John Holmes
08-20-2005, 08:50 PM
A girl who's friend o'mine wrote me this message last night and asked me to share it with other fellows:
From: "hdiliber" <priscilla.hunter158...@aol.com>
Subject: At work...Share it John!
Message-ID: <01bddcf2$821d5a40$9b349ac3@aol.ns.us.com>#1/1
References: <35EEB0FD.390B@aol.com>
I work as a campus safety officer at an Ivy League university, located, as universities generally are, in a very politically correct town. As it stands, much of my work involves dealing with nigs who wander onto campus while following the multitude of girls who attend the school, so I have more than enough experience with the ghettofabulous attitude the ******s in town exude.
Anyway, slow night in the summer of 2005, and I decide to have dinner with some friends at a local bar/pizza place just off campus. It's about 6 pm, and my shift starts in two hours, so I'm relaxing. There are two clean-cut white kids at the table next to us, eating a mexican pizza (very good) and daring each other to eat the habanero peppers off the top. Sure enough, they end up washing it down with several shots of pepper vodka, gin, and tequila. So there I am, around 11 at night, picking up some caffeine at the local P&C, when I spot one of the two kids from the bar. He has a 12-pack of Honey Brown in his left hand, and a 12 of Yeungling in his right, both cold from the cooler. I eyeball him, and he grins back at me, so I figure he's not nervous enough to be underage and I let him by. A minute later a scrawny niggress steps in line behind him, and I stand behind her. And then it starts...
The nig is on her cellphone, "damn, sorry Marvin, I'm in line and sheet, but eez takin' so damn long! ...shore thing... bye, Marvin." At which point she shuts off her phone. Tapping her foot, she starts complaining, "why you takin' so long, woman? I got sheet to do and mah people to see. Damn, takin so loong."
The white boy with the beer looks over his shoulder at her, and she glares at him. "Damn, boy, why don't chyou take yo beer to tha express lane?" He stands on tiptoe to look over the display and replies, "uh, the express lane isn't open, that's why I'm in this line."
She steps right up to his back, and I switch my soda to my left hand in case they get physical, and she bawls at his ear, "sheet, I know that, white boy! What the fuck, you think you smarter than me? I been comin' to dis place since befoah you was bohn! Now you fuckin turn around and hurry up in dat line with yo beer, unnerstand?"
I'm just waiting for him to blow up at her, but he just takes a sniff of her, wrinkles his nose, and looks away. And then, without pause, he cranes his neck over his shoulder, grins toothily at her, and lets rip with the longest, wettest, foulest fart I've witnessed in years. Peppers and liquor exiting in gaseous form all at once.
I literally gag from the smell, and I'm still ten feet behind him. The niggress hoots, flaps her hands in front of her nose, and exclaims, "oooooo, damn, boy, what the fuuuck!"
And with that, she scoots into the other register line. I follow, because let's face it, that smelled like shit, but I'm smiling, white boy is snorting with laughter, and the two bagging employees who saw the whole thing are crying from laughing so hard.
And you know what? I caught a whiff of her as she swept out of line with her groceries. She smelled worse than the fart. I do not envy Marvin.
Sincerely,
Priscilla
From: "hdiliber" <priscilla.hunter158...@aol.com>
Subject: At work...Share it John!
Message-ID: <01bddcf2$821d5a40$9b349ac3@aol.ns.us.com>#1/1
References: <35EEB0FD.390B@aol.com>
I work as a campus safety officer at an Ivy League university, located, as universities generally are, in a very politically correct town. As it stands, much of my work involves dealing with nigs who wander onto campus while following the multitude of girls who attend the school, so I have more than enough experience with the ghettofabulous attitude the ******s in town exude.
Anyway, slow night in the summer of 2005, and I decide to have dinner with some friends at a local bar/pizza place just off campus. It's about 6 pm, and my shift starts in two hours, so I'm relaxing. There are two clean-cut white kids at the table next to us, eating a mexican pizza (very good) and daring each other to eat the habanero peppers off the top. Sure enough, they end up washing it down with several shots of pepper vodka, gin, and tequila. So there I am, around 11 at night, picking up some caffeine at the local P&C, when I spot one of the two kids from the bar. He has a 12-pack of Honey Brown in his left hand, and a 12 of Yeungling in his right, both cold from the cooler. I eyeball him, and he grins back at me, so I figure he's not nervous enough to be underage and I let him by. A minute later a scrawny niggress steps in line behind him, and I stand behind her. And then it starts...
The nig is on her cellphone, "damn, sorry Marvin, I'm in line and sheet, but eez takin' so damn long! ...shore thing... bye, Marvin." At which point she shuts off her phone. Tapping her foot, she starts complaining, "why you takin' so long, woman? I got sheet to do and mah people to see. Damn, takin so loong."
The white boy with the beer looks over his shoulder at her, and she glares at him. "Damn, boy, why don't chyou take yo beer to tha express lane?" He stands on tiptoe to look over the display and replies, "uh, the express lane isn't open, that's why I'm in this line."
She steps right up to his back, and I switch my soda to my left hand in case they get physical, and she bawls at his ear, "sheet, I know that, white boy! What the fuck, you think you smarter than me? I been comin' to dis place since befoah you was bohn! Now you fuckin turn around and hurry up in dat line with yo beer, unnerstand?"
I'm just waiting for him to blow up at her, but he just takes a sniff of her, wrinkles his nose, and looks away. And then, without pause, he cranes his neck over his shoulder, grins toothily at her, and lets rip with the longest, wettest, foulest fart I've witnessed in years. Peppers and liquor exiting in gaseous form all at once.
I literally gag from the smell, and I'm still ten feet behind him. The niggress hoots, flaps her hands in front of her nose, and exclaims, "oooooo, damn, boy, what the fuuuck!"
And with that, she scoots into the other register line. I follow, because let's face it, that smelled like shit, but I'm smiling, white boy is snorting with laughter, and the two bagging employees who saw the whole thing are crying from laughing so hard.
And you know what? I caught a whiff of her as she swept out of line with her groceries. She smelled worse than the fart. I do not envy Marvin.
Sincerely,
Priscilla