PDA

View Full Version : How many 5 year-olds could you take on at once?



Dave's PA Rental
04-04-2005, 09:56 PM
I cant take credit for making this up...it's making its way around to some other message boards that I frequent, and some of the responses are just 'piss-your-pants-funny'...

Here goes:

The question: How many 5 year-olds could you take on at once?

The specifics:

- You are in an enclosed area, roughly the size of a basketball court. There are no foreign objects.
- You are not allowed to touch a wall.
- When you are knocked unconscious, you lose. When they are all knocked unconscious, they lose. Once a kid is knocked unconscious, that kid is "out."
- I (or someone else intent on seeing to it you fail) get to choose the kids from a pool that is twice the size of your magic number. The pool will be 50/50 in terms of gender and will have no discernable abnormalities in terms of demographics, other than they are all healthy Americans.
- The kids receive one day of training from hand-to-hand combat experts who will train them specifically to team up to take down one adult. You will receive one hour of "counter-tactics" training.
- There is no protective padding for any combatant other than the standard-issue cup.
* The kids are motivated enough to not get scared, regardless of the bloodshed. Even the very last one will give it his/her best to take you down.

rustoffa
04-04-2005, 10:01 PM
Jacko's demise!
:D

Dave's PA Rental
04-04-2005, 10:05 PM
I don't know...I think I could take out 4-5 of them with each clubbing-swing of my right arm...

Dan
04-04-2005, 10:28 PM
Bull-Rush,is the game the kids play at School when I was a kid.One kid in the middle and the rest running to get to the other side without being dropped.

I'm going to say 4 and I'm going to have alot of energy drinks before the Match.

GAR
04-04-2005, 11:18 PM
Gimmee 1 roll of duct tape and a wood chipper, and I promise you'll have no more of that nasty "alimony" problem. That's what this is all about, right? These are your kids?

DeadOrAlive
04-04-2005, 11:21 PM
LOL good one GAR!!! you get a vote for that!!

bueno bob
04-04-2005, 11:25 PM
Originally posted by Dave's PA Rental
I cant take credit for making this up...it's making its way around to some other message boards that I frequent, and some of the responses are just 'piss-your-pants-funny'...

Here goes:

The question: How many 5 year-olds could you take on at once?

The specifics:

- You are in an enclosed area, roughly the size of a basketball court. There are no foreign objects.
- You are not allowed to touch a wall.
- When you are knocked unconscious, you lose. When they are all knocked unconscious, they lose. Once a kid is knocked unconscious, that kid is "out."
- I (or someone else intent on seeing to it you fail) get to choose the kids from a pool that is twice the size of your magic number. The pool will be 50/50 in terms of gender and will have no discernable abnormalities in terms of demographics, other than they are all healthy Americans.
- The kids receive one day of training from hand-to-hand combat experts who will train them specifically to team up to take down one adult. You will receive one hour of "counter-tactics" training.
- There is no protective padding for any combatant other than the standard-issue cup.
* The kids are motivated enough to not get scared, regardless of the bloodshed. Even the very last one will give it his/her best to take you down.

All of 'em. I was a substitute kindergarten teacher for a while, remember, so I oughta know.

Figs
04-04-2005, 11:31 PM
47, mainly 'cause i'd be wearing a cup......

MAX
04-04-2005, 11:42 PM
Jeesh,

I dunno and wouldn't underestimate the little shits. Any of you who've had a birthday party with a bunch of five year olds running around your house knows exactly what the fuck I'm talking about. It's like a bus pulls up, drops off a bunch of midget rodeo clowns on acid and they're everywhere and into everything. They puke, shit their pants, break shit and then leave. I dunno how to describe it? It's like having a bunch of drunken monkeys running around the place and you cannot catch them. I'd prolly be destroyed fo sho.

academic punk
04-04-2005, 11:45 PM
Originally posted by MAX
Jeesh,

I dunno and wouldn't underestimate the little shits. Any of you who've had a birthday party with a bunch of five year olds running around your house knows exactly what the fuck I'm talking about. It's like a bus pulls up, drops off a bunch of midget rodeo clowns on acid and they're everywhere and into everything. They puke, shit their pants, break shit and then leave. I dunno how to describe it? It's like having a bunch of drunken monkeys running around the place and you cannot catch them. I'd prolly be destroyed fo sho.


TRANSLATION: MAX made them all take off their shirts and painted their nipples blue and made them all call him a bitch.

MAX
04-04-2005, 11:49 PM
Originally posted by academic punk
TRANSLATION: MAX made them all take off their shirts and painted their nipples blue and made them all call him a bitch.

Fuck you!!! LOL!!!

AP, ever since I started picking on Carmine you've become his antithesis and are taking out his vengence upon me.

Dan
04-04-2005, 11:49 PM
Originally posted by MAX
Jeesh,

I dunno and wouldn't underestimate the little shits. Any of you who've had a birthday party with a bunch of five year olds running around your house knows exactly what the fuck I'm talking about. It's like a bus pulls up, drops off a bunch of midget rodeo clowns on acid and they're everywhere and into everything. They puke, shit their pants, break shit and then leave. I dunno how to describe it? It's like having a bunch of drunken monkeys running around the place and you cannot catch them. I'd prolly be destroyed fo sho.

I know what you mean Max,Welcome to The Zoo.My Sister's kids are like that,they wear me out jumping on me,the name calling,be afraid people.They are all A.D.D..I go Home and I want to lay on the floor and cry.No just joking about crying.

Jesterstar
04-04-2005, 11:53 PM
I would not stop untill every 5 year old was bleeding from the ears.

bueno bob
04-04-2005, 11:54 PM
On a serious note, I'm going to guess I could probably go through, say....according to the parameters of the fight....8 or 9 before I couldn't continue. And to get that far, I'd have to use all of my old boxing, wrestling, martial arts background and military hand to hand knowledge, but I have to rightly balance it out against being REALLY out of shape and a fairly heavy smoker.

8 or 9 tops, and I'd have to work QUICK so that they went down quickly to get that far.

academic punk
04-04-2005, 11:56 PM
Originally posted by MAX
Fuck you!!! LOL!!!

AP, ever since I started picking on Carmine you've become his antithesis and are taking out his vengence upon me.

yes...it's almost like I'm alias...

ah, but I've already said too much...

Jesterstar
04-04-2005, 11:56 PM
They are only training for a hour. They are all going to be tired. Kids today are fat fucks who don't do shit. This would be a Blood and Brain Fest like no other.

MAX
04-04-2005, 11:57 PM
Originally posted by academic punk
yes...it's almost like I'm alias...

ah, but I've siad too much...


What's an alias?

academic punk
04-04-2005, 11:58 PM
Originally posted by MAX
What's an alias?


I dunno...maybe you should ask our very own SEAN HANNITY.

bueno bob
04-04-2005, 11:58 PM
Originally posted by MAX
What's an alias?

Didn't they have that big hit song "More Than Words Can Say"?

MAX
04-04-2005, 11:58 PM
AP with the body blow!!!

OUCH!!! :o

bueno bob
04-04-2005, 11:59 PM
Originally posted by Jesterstar
They are only training for a hour. They are all going to be tired. Kids today are fat fucks who don't do shit. This would be a Blood and Brain Fest like no other.

It'd be tougher than you think. Even against a much weaker opponent, the numbers can catch up with quickly, especially with those parameters to maneuver the hand to hand around.

academic punk
04-05-2005, 12:00 AM
Originally posted by MAX
AP with the body blow!!!

OUCH!!! :o


heh heh!

Revenge for all the posts I read by "SH" that made me smash my head into the monitor! Sweet!

Jesterstar
04-05-2005, 12:00 AM
We never said how many we had to fight.

MAX
04-05-2005, 12:02 AM
Originally posted by academic punk
heh heh!

Revenge for all the posts I read by "SH" that made me smash my head into the monitor! Sweet!


LOL!!!

http://hanna.pyxidis.org/pichurs/obey/sean_hannity.jpg

bueno bob
04-05-2005, 12:02 AM
Originally posted by Jesterstar
We never said how many we had to fight.

This is true. I myself could handle 8 or 9 maximum, but in order to do it I'd have to work really quickly and aim for the vitals...hoping that they come at me in an order that I could effectively plan my next three strikes and moves for at least the first 20 seconds or so.

Jesterstar
04-05-2005, 12:08 AM
See you've got to rethink the way you fight. Look at the way you train. Your only training for 3 at the most attackers. You have to accept any situation. b

bueno bob
04-05-2005, 12:14 AM
Let me re-read the parameters of this...

bueno bob
04-05-2005, 12:15 AM
Twice the size of your "magic number"...missed that the first time...

What is the "magic number"? That's a whole new spin on the affair right there...

Matt White
04-05-2005, 12:19 AM
I could take on an unlimited amount of 'em.
I have "deadly hands of Kung-Fu"!!!

bueno bob
04-05-2005, 12:21 AM
Originally posted by Matt White
I could take on an unlimited amount of 'em.
I have "deadly hands of Kung-Fu"!!!

You have the G.I. Joe with the kung-fu grip.

rustoffa
04-05-2005, 12:32 AM
The ritalin factor is nothing to scoff at.

You could always bust out a battle mace and a pop-rocks grenade launcher.

Fuck, they outlawed that pop rocks stuff.

Maybe a Pixy Stix bazooka? Is that still on the market?

MAX
04-05-2005, 12:36 AM
Stoff brings up some good points. What if the kids are all wired up on sugar!!! :eek:

tjvhou812
04-05-2005, 12:42 AM
Originally posted by GAR
Gimmee 1 roll of duct tape and a wood chipper, and I promise you'll have no more of that nasty "alimony" problem. That's what this is all about, right? These are your kids?

lol.........

Matt White
04-05-2005, 12:46 AM
Originally posted by bueno bob
You have the G.I. Joe with the kung-fu grip.

Believe me Bob, I'VE got the "KUNG-FU GRIP"!!!:D

rustoffa
04-05-2005, 12:47 AM
Originally posted by MAX
Stoff brings up some good points. What if the kids are all wired up on sugar!!! :eek:

Ritalin!

You exploit THAT with a huge sugar overload.

They'd probably turn on themselves or start tearing the gym up, then you just bash 'em with the mace!

MAX
04-05-2005, 12:49 AM
Originally posted by Matt White
Believe me Bob, I'VE got the "KUNG-FU GRIP"!!!:D

So you spank....... How many times a day? :p

Matt White
04-05-2005, 12:50 AM
:D You try livin' out in the fuckin' woods!!!

MAX
04-05-2005, 12:55 AM
Shit, I live in Suburbia, U.S.A. and my "maximus" is my best friend. lol.

Panamark
04-05-2005, 09:55 AM
Are you allowed to dress like Barney ?

MAX
04-05-2005, 06:14 PM
Originally posted by Panamark
Are you allowed to dress like Barney ?


Sounds kinky Mark, do you dress like that for Mary? :p

Roguesgirl
04-05-2005, 06:28 PM
If you give them a mouthful of poprocks with a Pepsi chaser, they might be dazed for a few.

But you need to move swiftly because when they come around they'll be wired and pissed off.

SweetSecrets
04-05-2005, 10:12 PM
From a teacher's perspective.....

I honestly feel like this alot. Kids are smarter than you think. I have been at the Uni. for five years now learning the psychology of their little brains....and they STILL get the best of me sometimes!

75 cent
04-05-2005, 10:39 PM
Most five year olds in my hood are packin' heat know what I'm sayin'?
I ain't touchin that!! Shiiiiit!!!

FORD
04-06-2005, 12:25 AM
The solution is simple:

1) 5 alarm chili for dinner the night before the battle. Make sure there's lots of onions and peppers in it, and no disrespect to Texas purists, but this kind definitely needs beans. Wash it down with a healthy dose of beer.

2) Eat some more for breakfast if you really want to arm yourself well.

3) Gas the little bastards :D