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View Full Version : Jehovah's Witnesses To Use Bullhorns On People That Don't Answer Their Doors



Matt White
04-25-2006, 01:50 AM
By DAVID TOLSEY

SPRINGFIELD, Mo. -- Weary from pounding the pavement for hours a day only to have homeowners shut the door in their faces or not answer it all, Jehovah's Witnesses will start toting bullhorns to ensure their message is heard. Kingdom Halls across the U.S. rejoiced at the directive issued by leading Witness elders last week.

"We look at the bullhorns as an emergency tool needed to spread the word of the Lord," said 18-year-old Ronald Plimpton. "Maybe the residents didn't hear the door knock because they were in the bathroom or working in the basement."

Several sociologists fear these extreme actions by the Jehovah's Witnesses may prompt other institutions and groups to resort to similar methods. "We may see the Britannica salesman or Avon lady utilizing a handheld microphone in the near future," says Dr. Clarence Simolt.

"I don't plan to use them," said door-to-door salesman Mickey Jones. "When you have something people want, there's no need for noise.

Jones sells earplugs.

Published on: 04/22/2006

http://web.weeklyworldnews.com/images/wwn/208833/49947.gif

:cool:
BRILLIANT

Nitro Express
04-25-2006, 01:54 AM
Yeah great idea until some pissed off nightime redneck truckdriver gets woken up and he shouts down the Jahova Witness loudspeaker with a 12 guage shotgun.

Matt White
04-25-2006, 01:55 AM
HA!!!

Never happen in MICHIGAN!!!:D




POW!!!

twonabomber
04-25-2006, 02:09 AM
some prick tries that at my house and he's gonna have the words "Louisville Slugger" imprinted in reverse on his face.

FORD
04-25-2006, 03:15 AM
Last time the JW's came here, it was at 8:00 in the morning on Saturday.

If they try that shit with a megaphone, they better be carrying a jar of Vaseline with those Watchtowers, because they'll be farting through that megaphone for the rest of the day.

twonabomber
04-25-2006, 03:23 AM
time to put the "no Jesus freaks" sign next to the doorbell again... :D

Ally_Kat
04-25-2006, 03:46 AM
They like to come 'round here close to 7-7:30am. The people here will sic the dogs after them.

sisca
04-25-2006, 04:44 AM
yeah, ok come shout at my door at 9 am with a fucking bullhorn. ill answer you with the barrel of my AR-15 in your face.

sagebrush
04-25-2006, 06:23 AM
Originally posted by Nitro Express
Yeah great idea until some pissed off nightime redneck truckdriver gets woken up and he shouts down the Jahova Witness loudspeaker with a 12 guage shotgun.
Originally posted by Nitro Express
Yeah great idea until some pissed off nightime redneck truckdriver gets woken up and he shouts down the Jahova Witness loudspeaker with a 12 guage shotgun.

That could happen in my town lol. JW's here are hard core thay beat on your damn door for 20 min . You open the door and the 1st thing out of there mouth is '' god loves you '' .I told the jw that came here last week '' love is for god and im not hem so get the fuck out of my yard !'' it works good , well it did for me .

ashstralia
04-25-2006, 07:57 AM
imagine knocking on their door at 3.30 am
in full make-up an 'cradle of filth' t shirts.....heheheh

BITEYOASS
04-25-2006, 10:32 AM
Usually blasting "Hells Bells" on the stereo does the trick! :D

Hardrock69
04-25-2006, 06:06 PM
Firstly, if somebody showed up at my fucking door like that, I would call the local po-lice to arrest them for trespassing. My house is several hundred feet from the road, and not only that, if they were stupid enough to be walking or riding a bike, they would have to make it up a 45 degree hill the entire way.


About 20 years ago I lived in a duplex on a fairly busy street. It was only a 2-lane street, and there was a family of gypsies who lived in a house across the street and about 2 doors down.

Anyway, every Sunday without fail these idiots would put on the soundtrack album for the old movie "Where The Boys Are", and would play it for several hours at high volume.

Finally I got pissed off and exacted my revenge.

I had at the time, a Marshall JCM800 2 X 12 50-watt Combo amp.

I took it out on the porch, and set it on a chair facing directly at their house.

I plugged a cassette tape deck into the input, and put in a tape: Judas Priest - British Steel.

I had the tape set at the song Rapid Fire.

I turned the amp up to 10, and turned on the tape.

Needless to say, some of the other neighbors came out to see what the loud roar was that was emanating from my front porch. Including the gypsy family.

They came out and saw me standing there with my arms crossed, glaring at them while the molten metal blasted their skulls out.


They went back inside, and turned their stereo off.

I waited until the end of the song, and turned off my tape deck and brought all my stuff back inside.

They never played their stereo loud again.

They moved out a few weeks later.


Fucking idiots.

amadeus
04-25-2006, 06:15 PM
Actually, if you just tell them that you would like to share with them the tenets of your religion whether it be Christianity, Buddhism, Wiccan, etc they leave in a hurry. I had a friend a long time ago who was raised in JW and he told me that they expect resistance and they become more bold but if you tell them you want to share with them what you believe, they will leave because they have no idea how to respond.

m_dixon1984
04-25-2006, 06:37 PM
Hi, I'm a Scientologist...

...I'm going to tell you a story. Are you sitting comfortably? Right, then I'll begin.
Once upon a time (75 million years ago to be more precise) there was an alien galactic ruler named Xenu. Xenu was in charge of all the planets in this part of the galaxy including our own planet Earth, except in those days it was called Teegeeack.
Now Xenu had a problem. All of the 76 planets he controlled were overpopulated. Each planet had on average 178 billion people. He wanted to get rid of all the overpopulation so he had a plan.
Xenu took over complete control with the help of renegades to defeat the good people and the Loyal Officers. Then with the help of psychiatrists he called in billions of people for income tax inspections where they were instead given injections of alcohol and glycol mixed to paralyse them. Then they were put into space planes that looked exactly like DC8s (except they had rocket motors instead of propellers).

These DC8 space planes then flew to planet Earth where the paralysed people were stacked around the bases of volcanoes in their hundreds of billions. When they had finished stacking them around then H-bombs were lowered into the volcanoes. Xenu then detonated all the H-bombs at the same time and everyone was killed.
The story doesn't end there though. Since everyone has a soul (called a "thetan" in this story) then you have to trick souls into not coming back again. So while the hundreds of billions of souls were being blown around by the nuclear winds he had special electronic traps that caught all the souls in electronic beams (the electronic beams were sticky like fly-paper).
After he had captured all these souls he had them packed into boxes and taken to a few huge cinemas. There all the souls had to spend days watching special 3D motion pictures that told them what life should be like and many confusing things. In this film they were shown false pictures and told they were God, The Devil and Christ. In the story this process is called "implanting".
When the films ended and the souls left the cinema these souls started to stick together because since they had all seen the same film they thought they were the same people. They clustered in groups of a few thousand. Now because there were only a few living bodies left they stayed as clusters and inhabited these bodies.
As for Xenu, the Loyal Officers finally overthrew him and they locked him away in a mountain on one of the planets. He is kept in by a force-field powered by an eternal battery and Xenu is still alive today.

Tell them this is what you believe and they'll never come back.

M

Mr. Vengeance
04-25-2006, 06:40 PM
This story has internet hoax written all over it.....

bueno bob
04-25-2006, 06:52 PM
Yup....

As for me, I believe in the Holy Trinity:

Lady Jessica, the Grandmother;

Paul Muad'Dib, the Father;

And Leto II, the God Emperor.

bueno bob
04-25-2006, 06:53 PM
I also believe in


























(dare I say it)







































(I DO!)












































ALAN THE PANTHER.

m_dixon1984
04-25-2006, 06:53 PM
Dune Geek!!!

M

PS - Praise Alan.

bueno bob
04-25-2006, 06:54 PM
Originally posted by m_dixon1984
Geek!!!

M

Heheheheh, shut up...

:)

m_dixon1984
04-25-2006, 07:39 PM
How dare you believe in L Ron Hubbard's fictional Gods while I believe in his true God. Praise Xenu!

M

PS - Alan seems real too so I'll give him my praise while I'm at it.

m_dixon1984
04-25-2006, 08:52 PM
My bad. Hubbard didn't write Dune. Duh!

BITEYOASS
05-12-2006, 01:37 AM
Or better yet, wear a Che Guevara or Sickle and hammer T-shirt, blast some Rage Against the Machine and read to them a copy of "The Communist Manifesto" that will make em turn red. :D

VHdamaco
05-12-2006, 01:44 PM
if some JW tries that, i wouldn't mind going jeff jarret on his ass with a spare guitar that i have...

BITEYOASS
05-12-2006, 05:06 PM
Originally posted by VHdamaco
if some JW tries that, i wouldn't mind going jeff jarret on his ass with a spare guitar that i have...

Just hit with the narrow sides. That will hurt more for the JW and lessen the damage of your guitar.

binnie
05-12-2006, 05:49 PM
All you gotta do is tell 'em your a Catholic and they think you're way too far gone to bother with!

ODShowtime
05-12-2006, 10:05 PM
dune was cool

VHdamaco
05-13-2006, 07:56 AM
Originally posted by BITEYOASS
Just hit with the narrow sides. That will hurt more for the JW and lessen the damage of your guitar.

that may be true, but hitting him with body (talking about an acoustic) will still get the point across and still look really badass at the same time...

i wanna see the little bits of wood and shit fly...

binnie
05-13-2006, 02:52 PM
Who's more annoying at the door, JW's or Mormons?

It's a tough call, but I'm going with the Mormons every time, unless they bring round some of their spare wives!

BALLYJUNKIE
05-14-2006, 10:06 PM
HEY ...... MY FATHER IS A JEHOVAHS WITNESS HAS BEEN FOR OVER 30 YEARS .... THAT STORY ABOUT THE BULL HORN IS A LIE .... IF A JW DID SAY THAT HE PROBABLE WAS JOKING ......IF YOUR NOT INTERESTED THEY WILL LEAVE YOU ALONE .....

distortion9
05-14-2006, 10:08 PM
Distortion9 to use Bushmaster M4 Carbine on bullhorn toting Jehovah's Witness.

http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid201/p94bd31b5c6096a86b11dd4bad1f69e2e/effd1c67.jpg

BALLYJUNKIE
05-14-2006, 10:09 PM
THEY HAVE 1 QUOTE IN THAT STORY FROM SOME 18 YEAR OLD KID .... COME ON ,ITS A JOKE

PumpedUpMidget
05-14-2006, 10:19 PM
Originally posted by binnie
Who's more annoying at the door, JW's or Mormons?

It's a tough call, but I'm going with the Mormons every time, unless they bring round some of their spare wives!

Actually, it would be Jesterstar showing up at your door begging to suck the man of the house's penis.

rustoffa
05-14-2006, 10:35 PM
Do they still ride bikes? I asked one of 'em if I could ride his bike one day when they showed up. I rode it like 2 blocks over, jumped up and down on the thing, and walked back home through the woods.

They were gone when I got back, so I don't know what happened. Guess one of 'em rode bitch back to Pluto.

Seshmeister
05-14-2006, 11:05 PM
Originally posted by BALLYJUNKIE
HEY ...... MY FATHER IS A JEHOVAHS WITNESS HAS BEEN FOR OVER 30 YEARS .... THAT STORY ABOUT THE BULL HORN IS A LIE .... IF A JW DID SAY THAT HE PROBABLE WAS JOKING ......IF YOUR NOT INTERESTED THEY WILL LEAVE YOU ALONE .....


Conclusive proof that there is a stupid gene that can be passed from father to son...

sisca
05-15-2006, 02:06 AM
Originally posted by distortion9
Distortion9 to use Bushmaster M4 Carbine on bullhorn toting Jehovah's Witness.

http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid201/p94bd31b5c6096a86b11dd4bad1f69e2e/effd1c67.jpg dude whered you get that stock?? is it umm...STOCK?

binnie
05-15-2006, 04:27 AM
Ha Ha Ha!!!!!!

distortion9
05-15-2006, 01:20 PM
Originally posted by sisca
dude whered you get that stock?? is it umm...STOCK?

Bought it at a local shop....shorty skeleton. Retarded gun laws in NY say that you can't have a telescopic stock. You can have a long one OR a short one but not one that goes from long TO short.....yeah, ok.

Nice quality at a decent price.

ARFX ENTRY 7.25"
You can get one here (http://www.aceltdusa.com/)

Drblacwood84
05-21-2006, 12:45 AM
Illpull some heavy tapping if they try that here