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Jesus Christ
04-11-2004, 11:48 AM
John 20
1 The first day of the week cometh Mary Magdalene early, when it was yet dark, unto the sepulchre, and seeth the stone taken away from the sepulchre.
2 Then she runneth, and cometh to Simon Peter, and to the other disciple, whom Jesus loved, and saith unto them, They have taken away the LORD out of the sepulchre, and we know not where they have laid him.
3 Peter therefore went forth, and that other disciple, and came to the sepulchre.
4 So they ran both together: and the other disciple did outrun Peter, and came first to the sepulchre.
5 And he stooping down, and looking in, saw the linen clothes lying; yet went he not in.
6 Then cometh Simon Peter following him, and went into the sepulchre, and seeth the linen clothes lie,
7 And the napkin, that was about his head, not lying with the linen clothes, but wrapped together in a place by itself.
8 Then went in also that other disciple, which came first to the sepulchre, and he saw, and believed.
9 For as yet they knew not the scripture, that he must rise again from the dead.
10 Then the disciples went away again unto their own home.
11 But Mary stood without at the sepulchre weeping: and as she wept, she stooped down, and looked into the sepulchre,
12 And seeth two angels in white sitting, the one at the head, and the other at the feet, where the body of Jesus had lain.
13 And they say unto her, Woman, why weepest thou? She saith unto them, Because they have taken away my LORD, and I know not where they have laid him.
14 And when she had thus said, she turned herself back, and saw Jesus standing, and knew not that it was Jesus.
15 Jesus saith unto her, Woman, why weepest thou? whom seekest thou? She, supposing him to be the gardener, saith unto him, Sir, if thou have borne him hence, tell me where thou hast laid him, and I will take him away.
16 Jesus saith unto her, Mary. She turned herself, and saith unto him, Rabboni; which is to say, Master.
17 Jesus saith unto her, Touch me not; for I am not yet ascended to my Father: but go to my brethren, and say unto them, I ascend unto my Father, and your Father; and to my God, and your God.
18 Mary Magdalene came and told the disciples that she had seen the LORD, and that he had spoken these things unto her.
19 Then the same day at evening, being the first day of the week, when the doors were shut where the disciples were assembled for fear of the Jews, came Jesus and stood in the midst, and saith unto them, Peace be unto you.
20 And when he had so said, he shewed unto them his hands and his side. Then were the disciples glad, when they saw the LORD.
21 Then said Jesus to them again, Peace be unto you: as my Father hath sent me, even so send I you.
22 And when he had said this, he breathed on them, and saith unto them, Receive ye the Holy Ghost:
23 Whose soever sins ye remit, they are remitted unto them; and whose soever sins ye retain, they are retained.
24 But Thomas, one of the twelve, called Didymus, was not with them when Jesus came.
25 The other disciples therefore said unto him, We have seen the LORD. But he said unto them, Except I shall see in his hands the print of the nails, and put my finger into the print of the nails, and thrust my hand into his side, I will not believe.
26 And after eight days again his disciples were within, and Thomas with them: then came Jesus, the doors being shut, and stood in the midst, and said, Peace be unto you.
27 Then saith he to Thomas, Reach hither thy finger, and behold my hands; and reach hither thy hand, and thrust it into my side: and be not faithless, but believing.
28 And Thomas answered and said unto him, My LORD and my God.
29 Jesus saith unto him, Thomas, because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed.
30 And many other signs truly did Jesus in the presence of his disciples, which are not written in this book:
31 But these are written, that ye might believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God; and that believing ye might have life through his name.

Big Troubles
04-11-2004, 11:54 AM
Hmmmmmmmmm......? And to think, I thought it was just another sunday today...Thanks JC! :D

Switch84
04-11-2004, 02:50 PM
:angel: :killer: Happy Easter, my Lord! I only have one request about Your special day...can't church services be a wee bit shorter?

I've already spoken with my pastor about getting a different dude to portray You for next year's Easter play. He couldn't act his way out of a paper bag, and was boring!


BUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!

Jesus Christ
04-11-2004, 02:57 PM
Originally posted by Switch84
:angel: :killer: Happy Easter, my Lord! I only have one request about Your special day...can't church services be a wee bit shorter?

I've already spoken with my pastor about getting a different dude to portray You for next year's Easter play. He couldn't act his way out of a paper bag, and was boring!


BUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!

Dad and I have a Hands Off policy when it comes to the content of church sermons, so ye might want to speak to thy pastor about that one. I will mention it to him as well.

Also about the actor portraying Me. Admittedly, I'm a little critical of such performances, since it is Me after all. Maybe this is one case where I'm not the One who should be the Judge? ;)

Panamark
04-12-2004, 09:05 AM
Your'e just cashing in on Mel Gibson !!! :p

Jesus Christ
04-12-2009, 12:34 PM
<object width="500" height="405"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/VbSnk1R31vg&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0x2b405b&color2=0x6b8ab6&border=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/VbSnk1R31vg&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0x2b405b&color2=0x6b8ab6&border=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="500" height="405"></embed></object>

Dr. Love
04-12-2009, 05:30 PM
Happy Birthday Zombie Jesus!

FORD
04-04-2010, 02:19 PM
He has risen! And verily, so hath this thread. :)

chefcraig
04-04-2010, 02:53 PM
He has risen! And verily, so hath this thread. :)

Posted with the wrong user name there, your eminence. ;)

Sensible Shoes
04-04-2010, 03:04 PM
Screw this. Where are my chocolate bunnies?

FORD
04-04-2010, 03:45 PM
Posted with the wrong user name there, your eminence. ;)

No, I was just replying in that KJV speak for the occasion. :biggrin:

Dr. Love
04-04-2010, 11:10 PM
http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20090413012518/uncyclopedia/images/5/5e/ZombieJC.jpg

Anonymous
04-04-2010, 11:13 PM
Pffft, big deal.

Dude pulls a trick & goes on & on about it for more than 2000 years.

Give it a rest already, Jesus.

David Copperfield made the Statue of Liberty disappear & banged Claudia Schiffer, but he doesn't go on about it.

Some people just don't know when to stop.

By the way, I am now a Glorious Beacon of Light. Says so in my little green dots.

I'll go on about it for a while, it's really cool. But I won't be talking about it in 4010.

Cheers! :bottle:

Seshmeister
04-04-2010, 11:18 PM
Your'e just cashing in on Mel Gibson !!! :p

A shitty remake of The Life of Brian...

Anonymous
04-04-2010, 11:37 PM
A heavily fantasized, shitty remake of Life of Brian.

No historical accuracy whatsoever, unlike the original.

Cheers! :bottle:

Dr. Love
04-05-2010, 01:35 AM
this should help you out next time zombie jesus...

http://bearsaresmart.com/b/or/bearsaresmart_com_92_2c91.jpg

GAR
04-05-2010, 01:55 AM
http://www.doobybrain.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/lamb-chop-puppet.jpg

uh huh...

FORD
04-05-2010, 02:57 AM
Well, we already knew GAyR was going to Hell, but I'd bet that calling our Lord & Savior a "jackass" will get him there even sooner.

I kinda feel sorry for Satan, knowing he'll have Hell's library forever polluted.

hambon4lif
04-05-2010, 03:17 AM
There are no computer privileges in the library of Hell...that means 'no Google' either. Imagine that...the "Clay Aiken" wannabe...helpless and clueless in the afterlife.

That would be a choice day to throw a party!:happy0158:

Seshmeister
04-05-2010, 05:49 AM
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conmee
04-05-2010, 06:31 AM
Sweet Christ, this is my new anthem for the month of April!!!

Oooh! I like 'em scrambled!

I think every 80s hair band cliche was covered in this tune...

That is all.

Icon

Seshmeister
04-05-2010, 08:21 AM
http://fffmks.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/jesus-zombie.jpg

Hardrock69
04-05-2010, 10:58 PM
The difference between Jebus and a picture of Jebus?


It only takes one nail to hang a picture of Jebus. :biggrin:

Jesus Christ
04-06-2010, 12:26 AM
That wasn't funny, My son. :(

Lqskdiver
04-06-2010, 12:32 AM
One thing I've noticed is that Jesus does not look Jewish.

http://static.fameball.com/imgcache/2/93/0

http://abish.byui.edu/library/libguides/francisl/JesusChrist.bmp

Seems like his likeness has been modified over time. Wonder what he'll look like 2000 years from now.

Jesus Christ
04-06-2010, 12:44 AM
Thou hast pictured the Mormon Jesus. They don't seem to like My Jewish roots. Oy...... :(

Lqskdiver
04-06-2010, 12:49 AM
Thou hast pictured the Mormon Jesus. They don't seem to like My Jewish roots. Oy...... :(

Well the "roots" in your avatar also seem to be showing.

And is that a nose job i detect?

My guess is there's a reason you had Luke as your apostle, since he was a doctor.

Nip/Tuck anyone?

Golden AWe
04-06-2010, 02:12 AM
Only Rising I believe in was made by Rainbow...

conmee
04-06-2010, 02:32 AM
My Jesus always looked like Matthew McConaughey but with a beard, longer hair, and usually had a shirt on (except during crucifixtion)...

That is all.

Icon

Seshmeister
04-06-2010, 06:19 AM
Seems like his likeness has been modified over time. Wonder what he'll look like 2000 years from now.

http://www.artofobama.com/wp-content/uploads/2806/Picture%202.png

Hardrock69
04-06-2010, 01:48 PM
That wasn't funny, My son. :(

Of course it was. :lol:


Beavis has more credibility than Jesus:

http://static.flickr.com/71/200559915_76ad470f65.jpg