The Dead Comic Thread

[LoungeMachine]

I really miss the 80's hey day of stand up, as well as the classic icons since departed like Lenny Bruce and Richard Pryor.

I was throwing away some old VHS, and came across a tape of George Miller on Letterman, who I got to meet at Giggles in the U-district back in the day.

He had a great bit about the old Diet Coke commercial.

Remember the line?


Why do people drink Diet Coke?



George had a great answer.


I know why people drink Diet Coke.



They're fat, and they're thirsty.



Please post your favorite dead comic one liner or bit here.

We could use a few laughs these days.......:cool:

[EAT MY ASSHOLE]

he ain;t dead, but he hasn't been funny in years, and this quote is more relevant today than ever. Even better, it was his OPENING line from a sold-out gig at Carnegie Hall. I mean, WHERE do you go when you start out with:

"Ever notice the women who are most against abortion are women you wouldn't even want to fuck in the first place?"

[Unchainme]

George Carlin had a few grate lines back in the day (He's Not Dead though.)

How Can White People Have The Blues, What? Bannana Republic Run out Of Khaki's?

:D
Guess He's never heard Of Stevie Ray Vaughan.

[LoungeMachine]

Originally posted by EAT MY ASSHOLE
he ain;t dead, but he hasn't been funny in years, and this quote is more relevant today than ever. Even better, it was his OPENING line from a sold-out gig at Carnegie Hall. I mean, WHERE do you go when you start out with:

"Ever notice the women who are most against abortion are women you wouldn't even want to fuck in the first place?"

sounds like Chris Rock.

who is it?

[Unchainme]

Originally posted by EAT MY ASSHOLE
"Ever notice the women who are most against abortion are women you wouldn't even want to fuck in the first place?"

:D, It's True too.

[LoungeMachine]

Originally posted by Unchainme
George Carlin had a few grate lines back in the day (He's Not Dead though.)

How Can White People Have The Blues, What? Bannana Republic Run out Of Khaki's?

:D
Guess He's never heard Of Stevie Ray Vaughan.


You do understand what dead means, right?


Jesus you 2..........I put DEAD in the fucking thread title.:rolleyes:


Oh well.....

[Unchainme]

Originally posted by LoungeMachine
You do understand what dead means, right?


Jesus you 2..........I put DEAD in the fucking thread title.:rolleyes:


Oh well.....

Well ever since Joey "Died" the word has taken on a new meaning. :)

[EAT MY ASSHOLE]

I DID say that his humor has been dead for years....

(sorta like if someone said "name some great One-Hit Wonder artists who are dead" I would IMMEDIATELY put YOU in that there list, Kip. And rightfully so.) :) :) :)

[LoungeMachine]

Originally posted by EAT MY ASSHOLE
I DID say that his humor has been dead for years....

Who's?????

Jeezuz:rolleyes:

LMMFAO

[Unchainme]

Here's something that Richard Pryor said to Eddie Murphy on the phone about Bill Cosby Calling Him up. That Eddie used in RAW.

Eddie Murphy: Richard said, "The next time the motherfucker call, tell him I said, "Suck *my* dick." I don't give a fuck. Whatever the fuck make the people laugh, say that shit. Do the people laugh when you say what you say?" I said, "Yes." He said, "Do you get paid?" I said, "Yes." He said, "Well, tell Bill I said have a Coke and a smile and shut the fuck up. Jello pudding-eating motherfucker."

(Does This Count?)

[EAT MY ASSHOLE]

Richard Pryor will always and forever be THE KING.

See if you can guess who this one is:

(pretending to talk to an Ethiopian)

"Look at this, yeah, you know what this is? It's saaaand, yeah, that's right, saaaand. You know what it's gonna be in thirty years? IT'S GONNA BE SAND!!! FUCKING SAND!!! MOVE!!!! MOVE WHERE YOU CAN PLANT SOMETHING AND GROW SOME FOOD!!!! YOU LIVE IN THE FUCKING DESERT!!!! AAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

[EAT MY ASSHOLE]

WHOOPS, i thought you all guessed it...it was indeed the aforementioned george carlin on the abortion joke.

[LoungeMachine]

Originally posted by EAT MY ASSHOLE
Richard Pryor will always and forever be THE KING.

See if you can guess who this one is:

(pretending to talk to an Ethiopian)

"Look at this, yeah, you know what this is? It's saaaand, yeah, that's right, saaaand. You know what it's gonna be in thirty years? IT'S GONNA BE SAND!!! FUCKING SAND!!! MOVE!!!! MOVE WHERE YOU CAN PLANT SOMETHING AND GROW SOME FOOD!!!! YOU LIVE IN THE FUCKING DESERT!!!! AAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!"


It's Sam :cool:

[EAT MY ASSHOLE]

Originally posted by LoungeMachine
It's Sam :cool:

Swish...

Another, different comic (actually, he was more of a comedic actor)

"It takes a big man to cry. And an even bigger man to laugh at that man."

[sisca]

Bill Hicks:
" ive been on what i call my flying saucer tour, which means , like flying saucers, i too have been appearing in small southern towns in front of handfuls of hillbillies...."

on david koresh:
"turns out koresh was a failed rock musician who loved guns and pussy, and had a messiah complex. sounds like every one of my friends in Austin! im just waiting for Will Sexton to open up a compound!"

[ThrillsNSpills]

A girl phoned me the other day and said "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.

Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide." He told me from now on I have to pay in advance

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt because he leaves a pyramid in every room.

One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.

I had a lot of pimples too. One day I fell asleep in a library. I woke up and a blind man was reading my face.

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!"

[DlocRoth]

Originally posted by sisca
Bill Hicks:
" ive been on what i call my flying saucer tour, which means , like flying saucers, i too have been appearing in small southern towns in front of handfuls of hillbillies...."

on david koresh:
"turns out koresh was a failed rock musician who loved guns and pussy, and had a messiah complex. sounds like every one of my friends in Austin! im just waiting for Will Sexton to open up a compound!"


There's the king......

No offense to Richard.....

[sisca]

Originally posted by DlocRoth
There's the king......

No offense to Richard..... right on, man. Bill Hicks is one of , if the most, underrated comic. taken WAY too soon.

" just once id like to hear a positive news story about drugs. its always the same one, you know the one-"young man drops acid, thinks he can fly, jumps off a building. what a tragedy." what a dick, man! why ruin it for the rest of us cause youre a fuckin doorknob? this is the one i wanna hear: " young man drops acid and realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, moving subjectively within each other, life is only a dream and were the imagination of ourselves. heres tom with the weather!"

[DlocRoth]

:lol:

He was definitely the man.

Rip off artists like Denis Leary should put Hick's family in his will.

Here's a 5 star for recognizing the man.

[fe_lung]

Originally posted by EAT MY ASSHOLE
he ain;t dead, but he hasn't been funny in years,

What are you smoking? Carlins last few shows have been some of his best. You Are All Diseased rules!

[fe_lung]

"I won't say which hotel I'm staying at but there are two trees involved...." Mitch Hedberg.

[fe_lung]

Dennis Miller lost his sense of humor in 2001 - does that count?