The Jerk

[EbDawson]

The Lord loves a working man.
Don't trust whitey.
See a doctor and get rid of it.

[DrMaddVibe]

All I need...

[bueno bob]

CHAIR! :mad:

:D

[Terry]

Gotta jump down
Turn around

Pick a bale o' cotton

Gotta jump down
Turn around

Pick a bale o' hay

Oh, Lordy!
Pick a bale o' cotton
Oh, Lordy!
Pick a bale o' hay

[jslav06]

I was born a poor black boy.

[DrMaddVibe]

special purpose

[Nickdfresh]

These cans are defective!

He hates these cans, stay away from the cans!

[manwiththedogs]

St. Louis?
No, Nathan Johnson.

[DrMaddVibe]

I am somebody!

[flappo]

gratest film of all time !

[Unchainme]

THE NEW PHONE BOOKS ARE HERE! THE NEW PHONE BOOS ARE HERE!

[jslav06]

And that's it and that's the only thing I need, is this.

I don't need this or this. Just this ashtray.

And this paddle game, the ashtray and the paddle game and that's all I need.

And this remote control. The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and that's all I need.

And these matches. The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control and the paddle ball.

And this lamp. The ashtray, this paddle game and the remote control and the lamp and that's all I need. And that's all I need too. I don't need one other thing, not one - I need this.

The paddle game, and the chair, and the remote control, and the matches, for sure. And this. And that's all I need.

The ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game, this magazine and the chair.

[Take 'Em]

"Get away from those cans!!!"

[ThrillsNSpills]

http://www.scottss.com/BK/BKbernpeters.jpg




WTF !
http://www.millioncelebs.com/fcm/bernadette-peters/bernadette-peters-nude-01.jpg

[ThrillsNSpills]

"I'm picking out a thermos for you,
not an ordinary thermos for you.
But the extra best thermos you can buy with vinyl and stripes and a cup built right in.
I'm Picking out a thermos for you.
And maybe a barometer too.
And what else can I buy, so on me you will rely, a rear-end thermometer too."

[Terry]

Navin. I'd love you if you were the color of a baboon's ass!

[EbDawson]

Hey mister, don't call that dog lifesaver. Call him shithead!

[Terry]

How'd you find me?

I don't know, son. This is the first place we looked.

[Hardrock69]

Bernadette Peters was HOT!!!

[DrMaddVibe]

But I like the stuff

[sethfle]

You mean I'm gonna stay this color?

[flappo]

sir , you're our 13th customer today , you've just won a new oven mat !

[fe_lung]

Damn these glasses...


Yes Sir, I Damn Thee!

[bueno bob]

What a Larg thread!

I am SO PROUD of you all!!

:D

[Terry]

It's a PROFIT deal! That takes the pressure off!

Step right up and win some crap!!

[Terry]

Sir, I can fix those.

You can? Well, here, FIX THOSE SUCKERS! Da da!, bom bom bom bom

[jslav06]

Die, you random son of a bitch.

[jslav06]

I know we've only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like nine weeks and five days.
The first day seemed like a week and the second day seemed like five days.
And the third day seemed like a week again and the fourth day seemed like eight days.
And the fifth day you went to see your mother and that seemed just like a day, and then you came back and later on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other, that started seeming like two days, so in the evening it seemed like two days spilling over into the next day and that started seeming like four days, so at the end of the sixth day on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. And the sixth day seemed like a week and a half. I have it written down, but I can show it to you tomorrow if you want to see it.

[Terry]

Navin: Cover me, Mr. Hartoonian!

Mr. Hartoonain: You're covered!

[EbDawson]

Originally posted by Nickdfresh


He hates these cans, stay away from the cans!

[DrMaddVibe]

don't never, ever trust whitey.

[sethfle]

I've heard about this......cat juggling.

[franksters]

Well well well...

[ODShowtime]

Originally posted by jslav06
And that's it and that's the only thing I need, is this.

I don't need this or this. Just this ashtray.

And this paddle game, the ashtray and the paddle game and that's all I need.

And this remote control. The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and that's all I need.

And these matches. The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control and the paddle ball.

And this lamp. The ashtray, this paddle game and the remote control and the lamp and that's all I need. And that's all I need too. I don't need one other thing, not one - I need this.

The paddle game, and the chair, and the remote control, and the matches, for sure. And this. And that's all I need.

The ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game, this magazine and the chair.

I really need to go rent this movie. Why don't any of these old comedians do anything funny anymore?

[Nickdfresh]

Navin I'm hitchhiking.

Driver Where are you going?

Navin St. Louis. How far are you going?

Driver To the end of this fence.

Navin O.k. (he gets in the truck) I'm Navin Johnson. What's your name sir?

Driver Here we are!

Navin O.k. Thanks for the company. I hope I can repay you someday.

[jhale667]

How were you supposed to know it was Iron Balls McGinty? :D

[jslav06]

Originally posted by ODShowtime
I really need to go rent this movie. Why don't any of these old comedians do anything funny anymore?

Because they're doing amazing hit comedies like Cheaper by the Dozen 1 and 2. :rolleyes:

[Terry]

Navin: Shit.....Shinola


Dad: Son, you're gonna be ALL RIGHT.

[TongueNGroove]

Navin: Pay to the order of Mrs. Wilbur Stark, one dollar and nine cents! (he licks the envelope closed) Pay to the order of Iron Balls McGinty, one dollar and nine cents! (Marie walks in) Why are you crying and why are you wearing that old dress?
Marie: Because I just heard a song on the radio that reminded me of the way we were.
Navin: What was it?
Marie: The Way We Were. I get it. We've hit bottom.
Navin: No! Maybe you've hit bottom, but I haven't hit bottom yet! I got a ways to go. And I'm gonna to bounce back, and when I do, I'm going to buy a diamond so big it's going to make you puke!
Marie: I don't wanna puke!

[ELVIS]

Originally posted by DrMaddVibe
I am somebody!

No...

"I'm somebody now!"

[ELVIS]

"For one dollar I'll guess you weight, your height, or your sex. The most exciting thing on the midway. Imagine the thrill of getting your weight guessed by a professional. You can blow up your cheeks, you can stick out your chest, but you're not going to fool the guesser. How about you sir? Step right up!"
Carnival Rube: "Hey honey, let's see how good this guy is. What'd I win?"
Navin: "Uh, anything in this general area right in here. Anything below the stereo and on this side of the bicentennial glasses. Anything between the ashtrays and the thimble. Anything in this three inches right in here in this area. That includes the Chiclets, but not the erasers."


:elvis:

[ELVIS]

"Frosty, I'm no good at this."
Frosty: "Aw come on Navin, you're doing fine."
Navin: "I've already given away eight pencils, two hoola dolls and an ashtray and I've only taken in fifteen dollars."
Frosty: "Navin, you have taken in fifteen dollars and given away fifty cents worth of crap, which gives us a net profit of fourteen dollars and fifty cents."
Navin: "Ah! It's a profit deal! Takes the pressure off! Get your weight guessed right here! Only a buck! Actual live weight guessing! Take a chance and win some crap!"

[flappo]

Originally posted by ELVIS
"For one dollar I'll guess you weight, your height, or your sex. The most exciting thing on the midway. Imagine the thrill of getting your weight guessed by a professional. You can blow up your cheeks, you can stick out your chest, but you're not going to fool the guesser. How about you sir? Step right up!"
Carnival Rube: "Hey honey, let's see how good this guy is. What'd I win?"
Navin: "Uh, anything in this general area right in here. Anything below the stereo and on this side of the bicentennial glasses. Anything between the ashtrays and the thimble. Anything in this three inches right in here in this area. That includes the Chiclets, but not the erasers."


:elvis:

HAHAHAH

that's my all time fave bit of the film

fucking classic !

[flappo]

that film was the highlight of martin's career imo

his 'fair warning'

anyone agree ?

[ELVIS]

Originally posted by flappo
HAHAHAH

that's my all time fave bit of the film



I like when he pauses to read the card...

"Imagine the thrill of getting your weight guessed... by a professional".


:D

[ELVIS]

Originally posted by flappo
that film was the highlight of martin's career imo

his 'fair warning'

anyone agree ?

I agree...

Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid is good too...

[EbDawson]

Originally posted by flappo
that film was the highlight of martin's career imo

his 'fair warning'

anyone agree ?

I would have rather seen him do a Jerk II than a Pink Panther re-make. May be just as well though.

"This is like a ride".

[Terry]

They already did a Jerk sequel.

It was called The Jerk, Too. Starred Mark Blankfield (played Jekyll and Jekyll and Hyde Together Again, and was also the interviewer in KISS Exposed), and Stacey Nelkin (was the main female lead in Halloween 3). It was a made-for-tv movie in the mid 1980s. Very bad.

"Honey, don't bother me. Can't you see I'm drinking?!"

[EbDawson]

Originally posted by Terry
They already did a Jerk sequel.

It was called The Jerk, Too. Starred Mark Blankfield (played Jekyll and Jekyll and Hyde Together Again, and was also the interviewer in KISS Exposed), and Stacey Nelkin (was the main female lead in Halloween 3). It was a made-for-tv movie in the mid 1980s. Very bad.

Shit, didn't know that. Sounds like I didn't miss much.

P.S. Does Grandma still fart?

[Nickdfresh]

Originally posted by flappo
that film was the highlight of martin's career imo

his 'fair warning'

anyone agree ?

Definitely. MARTIN had an edginess at this point in his career which his later films would lack. Although, "Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid" was also very funny...

It seems that after 1990, Martin wanted to be liked and accepted by middle class Americans instead of wanting to make them feel uncomfortable like he had in the late-70's to 80's...

I think, like Jim CAREY, he also suffered from that comedian's disease of "wanting to be taken seriously as an actor."

[DrMaddVibe]

I liked Jim Carey better when he was called Jerry Lewis.

[Terry]

You'd think with the prices in here they could keep the snails off the plates!

[flappo]

Originally posted by DrMaddVibe
I liked Jim Carey better when he was called Jerry Lewis.

true dat

[EbDawson]

Originally posted by Terry
You'd think with the prices in here they could keep the snails off the plates!

"Bring us some fresh wine. No more of this old stuff".

[Terry]

Aw, man, can't remember exactly how the line went:

...."And bring me those toasted cheese sandwiches you talked me out of earlier!"

[Nickdfresh]

"Sir, you are talking to a ******!"

[EbDawson]

Originally posted by ELVIS
I like when he pauses to read the card...

"Imagine the thrill of getting your weight guessed... by a professional".


:D

[Terry]

Navin, I wrapped your sandwich up in cellophane, just the way you like it...

[EbDawson]

"Navin, you wanna come out and sing some blues with us?"

"No thanks. There's something about those songs. They always depress me".

[Terry]

Here's half a bottle of Lilac Vegital. That's from both of us.

[EbDawson]

Johnson, Navin R. Sounds like your typical run-of-the-mill bastard.

Die Navin R. Johnson!

[Terry]

You're not carnival personnel!

Hey, he's not carnival personnel!!