Shaun Ponsonby
03-20-2005, 12:48 PM
I don't know if Alan Partridge is available in America, but he is possibly the greatest comic creation ever.
He started off as sport's presenter on a spoof news/current affairs show called 'The Day Today'. Then he got his own chat show called 'Knowing Me, Knowing You'. But after an incident on a Christmas special entitled 'Knowing Me, Knowing Yule' involving the head of BBC programming and a turkey, he was fired from the BBC, and ended up on the graveyard slot on a local radio station. That's where the sitcom 'I'm Alan Partridge' starts.
In the second series of 'I'm Alan Prtridge', Alan has the 3rd best slot on Radio Norwich, a military-based quiz show on cable channel UK Conquest called 'Skermish' and, he has a girlfriend. Not to mention recently publishing a book called 'Bouncing Back'.
So, here is some of Alan's words of wisdom.
ALAN ON GAYS-
"I've got nothing against them. But, in my opinion, God created Adam and Eve, he didn't create Adam and Steve."
ALAN SPEAKING TO A RICH EX-DRUG ADDICT ON RELIGEOUS RADIO
RICH DRUG WOMAN: "I haven't read your book, I've only skimmed through it, but I have noticed that you end almost every annicdote with 'needless to say, I had the last laugh."
ALAN:"Well, you could end the chapters in your book with 'needles...to say...I...took drugs'."
ALAN GIVING HIS PA A RISE AFTER BEING THREATEND BY HER BOYFRIEND
"In fact, I'll give you a raise. 8 1/2, 9, 9 1/2. Te...Te...(singing) Tell you what, tell you what, it's 9 1/2 thousand pounds. Come on, let's all sing it. Tell you what, tell you what, it's 9 1/2 thousand pounds."
ALAN PRESENTING COMIC RELIEF
"There are many people who couldn't be here tonight. Michael Flately was supposed to come, but sadly, he slipped and died. There will be a minute silence for him later on. You may or may not wish to participate. In fact, you may wish to use the time for a toliet break. Brian Mcfadden didn't appear because, well, we didn't ask him."
ALAN ON HIS BOOK AND ROAD SAFETY VIDEO
"Sadly, people would rather watch maniacs crash cars like idiots into burks, rather than read a book, which has been called, and I quote, 'lovely stuff'. Not my words, the words of Shakin' Stevens."
ALAN ASKING HIS FRIEND MICHAEL FOR A SPOON
ALAN: "Have you got a spoon?"
MICHAEL: "No."
ALAN: "You haven't got a spoon, Michael."
MICHAEL: "There's one in the bathroom, but I have no cause to use it."
ALAN SPEAKING TO IRISH TV EXECUTIVES
IRISH TV GUY: "Have you ever been to Ireland?"
ALAN: "No, I'd love to go."
IRISH TV GUY: "It amazes me how many people say that, when it's only £45 on a plane."
ALAN: "I think that's the bit that puts me off. I love your music. Enya, and...what's his name? Bald chap, ripped up The Pope. And...that's about it."
IRISH TV GUY: "Well, there's U2, of course."
ALAN: "Oh, yes, love U2. 'Sunday Bloody Sunday'. It really captures the essence of a Sunday, doesn't it. You've got to wash the car, cook the Sunday dinner, read all the papers, the kids are running around, and you just think 'Sunday, Bloody Sunday'."
IRISH TV GUYS: "I hate to do this to you Alan, but '...Bloody Sunday' was actually about a massacre in Ireland."
ALAN: "Erh. I'm not listening to that anymore."
ALAN TELLS HIS GIRLFRIEND THAT HE KNOWS BONO, AND TAKES HER TO HIS 'HOUSE'. OF COURSE, IT'S NOT REALLY
"This is it. This is Bono's house. And those trees, I think they're Joshua Trees."
__________________________________________________ ___________
ALAN: "Nme a U2 album."
SONIA (Alan's girlfriend): "The Joshua Tree"
ALAN: "I knew that. Because he wrote half of it...over the there. And the other half...over there."
ALAN SHOWING SONIA AFFECTION
"I love you...in a way."
He started off as sport's presenter on a spoof news/current affairs show called 'The Day Today'. Then he got his own chat show called 'Knowing Me, Knowing You'. But after an incident on a Christmas special entitled 'Knowing Me, Knowing Yule' involving the head of BBC programming and a turkey, he was fired from the BBC, and ended up on the graveyard slot on a local radio station. That's where the sitcom 'I'm Alan Partridge' starts.
In the second series of 'I'm Alan Prtridge', Alan has the 3rd best slot on Radio Norwich, a military-based quiz show on cable channel UK Conquest called 'Skermish' and, he has a girlfriend. Not to mention recently publishing a book called 'Bouncing Back'.
So, here is some of Alan's words of wisdom.
ALAN ON GAYS-
"I've got nothing against them. But, in my opinion, God created Adam and Eve, he didn't create Adam and Steve."
ALAN SPEAKING TO A RICH EX-DRUG ADDICT ON RELIGEOUS RADIO
RICH DRUG WOMAN: "I haven't read your book, I've only skimmed through it, but I have noticed that you end almost every annicdote with 'needless to say, I had the last laugh."
ALAN:"Well, you could end the chapters in your book with 'needles...to say...I...took drugs'."
ALAN GIVING HIS PA A RISE AFTER BEING THREATEND BY HER BOYFRIEND
"In fact, I'll give you a raise. 8 1/2, 9, 9 1/2. Te...Te...(singing) Tell you what, tell you what, it's 9 1/2 thousand pounds. Come on, let's all sing it. Tell you what, tell you what, it's 9 1/2 thousand pounds."
ALAN PRESENTING COMIC RELIEF
"There are many people who couldn't be here tonight. Michael Flately was supposed to come, but sadly, he slipped and died. There will be a minute silence for him later on. You may or may not wish to participate. In fact, you may wish to use the time for a toliet break. Brian Mcfadden didn't appear because, well, we didn't ask him."
ALAN ON HIS BOOK AND ROAD SAFETY VIDEO
"Sadly, people would rather watch maniacs crash cars like idiots into burks, rather than read a book, which has been called, and I quote, 'lovely stuff'. Not my words, the words of Shakin' Stevens."
ALAN ASKING HIS FRIEND MICHAEL FOR A SPOON
ALAN: "Have you got a spoon?"
MICHAEL: "No."
ALAN: "You haven't got a spoon, Michael."
MICHAEL: "There's one in the bathroom, but I have no cause to use it."
ALAN SPEAKING TO IRISH TV EXECUTIVES
IRISH TV GUY: "Have you ever been to Ireland?"
ALAN: "No, I'd love to go."
IRISH TV GUY: "It amazes me how many people say that, when it's only £45 on a plane."
ALAN: "I think that's the bit that puts me off. I love your music. Enya, and...what's his name? Bald chap, ripped up The Pope. And...that's about it."
IRISH TV GUY: "Well, there's U2, of course."
ALAN: "Oh, yes, love U2. 'Sunday Bloody Sunday'. It really captures the essence of a Sunday, doesn't it. You've got to wash the car, cook the Sunday dinner, read all the papers, the kids are running around, and you just think 'Sunday, Bloody Sunday'."
IRISH TV GUYS: "I hate to do this to you Alan, but '...Bloody Sunday' was actually about a massacre in Ireland."
ALAN: "Erh. I'm not listening to that anymore."
ALAN TELLS HIS GIRLFRIEND THAT HE KNOWS BONO, AND TAKES HER TO HIS 'HOUSE'. OF COURSE, IT'S NOT REALLY
"This is it. This is Bono's house. And those trees, I think they're Joshua Trees."
__________________________________________________ ___________
ALAN: "Nme a U2 album."
SONIA (Alan's girlfriend): "The Joshua Tree"
ALAN: "I knew that. Because he wrote half of it...over the there. And the other half...over there."
ALAN SHOWING SONIA AFFECTION
"I love you...in a way."