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Jesus Christ
03-27-2005, 10:55 AM
John 20

1 The first day of the week cometh Mary Magdalene early, when it was yet dark, unto the sepulchre, and seeth the stone taken away from the sepulchre.

2 Then she runneth, and cometh to Simon Peter, and to the other disciple, whom Jesus loved, and saith unto them, They have taken away the LORD out of the sepulchre, and we know not where they have laid him.

3 Peter therefore went forth, and that other disciple, and came to the sepulchre.

4 So they ran both together: and the other disciple did outrun Peter, and came first to the sepulchre.

5 And he stooping down, and looking in, saw the linen clothes lying; yet went he not in.

6 Then cometh Simon Peter following him, and went into the sepulchre, and seeth the linen clothes lie,

7 And the napkin, that was about his head, not lying with the linen clothes, but wrapped together in a place by itself.

8 Then went in also that other disciple, which came first to the sepulchre, and he saw, and believed.

9 For as yet they knew not the scripture, that he must rise again from the dead.

10 Then the disciples went away again unto their own home.

11 But Mary stood without at the sepulchre weeping: and as she wept, she stooped down, and looked into the sepulchre,

12 And seeth two angels in white sitting, the one at the head, and the other at the feet, where the body of Jesus had lain.

13 And they say unto her, Woman, why weepest thou? She saith unto them, Because they have taken away my LORD, and I know not where they have laid him.

14 And when she had thus said, she turned herself back, and saw Jesus standing, and knew not that it was Jesus.

15 Jesus saith unto her, Woman, why weepest thou? whom seekest thou? She, supposing him to be the gardener, saith unto him, Sir, if thou have borne him hence, tell me where thou hast laid him, and I will take him away.

16 Jesus saith unto her, Mary. She turned herself, and saith unto him, Rabboni; which is to say, Master.

17 Jesus saith unto her, Touch me not; for I am not yet ascended to my Father: but go to my brethren, and say unto them, I ascend unto my Father, and your Father; and to my God, and your God.

18 Mary Magdalene came and told the disciples that she had seen the LORD, and that he had spoken these things unto her.

19 Then the same day at evening, being the first day of the week, when the doors were shut where the disciples were assembled for fear of the Jews, came Jesus and stood in the midst, and saith unto them, Peace be unto you.

20 And when he had so said, he shewed unto them his hands and his side. Then were the disciples glad, when they saw the LORD.

21 Then said Jesus to them again, Peace be unto you: as my Father hath sent me, even so send I you.

22 And when he had said this, he breathed on them, and saith unto them, Receive ye the Holy Ghost:

23 Whose soever sins ye remit, they are remitted unto them; and whose soever sins ye retain, they are retained.

24 But Thomas, one of the twelve, called Didymus, was not with them when Jesus came.

25 The other disciples therefore said unto him, We have seen the LORD. But he said unto them, Except I shall see in his hands the print of the nails, and put my finger into the print of the nails, and thrust my hand into his side, I will not believe.

26 And after eight days again his disciples were within, and Thomas with them: then came Jesus, the doors being shut, and stood in the midst, and said, Peace be unto you.

27 Then saith he to Thomas, Reach hither thy finger, and behold my hands; and reach hither thy hand, and thrust it into my side: and be not faithless, but believing.

28 And Thomas answered and said unto him, My LORD and my God.

29 Jesus saith unto him, Thomas, because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed.

30 And many other signs truly did Jesus in the presence of his disciples, which are not written in this book:

31 But these are written, that ye might believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God; and that believing ye might have life through his name.

academic punk
03-27-2005, 02:54 PM
Mazel Tov.

LoungeMachine
03-27-2005, 03:34 PM
The butler did it.

Hardrock69
03-27-2005, 10:37 PM
A Pile Of Bones!!!

BigBadBrian
03-27-2005, 11:08 PM
Originally posted by LoungeMachine
The butler did it.

Didn't understand the WORD, huh?

Jesus Christ
03-28-2005, 02:00 AM
Originally posted by Hardrock69
A Pile Of Bones!!!

Then where are the bones, My son?

For ye must remember that I did not even have My own tomb to be buried in, but was loaned one by a man named Joseph of Arimathea.

Of course one has no need to own a tomb if he only useth it for three days :cool:

bueno bob
03-28-2005, 02:26 AM
One has even less need of a tomb if one never existed in the first place.

FORD
04-08-2007, 06:38 AM
He is risen!

(and so has this thread)

Anonymous
04-09-2007, 07:05 AM
Originally posted by Jesus Christ
Then where are the bones, My son?

For ye must remember that I did not even have My own tomb to be buried in, but was loaned one by a man named Joseph of Arimathea.

Of course one has no need to own a tomb if he only useth it for three days :cool:

You're beggining to be a bigger asshole than your father.

Quit it!

Cheers! :bottle:

hideyoursheep
04-11-2007, 09:04 AM
Originally posted by BigBadBrian
Didn't understand the WORD, huh?
Very funny coming from a so-called christian with naked ass in his av.I guess you only understand what you choose to...cherrypicking the bible and the WORD, like everything else you've ever learned.

Fucking retard.

Jesus Christ
04-12-2009, 12:37 PM
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Kristy
04-12-2009, 12:46 PM
Of course one has no need to own a tomb if he only useth it for three days :cool:



Maybe so but you still owe death three days rent you cheapskate.

LoungeMachine
04-12-2009, 01:37 PM
One of my favorite parts of Maher's Religulous, was when he recited the 3-4 OTHER ancient fairy tales about the chosen son of a god who was found to have risen from his tomb after 3 days.

Seems like The Bible liked to recycle old scripts more than MGM or Paramount.

:gulp:

BITEYOASS
04-12-2009, 07:37 PM
Jesus should be glad he didn't have a wife :D

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bueno bob
04-13-2009, 12:49 AM
Well, now that the Catholic church is allowing for some Mary Magdalene argument, there may even be room to argue THAT...

One didn't usually address another as Rabbi unless said person was married, so...just sayin'...

:D

Seshmeister
04-13-2009, 07:20 AM
You have to admire the boldness of the bullshit though.

It's like the David Blane thing, lie big and you may get away with it. When he said that he was going to live in a glass box with no food or drink for 40 days some people were a little suspicious that he might eat something during the hour a day when a blanket came down over the thing so noone could see anything. Call me a cynic. :)

In the same way the Easter thing is kind of funny doing a switch so that having no evidence is your evidence.

Prove that your leader has risen.
Well there's nothing here.
I can see that, how is that proof?
Nothing no evidence don't you see?
No.

Then you wait 60 years and get your great grandchild to write it up based on 4 generations of Chinese whispers.

Also in the original books of Mathew and Mark no mention was made of the resurrection - that was added later. And then when it was added all the accounts in the bible contradict each other.

It's a B movie of zombie fiction. :)

Panamark
04-13-2009, 07:26 AM
Hey !!! :mad: I specifically remember writing about the ressurection,
(or was that the crucification ??) I know the Easter Bunny was in there !!!

Wheres Matthew when I need him ???????

bueno bob
04-16-2009, 10:37 AM
Funny thing is, my wife is a strict, avowed, dyed in the blue tried 'n' true balls to the wall take no prisoners atheist...and yet we still hide easter eggs and pretend a big fucking bunny hopped into the house and left the kids eggs and chocolate. Kids who are 9, 12, and 16 (meaning: old enough to know better).

I don't get it...

Seshmeister
04-16-2009, 10:42 AM
The bunny and the easter eggs and even the date of Easter all come from pre christian rituals.

I just look on it as a tradition and a bit of harmless fun like the Winter solstice Xmas present thing. The only problem comes when people try to hijack these ancient traditions and corrupt them into the Jesus myth.

Nickdfresh
04-16-2009, 10:45 AM
Right. It was a spring ritual full of fertility symbolism such as eggs and horny rabbits...

Seshmeister
04-16-2009, 10:53 AM
And as if the Jewish leaders would have people getting executed at Passover.

It really is a very silly story. If it was set nowadays they would probably have Jesus doing shit on Martin Luther King day or Mothers Day.

I bet it's really Hallmark that put the bibles in hotel rooms... :)

bueno bob
04-16-2009, 11:01 AM
And as if the Jewish leaders would have people getting executed at Passover.

It really is a very silly story. If it was set nowadays they would probably have Jesus doing shit on Martin Luther King day or Mothers Day.

I bet it's really Hallmark that put the bibles in hotel rooms... :)

Stay at a Marriott and you get the Book of Mormon...lol