PDA

View Full Version : Blowjob Etiquette



frets5150
04-13-2006, 02:48 AM
Blowjob Etiquette for Men!

1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.

2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful.

3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.

4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.

5. My ears are NOT handles.

6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done.
And additionally, do you really WANT puke on your dick?

7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.

8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through your head -
I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now.

9. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls - if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.

10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.

11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behaviour to be repeated in the future.

12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.

13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content.

14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.

15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.

16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning".

Blowjob Etiquette for Women!

1. First of all, yes you're obligated to do it. If you don't, we will find someone (younger, prettier and dirtier) who will.

2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish.

3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you?

4. I will use your ears as I see fit. don't worry about it and be thankful I'm not pulling your hair.

5. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only way to stop you from bitching and moaning. Suck it up!

6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you need all the fluids you can get. trust me.

7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the short end of the stick in flavor country.

8. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.

9. Play with the balls.

10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.

11. Caress the ass, too. We like that!

12. Make hay when the sun shines. it's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old & fat and looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep".

13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you?
:D

bueno bob
04-13-2006, 06:54 AM
Smashing! Wonderful!

I salute you!

frets5150
04-13-2006, 10:15 AM
Originally posted by bueno bob
Smashing! Wonderful!

I salute you!

Go salute yourself....

:rolleyes:

WACF
04-13-2006, 11:49 AM
Good list...funny because it's true!

blonddgirl777
04-13-2006, 09:04 PM
Originally posted by frets5150
... 13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content....

I DO, care about the protein content... being a vegetarian! :D

blonddgirl777
04-13-2006, 09:05 PM
Originally posted by frets5150
...1. First of all, yes you're obligated to do it. If you don't, we will find someone (younger, prettier and dirtier) who will...

At your age... GOOD LUCK!
Unless you pay for it... :D

Nitro Express
04-13-2006, 09:20 PM
Yeah but isn
Originally posted by blonddgirl777
I DO, care about the protein content... being a vegetarian! :D

Yeah but isn't swallowing sperm like eating pollywogs?

frets5150
04-13-2006, 09:45 PM
Originally posted by blonddgirl777
At your age... GOOD LUCK!
Unless you pay for it... :D


:o :D

frets5150
04-13-2006, 09:49 PM
Originally posted by blonddgirl777
I DO, care about the protein content... being a vegetarian! :D

Then we are all set I eat Tons of Broccholi ;)

blonddgirl777
04-14-2006, 09:52 AM
Originally posted by Nitro Express
Yeah but isn

Yeah but isn't swallowing sperm like eating pollywogs?

I wouldn't know about eating pollywogs (never did) :confused:

And... come on... don't try to tell me you've never tasted your own sperm? :o

blonddgirl777
04-14-2006, 09:53 AM
Originally posted by frets5150
Then we are all set I eat Tons of Broccholi ;)

Broccoli is very good for you but you need your proteins (every day)!

bueno bob
04-14-2006, 10:23 AM
Originally posted by frets5150
Go salute yourself....

:rolleyes:

Oh, I'm sorry; did I say something to offend you? Please forgive me, as I specialize in non-offense around this place...

Lloyd Anger
04-14-2006, 10:47 AM
To many rules.

Never got a hummer I didn't like.

A pro... a novice... or anything in between... it don't matter to me.
Just suck it sweetheart, just suck it. That's my girl. O.K. now for the popshot. Are you ready? "And boom goes the dynamite". Now,would you go clean yourself up? And would you be a dear and fix me a sandwich, i mean, as long as your up and everything. Have you seen the remote? I think King of Queens is on.

Northern Girl
04-14-2006, 12:58 PM
As long as we are on the subject, anyone want to weigh in on this aspect. A lot of people using condoms for intercourse for safety reasons, but don't think twice about a blow job. Dumb! Do you still like a blow job with a condom? What about this idea?

Making it safe:

There is risk in fellatio: you can easily pass diseases like herpes and even AIDS can be transmitted, especially if he ejaculates in your mouth. If you choose to play it safe with a condom, be sure to get one that is lubricant-free. Then, place a generous amount of water-based lube inside the condom. This will increase his pleasure greatly.

frets5150
04-14-2006, 01:14 PM
Originally posted by bueno bob
Oh, I'm sorry; did I say something to offend you? Please forgive me, as I specialize in non-offense around this place...

Why the wiseass comments?
If you have a problem with me tell me other than that if you don't like something I post don't read/reply to it.:mad:

bueno bob
04-14-2006, 01:14 PM
Originally posted by frets5150
Why the wiseass comments?:mad:

Because I own you.

:D

frets5150
04-14-2006, 01:19 PM
Originally posted by bueno bob
Because I own you.

:D

Huh? You may own your wife paly not me.I think that Darth Vader mask is to tight for your head get a bigger size.:)

bueno bob
04-14-2006, 01:20 PM
Originally posted by frets5150
If you have a problem with me tell me other than that if you don't like something I post don't read/reply to it.:mad:

Don't feel too bad - I'm Sheep Pen. I own a lot of people around here.

:)

bueno bob
04-14-2006, 01:22 PM
Originally posted by frets5150
Huh? You may own your wife paly not me.I think that Darth Vader mask is to tight for your head get a bigger size.:)

No, no, no...you got me all wrong, really...The Sheep Pen is your friend...not your enemy...well, unless...

LoungeMachine
04-14-2006, 01:29 PM
For the record......

I had no idea frets was a chick.


I knew bueno was though....

frets5150
04-14-2006, 01:30 PM
Originally posted by bueno bob
No, no, no...you got me all wrong, really...The Sheep Pen is your friend...not your enemy...well, unless...

Unless what? Do tell.

bueno bob
04-14-2006, 01:33 PM
This is somewhat amusing.

You make post.

I read post.

I respond positively, thanking you because it made me laugh.

You then get pissed off about this for some reason, roll your eyes and make a big production of it.

I find that somewhat funny. Make a few off the cuff comments for amusement's sake.

You tell me that if I don't like what you post, not to read it.

Which is even sillier, considering I LIKED what you posted.

And so, with that, I dismiss the whole thing as silliness.

And yet, you seem to want to persist.

Is there something so far that you're not following? Let me know and I'll try to elaborate a little bit.

frets5150
04-14-2006, 01:37 PM
Originally posted by LoungeMachine
For the record......

I had no idea frets was a chick.


I knew bueno was though....

A chick WTF is it with you gays I mean guys today ;)

LoungeMachine
04-14-2006, 01:37 PM
jesus bobby.....

your time of the month?

Guess that means head all week

LoungeMachine
04-14-2006, 01:38 PM
Originally posted by frets5150
A chick WTF is it with you gays I mean guys today ;)


Chick is derogatory now?

I'm so behind the times....

LMAO

frets5150
04-14-2006, 01:39 PM
Originally posted by bueno bob
This is somewhat amusing.

You make post.

I read post.

I respond positively, thanking you because it made me laugh.

You then get pissed off about this for some reason, roll your eyes and make a big production of it.

I find that somewhat funny. Make a few off the cuff comments for amusement's sake.

You tell me that if I don't like what you post, not to read it.

Which is even sillier, considering I LIKED what you posted.

And so, with that, I dismiss the whole thing as silliness.

And yet, you seem to want to persist.

Is there something so far that you're not following? Let me know and I'll try to elaborate a little bit.


Say again I wasn't paying ATTENTION.:)

Matt White
04-14-2006, 01:40 PM
HA!!!




SMASHING thread

frets5150
04-14-2006, 01:41 PM
Originally posted by LoungeMachine
Chick is derogatory now?

I'm so behind the times....

LMAO

Chick is not derogatory if you are one...

LoungeMachine
04-14-2006, 01:42 PM
Originally posted by frets5150
A chick WTF is it with you gays I mean guys today ;)


Blow me. ;)

LoungeMachine
04-14-2006, 01:43 PM
Originally posted by frets5150
Chick is not derogatory if you are one...

Well, are you not one?

:cool:

The_KiD
04-14-2006, 01:51 PM
Comical Thread.. LOL

KiD

frets5150
04-14-2006, 01:53 PM
Originally posted by LoungeMachine
Blow me. ;) Ha it took you 4 min to read what I said since you quoted me twice ;) Blow you nah I'll pass ask BOB I'm sure he will bob bob bob up and down all day long for you :D

bueno bob
04-14-2006, 02:15 PM
Originally posted by frets5150
Say again I wasn't paying ATTENTION.:)

That's alright. I'm too tired to bother. I've had 3 hours of sleep in the last 42 that have passed us by, so I'll be turning in shortly.

bueno bob
04-14-2006, 02:16 PM
Originally posted by frets5150
Ha it took you 4 min to read what I said since you quoted me twice ;) Blow you nah I'll pass ask BOB I'm sure he will bob bob bob up and down all day long for you :D

WOW! Amazingly original!

I've never heard that before! Say true!

How is it you're not a webmaster around here? :confused:

bueno bob
04-14-2006, 02:17 PM
Originally posted by frets5150
Unless what? Do tell.

Unless you're A SAMMY HAGAR FAN.

Haven't you read the charter?

:confused:

bueno bob
04-14-2006, 02:18 PM
Originally posted by LoungeMachine
jesus bobby.....

your time of the month?

Guess that means head all week

:confused:

How'd this end up being my fault?

HA!

LoungeMachine
04-14-2006, 02:18 PM
For soemone who started such a toungue-in-cheek thread [LMAO]

You sure lack a sense of humor.......


No wonder you have problems with guys getting up afterwards to play video games....

bueno bob
04-14-2006, 02:19 PM
Originally posted by LoungeMachine
I knew bueno was (a chick) though....

Only during my off hours.

LoungeMachine
04-14-2006, 02:19 PM
Originally posted by bueno bob
:confused:

How'd this end up being my fault?

HA!


AH!

LoungeMachine
04-14-2006, 02:19 PM
Originally posted by bueno bob
Only during my off hours.


Still dancing at Mary's?

:D

bueno bob
04-14-2006, 02:20 PM
Originally posted by LoungeMachine
For soemone who started such a toungue-in-cheek thread [LMAO]

You sure lack a sense of humor.......


No wonder you have problems with guys getting up afterwards to play video games....

I just started over on "Revenge of the Sith" for XBOX, personally.

The "Anakin Beats Obi Wan" ending kicks ass, I think. But I'm slightly biased.

:D

bueno bob
04-14-2006, 02:21 PM
Originally posted by LoungeMachine
Still dancing at Mary's?

:D

$10 and a smile gets my attention every time...

:D

Matt White
04-14-2006, 02:24 PM
HA!!!


All this Drama...


LARVELY...

Now...aboot that salad.....

frets5150
04-14-2006, 02:27 PM
Originally posted by LoungeMachine
For soemone who started such a toungue-in-cheek thread [LMAO]

You sure lack a sense of humor.......


No wonder you have problems with guys getting up afterwards to play video games....

soemone? I have a Great sense of humor SEE :D And you know damm well I'm a guy so cut the Bull already.

bueno bob
04-14-2006, 02:34 PM
Originally posted by Matt White
HA!!!


All this Drama...


LARVELY...

Now...aboot that salad.....

Smashing, isn't it?

I'll take sailing for $100, Jeff.

Matt White
04-14-2006, 02:40 PM
"Joker...Joker...JOKER!!!"

frets5150
04-14-2006, 02:41 PM
Originally posted by bueno bob
Unless you're A SAMMY HAGAR FAN.

Haven't you read the charter?

:confused:

You're Joking right? If it's my user name you are refering to I just like it sorry if you don't.If it's my sig I think it's funny how people forget DLR takes bad pics also :D Is it because I stopped listening to DLR after the first week cause I did not like the show But how would you know when I stopped listening. But as for Sammy give me a break you just mention this now after I have been here over two years? A little slow are we? That's why I just watched LARGO last night. AND WHY THE FUCK AM I EXPLAINING MYSELF FOR?:rolleyes:

bueno bob
04-14-2006, 02:47 PM
Originally posted by frets5150
You're Joking right?

No, silly!

If it's my user name you are refering to I just like it sorry if you don't.

Uh...nope, don't care either way, 5150 guy.

If it's my sig I think it's funny how people forget DLR takes bad pics also :D

Actually...I don't care about that, either.

Is it because I stopped listening to DLR after the first week cause I did not like the show But how would you know when I stopped listening.

So...you don't get down to the Sheep Pen much, do ya?

But as for Sammy give me a break

Give ME a break! Break me off a piece of that Kit Kat Bar! :mad:

you just mention this now after I have been here over two years?

Should I have waited for three? :confused:

A little slow are we?

At 600+ posts in one day? I'm greased fuckin' lightning around this place. Even Grim's envious.

That's why I just watched LARGO last night.

I sailed away to Key Largo, once. We had it all.

AND WHY THE FUCK AM I EXPLAINING MYSELF FOR?:rolleyes:

Because you have no sense of humor.

HA!

frets5150
04-14-2006, 02:49 PM
Originally posted by bueno bob
That's alright. I'm too tired to bother. I've had 3 hours of sleep in the last 42 that have passed us by, so I'll be turning in shortly.

AH That explains everything go get you're BEAUTY SLEEP.


Sleep well :)

bueno bob
04-14-2006, 02:51 PM
Originally posted by frets5150
AH That explains everything go get you're BEAUTY SLEEP.


Sleep well :)

You ain't shittin'. Have you actually SEEN what's behind this helmet?

Jeezus! :eek:

Good night :)

frets5150
04-14-2006, 02:53 PM
Originally posted by bueno bob
HA!

At 600+ posts in one day? Tryin to get you're post count up now I get it :D

frets5150
04-14-2006, 02:55 PM
Originally posted by bueno bob
You ain't shittin'. Have you actually SEEN what's behind this helmet?

Jeezus! :eek:

Good night :)

HELMET LMAO :D

blonddgirl777
04-14-2006, 11:21 PM
Originally posted by Matt White
HA!!!...


All this Drama...

Yeah... how to turn a blow job thread into a mess!!!

blonddgirl777
04-14-2006, 11:24 PM
Originally posted by Lloyd Anger
To many rules....
A pro... a novice... or anything in between... it don't matter to me....

Yep!
Who cares weather you enjoy it or not?

A blowjob should always be diserved AFTER a good lick anyways...

bueno bob
04-15-2006, 03:22 AM
Originally posted by blonddgirl777
Yep!
Who cares weather you enjoy it or not?

A blowjob should always be deserved AFTER a good lick anyways...

I love you.

Really, I do.

ashstralia
04-15-2006, 03:45 AM
Originally posted by bueno blowjob
I love you.

Really, I do.


word n!g......:p

blonddgirl777
04-15-2006, 10:33 AM
Originally posted by bueno bob
I love you.

Really, I do.

THANKS but you might not like what you will read next...

RULE# A,1 (THE most important rule);
Unless you are dealing with a prostitute, a blowjob must be well diserved... the lady must be somehow turned on.

EX;
My husband really pissed me off and hurt my feelings thursday night, at a dinner with friends.
Because I didn't want to ruin everybody's mood, I drank my wine and shut up about it...
Of course, he could shake his own tower afterwards, being such a turn off to me!

Lloyd Anger
04-15-2006, 10:48 AM
Hey kids..... can we now get back to sucking cock? It's my favorite thing in the world.

Receiving........ not giving.

I felt like I needed to make that clear.

So ladies............................................ ......................................
commence sucking.


(please)

blonddgirl777
04-15-2006, 10:54 AM
Originally posted by Lloyd Anger
Hey kids..... can we now get back to sucking cock? It's my favorite thing in the world.

Receiving........ not giving.

I felt like I needed to make that clear.

So ladies............................................ ......................................
commence sucking.


(please)

Haven't you get it by now???
You can't command a B.J., you have to diserve it!

So Lloyd............................................. ......................................
Commence being nice to the ladies!!!!! ;)

Lloyd Anger
04-15-2006, 10:58 AM
But I said please.

blonddgirl777
04-15-2006, 11:11 AM
Originally posted by Lloyd Anger
But I said please.

That's good but "please" should be there anyway...
BE NICE!
That's all we ask :rolleyes:

No expensive gifts, no diamond rings, no promises, no necessary commitment...
BE NICE!!!
And you shall receive... :D

ashstralia
04-15-2006, 11:20 AM
whew. blonddgirl can spell 'husband' and 'prostitute',
but not 'deserve', or 'whether'.

gosh darn, i'm glad i'm single!

blonddgirl777
04-15-2006, 11:29 AM
Originally posted by ashstralia
whew. blonddgirl can spell 'husband' and 'prostitute',
but not 'deserve', or 'whether'.

gosh darn, i'm glad i'm single!

Pardon my French but the day you will be fully bilingual (as I have been for years :cool: )...
you can speak to me about spelling mistakes!

Everyone makes them anyway...

I always wellcome being corrected when my English needs to, but not in the way you just did!

blonddgirl777
04-15-2006, 11:37 AM
Originally posted by Lloyd Anger
But I said please.

Thinking about it...
If you have to ask, it sucks! (no "please" required either).
If you are nice enough, you should feel your zipper go down "almost" instantly!

blonddgirl777
04-15-2006, 11:44 AM
Originally posted by ashstralia
whew. blonddgirl can spell 'husband' and 'prostitute',
but not 'deserve', or 'whether'.

gosh darn, i'm glad i'm single!

"Single"???
Maybe (maybe) you are a little too picky... when spelling mistakes get in the way, somethin's wrong!

Bad spellers give good B.J.'s too!!! :p

bueno bob
04-15-2006, 12:08 PM
Originally posted by blonddgirl777
THANKS but you might not like what you will read next...

RULE# A,1 (THE most important rule);
Unless you are dealing with a prostitute, a blowjob must be well diserved... the lady must be somehow turned on.

EX;
My husband really pissed me off and hurt my feelings thursday night, at a dinner with friends.
Because I didn't want to ruin everybody's mood, I drank my wine and shut up about it...
Of course, he could shake his own tower afterwards, being such a turn off to me!

I agree, totally...

You be cool - you GET cool!

:cool:

blonddgirl777
04-15-2006, 12:11 PM
Originally posted by bueno bob
I agree, totally...

You be cool - you GET cool!

:cool:

Or shoud you say;
You be cool - You get HOT??? :D

blonddgirl777
04-15-2006, 12:16 PM
Originally posted by ashstralia
... i'm glad i'm single!

And that spells;
"I'm glad I'm single"...
L.O.L.

Unless you think of yourself as a common thing? ;)

bueno bob
04-15-2006, 01:08 PM
Originally posted by blonddgirl777
Or shoud you say;
You be cool - You get HOT??? :D

Most often it's

"You be cool - you get NADA"...

:(

blonddgirl777
04-15-2006, 01:13 PM
Originally posted by bueno bob
Most often it's

"You be cool - you get NADA"...

:(

Then you hang out with the wrong people...
Try again!

bueno bob
04-15-2006, 05:31 PM
lmao, maybe...

:)

The_KiD
04-15-2006, 07:13 PM
Originally posted by blonddgirl777
Then you hang out with the wrong people...
Try again!

LOL... Nice.

KiD

ashstralia
04-16-2006, 12:11 AM
Originally posted by blonddgirl777
"Single"???
Maybe (maybe) you are a little too picky... when spelling mistakes get in the way, somethin's wrong!

Bad spellers give good B.J.'s too!!! :p

i know babe, i's jus' messin wit ya! :yankeeros

blonddgirl777
04-16-2006, 02:17 AM
Originally posted by ashstralia
i know babe, i's jus' messin wit ya! :yankeeros

And blow Job spells; "Wlo Wwowb", when you got a mouth full! :lol:

Lloyd Anger
04-16-2006, 11:06 AM
Originally posted by blonddgirl777
That's good but "please" should be there anyway...
BE NICE!
That's all we ask :rolleyes:

No expensive gifts, no diamond rings, no promises, no necessary commitment...
BE NICE!!!
And you shall receive... :D

"HE DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT A MAN SHOULD KNOW. BEFORE I COULD TEACH HIM HE'D BE FAR TO OLD. BEBOP ALOOBOP"