. Will they find happiness? Will they achieve peace of mind north of the border? No, they won’t. Instead they will find the following:

Strange and maddening football games.
For reasons nobody can fathom, Canadian football is played on an enormous field, with 12 players on a side and only three downs, so every third play tends to be a punt. Canadian football alone is said to have driven an estimated 2 million Canadians across the border to become U.S. citizens. Many believe Bush could not have won without the disaffected Canadian football vote.

More Canadian music than you can imagine.
Radio stations must play Canadian music at least 35 percent of the time. Strict rules determine what music is Canadian enough to fill the quota. Though Celine Dion is Canadian, her hit “My Heart Will Go On” was insufficiently Canadian, since the lyricist, the songwriter, and the recording were non-Canadian. As a result, thoroughly Canadian pop music stays on the radio long enough to drive many Canadians to distraction, drink, and even Canadian football.

Except for murder, a rate of violent crime as disgraceful as that of the United States.
Many U.S. newspapers salute Canada for its low crime rate. But according to the International Crime Victimization Survey, the rate of certain “contact” crimes (robbery, sexual assault, and assault with force) is over 1.5 times higher in Canada than in the United States.

A national political leader every bit as hard to look at as George Bush.
People who detest President Bush’s syntax or cocky gait must consider Prime Minister Paul Martin’s disastrous smile. Martin’s speechwriter said the PM’s “fake smile leads one to assume that Martin’s foot is being stepped on by an antelope.”

Perplexing food decisions.
Never ask a grocer in Canada for “American” cheese or “Canadian” bacon. Un-Canadian anger may ensue. Also, approach the famous national dessert, the Canadian butter tart, with extreme caution. It is made with brown sugar, eggs, flour, vanilla, and lead. Strong men have been known to eat two at a single sitting, though, because of the lead content, they are usually unable to move for several days afterward.

The customary problems of socialized medicine.
A 2000 report from the Heritage Foundation found long waiting lists, government rationing, and substandard care in Canada’s system. Drug spending is controlled, according to the report, by limiting the number of approved drugs and slowing down the approval process. In one four-year period, Canada approved only 24 of 400 new drugs. Keep coming down here for healthcare, Canadians.

A national infatuation with censorship.
Canadians tend to be a benign people who value niceness. So they have a strong tendency to suppress speech that they see as lacking in niceness. Un-nice books and videos are seized at the border or banned from libraries. Any material cited for “undue exploitation of sex” or for being “degrading or dehumanizing” can be banned.

Speech is illegal if it “promotes hatred” or spreads “false news.” Advertising “directed at children” can be ruled illegal. If the recorded message on your answering machine is deemed discriminatory, you can be prosecuted for it. In Saskatchewan, a newspaper ad listing four biblical citations against homosexuality (just the listing, no text), accompanied by two hand-holding male stick figures with a line drawn across them, was ruled a human-rights offense, and the man who placed the ad was directed to pay $1,800 each to three gay men who were offended by the ad. “Canadians put up with an insane amount of crap that Americans might not,” said David Sutherland, former director of the British Columbia Civil Liberties Association.

Canada’s trying to be European.
Canada has been aping trends in Europe, from the obsession with multiculturalism, the rising contempt for religion, greater censorship, and even a declining birthrate. Canada’s birthrate is 1.49 children per woman, well below the replacement level of 2.1. Canada’s elites behave much like those of the United States, favoring judicially imposed decisions over democratic and legislative ones. In Canada, a smaller and less varied nation than the United States, the elites meet less resistance. But there are signs of a pushback. Though the Canadian and American press consistently give the impression that gay marriage is overwhelmingly favored in Canada, a February 2 National Post/Global National poll found that two thirds of Canadians oppose gay marriage and would likely vote against it in a national plebiscite. The polls suggest that Canadians are close to Americans on this issue. It’s elite opinion and judges that make Canada look different.

Angel
02-14-2005, 03:05 PM
Alec Baldwin can go fuck himself, as far as I'm concerned. The bastard was talking about my hometown a couple of weeks ago. He said, "I like the animals, and the Japanese Tourists... I want MY BANFF". That's MY TOWN, Baldwin is just one of the many celebs that have helped ruin it in recent years.

As for the rest of the crap in that article... most of it is just that, crap. ;)

Big Train
02-14-2005, 03:12 PM
He will find cows and raw materials in Canada...

academic punk
02-14-2005, 03:16 PM
Would you stop linking Alec Baldwin as someone who is a true voice of the liberal movement?

I assure you NO ONE at the DNC appreciates his daft, untalented ass babbling about anythjing re: politics. As to his financial contributions, that's another matter.

aesop
02-14-2005, 03:20 PM
Originally posted by Big Train
He will find cows and raw materials in Canada...

LMAO!!!!

...And lumberjacks :)

Nickdfresh
02-14-2005, 03:21 PM
**Yawn**

How about a thread on how conservative Hollywood hero, and "good Catholic," Mel Gibson's father is an anti-Semitic America-hater that moved to Australia to get away from our heathen culture?

I guess we only attack nutty Hollywood leftists, eh? What a substantive issue.:rolleyes: :hagar3: :hagar1: :hagar2:

ODShowtime
02-14-2005, 03:27 PM
Originally posted by Nickdfresh
**Yawn**

no way! This article's extremely interesting :rolleyes:

academic punk
02-14-2005, 03:29 PM
Ron Silver gets a black hooker...film at eleven.

Big Train
02-14-2005, 03:56 PM
I'd say it;s on par with red/blue state: who pays more?

Nickdfresh
02-14-2005, 04:01 PM
Originally posted by Big Train
I'd say it;s on par with red/blue state: who pays more?

No. Calculated acts of punishment on States, that contribute far more to the economy, through pork and patronage or lack therein.

-vs.-

Retarded articles on stupid things said by irrelevant Hollywood actors, yeah BT you got me there.:rolleyes:

Big Train
02-14-2005, 04:13 PM
PERCIEVED acts of calculated punishment Nick...it's just as retarded..

Nickdfresh
02-14-2005, 04:16 PM
Originally posted by Big Train
PERCIEVED acts of calculated punishment Nick...it's just as retarded..

Factually accounted for acts of economic retaliation that have been reported in the media.

Big Train
02-14-2005, 04:54 PM
Originally posted by Nickdfresh
Factually accounted for acts of economic retaliation that have been reported in the media.

Ok then, you have FACTS proving the parties involved were in cahoots? Nobody does, they have allegations, no proof at all. They have business deals and their world view...does not add up to economic retaliation.

Mezro
02-14-2005, 04:57 PM
Originally posted by BigBadBrian
What will Alec Baldwin find in Canada?

A guest spot on a UPN sitcom?

Mezro...TrimSpa baby yeah?...

YAWN
02-14-2005, 05:14 PM
Originally posted by Nickdfresh
**Yawn**
Whatchoo need, meng???


Originally posted by Nickdfresh
How about a thread on how conservative Hollywood hero, and "good Catholic," Mel Gibson's father is an anti-Semitic America-hater that moved to Australia to get away from our heathen culture?

I guess we only attack nutty Hollywood leftists, eh?

Really? Are we truly countering Alec Baldwin with Mel Gibson? Parrying the ridicule of the asinine statements made by a proven spineless jackass whose own party holds him in about the same regard as Michael Moore - with the actions of Mel Gibson's father? Horace would be proud...

Nickdfresh
02-14-2005, 05:36 PM
Originally posted by YAWN
Whatchoo need, meng???



Really? Are we truly countering Alec Baldwin with Mel Gibson? Parrying the ridicule of the asinine statements made by a proven spineless jackass whose own party holds him in about the same regard as Michael Moore - with the actions of Mel Gibson's father? Horace would be proud...

I don't know what meng is.

Actually, many people believe "The Passion off the Christ" is latently or blatantly anti-Semitic and feeds into the whole traditional line of anti-Semitism that, "The Jews killed Jesus blah blah..." argument. And that had a lot to do with Gibson's father. I haven't seen the film yet, so I really can't say.

But I could give a shit about either Baldwin or Gibson (both of whom I like as actors) just pointing out this ludicrous right-wing obsession with all things Hollywood, and the countless stupid threads we have on them ala' Newsmax.

Michael Moore is different, he made a political film and has thus made himself a political target. No problems, we have about five threads on him that I can remember.

I'm just sick of the Barbara Streisand/Alec Baldwin crap and how it's supposed to have some big symbolic meaning, when the only people that give a shit about what they say are right-wing talk radio buffoons and internet spin sites. Who cares what they say publicly? I don't. I like Baldwin as an actor but he's an undereducated half-wit when it comes to anything else.

Should I start posting articles on what a great Republican Sammy Hagar is?

YAWN
02-14-2005, 06:12 PM
Originally posted by Nickdfresh
I don't know what meng is.

"What do you require, sir?", urbanized to "What do you need, man?" and further Tony-Montana-dialectized to "Whatchoo need, meng?", a la Al Pacino in Scarface. Short version: "meng" = "man".

Actually, many people believe "The Passion off the Christ" is latently or blatantly anti-Semitic and feeds into the whole traditional line of anti-Semitism that, "The Jews killed Jesus blah blah..." argument. And that had a lot to do with Gibson's father. I haven't seen the film yet, so I really can't say.

Ah, okay. Really, it only boiled down to one line, and he caved on it in the end.

But I could give a shit about either Baldwin or Gibson (both of whom I like as actors) just pointing out this ludicrous right-wing obsession with all things Hollywood

For real... interestingly enough, Hollywood seems to have an obsession with all things pseudo-liberal. Maybe we should call it the "Hollywood Left". ;)

I'm just sick of the Barbara Streisand/Alec Baldwin crap and how it's supposed to have some big symbolic meaning, when the only people that give a shit about what they say are right-wing talk radio buffoons and internet spin sites. Who cares what they say publicly? I don't. I like Baldwin as an actor but he's an undereducated half-wit when it comes to anything else.

Hey, right there with ya, man... but we're not the majority viewpoint. The media whores see that shit and deem it newsworthy, and a big portion of the public eats it up and calls him a hero. Then they make their own "I'll leave the country" vow. Then NONE of 'em actually get the fuck out! Sucks. :(

Should I start posting articles on what a great Republican Sammy Hagar is?

Hey, hey, hey... don't go talkin' crazy now, man. ;) Standard rules apply: the only Sammy Hagar article that need be posted around here are his obituary or retirement announcement!

Anyway, beers to you, man. :)