Does anyone wanna hear about how I just fucked up with my BB gun?

[rustoffa]

It could be anything from a broken window to someone needing medical attention.

You decide, I report.

*hint*

I just turned the porch light off.

[LoungeMachine]

Will you be typing with one hand again?


I guess we've all got time to kill while awaiting the many review threads of the Gary Cherone "performance" in Boston tonight.


Of course this just begs the question........




a BB gun?

[Mr Badguy]

Is any of it admissable as evidence?

[rustoffa]

This was all about the poll results, and the majority wins!

So Friday is trash day, and every fucking week, I have to roll the trash can to the end of the driveway on thursday night. It fucking sucks....it wouldn't matter if saturday night was allright, it would still fucking suck. It's funny how the nature of some task/whatever sucking just draws even more suckage to the task/whatever, but it happens alot. In this case, the added suckage has to do with a crack team of raccoon mercenaries. Every fucking Friday morning, it's been napalm in the morning...turning the fucking can over...strewing stuff everywhere...you get the picture.

Being somewhat annoyed by this cuntinued critter terrorism, I decided to keep "an eye out" last night. Not my eye, the dogs. I had the brilliant idea that if I left the dogs locked in the foyer, (facing the driveway) they would alert me to any shenanigans @ the end of the driveway!

Whattya know! They did! They barked a few times and I grabbed the Daisy Powerline....

I crept out of the backdoor like a nam tunnel rat...just fucking recon shit. I got to the opposite end of the driveway, and all I could see down by the trashcan was sporadic movement...a little white occasionally...

Like I said, this is a fucking pump BB gun I'm dealing with....it's not like I can bust out the three-o-eight and rinse the culdesac in the blood of my enemies with folks sleeping and shit.

I had to make the message-sending shot count. Patience is a virtue...it's all about DISCIPLINE.

So the trash can starts moving around, and a tuft of something is clearly visible on the right side of it....I squeezed the trigger (pulling is for dipshits).

PUHFFFFT!

ROWLOOOP!! INGHT! INGHT! INGHT!

You guessed it, the dog up the street was onfire.....screaming in pain.

http://intranet.onlinesupport.ca/images/eastereggs/lassie.gif

Everybody loves that dog...hell, I love that dog. I love the fact that my phone hasn't rang yet even more.

Poor bitch....victim of circumstance as they say.

[Anonymous]

:rofl:

Shit, Stoff... how the hell do you do it? Seems you're ALWAYS fucking up in the most bizarre and improbable situations... and fucking up BIG TIME! :lol:

Have I mentioned you're my hero?

Cheers! :bottle:

[Ozzy Fudd]

LMMFAO !!!!

Almost as bad as me takin the boys out with their Red Ryder BB Guns.
Now me being MR Safety, wanted to show my 10,and 13 year olds how to shoot safe( cuz mommy did not want to get these Goddam things in the first place) So. settin up some targets around the back yard, cans,pencils, a (fat 3inch wide old tree limb about a foot tall snug in the ground) with a foam cup on it , and old playing cards strung up in the trees. what a shootin gallery we had, Quite proud of myself i was.

Ok boys i said now watch me close here is how ya do it. ( now the funny thing with these Ryder guns is its smooth bore gun so the BB kinds goes like a fast curve ball down range. you can see it go. plink got a card .there see guys i hit it (after 20 shots or so) you just have to get used to it. well the cant hit anything so i move them up,we were about 15 feet from everything (now i warned about NEVER SHOOT AT ANY THING SOLID because the BB might come right back at you. plink, plink plink, they were hittin all kinds of shit. then i asked if i could shoot ,here dad use mine, and i Zeroed in on the foam cup sittin on the dead limb i forced into the ground. plink..........Tick,Zipppp Uhhhh FFFFFFuck Jesus Jumpin Christ it felt just like a fuckin bee sting i was wearing my Kaki shorts and some how i missed the cup and hit something that sent that BB flying right to the head of my dick. mother jumper i was out of service for 2 weeks it swelled up like jonnie homes black n blue . and i never hear the end of this .

[ThrillsNSpills]

Somewhere , Timmy is crying.

[DavidLeeNatra]

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL !!!! ah ah ah...fighting for breath.... :D

[fret_buzz_blues]

:lol: Like always...Rustoffa delivers another classic story!

[Romeo Delight]

The kind of dog that would lose its own legs to save a human!!!

Fuck rustoffa!! Hilarious!!

Wait a week and then buy pest proof can

Then again, I want part II :" It's not a racoon its a pack of Wolverines!"

[rustoffa]

Originally posted by DavidFlamma
The kind of dog that would lose its own legs to save a human!!!

Fuck rustoffa!! Hilarious!!

Wait a week and then buy pest proof can

Then again, I want part II :" It's not a racoon its a pack of Wolverines!"

I saw Jessie, Bessie, or whatever the fuck her name is today, and everything's cool. She's not limping, or sporting an eye patch, in fact, she ran right over to me and I told her that I had no idea it was her the other night! She just jumped around and acted happy while my dogs tore the fucking veneeshan blinds apart.

It's funny you mentioned the pest-proof can, I rigged a cable tie deal up this morning. I went with the cable tie for one reason.

It'll piss the raccoon mercenaries off. They'll try to figure the shit out....their prying little hands....their insatiable desire for making my Friday mornings' a living hell........they'll pay, oh yes....they will pay.

They're out there....right now. Huddled in their little fucking hollow log or whereverthefuck they huddle......I hear them...they're fucking laughing. The laughter sounds kinda like a creaky window pane....laughter nonetheless.

I say let them laugh....that's right, let them enjoy their false sense of security. It will prove to be short-lived....irony will be thick when my cable tie plan "seals" their fate.

[Romeo Delight]

Originally posted by rustoffa


It's funny you mentioned the pest-proof can, I rigged a cable tie deal up this morning. I went with the cable tie for one reason.

It'll piss the raccoon mercenaries off. They'll try to figure the shit out....their prying little hands....their insatiable desire for making my Friday mornings' a living hell........they'll pay, oh yes....they will pay.

They're out there....right now. Huddled in their little fucking hollow log or whereverthefuck they huddle......I hear them...they're fucking laughing. The laughter sounds kinda like a creaky window pane....laughter nonetheless.

I say let them laugh....that's right, let them enjoy their false sense of security. It will prove to be short-lived....irony will be thick when my cable tie plan "seals" their fate.


Fuckers...I tried the O so clever cable tie deal.

Know what the hell-hounds did?...They fucking chewed through the bottom of the garbage can...a little every night, just enough not to notice. Then they have their secret access.

Yeah, they must pay Rustoffa...

[rustoffa]

Originally posted by DavidFlamma
Fuckers...I tried the O so clever cable tie deal.

Know what the hell-hounds did?...They fucking chewed through the bottom of the garbage can...a little every night, just enough not to notice. Then they have their secret access.

Yeah, they must pay Rustoffa...

They'll have a hard time chewing through the pop riveted sheet metal I secured the base of the container with.

I did everything but paint an arrow towards the cable tie. It's a thick one....like the ones' the cops handcuff you with. Make no mistake, they don't need an arrow...they fucking know what they have to do.

Bravado can make or break a motherfucker.......

Tic-Toc.......tic-toc.........

[Northern Girl]

:D

[sammysucks65]

bravo!