My dog tried to kill a bunch of beaver in front of the neighborhood kids earlier.

[rustoffa]

So I was walking my dog when I got home from work earlier, and he ended up trying to kill a whole family of Beavers...in front of the neighborhood kids.

Across the street from my house, there's this section of woods that backs up to the cuntmunity center....this place is like the afternoon hang out for all the neighborhood kids. It's also strategically located on the shoreline of the neighborhood lake. There's a decent size spring that feeds this lake that also separates the section of woods from the cuntmunity center. I had no idea a family of beavers had been trying to dam it up before today. Long story short, they might be re-thinking their efforts.

Can you imagine the feeling you might have if you saw your car rolling down a hill after you left the emergency brake off? That's exactly how I felt when my dog snatched the leash clean out out of my hand....headed for destruction I knew nothing about. I ran as fast as I possibly could....just screaming his name to no avail. The next screaming I heard was all the kids.

When I finally made it to the spring that leads to the lake, it had been turned into a whirlpool of K-9 scortched-spring policy. That's right, my dog was trying to tear apart the Beaver dam!!!!

I jumped into the water and frantically swam over to the dam. Unbelievable...the fucker was biting, digging, spitting...just hell on four legs. I finally put the sonofabitch in some sort of headlock and slowly swam back towards the woods as the kids cuntinued to scream. This was NO small task.

After expending every possible ounce of human energy to secure the dog, the kids screams became suddenly clearer.

"LET HIM GO!!! WAAAAAAAGHHHH!!!"

"YOU FUCKING SUCK!!!"

""HAHAHAHAHAHA!! YOU DUMBASS!!! ARE YOU COLD??!!!"

I felt pretty humiliated @ that point, and almost turned the sonofabitch loose....

No calls so far.

[Julius]

This confirms my lifelong suspicion: Everyone likes a wet beaver.

[Douglas T.]

Reminds me of the time my dog brought home what was left of the neighbors cat! I think he wanted me to put the left over half in the freezer! :cool:

[Douglas T.]

Just kiddin' he did have the poor thing scared up a tree and blood was runnin' down the tree. Crazed thing wouldn't come down. It was gone the next morning. never saw it again. keeper snatched one of the neighbors chikin's and was running down the street with it in his mouth! That's about the time he got relocated to my shop! Big brindel bulldog? I don't know what dog you are talking about!?!

[Douglas T.]

Beavers build pretty tough structures. How'd the ol' boy do with the demo?

[Ally_Kat]

Originally posted by rustoffa
""HAHAHAHAHAHA!! YOU DUMBASS!!! ARE YOU COLD??!!!"


LMAO! Smart-assed kid. You shoulda asked the kid if he wanted you to sic the dog on him.

[Douglas T.]

Glad the pooch had a hunger for beaver and not little boys!

[DlocRoth]

Originally posted by Douglas T.
Glad the pooch had a hunger for beaver and not little boys!


Sounds like me.

[Hardrock69]

Originally posted by Douglas T.
Glad the pooch had a hunger for beaver and not little boys!




Like Joe Thudner....

[ThrillsNSpills]

You're gonna need a stronger leash for that chihuahua !

[Seshmeister]

Question :


Is it haram or even undesireable for us to touch dogs? I have heard many Muslims say that dogs are dirty and Satan has spit on them. Also, that if we do touch a dog, we have to wash our hands several times. I haven't been able to find anything concerning this in the Qur'an, Hadith, or Islamic books. Please help.

Answer :

Praise be to Allaah.

The answer to this question is twofold:

1 – The ruling on keeping a dog.

It is haraam to keep a dog unless it is for the purposes for which Islam permits keeping dogs. Whoever keeps a dog – except a dog for hunting or farming – his reward will decrease each day by one or two qeeraats.

It was narrated that Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: ‘Whoever keeps a dog, except a dog that is trained for hunting or a dog for herding livestock, his reward will decrease each day by two qeeraats.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5059; Muslim, 2941; according to another version narrated by them both, “one qeeraat”).

The word qeeraat refers to a large amount of reward; if a person’s reward decreases by one qeeraat, that means that he is sinning, for losing reward is like earning sin, both indicate that something is haraam because of the consequences it leads to.

The impurity of dogs is the greatest of animal impurities. The impurity of a dog can only be removed by washing seven times, one of which should be with earth. Even pigs, which the Qur’aan states are haraam and describes as an abomination (rijs) are not naajis (impure) to such an extent.

Dogs are impure and filthy, but unfortunately we find that some people are attracted to the ways of the kuffaar and their filthy habits, so they have started to keep dogs unnecessarily for no reason, keeping them, training them and cleaning them even though they can never be clean, even if they were washed with the waters of the ocean, because they are essentially impure.

Our advice to them is to repent to Allaah and to get the dogs out of their homes.

But in the case of dogs which are needed for hunting, farming and herding livestock, there is nothing wrong with that because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) gave permission for that. If you throw this dog out of your house, you will no longer be responsible for it, so do not keep it with you.

2 – The ruling on touching a dog

If you touch it when it is not wet, then your hand does not become impure, but if you touch it when it is wet, this means that the hand becomes impure, according to the opinion of many scholars, and the hand must be washed seven times, one of which should be with earth.

With regard to vessels, if a dog has licked a vessel (i.e., drunk from it), then the vessel must be washed seven times, one of which should be with earth, as was proven in al-Saheehayn and elsewhere, in the hadeeth narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) who said that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If a dog licks the vessel of any one of you, let him wash it seven times, one of which should be with earth.” It is better if the washing with earth be the first washing. And Allaah knows best.

See Majmoo’ Fataawa al-Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Uthaymeen, 11/246; Fataawa Islamiyyah, 4/447.



Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)

[Seshmeister]

I wonder how many queer rats I lost today...:)

Fucking loonies..

[Douglas T.]

No wonder some folks freak out when they come to my shop! One lady said that in her country dogs are considered beast and savages! I told her at least they don't fly airplanes into buildings!

[Seshmeister]

Some do...:)

http://www.silentwingsairshows.com/muttley.jpg

[Seshmeister]

I wouldn't go so far as to call a dog filthy but they're definitely dirty. But, a dog's got personality. Personality goes a long way.

[Douglas T.]

There is a DOG saving a life every minute of every day!

[Douglas T.]

:cool:

[flappo]

muttley's a faakin liar

where would he be without his dick ?

[Nickdfresh]

"cuntmunity center"

No wonder why there was so much beaver there!

[rustoffa]

Damn, this thread took on a life of it's own!

So when I got home earlier, there was a somewhat cryptic message on the voice mail.

"Hey, this is _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _, I wanted to ask you about the incident at the lake yesterday. If you could give me a call.......(yadda-yadda)

Apparently, this was the president of the neighborhood cuntmittee or whatever. Anyway, I called expecting some sort of threatening finger-waving, and was pleasantly surprised!

The fucker told me that they (the cuntmittee) were in the process of hiring professional trappers' to get the Beavers' in check! I was all like, "I didn't know there was a Beaver problem until yesterday." He laughed about how the kids got a kick out of the whole debacle and shit. I'm like, "yeah, they were really whooping it up...they were calling me a dumbass and yelling motherfucker at the top of their lungs." He said some shit about how they were gonna cut down on the kids hanging out over there or whatever.

I made up some shit about how I always see the kids smoking drugs over there...I was all like, "aww...kids' 'ell be kids....they'll grow out of it."

LMFAO, he hung up in a hurry.

[Ozzy Fudd]

Another Great one from bob LMAO

[Hardrock69]

LMFAO!!!

Rust..dat be a grate storee....

That is one reason I will NEVER live in some neighborhood with a fucking "Gestapo Homeland Neighborhood Watch Committee".

Though I am sure there are some kinda benefits to having one (though I cannot think of any offhand), if some fat bastard was ever to tell me what I could or could not do with property that I OWN, I would tell them to go fuck themselves immediately if not sooner forthwith, heretofore and hereafterwhich....

:D

Why have you not sicced yo' dogs on Joe Thudner? Somebody needs to tear him a new asshole....