Matt White
04-03-2006, 07:50 AM
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By NIGEL FLEMING
EDISON TOWNSHIP, N.J. As earlier reported in Weekly World News (Scientists Hounded! Astonishing New Discovery!), Thomas Alva Edisons greatest inventions were inspired by a fox terrier named Tom.
With the dogs help, Edison was a genius, inventing the phonograph, the electric lamp and the motion picture camera. Without the canines guidance, however, Edison wasnt such a bright incandescent bulb.
Here are some of Edisons silliest inventions.
Third Hand. Multitasking Edison needed an extra hand, so he constructed a strange-looking device, consisting of a suction cup attached to his chin, a telescoping arm and a rubber hand, with a myriad of wires attached to control movement.
Edison could now hold, adjust and polish his inventions at the same time. He was thrilled, until the artificial hand revealed it had a mind of its own, undermining all of his work.
When Edison complained, I feel as if I now have three left thumbs, the hand made an obscene gesture. Defiantly, the hand then patted the derriere of a lady wrestler. She ripped the contraption from Edisons face and shouted, Lemme give you a hand, and proceeded to whack Edison with it.
Model T Clothesline. Edison mentored many young inventors, including Henry Ford, who introduced the Model T in 1908. Edison jokingly congratulated Ford with, Gas engine. Yeah . . . thatll catch on!
Edison laughed all the way to his lab, where he washed his suit and socks in the sink. His assistant, Morty Finkle, noted in his diary, Edison had little faith that Fords car would appeal to the masses. He then hung his suit on a clothesline and muttered, Somebody should invent a machine to dry clothes. Inspiration struck. Aha . . . thats what Fords foul, polluting car is good for.
Edison purchased a Model T and mounted a clothesline on top of the vehicle. He then hung up a freshly washed shirt, a pair of pants and some boxer shorts. Edison next drove the car around in circles for an hour, while the clothes slowly dried. Ultimately, the dirt kicked up from the road became mud when it hit Edisons wet garments, which he discarded along with the Model T.
Air-Conditioned Horse. July in Jersey is hot and thats when the wizard of Menlo Park frequently traveled around the city to buy parts for his inventions.
Edison didnt enjoy the heat, so he mused, Ah . . . to have an airconditioned ride. That would most truly be sweet. Then it hit him he would air-condition his horse.
The brilliant inventor attached a towel rack to his steeds back and draped an old blanket over it. He then placed a large water-filled bellows on the seat next to him. Giddyup, Leon! he cried. The horse whinnied and started to walk along a dirt road. Faster, Edison urged, as he sprayed the blanket with water from the bellows.
Leon sped up to a trot as the blanket was saturated with water. Excited Edison felt invigorated as a cool, wet breeze enveloped him from the worlds first horse-mounted evaporative cooler.
Excited Edison rode to Henry Fords auto plant to show his young friend that an air-conditioned horse and buggy is more comfortable than a silly, doomed automobile.
Ford puffed on a stogie as he watched Edison pull up. The inventor was totally soaked and looked as if he had showered in his clothes. I have air-conditioning, Edison cried out. I may also have pneumonia.
Heated Umbrella. As Edison lay in intensive care, he dreamed of a large umbrella that would not only keep him dry, but warm as well.
Upon discharge from the hospital, Edison returned to his lab and designed an umbrella with a double layer of water-repellent fabric, which he filled with red hot coals. He then hurried outside to greet a raging thunderstorm.
Edison beamed as he walked through the downpour. Passersby were shivering, but he was toasty warm. Edison believed the heat umbrella was one of his greatest inventions. That is until the hot coals burned through the material and fell down the back of his pants.
It is now obvious why, on his deathbed, Edisons last words were, Alas . . . my career wouldve been a total dog if it werent for Tom the fox terrier.
By NIGEL FLEMING
EDISON TOWNSHIP, N.J. As earlier reported in Weekly World News (Scientists Hounded! Astonishing New Discovery!), Thomas Alva Edisons greatest inventions were inspired by a fox terrier named Tom.
With the dogs help, Edison was a genius, inventing the phonograph, the electric lamp and the motion picture camera. Without the canines guidance, however, Edison wasnt such a bright incandescent bulb.
Here are some of Edisons silliest inventions.
Third Hand. Multitasking Edison needed an extra hand, so he constructed a strange-looking device, consisting of a suction cup attached to his chin, a telescoping arm and a rubber hand, with a myriad of wires attached to control movement.
Edison could now hold, adjust and polish his inventions at the same time. He was thrilled, until the artificial hand revealed it had a mind of its own, undermining all of his work.
When Edison complained, I feel as if I now have three left thumbs, the hand made an obscene gesture. Defiantly, the hand then patted the derriere of a lady wrestler. She ripped the contraption from Edisons face and shouted, Lemme give you a hand, and proceeded to whack Edison with it.
Model T Clothesline. Edison mentored many young inventors, including Henry Ford, who introduced the Model T in 1908. Edison jokingly congratulated Ford with, Gas engine. Yeah . . . thatll catch on!
Edison laughed all the way to his lab, where he washed his suit and socks in the sink. His assistant, Morty Finkle, noted in his diary, Edison had little faith that Fords car would appeal to the masses. He then hung his suit on a clothesline and muttered, Somebody should invent a machine to dry clothes. Inspiration struck. Aha . . . thats what Fords foul, polluting car is good for.
Edison purchased a Model T and mounted a clothesline on top of the vehicle. He then hung up a freshly washed shirt, a pair of pants and some boxer shorts. Edison next drove the car around in circles for an hour, while the clothes slowly dried. Ultimately, the dirt kicked up from the road became mud when it hit Edisons wet garments, which he discarded along with the Model T.
Air-Conditioned Horse. July in Jersey is hot and thats when the wizard of Menlo Park frequently traveled around the city to buy parts for his inventions.
Edison didnt enjoy the heat, so he mused, Ah . . . to have an airconditioned ride. That would most truly be sweet. Then it hit him he would air-condition his horse.
The brilliant inventor attached a towel rack to his steeds back and draped an old blanket over it. He then placed a large water-filled bellows on the seat next to him. Giddyup, Leon! he cried. The horse whinnied and started to walk along a dirt road. Faster, Edison urged, as he sprayed the blanket with water from the bellows.
Leon sped up to a trot as the blanket was saturated with water. Excited Edison felt invigorated as a cool, wet breeze enveloped him from the worlds first horse-mounted evaporative cooler.
Excited Edison rode to Henry Fords auto plant to show his young friend that an air-conditioned horse and buggy is more comfortable than a silly, doomed automobile.
Ford puffed on a stogie as he watched Edison pull up. The inventor was totally soaked and looked as if he had showered in his clothes. I have air-conditioning, Edison cried out. I may also have pneumonia.
Heated Umbrella. As Edison lay in intensive care, he dreamed of a large umbrella that would not only keep him dry, but warm as well.
Upon discharge from the hospital, Edison returned to his lab and designed an umbrella with a double layer of water-repellent fabric, which he filled with red hot coals. He then hurried outside to greet a raging thunderstorm.
Edison beamed as he walked through the downpour. Passersby were shivering, but he was toasty warm. Edison believed the heat umbrella was one of his greatest inventions. That is until the hot coals burned through the material and fell down the back of his pants.
It is now obvious why, on his deathbed, Edisons last words were, Alas . . . my career wouldve been a total dog if it werent for Tom the fox terrier.