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Matt White
11-05-2005, 01:39 PM
SAN FRANCISCO, Calif. -- A new cereal company is about to release the world's first breakfast cereal containing heroin!

The Purple Haze Cereal Company has just announced the national rollout of new Junkie Flakes. Each box of the cereal contains crispy wheat and rice flakes, almonds, granola bits, raisins and two tablespoons of heroin extract. It will sell for approximately $125 per box.

"Our market research revealed a tremendous demand for this product," states Purple Haze Director of Communications Eric "Poppy Fields" Cassidy. "We're targeting our promotional campaign to basically three segments of the public: Former hippies who are now upscale establishment burnouts, Alpha dog overachievers who will pay any price to keep up with the Joneses, and AM radio disc jockeys.

Cassidy reveals that the new Junkie Flakes have tested so well that the company has decided to expand into other foods. A Purple Haze research team is developing additional narcotic-filled food items, including:

• Corned Beef and Hashish
• Low-Fat Marijuana Brownies
• Pepperoni and Horse
• Tranquilizer Pizza
• Egg Salad Ecstasy
• LSD-elicious Stir Fry
• Carb-Free Cocaine-Kabobs

"The government and the Justice Department haven't hassled us at all over any of this," reveals Cassidy. "I'm not saying that has anything to do with our company president's generous donation to Bush's reelection campaign, but I guess that didn't hurt."

Published on: 11/04/2005

PHOENIX
11-05-2005, 02:31 PM
Great now i stand a greater chance of being mugged because some junkie needs to sustain his cereal addiction.

FORD
11-05-2005, 03:15 PM
Pass those brownies over here. Don't understand the LSD stir fry though. Mushrooms would have been the obvious choice.

FORD
11-05-2005, 03:21 PM
Seriously though, I think this article is someone's sarcastic response to an actual existing cereal........

http://store1.yimg.com/I/yhst-4212292548112_1869_2579961

.... and no, it doesn't get you high. Pretty good cereal though.


Hemp Plus Organic Granola Cereal

A crunchy, combination of toasted oats, rice crisps, and nutritionally rich shelled hemp seeds that add omega-3 and omega-6 fatty acids, as well as extra protein and fiber. A good source of dietary fiber with 4 grams per serving.

* Low sodium
* Good source of fiber
* 400 mg Omega-3 per serving
* USDA Organic
* 2003 Gold Taste Award, Quality Institute International
* 2004 Best Taste Award, American Culinary Institute

Size: 325g / 11.5 oz

Ingredients: Organic rolled oats, organic evaporated cane juice, organic expeller-pressed canola oil and / or organic soybean oil, organic brown rice flour, organic flaxseeds, hemp seed, organic oat syrup solids, sea salt, organic molasses, rice bran extract.

So don't smoke a bowl for breakfast. Just eat one. :)

DR CHIP
11-05-2005, 03:32 PM
So in this instance "Up for Breakfast" might be OK.....

:)

Matt White
11-05-2005, 03:42 PM
Originally posted by DR CHIP
So in this instance "Up for Breakfast" might be OK.....

:)

Explains what EVH was on when he wrote it...........:p

RuzDNailz
11-05-2005, 03:48 PM
Hey, you forgot one. How about a Pepperoni and Shroom pizza?

PHOENIX
11-05-2005, 04:31 PM
Originally posted by RuzDNailz
Hey, you forgot one. How about a Pepperoni and Shroom pizza?

Geez dont you think us Italians already tried that?

:D

rustoffa
11-05-2005, 06:29 PM
"Johnny....now you know you're too old to be curled up in the fetal position! Put your bowl in the sink and get your bookbag!"

Matt White
11-06-2005, 11:20 AM
"Start your day....in the "Arms of Morpheus""