The Guys' rules

[Bob_R]

The Guys' Rules

At last a guy has taken the
time to write this all down.

Finally, the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)

We always hear"the rules"
from the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note...
these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports.
It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.


1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become
null and void after7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the
Victoria's Secret girls,
don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don 't ask us.


1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.


1. You can either ask us to do something
or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it,
just do it yourself.


1. Whenever possible,
please say whatever you have to say during commercials.


1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.


1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example,
is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.


1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying,
but it is just not worth the hassle.


1. If you ask a question you don't
want an answer to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear.


1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear
is fine...Really.


1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are
prepared to discuss such topics as
baseball, the shotgun formation,
or monster t rucks.


1. You have enough clothes.


1. You have too many shoes.


1. I am in shape.
Round is a shape.


1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know,
I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
but did you know men really don't mind that?
It's like camping.

[Sarge's Little Helper]

The Guys' Rules

At last a guy has taken the
time to write this all down.

Finally, the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)

We always hear"the rules"
from the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note...
these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports.
It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.


1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become
null and void after7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the
Victoria's Secret girls,
don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don 't ask us.


1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.


1. You can either ask us to do something
or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it,
just do it yourself.


1. Whenever possible,
please say whatever you have to say during commercials.


1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.


1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example,
is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.


1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying,
but it is just not worth the hassle.


1. If you ask a question you don't
want an answer to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear.


1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear
is fine...Really.


1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are
prepared to discuss such topics as
baseball, the shotgun formation,
or monster t rucks.


1. You have enough clothes.


1. You have too many shoes.


1. I am in shape.
Round is a shape.


1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know,
I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
but did you know men really don't mind that?
It's like camping.

Oops. I wasn't paying attention. Tell me again what is going on.

[Hardrock69]

:cool:

[Hardrock69]

Originally posted by Sarge's Little Helper
Oops. I wasn't paying attention. Tell me again what is going on.


Sarge's Little Helper, you truly are an ignorant fuck....you never pay attention and you never know what is going on. Why dontcha learn how to fucking read....better yet, why dontcha go have cyber-sex with Arielle Bot, I am sure she has never been laid...
:rolleyes:

That said, I agree with most of the rules....though some do not apply to me, as in Rule # 1:


"Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks."

I like baseball, but ignore it unless the Yankees are in post season. I like football, but do not drool over discussing such minutae as formations, secondary pass plays, or who ran whut in under 8 seconds.

Monster trucks are all well and good for gearheads....but I am completely disinterested, as the outward appearance is that the audience for such things is the same as Pro Wrestling, a sport I despise and think is ridiculous.:rolleyes:

Therefore you are not required to discuss such subjects with me when discussing anything else.


Also, pertaining to Rule #1:

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

I have met gurls in my life who seem to think there are hidden meanings behind ANYTHING a man says.

"Hi how are you?"

"What's THAT supposed to mean??? Are you implying that for some reason I am not alright? Like you find something wrong with me? And you want to tell me in some subliminal fashion? So you can just walk right in and insult me to my face without me knowing it???"

Stupid fucking bitches....

***Note: I use that term when referring to psychologically defective creatures such as the one mentioned above. If you are a fairly intelligent woman with common sense, I will ALWAYS at least refer to you as a WOMAN, as I respect women who are worthy of respect. Actually I respect PEOPLE who are worthy of respect.***

And allow me to expound upon Rule #1:


Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

My own personal Rule #1 is: No means NO. If you tell me no to whatever (I want some pussy, a relationship, etc.), then I will say ok. See ya later.

Do NOT stand there and fucking whine. I have known too many chicks who say no, and then bitch about it later, saying stuff like "He must not have wanted it that badly" or "I wonder why he doesn't find me attractive".

This is usually followed or mentioned in the same breath as comments like "Men are such ANIMALS", "Men only want ONE thing", or "Men only want women for sex...." (Personally if there is no relationship involved, I will not be interested in having sex as without feelings/emotions, it is not worth it.)


I am intelligent enough to know the definition of the word "NO", and I WILL act accordingly.

I respect women, and if they say "no" I will not argue. If that is what they want, that is what they will get from me.

I think rapists should have their dicks cut off, and men who will not take NO for an answer should be crossed off one's list of acceptable company.


If you do not like it, or cannot handle that fact, then you have lost out. I had no relationship when you came along, so if I again have to do without one and the benefits/problems that accompany one it will not bother me at all, as there are 6 billion people on the planet, and approximately half of them are women (should I decide to seek out a relationship from someone who actually wants one).

The ONE THING that all of the above rules have in common:

RULE NUMBER FUCKING ONE: Do NOT play games. Say what you are thinking clearly.

***LEARN TO FUCKING COMMUNICATE.***

We are unwilling to waste our valuable time playing head games, guessing games, or otherwise trying to figure out the psychological underpinnings and semi-relevant hidden meanings in the things you say.

LOOK....if you want to get involved somehow, state exactly what you mean.
If you want to fuck, say so, and the sooner we can slam the Almighty Bone.

If you want to fuck around for minutes or hours (or even days or weeks) trying to drop hints, or otherwise obliquely try to make us realize you want something, you have wasted time we could have spent doing it (whatever "it" is) instead of talking.

For the most part, men prefer to lead a life free from stress, and a life without head games is a good life.

Lastly (but not leastly), their are always exceptions to some of the above rules.

All peoples be different, and all situations can be different.

Though a guy has to have some standards...

:cool:

[canadiandlrgirl]

Originally posted by EVH FANATIC
The Guys' Rules

At last a guy has taken the
time to write this all down.

Finally, the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)

We always hear"the rules"
from the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note...
these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports.
It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.


1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become
null and void after7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the
Victoria's Secret girls,
don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don 't ask us.


1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.


1. You can either ask us to do something
or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it,
just do it yourself.


1. Whenever possible,
please say whatever you have to say during commercials.


1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.


1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example,
is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.


1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying,
but it is just not worth the hassle.


1. If you ask a question you don't
want an answer to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear.


1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear
is fine...Really.


1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are
prepared to discuss such topics as
baseball, the shotgun formation,
or monster t rucks.


1. You have enough clothes.


1. You have too many shoes.


1. I am in shape.
Round is a shape.


1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know,
I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
but did you know men really don't mind that?
It's like camping. is that right??:confused:

[Hardrock69]

I dunno...it may be left....
;)

[canadiandlrgirl]

Originally posted by Hardrock69
I dunno...it may be left....
;)
LMAO!!

[OULUVROTH2]

The only rule I live by is DONT HAVE ONE! And for girls...your rule is not to put rules on US! Then its all coooool!

[diamondsgirl]

Originally posted by EVH FANATIC
The Guys' Rules

1. You can either ask us to do something
or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.


I kinda like asking guys to do something AND telling them how I want it done.

I've never had any complaints. :)

[Bob_R]

Originally posted by diamondsgirl
I kinda like asking guys to do something AND telling them how I want it done.

I've never had any complaints. :)

Where were you when I was single? :)

You're such a sweetie. I hope you had a good weekend?

[diamondsgirl]

Originally posted by EVH FANATIC
Where were you when I was single? :)

You're such a sweetie. I hope you had a good weekend?

I did have a great weekend, a busy one. And you? :)

[Bob_R]

Originally posted by diamondsgirl
I did have a great weekend, a busy one. And you? :)

A great and busy one myself. :)