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Flash Bastard
01-25-2006, 11:36 PM
Just about everyone has a story or two about embarassing stuff they did while drinking.

Here's one of mine....

My aunt threw a party to celebrate her engagement and I was invited of course.

The drinks were flowing and the conversation was good. I slammed a few too many Jack and Cokes and soon found myself in need of using the facilities.

I walked in and found the cramped alcove where the toilet was located to be a little too cramped for my 6 foot 8 inch frame. Being a little uninhibited from excessive alcohol consumtion, I threw caution to the wind and aimed my pecker into the sink to empty my screaming bladder.

Midway through the stream I caught a glimpse in the sink mirror of a second door to the bathroom I didn't know existed. And peering through the door with disapproving, horrified faces were my aunt, 2 of her friends and my grandmother.

But I continued to the very end, ignoring them because I didn't know what else to do. I zipped up, rinsed the sink out and washed my hands. Then straight to the front door and into my car without speaking a word.

To this day when I visit relatives and ask to use the bathroom they politely suggest I avoid pissing in the sink.

Anyone else care to share?

diamondsgirl
01-26-2006, 12:51 AM
I was dating a guy who pissed on me when he was drunk.
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j/k....I just read your journal, Flash.


did I scare you for a sec? :D

Flash Bastard
01-26-2006, 12:55 AM
Yeah, you had me for a minute. My ex used to post here.

LOL.

Flash Bastard
01-26-2006, 12:59 AM
My heart skipped a beat.

Damn you!!!!

:lol:

NATEDOG001976
01-26-2006, 09:13 PM
I "Somehow" got a case of beer in a movie theater with my buddy's during "Billy Madison" in 1995, I was 19 at the time. After about 13 beers each, one of my buddy's decided to start throwing beer bottles at the screen, this pissed people off BIGTIME. We eventually got kicked out, but the Mgr wanted to take it further, so he called the police. We tried to run for it, the Mgr took off after me, he was fat and out of shape and I used to be a fast runner..I had such a big distance between us I turned around and started yelling "You fat bastard can't catch me..go eat another cheeseburger!!" The next thing I know I hit a patch of Ice and fell, knocked my ass out! The next thing I know i'm in the back of a cop car waiting for my mom to pick me up. The funny thing is my other friends got away. I pretty much did nothing but managed to get a minor consumption ticket. And my buddy who was throwing bottles at the screen, got away scott free..they wanted me for some reason...lol

Flash Bastard
01-26-2006, 09:20 PM
:lol:

It never occurred to me to take beer into a theater.

Maybe I'll get the old raincoat out and smuggle in a couple 40s of Miller next time.

NATEDOG001976
01-26-2006, 09:33 PM
Originally posted by Flash Bastard
:lol:

It never occurred to me to take beer into a theater.

Maybe I'll get the old raincoat out and smuggle in a couple 40s of Miller next time.

Dude, we were the masters at it. One movie theater didn't even care when we used to do it. Man, it was fun. Try watching "Clear and Present Danger" really fucked up...it rocks...lol

Man, I miss those days!

rustoffa
01-26-2006, 10:08 PM
I've got a few. I won't bother with the one where a friend and I smoked all this chick's pot and put her organ grinder monkey in the refridgerator.

This particular one has to do with a bonfire party and corn likker. I might have mentioned a side bar to this story awhile back. Some metal dude told the lady in charge of the music that the grateful dead shit was driving him crazy. Some fucker came to her defense, and asked him what he was "gonna do about it". He mumbled some shit about throwing himself into the fire and THEN DID IT!!!! He kinda just fell through it and looked all charred...that was some LOL shit. He hung around for awhile...think chimney sweep in pain.

Fucking moonshine.....

Anyways, myself and a few friends' started jumping through the fire later on...like wind sprints and singed hair. Being no Jackey Joyner Curtsey, I managed to take out this group of stoners with a less-than-stellar landing. A fist fight ensued, one of the stoners' resorted to biting my arm, and I started beating him with a piece of wood that was on fire.

Everybody got all bent and all of the sudden, I'm the badguy. They told me to get the fuck outta there. In retrospect, I guess I'm lucky to be alive.

So during the witch-hunt where everybody is telling me to get the fuck outta there, the people that I rode with hauled ass...they've been off the team ever since. Now, this wasn't a situation where I could walk down the street and use the pay phone....it was bum-fuck-egypt near the Altamaha river. I could still hear the laughter and woo-hawing way down the dirt road where my rides' car used to be.

Fast forward to the next morning.

I woke up in the bed of this truck with alot of m-t beer cans around me. Problem is, the truck had moved since the night before! It was like deja-vu all over again as I walked down an unfamiliar dirt road somewhere near Darien. After about ten minutes of head-melting walking, I decided to just go back and knock on the door where the truck was. Thirst drove me to that decision...I didn't care if they killed me, I was pretty sure I could demand a glass of water first.

So I knock on the door, and this dude answers it and starts laughing. He's all like, "babay! you'll never guess who it is....get in here!" This rotund redneck chick comes walking up wearing nothing but a toothless smile and goes, "id's tha fucker that hit the fucker with the log!"

They told me to come in, and just kept laughing...there were like three kids crying and a big fucking console tv and shit.

After like an hour of smoking pot and drinking shitty kool-aid, the dude finally gave me a ride to the Jiffy mart.

fuckhowardstern
01-26-2006, 11:03 PM
I was about 19 and at some keg party. I used to drink an awful lot back then but I was usually good about not driving home. I can count the times on one hand that I have driven drunk. Well, for whatever reason this was going to be one of those nights. I was really wasted - I mean seeing double. I only lived a few miles away from the party and maybe this is why I figured I could get home....but it wasn't meant to be.

It was a Saturday night and I got about two tenths of a mile down the road and something told me I was going to die or kill someone if I drove any further - maybe it was because the road was spinning. I pulled into a church parking lot next to an apartment complex figuring I would wait it out; yanked the keys out of the ignition and pushed my seat back - bad idea.

It must have been about 2:00 am and there were some cats partying and raising hell on one of the back porches at the apartments next to the church. Well after about 5 minutes I opened the car door and started to get sick - I mean the worst I ever had it - dry heaves and all. I can also count on one hand the times I have been sick from alcohol so I must have really pushed it that night. Well every time I would ralph, those dudes that were partying on their porch would laugh their asses off at me. This must have went on for about 30 minutes before I was done - me making loud puking noises and those guys heckling me, laughing and doing their best to mimic the sounds I was making.

Next thing I know its about 8:00 am and a cop is knocking on my car window with his baton. There is puke everywhere: in the parking lot, in my car, on my shirt - and the cop tells me that in about thirty minutes people are gonna start filling up the parking lot for their Sunday church service. He asks me if I need a ride home. I guess he was sufficiently impressed with my story of how I pulled over instead of risking the rest of the drive home not to arrest me.

Flash Bastard
01-27-2006, 07:40 PM
Damn dude..... at least the cop was cool.

fuckhowardstern
01-27-2006, 07:44 PM
Yeah its been my experience that if you kiss major ass and don't cop an attitude most cops will work with you on the stupid shit.

Flash Bastard
01-27-2006, 08:00 PM
Last summer I was hanging out with a co-worker..... a real stern Air Force officer by day, party animal by night.

Anyhoo.... we ended up at a local Hooters. He's pounding the liquor and I'm ordering all sorts of different beers, maybe 15 or 20 total.

My homie is getting trashed, trying to convince a Hooters girl he's a general when he's really a Lt. Colonel.

He's making an ass of himself so I politely extricate myself from the proceedings and head to my car to fetch my jacket, then planned to walk the half mile or so home.

So I find my beige Chrysler Sebring and try to unlock it. The key isn't working so I try the passenger side. No luck.

Suddenly I had a bright idea.... i'd unlock the trunk and climb through into the drivers seat but the trunk won't open.

So I'm drunk as fuck and pissed off because there's something wrong with my key. I kick the shit out of the drivers side door a half dozen times when I hear some dude yelling "What the fuck are you doing to my car!"

Turns out my car was parked on the other side of the joint, and this dude had the same model... and he's pissed and running at me with three of his biggest friends.

I had a split second to decide... fight or flight?

Flight it was, so I ran in the direction of my apartment but only made it about 10 feet before I tripped over the curb and slid about 20 feet down a grassy hill with the sprinklers on.

My pursuers were nowhere in sight so I just got up and limped home. Once I got home I realized I'd lost my keys during my tumble down the hill.

Dan
01-27-2006, 08:29 PM
Originally posted by Flash Bastard
Last summer I was hanging out with a co-worker..... a real stern Air Force officer by day, party animal by night.

Anyhoo.... we ended up at a local Hooters. He's pounding the liquor and I'm ordering all sorts of different beers, maybe 15 or 20 total.

My homie is getting trashed, trying to convince a Hooters girl he's a general when he's really a Lt. Colonel.

He's making an ass of himself so I politely extricate myself from the proceedings and head to my car to fetch my jacket, then planned to walk the half mile or so home.

So I find my beige Chrysler Sebring and try to unlock it. The key isn't working so I try the passenger side. No luck.

Suddenly I had a bright idea.... i'd unlock the trunk and climb through into the drivers seat but the trunk won't open.

So I'm drunk as fuck and pissed off because there's something wrong with my key. I kick the shit out of the drivers side door a half dozen times when I hear some dude yelling "What the fuck are you doing to my car!"

Turns out my car was parked on the other side of the joint, and this dude had the same model... and he's pissed and running at me with three of his biggest friends.

I had a split second to decide... fight or flight?

Flight it was, so I ran in the direction of my apartment but only made it about 10 feet before I tripped over the curb and slid about 20 feet down a grassy hill with the sprinklers on.

My pursuers were nowhere in sight so I just got up and limped home. Once I got home I realized I'd lost my keys during my tumble down the hill.

LMMFAO

Seshmeister
01-27-2006, 08:39 PM
That kind of reminds me of a story.

A couple of years ago I visited a friend on a tiny island off the coast of Scotland, population 105.

The week before I arrived there had been a big scandal. There is one road on the island which is about 2 miles long in a straight line. THey don't even have to pay road tax on their cars. There is like a ferry a few times a week and one hotel bar.

Half the islanders are hardcore drinkers, there is absolutely nothing else to do. So a guy had come out of the bar and was amazed to find that his car had been stolen. He called the cop, who was also the postman, registrar, ran the dock etc.

Phone rang out until eventually the guy answers. Jumps out of bed, the first crime on the island in years, finally a chance to make a name for himself. Looks out his uniform, puts it on for the first time in god knows how long, staggers outside and realises the car is parked outside his house. He was drunk and accidently stole it because it was the same color.

He had to resign one of his 6 jobs...

thome
01-27-2006, 09:01 PM
Place this at the End of the Thread


Hah! Pussies, I don't even stop throwing up till Noon!

Drunk, by Three pm.....................pussies!

Gimmie a couple Days to Sober up.

I'll think of one.........*hic*..........pussies!



:eek: :D

Seshmeister
01-27-2006, 09:39 PM
Lets get more specific in this thread.

Let's all share our swamping stories, i.e. pissing and defecation in inappropriate places...:)

Flash Bastard
01-27-2006, 09:51 PM
Originally posted by Seshmeister
Lets get more specific in this thread.

Let's all share our swamping stories, i.e. pissing and defecation in inappropriate places...:)

OH NO MISSUS!

thome
01-27-2006, 09:52 PM
I fell backwards In my barstool, Once! [the kind made of wood with turned spindals].

Almost Cleaved all of the Flesh off the Back of MY SKULL!!! On the side of the Shuffleboard..... Tables, Metal Edge..........
Every Day for Eight Straight Years!!!!!

Good Times!!!