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View Full Version : Planet-dissolving Dust Cloud Is Headed Toward Earth!



Matt White
09-17-2005, 11:15 AM
It is vaporizing everything in its path, astronomers say!

By MIKE FOSTER

CAMBRIDGE, Mass. -- Scared-stiff astronomers have detected a mysterious mass they've dubbed a "chaos cloud" that dissolves everything in its path, including comets, asteroids, planets and entire stars -- and it's headed directly toward Earth!

Discovered April 6 by NASA's Chandra X-ray Observatory, the swirling, 10 million-mile- wide cosmic dust cloud has been likened to an "acid nebula" and is hurtling toward us at close to the speed of light -- making its estimated time of arrival 9:15 a.m. EDT on June 1, 2014.

"The good news is that this finding confirms several cutting- edge ideas in theoretical physics," announced Dr. Albert Sherwinski, a Cambridge based astrophysicist with close ties to NASA.

"The bad news is that the total annihilation of our solar system is imminent."

Experts believe the chaos cloud is composed of particles spawned near the event horizon of a black hole (a form of what's called Hawking Radiation) that have been distorted by mangled information spewed from the hole.

"A super-massive black hole lies about 28,000 light-years from Earth at the center of our galaxy," explained Dr. Sherwinski.

"Last year the eminent physicist Stephen Hawking revised his theory of black holes -- which previously held that nothing could escape the hole's powerful gravitational field. He demonstrated that information about objects that have been sucked in can be emitted in mangled form.

"It now appears that mangled information can distort matter.

"Just imagine our galaxy the Milky Way as a beautiful, handwritten letter.

"Now imagine pouring a glass of water on the paper and watching the words dissolve as the stain spreads. That's what the chaos cloud does to every star or planet it encounters."

To avoid widespread panic, NASA has declined to make the alarming discovery public. But Dr. Sherwinski's contacts at the agency's Chandra X-ray Observatory leaked to him striking images of the newly discovered chaos cloud obliterating a large asteroid.

"It's like watching a helpless hog being dissolved in a vat of acid," one NASA scientist told Dr. Sherwinski.

Ordinarily, Hawkings Radiation is harmless.

"It's produced when an electron- positron pair are at the event horizon of a black hole," Dr. Sherwinski explained. "The intense curvature of space-time of the hole can cause the positron to fall in, while the electron escapes."

But when "infected" by mangled information from the black hole, the particles become a chaos cloud, which in turn mangles everything it touches.

"If it continues unchecked, the chaos cloud will eventually reduce our galaxy to the state of absolute chaos that existed before the birth of the universe," the astrophysicist warned.

Some scientists say mankind's best hope would be to build a "space ark" and hightail it to the Andromeda Galaxy, 2.1 million light-years away.

"We wouldn't be able to save the entire human population, but perhaps the best and the brightest," observed British rocket scientist Dr. David Hall, when asked about the feasibility of such a project.

But even if such a craft could be built in time, evacuating Earth might prove fruitless if theories about the origin of the chaos cloud are correct.

"A black hole at the center of Andromeda is about 15 times the size of the one in our own galaxy," Dr. Sherwinski noted. "It might be like jumping out of the frying pan into the fire."

Speaking under the condition of anonymity, a senior White House official said the president's top science advisors are taking the findings in stride.

"This is a lot like global warming, where the jury is still out on whether it's real or not," said the official.

"The existence of this so called chaos cloud is only a theory. Americans shouldn't panic until all the facts are in."

FORD
09-17-2005, 05:30 PM
So how's that Weekly World News subscription working for ya?

BTW, are Elvis & the Bat Boy still married?

Matt White
09-17-2005, 07:06 PM
Originally posted by FORD
So how's that Weekly World News subscription working for ya?

BTW, are Elvis & the Bat Boy still married?

HA! THought I'd bring a little entertainment to NON!

Almost as incredible as the actual headlines!!!

Hardrock69
09-17-2005, 10:32 PM
Haha...it is amazing that there are actually peeps out there who believe this shit!
:D

Nitro Express
09-17-2005, 11:01 PM
So that dust cloud is going to hit us before the big asteroid of 2018 gets a whack.

Matt White
09-18-2005, 12:51 AM
Exactly, exactly

EbDawson
09-18-2005, 10:35 AM
Originally posted by Matt White
Some scientists say mankind's best hope would be to build a "space ark" and hightail it to the Andromeda Galaxy, 2.1 million light-years away.



I call Shotgun!

thome
09-18-2005, 10:49 AM
I'm going to be rescued by hot alien babes in thigh high hooker boots.

thome
09-18-2005, 10:50 AM
The boots just came in the mail yesterday.

Matt White
09-18-2005, 10:51 AM
You rascal!!!

ashstralia
09-18-2005, 11:11 AM
Originally posted by FORD
So how's that Weekly World News subscription working for ya?

BTW, are Elvis & the Bat Boy still married?

gawd ford, some of your shit is even more

far fetched than this!

Jérôme Frenchise
09-18-2005, 11:28 AM
Originally posted by Matt White
"We wouldn't be able to save the entire human population, but perhaps the best and the brightest," observed British rocket scientist Dr. David Hall, when asked about the feasibility of such a project.

:D
This is where you can't take it for anything else than hoax...

Soul Reaper
09-18-2005, 11:44 AM
A Space Ark??!!

what is this...Star Trek??!

nice story, Matt, it's still bullshit

Jérôme Frenchise
09-18-2005, 11:50 AM
... and what exactly is a "rocket scientist"??:D

Oh, sorry, someone specialized in rocketry...:o

Anyway, thank you Matt, it's great fun!:D

Matt White
09-18-2005, 04:54 PM
My pleasure......trying to bring a little levity to the usual goings on..........

classicdude
09-18-2005, 05:21 PM
Read between the lines....they're telling you that you should max out your credit card before then. :cool:

fret_buzz_blues
09-18-2005, 05:34 PM
"acid nebula"?! Ha! No.

bueno bob
09-18-2005, 05:45 PM
I see my evil plan has come to fruition at long last!

Enjoy the days you have left, fuckers! Good ole Palps will be by to pick me up on the Death Star in no time...

Matt White
09-18-2005, 06:07 PM
You scoundrel!!!

Mr Grimsdale
09-19-2005, 03:58 PM
I've got my cock out.

bueno bob
09-19-2005, 04:04 PM
Originally posted by Mr Grimsdale
I've got my cock out.

Enjoy it while you still have time.

Soul Reaper
09-20-2005, 11:01 AM
You evil sod!

Mr Grimsdale
09-20-2005, 03:12 PM
i wish i could fly
way up to the sky
but i can't

Matt White
09-20-2005, 11:17 PM
"Fly, on your wings, like an Eagle,
Fly, touch the Sun....."

Cathedral
09-21-2005, 01:17 AM
So long, and thanks for all the fish...............

Soul Reaper
09-21-2005, 12:58 PM
"On your wings like an eagle
Fly and touch the sun"

bueno bob
09-21-2005, 01:06 PM
Flyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy................... ................

FLY AS HIGH AS THE SUN!!!!!!!!!!

bueno bob
09-21-2005, 01:07 PM
Starting...

Another prophet of disaster, who says this ship is lost?
Another prophet of disaster, leaving you to count the cost!

Soul Reaper
09-21-2005, 01:16 PM
"She's a Killer Queen
Gunpowder, guillotine
Dynamite with a laser beam
Guaranteed to blow your mind
Anytime"

appropriate?

Matt White
09-23-2005, 11:16 PM
"My bucket has a hole in it!"

Cathedral
09-24-2005, 01:27 AM
Incidentally, I'm alergic to dust.

Matt White
09-24-2005, 02:24 AM
HA!!!

I heard 2 DETROIT dejays mention this story today on my way to work!!!:D


BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!