View Full Version : Whooooa, WhoooaaAAA, I'm still Alive!!!
academic punk
05-21-2005, 09:20 PM
Greetings my fellow Roth-maniacs!
First of all, a big shout-out to RG, MAX, RIKK, and NG for sending me PMs and messages wondering where I've been. Thanks! It means a lot!
So WHERE have I been?
Laid up in bed with the fuckin' CHICKEN POX!!! Yup, 35, and just now getting dosed!!! FUCKERS!!!
Even worse, I wasn't even laid up in my OWN bed! I was travelling on business when the outbreak first occurred. And because you can't get on a plane while you're still contagious, I had to stay in the fuckin' HOSPITAL for the past two weeks! AAAAHHH!!! Talk about a recipe for losing your mind!!! No decent food, no true privacy, no friends in the area, no INTERNET!!!
So as a direct consequence, I have been completely cut off from the world at large...now I'm out of my gig (freelance), I'm having a shit-time with my insurance provider b/c this all happened out-of-state, and I was out of my coverage area, etc etc.
SOMEBODY....HEAL ME!!!
bueno bob
05-21-2005, 09:21 PM
Dude, WELCOME THE FUCK BACK!! We were starting to get kinda worried about you...
btw, WE'RE AT 10,000+ BRO!!
academic punk
05-21-2005, 09:27 PM
shit...see what happens when I'm gone..? 10,000 and you're begging for eleven votes...what a world...
bueno bob
05-21-2005, 09:28 PM
Amazing, ain't it? Well, at last look, I was 3 away from the big 100...
BTW, I took post 10,000 :D
academic punk
05-21-2005, 09:32 PM
Originally posted by bueno bob
BTW, I took post 10,000 :D
I wouldn't have had it any other way...
so what's been going on around here? anything new? have you seen sith yet?
vanzilla
05-21-2005, 09:34 PM
Welcome back man! I was seriously concerned something bad may have happend. It made me realized how strong my feelings are for you. I think when you get healed, you need to come down to Nashville and move into an apartment with me.
Don't ever leave me like that again. I missed you.
WAIT A MINUTE, chicken pox? How old are you? 7?
I take it back. I could never love a man covered in open sores.
Unless it was bob.
academic punk
05-21-2005, 09:41 PM
yup...chicken pox...at 35.
After years and years of telling my mom and family doc that I should get the vaccine, and them telling me "no, no, you've been exposed, your sister had them, so you must've too", here I get my revenge...after a fashion.
Here's a conversation from when I was sixteen:
Mom: "Son, what would you like for your birthday?"
Me: "Chicken pox!"
Mom: "NO, don't be silly. How about a brand new Camaro instead?"
Me: "I really think it'd be a good idea for me to get the vaccine..."
Mom: "Tell ya what, I'll make that a convertible, AND I'll give you a state of the art computer."
Me: "But..."
Mom: "And an evening with MAX's goat. All right? Now shut up and eat your vegetables."
Me: "Awwwww..."
academic punk
05-21-2005, 09:43 PM
Oh, here'a nother li'l fun factoid:
The doctor prescribed VALTREX, the herpes medication. Worked pretty effectively, too.
(also something for the itch, but with a side effect that makes you feel - AND LOOK - like Terri Schiavo. Not pretty. At all.)
bueno bob
05-21-2005, 09:45 PM
ack!
nah, i gotta wait on sith til the crowds clear out...i'm clausterphobic.
academic punk
05-21-2005, 09:47 PM
Originally posted by bueno bob
ack!
nah, i gotta wait on sith til the crowds clear out...i'm clausterphobic.
If you're so claustrophobic, how can you stand to be surrounded by so many votes for ya?
I dunno? Sounds suspicious to me. :o
I still think you had a nasty case of Goat-Clap. :p
Welcome back fucker. :)
academic punk
05-21-2005, 09:51 PM
goat-clap, chicken-pox, pre-med, pre-law, what's the difference...
Welcome back A.P.Did you get Chicken-poxs on your balls?
vanzilla
05-21-2005, 09:56 PM
Are you in pre-law AP?
My wife's a lawyer.
bueno bob
05-21-2005, 09:56 PM
None, really :)
Nickdfresh
05-21-2005, 10:00 PM
Dude! Welcome back my man! I am happy and it is truly a joyous occasion that you have returned.
I was thinking that maybe you pissed off the RUSSIAN MAFIA, and was abducted off the streets of MOSCOW after you had mad, wild sex with the Ruskie Don's main squeeze. Perhaps you were thrown into a small cell and tortured by your captors, until you lure a guard by offering an stellar American cigarette, then snapped his neck, stole his keys, his AK-74R carbine, and then wiped out the entire cell of gangsters.
Then you liberated the Russian beauty and allayed her fears my giving her a passionate kiss, the only kind given when facing possible, even imminent death.
You both steal away and manage to buy your way onto a cargo flight to La Guardia. On the flight back, you promise her to be a kind and loving husband and to love and cherish her forever.
That is until you pimp her out by selling her into prostitution.
But your chicken pox story is cool too.
Welcome back ACP!:D
academic punk
05-21-2005, 10:05 PM
thanks nick!
unfortunately, the chicken pox weren't half as thrilling as that flight of fancy...
no, no chicken pox on my balls, thank chirst...and by the week mark I was so fuckin horny, but I had NO friggin' privacy in that damn hospital...and the nurses were horrors, one and all...
bueno bob
05-21-2005, 10:07 PM
You had no porn movie interaction with the nurses? Damn...kinda wrecks the fun of being in the hospital, doesn't it? :(
academic punk
05-21-2005, 10:20 PM
Originally posted by bueno bob
You had no porn movie interaction with the nurses? Damn...kinda wrecks the fun of being in the hospital, doesn't it? :(
yes, it does, my friend...it most certainly does...
(Cue the sound of either the wail of a harmonica or a dog howling in the background...)
Nickdfresh
05-21-2005, 10:27 PM
Originally posted by academic punk
thanks nick!
unfortunately, the chicken pox weren't half as thrilling as that flight of fancy...
no, no chicken pox on my balls, thank chirst...and by the week mark I was so fuckin horny, but I had NO friggin' privacy in that damn hospital...and the nurses were horrors, one and all...
So you didn't get any good sponge-bath action? You shoot a nurses eye out?:D
academic punk
05-21-2005, 10:31 PM
nick -
The closest I got to any of that was receiving a box of aveeno oatmeal baths from my mom. how sad is that?
bueno bob
05-21-2005, 10:33 PM
Oh, the humanity! :(
academic punk
05-21-2005, 10:37 PM
Actually, one of the nurses would come by and rub my back on occassion. and show me pictures of her dogs. one time she even brought in a mushroom and goat cheese quesadilla she made for me. which after a week of hospital food was BEYOND DELICIOUS.
Come to think of it, I never really considered the possibility that she wanted some action, b/c
a) I had a face full of open pustules.
b) she was no sandra bullock.
sigh...and the world keeps spinning 'round and 'round...
bueno bob
05-21-2005, 10:39 PM
Well, sometimes sacrifices have to be made, I guess...I'm just glad to hear you're doing better, bro, we were all getting kinda concerned about ya. In fact, I thought I had you traced down today...you should check the last couple of posts in the Sheep Pen and see where I was looking for you at.
academic punk
05-21-2005, 10:43 PM
Originally posted by bueno bob
...you should check the last couple of posts in the Sheep Pen and see where I was looking for you at.
Where? I just found that mesmerizing psychedelic David Hasselhoff thong underwear thing and feel the need to stare at that...for a...very....long....time....
bueno bob
05-21-2005, 10:44 PM
Last page, #10236
academic punk
05-21-2005, 10:46 PM
david hasselhoff...tong underwear...david hasselhofff...thing underwear....david hasselhofff...
bueno bob
05-21-2005, 10:48 PM
TURN AWAY, MAN!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, TURN AWAY!!!
academic punk
05-21-2005, 10:48 PM
whoa!!!! now that is one brillaintly named minnow supplier!!!!
all it needs is a little sign saying "deliviries accpted in the rear", and he's got my business for life!!!!
bueno bob
05-21-2005, 10:49 PM
:D
academic punk
05-21-2005, 10:49 PM
Originally posted by bueno bob
TURN AWAY, MAN!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, TURN AWAY!!!
HOW??? I'M ONLY HUMAN, AFTER ALL!!!!
bueno bob
05-21-2005, 10:51 PM
Hang on, I'll slap ya or something!
academic punk
05-21-2005, 10:54 PM
Originally posted by bueno bob
Hang on, I'll slap ya or something!
NO!!! I'VE STILL GOT SCABS ALL OVER!!!
LoungeMachine
05-21-2005, 11:01 PM
Welcome back,
Your dreams were your ticket out.
Welcome back,
To that same old place that you laughed about.
Well the names have all changed since you hung around,
But those dreams have remained and they're turned around.
Who'd have thought they'd lead ya
(Who'd have thought they'd lead ya)
Here where we need ya
(Here where we need ya)
Yeah we tease him a lot
cause he got chicken pox, welcome back,
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.
diamondsgirl
05-21-2005, 11:17 PM
Originally posted by LoungeMachine
Yeah we tease him a lot
cause he got chicken pox, welcome back,
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.
LMAO. Glad you're back, AP. I can close my investigation. :)
Wow. Glad you're alright, bro. We were all fucking worried. You seriously were a daily topic of convo around here.
:)
Matt White
05-22-2005, 02:13 AM
Good to see ya AP!!!
DAMN!! Chicken-pos, at yur age?!?
Ain't that some SHIT?!?
No Asian nurses either???
No "rubby-sucky"???
Harsh!:(
academic punk
05-22-2005, 12:13 PM
Thanks RIKK and MATT! It's not too late to hire me a nurse to rub ointment all over me, y'know!
And LM: Nice turn of phrase on welcome back kotter! Didn't realize you had that much talent, Kip!
Katydid
05-22-2005, 05:37 PM
Actually I thought Brueno Bob had you in the fridge.
Anonymous
05-22-2005, 11:07 PM
Welcome back, bro! We were itching to know what had happened to you.
Cheers! :bottle:
academic punk
05-22-2005, 11:19 PM
Originally posted by Imapus Sylicker
Welcome back, bro! We were itching to know what had happened to you.
Cheers! :bottle:
nice pun. ballbag. :(
Anonymous
05-22-2005, 11:25 PM
:D
I can be a real prick when I want to, ey? But seriously, hope you get better soon.
Cheers! :bottle:
academic punk
05-22-2005, 11:48 PM
yes you can. bless yr heart.
cheers!
academic punk
05-23-2005, 09:44 AM
off to the doc in an hour...
academic punk
05-23-2005, 02:51 PM
still fucked up. secondary infection thanks to all the scratching. whoopee.
Guitar Shark
05-23-2005, 03:18 PM
Originally posted by academic punk
Actually, one of the nurses would come by and rub my back on occassion. and show me pictures of her dogs. one time she even brought in a mushroom and goat cheese quesadilla she made for me. which after a week of hospital food was BEYOND DELICIOUS.
How fitting that you like goat cheese. :D
I hate the stuff personally, but I understand MAX is a big fan too.
Glad to see you around the boards again AP. :cool:
Originally posted by Guitar Shark
How fitting that you like goat cheese. :D
I hate the stuff personally, but I understand MAX is a big fan too.
uhuhuhuhuhuhuhhuhuhuh
Sharky you are an ---> :asshole: ;)
academic punk
05-23-2005, 03:22 PM
Originally posted by Guitar Shark
I understand MAX is a big fan too.
No, you're getting goat cheese confused with goat CUM!!!
Glad to be back. It beats the shit out of the alternative!!!
academic punk
05-23-2005, 03:25 PM
Originally posted by academic punk
still fucked up. secondary infection thanks to all the scratching. whoopee.
Yeah, I know you're not supposed to scratch, but, man, it feels fuckin' good while you're doing it!
Kind of like banging a beautiful broad with herpes...you know you're gonna regret it in a couple of hours, but there ain't NOTHING you can do to STOP while you're in the present!
Originally posted by academic punk
No, you're getting goat cheese confused with goat CUM!!!
Glad to be back. It beats the shit out of the alternative!!!
Dick!!!
Gosh, now I forgot how peaceful it was not having you here. It sucks for me cos it's like the site bully is back picking on me. :cry2:
Anonymous
05-23-2005, 03:31 PM
Originally posted by academic punk
Yeah, I know you're not supposed to scratch, but, man, it feels fuckin' good while you're doing it!
Kind of like banging a beautiful broad with herpes...you know you're gonna regret it in a couple of hours, but there ain't NOTHING you can do to STOP while you're in the present!
That's so true... unfortunately. But the way I see it, the need to scratch is like all other bodily needs. If you ignore them for a time, you'll kinda get used to it. I mean it. And having a hard on for over an hour is not that bad.
But seriously, maybe you should try a few alternatives. Isn't there any products that provide some relief or something?
Cheers! :bottle:
Guitar Shark
05-23-2005, 03:34 PM
I know that when Phoebe had chicken pox on Friends, she duct taped oven mitts on her hands.
I get all of my medical tips from terrible TV sitcoms.
Originally posted by Guitar Shark
I know that when Phoebe had chicken pox on Friends, she duct taped oven mitts on her hands.
I get all of my medical tips from terrible TV sitcoms.
You like "Friends" too? You and I are like sitcom trivia brothers.
academic punk
05-23-2005, 03:36 PM
Originally posted by MAX
Dick!!!
Gosh, now I forgot how peaceful it was not having you here. It sucks for me cos it's like the site bully is back picking on me. :cry2:
Cry me a river, bitch.
Guitar Shark
05-23-2005, 03:37 PM
That sounded awfully gay, MAX.
academic punk
05-23-2005, 03:38 PM
Originally posted by Imapus Sylicker
That's so true... unfortunately. But the way I see it, the need to scratch is like all other bodily needs. If you ignore them for a time, you'll kinda get used to it. I mean it. And having a hard on for over an hour is not that bad.
But seriously, maybe you should try a few alternatives. Isn't there any products that provide some relief or something?
Cheers! :bottle:
Was prescribed somehting for the itch, but one of the side-effects was that IT KNOCKS YOU THE FUCK OUT.
I'm serious. IT SAPS YOU OF EVEN THE STRENGTH TO CLOSE YOUR EYES TO GO TO SLEEP. YOU LOOK AND FEEL LIKE TERRI SCHIAVO TWNETY MINUTES AFTER DROPPING IT.
IT SUCKED!!! I THINK THE DOCTOR RAPED ME WHILE I WAS ON THAT SHIT...I WOULDN'T KNOW!!!!!
Carmine
05-23-2005, 03:41 PM
Originally posted by academic punk
YOU LOOK AND FEEL LIKE TERRI SCHIAVO TWNETY MINUTES AFTER DROPPING IT.
IT SUCKED!!! I THINK THE DOCTOR RAPED ME WHILE I WAS ON THAT SHIT...I WOULDN'T KNOW!!!!!
Thats is the funniest thing I've read in a while.
holy shit, AP!!
gotta catch my breath...
Originally posted by Guitar Shark
That sounded awfully gay, MAX.
LOL!!!
It did didn't it? OOF!!! :o
Originally posted by academic punk
Cry me a river, bitch.
Sit and spin bitch. :fucku2:
academic punk
05-23-2005, 03:51 PM
Originally posted by MAX
Sit and spin bitch. :fucku2:
I would, but truth be told, I've actually got some of these on the sides of me bum.
Makes crapping a whole new level of fun. Can't imagine why the defense department didn't consider this as means of torturing detainees.
is this too much info? just say so if it is...
Guitar Shark
05-23-2005, 04:16 PM
Originally posted by academic punk
is this too much info? just say so if it is...
so if it is...
;)
diamondsgirl
05-24-2005, 12:24 PM
So!!!
FasterPussycat
05-24-2005, 01:06 PM
A/p, so you like Asian chicks like mez and scotty eh?
academic punk
05-24-2005, 01:08 PM
Originally posted by FasterPussycat
A/p, so you like Asian chicks like mez and scotty eh?
Nah, not so much. More of an all-american girl kinda guy, me.
But if I AM attracted to an asian or polynesian girl, I guarantee she has to be SMOKIN'.
FasterPussycat
05-24-2005, 01:15 PM
Originally posted by academic punk
Nah, not so much. More of an all-american girl kinda guy, me.
But if I AM attracted to an asian or polynesian girl, I guarantee she has to be SMOKIN'.
Well, Asian chick can be all American girl...:)
academic punk
05-24-2005, 01:34 PM
no, by all american I mean blonde blue eyes bubble butt...
Or brunette, sandra bullock-esque...
Northern Girl
05-24-2005, 03:12 PM
Originally posted by academic punk
by all american, I mean blonde, blue eyes
Hey, that's me!! :)
Northern Girl
05-24-2005, 03:14 PM
I was 11 when I had the chicken pox. I don't remember it very well, but my mom said I had them inside my mouth. Obviously, wasn't too traumatic if I don't even remember. :)
academic punk
05-24-2005, 03:15 PM
I had a few inside my mouth.
they infect EVERYTHING>
the danger is if you get them on your lungs or - honest to God - on your brain.
How gross is that?
academic punk
05-24-2005, 03:16 PM
Originally posted by Northern Girl
Hey, that's me!! :)
what about the bubble butt? ;)
Northern Girl
05-24-2005, 10:02 PM
Originally posted by academic punk
I had a few inside my mouth.
they infect EVERYTHING>
the danger is if you get them on your lungs or - honest to God - on your brain.
You watch out for those infections. :( Nasty!
Northern Girl
05-24-2005, 10:03 PM
Originally posted by academic punk
what about the bubble butt? ;)
I have to say.........................................no bubble. :)
academic punk
05-24-2005, 10:05 PM
Originally posted by Northern Girl
I have to say.........................................no bubble. :)
I'll deal. ;)
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