Embarrassing...split the end of my penis open

[Roy Munson]

I have sufferred from sexual addiction for years now. My wife can never keep up so I jack my meat almost every day.

My problem has been that my hand gets "old", old as in I get sick of using it and i'm always looking for other ways to get my dink that tingly feeling that makes me shot spunk like a water gun.

I found a really cool trick, or so I thought, were I could get off "hands-free" while doing it in a doggy-style manner! I found that when I'm on my knees by my bed I could lift up my mattress and put my dick between the mattress and box spring. It's the perfect height. I put a couple of wet, KY-soaked rags in there and inserted my dick into them. AWESOME!

Well, I started fucking this contraption like a madman all the while thinking about butt-fucking huge black booty. It felt really tight and was clamping down on my dick like a vice press.

I kept pounding the shit out of it until I got a little carried away and my 10 inch schlong popped out for a nanosecond. The problem was that I was still in full thrust mode and when my dick hit the mattress's it just split wide open at the tip. I'VE NEVER SEEN THAT MUCH BLOOD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

I had to run myself up to the clinic. I used a huge bath towel to cover my hamburger-ized member. It was so fuckin' embarrassing I can't even tell you how my face must have looked.

I have never seen a nurse look so sickened and impressed all at the same time, though.

47 stiches later...

[Coyote]

:eek:

[Roy Munson]

Yeah. Now I won't be fucking anything for quite some time.

[Mr. Vengeance]

Originally posted by Roy Munson
I have sufferred from sexual addiction for years now. My wife can never keep up so I jack my meat almost every day.

My problem has been that my hand gets "old", old as in I get sick of using it and i'm always looking for other ways to get my dink that tingly feeling that makes me shot spunk like a water gun.

I found a really cool trick, or so I thought, were I could get off "hands-free" while doing it in a doggy-style manner! I found that when I'm on my knees by my bed I could lift up my mattress and put my dick between the mattress and box spring. It's the perfect height. I put a couple of wet, KY-soaked rags in there and inserted my dick into them. AWESOME!

Well, I started fucking this contraption like a madman all the while thinking about butt-fucking huge black booty. It felt really tight and was clamping down on my dick like a vice press.

I kept pounding the shit out of it until I got a little carried away and my 10 inch schlong popped out for a nanosecond. The problem was that I was still in full thrust mode and when my dick hit the mattress's it just split wide open at the tip. I'VE NEVER SEEN THAT MUCH BLOOD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

I had to run myself up to the clinic. I used a huge bath towel to cover my hamburger-ized member. It was so fuckin' embarrassing I can't even tell you how my face must have looked.

I have never seen a nurse look so sickened and impressed all at the same time, though.

47 stiches later...

Didn't your cock has a split on the top of it already????

Atherwise everytime you'd try to piss, your dick would explode.

And, fucking a mattress is always a sign of a healthy love life....:rolleyes:


Somehow...I feel a lot less like a loser right now

[BITEYOASS]

what a dumbass. You should have used one of these Roy! It helped me through my great poon famine. :D

http://www.fleshlight.com/main/index.php

[BITEYOASS]

or one of these:

http://www.cyberskin.com/

[thome]

Get help!

Didn't you read the all important mattress tag --Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law or Fuck With----....It's written rite there..

[Roy Munson]

Originally posted by thome
Get help!

Didn't you read the all important mattress tag --Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law or Fuck With----....It's written rite there..


Hell no. I cut that tag off when I bought it.

[Mr. Vengeance]

Originally posted by Roy Munson
Hell no. I cut that tag off when I bought it.

Probably should have kept the tag and cut off your dick instead.

[LoungeMachine]

Honey, I fucked the Serta.


Brings a whole new meaning to "Hit The Matresses"


Were you counting sheep?


Okay, that's it. I'm out.



Assuming for the moment that this ISNT a "jizzystool moment", and this story is true............

a] how do you explain this to the wife?

b] ever heard of a MISTRESS, NOT A MATTRESS?

c] 47 stitches? c'mon.

I opened my calf years ago and had 2 hours of surgery to repair an 18 inch gash, ........and it only took 40 stitches.


10" or not....my calf is a helluva lot bigger than your pecker.

[Hardrock69]

Jizzystool moment.

:rolleyes:

[Roy Munson]

Originally posted by LoungeMachine
Honey, I fucked the Serta.


Brings a whole new meaning to "Hit The Matresses"


Were you counting sheep?


Okay, that's it. I'm out.



Assuming for the moment that this ISNT a "jizzystool moment", and this story is true............

a] how do you explain this to the wife?

b] ever heard of a MISTRESS, NOT A MATTRESS?

c] 47 stitches? c'mon.

I opened my calf years ago and had 2 hours of surgery to repair an 18 inch gash, ........and it only took 40 stitches.


10" or not....my calf is a helluva lot bigger than your pecker.


This is the type of reply I was hoping for...

LOL

[Roy Munson]

Originally posted by Hardrock69
Jizzystool moment.

:rolleyes:


Hey, Hardhomo69!!

What? You've never tried this before? That's surprising.

[Ally_Kat]

Originally posted by LoungeMachine


I opened my calf years ago and had 2 hours of surgery to repair an 18 inch gash, ........and it only took 40 stitches.


Fucking ouch!

Do I want to know this story?

[LoungeMachine]

Originally posted by Ally_Kat
Fucking ouch!

Do I want to know this story?


Glass coffee table.

Hotel Room.

Unlimited Alcohol.



You do the math. ;)

[bueno bob]

Originally posted by LoungeMachine
Glass coffee table.

Hotel Room.

Unlimited Alcohol.

You do the math. ;)

What are you, some kind of rock star or something?

Jesus, man, get a grip...

:)

[Hardrock69]

LMFAO!

He did....on the coffee table.

THen he lost it.

:cool:

[bueno bob]

Ha ha! Owned by the coffee table!

The Star will be jealous... ;)

[Shaun Ponsonby]

Well, thanks for sharing...I think.

[Susie Q]

Originally posted by Roy Munson
I have sufferred from sexual addiction for years now. My wife can never keep up so I jack my meat almost every day.

My problem has been that my hand gets "old", old as in I get sick of using it and i'm always looking for other ways to get my dink that tingly feeling that makes me shot spunk like a water gun.

I found a really cool trick, or so I thought, were I could get off "hands-free" while doing it in a doggy-style manner! I found that when I'm on my knees by my bed I could lift up my mattress and put my dick between the mattress and box spring. It's the perfect height. I put a couple of wet, KY-soaked rags in there and inserted my dick into them. AWESOME!

Well, I started fucking this contraption like a madman all the while thinking about butt-fucking huge black booty. It felt really tight and was clamping down on my dick like a vice press.

I kept pounding the shit out of it until I got a little carried away and my 10 inch schlong popped out for a nanosecond. The problem was that I was still in full thrust mode and when my dick hit the mattress's it just split wide open at the tip. I'VE NEVER SEEN THAT MUCH BLOOD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

I had to run myself up to the clinic. I used a huge bath towel to cover my hamburger-ized member. It was so fuckin' embarrassing I can't even tell you how my face must have looked.

I have never seen a nurse look so sickened and impressed all at the same time, though.

47 stiches later...

Jesus Munson, Roy Munson! LOL!! I read this story and about half way into it I was like, :eek: !

[Roy Munson]

Originally posted by Susie Q
Jesus Munson, Roy Munson! LOL!! I read this story and about half way into it I was like, :eek: !


Sweet Susie!!! Wassup?

Now I'm really embarrassed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:o :o :o

:D

[bantonelli]

Originally posted by LoungeMachine
Honey, I fucked the Serta.


Brings a whole new meaning to "Hit The Matresses"


Were you counting sheep?


Okay, that's it. I'm out.



Assuming for the moment that this ISNT a "jizzystool moment", and this story is true............

a] how do you explain this to the wife?

b] ever heard of a MISTRESS, NOT A MATTRESS?

c] 47 stitches? c'mon.

I opened my calf years ago and had 2 hours of surgery to repair an 18 inch gash, ........and it only took 40 stitches.


10" or not....my calf is a helluva lot bigger than your pecker.

OFF THE WALL HILARIOUS !!!!!

[Nitro Express]

If I shoved a bunch of KY soaked rags between the box springs and the matress and shot a load in there or cut myself doing it making a bloody mess, my wife would end the problem by using the Chinese chef knife in the kitchen to remove the source of the problem.

If I want to die, all I have to do is put a stain on the new King Size matress set in the bedroom.

[Cathedral]

Hey Roy, when that puppy heals, take a walk through your fruit section at the super market.
You'll find various other options to get the job done.

And then you make a nice tangy fruit salad for the wife to take to lunch.

Canalope, it's more than just a fruit, it's heaven.

[MERRYKISSMASS2U]

Everyone is 10'' on the Internet!

[ace diamond]

Originally posted by MERRYKISSMASS2U
Everyone is 10'' on the Internet!
not true. i have the worlds smallest penis. i haven't been laid in over a year.

[ace diamond]

hey roy.......you really managed to munson your member!!!!!!!

[ace diamond]

actually, i have a difficult time believing the 47 stitches part.
20 years ago i had a horrible hiking accident and busted my left knee open,all the way down to my ankle. 1 prosthetic kneecap,4 hours of surgery without anesthetic and wide awake and watching the whole thing,387stitches,and 20 years later........roy munson.......I'M CALLING BULLSHIT ON YOU.

[blonddgirl777]

Originally posted by LoungeMachine
... 10" or not....my calf is a helluva lot bigger than your pecker.

Or maybe not? :eek:

[blonddgirl777]

And if it's THAT big...
I've seen a movie with Ron Jejemy once, where he was giving himself his own blow job...

TRY IT! (when they remove the stitches)...

[thome]

All you "Think Stiches" cats THINK 47 Plastic Surgeon stiches.

I had my PINKIE saved and had over 75. Inside stiches and top closings.

It gives me a weak hand shake but it's still there.lol

.

[binnie]

Originally posted by blonddgirl777
And if it's THAT big...
I've seen a movie with Ron Jejemy once, where he was giving himself his own blow job...

TRY IT! (when they remove the stitches)...

I can get close, very close, but no cigar!

However, the fact than Ron Jeremy has a big belly in the way makes his "skill" even more remarkalbe!

[binnie]

Originally posted by Roy Munson
I have sufferred from sexual addiction for years now. My wife can never keep up so I jack my meat almost every day.

My problem has been that my hand gets "old", old as in I get sick of using it and i'm always looking for other ways to get my dink that tingly feeling that makes me shot spunk like a water gun.

I found a really cool trick, or so I thought, were I could get off "hands-free" while doing it in a doggy-style manner! I found that when I'm on my knees by my bed I could lift up my mattress and put my dick between the mattress and box spring. It's the perfect height. I put a couple of wet, KY-soaked rags in there and inserted my dick into them. AWESOME!

Well, I started fucking this contraption like a madman all the while thinking about butt-fucking huge black booty. It felt really tight and was clamping down on my dick like a vice press.

I kept pounding the shit out of it until I got a little carried away and my 10 inch schlong popped out for a nanosecond. The problem was that I was still in full thrust mode and when my dick hit the mattress's it just split wide open at the tip. I'VE NEVER SEEN THAT MUCH BLOOD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

I had to run myself up to the clinic. I used a huge bath towel to cover my hamburger-ized member. It was so fuckin' embarrassing I can't even tell you how my face must have looked.

I have never seen a nurse look so sickened and impressed all at the same time, though.

47 stiches later...

Roy, I wish that I could give you five stars again.

You may well be the Roth Army's biggest pervert :D

I bet you wife is happy that you;re laid up for a while....

[sisca]

equally bad story...when i was in the Marine Corps, i was going down to the naval clinic to pick up some ibuprofen for a killer hangover when i saw something i wasnt sure of- a navy corpsman sitting down, with a Marine's dick in his hand, inspecting it. at first, i was like whoa, what the fuck is going on here? and backed up, until the corpsman was like no, dude you gotta see this shit. so slowly i walk back in, and see that the Marine had stitches ALL THE WAY AROUND his dick just below the head. i asked what happened, and he told me that he was banging some chick the night before, he slipped out of her cooch and it went back in.....the wrong hole. lack of lube tore his dick skin all the way around and folded it up down at the base of his junk. said hed never felt a worse pain in his life, and actually i doubbled over when i heard this almost feeling his pain. the corpsman was just inspecting his stitches to make sure there was no additional tearing. fuck....im cringing right now.

[Anonymous]

Originally posted by blonddgirl777
And if it's THAT big...
I've seen a movie with Ron Jejemy once, where he was giving himself his own blow job...

TRY IT! (when they remove the stitches)...

Well, I've heard of men who think about doing such, but I can honestly say I never expected a woman to suggest it!

Anyways, that's not proper behaviour. That's highly dysfunctional.

Case in point:


Originally posted by binnie
I can get close, very close, but no cigar!

However, the fact than Ron Jeremy has a big belly in the way makes his "skill" even more remarkalbe!

Jaysus Binnie - you sick bastard! You tried it? AND you're sharing with the whole internet???

Pr3v3rt!

I would NEVER admit that I've tried... I mean, if I had tried it, I won't admit it.

No, wait. Even if I had tried it, which I most certainly didn't, I would never admit it. Yeah, that's it.

Cheers! :bottle:

[Ellyllions]

Originally posted by sisca
equally bad story...when i was in the Marine Corps, i was going down to the naval clinic to pick up some ibuprofen for a killer hangover when i saw something i wasnt sure of- a navy corpsman sitting down, with a Marine's dick in his hand, inspecting it. at first, i was like whoa, what the fuck is going on here? and backed up, until the corpsman was like no, dude you gotta see this shit. so slowly i walk back in, and see that the Marine had stitches ALL THE WAY AROUND his dick just below the head. i asked what happened, and he told me that he was banging some chick the night before, he slipped out of her cooch and it went back in.....the wrong hole. lack of lube tore his dick skin all the way around and folded it up down at the base of his junk. said hed never felt a worse pain in his life, and actually i doubbled over when i heard this almost feeling his pain. the corpsman was just inspecting his stitches to make sure there was no additional tearing. fuck....im cringing right now.

Believe it or not, I've actually heard of this happening to several guys.

[Susie Q]

When this thread was bumped, I thought....oh no....not again.
MUNSON!!! :D :p

[binnie]

Originally posted by Imapus Sylicker


Jaysus Binnie - you sick bastard! You tried it? AND you're sharing with the whole internet???

Pr3v3rt!

I would NEVER admit that I've tried... I mean, if I had tried it, I won't admit it.

No, wait. Even if I had tried it, which I most certainly didn't, I would never admit it. Yeah, that's it.

Cheers! :bottle:


Me, a pervert? That's slander :D

[binnie]

Originally posted by sisca
equally bad story...when i was in the Marine Corps, i was going down to the naval clinic to pick up some ibuprofen for a killer hangover when i saw something i wasnt sure of- a navy corpsman sitting down, with a Marine's dick in his hand, inspecting it. at first, i was like whoa, what the fuck is going on here? and backed up, until the corpsman was like no, dude you gotta see this shit. so slowly i walk back in, and see that the Marine had stitches ALL THE WAY AROUND his dick just below the head. i asked what happened, and he told me that he was banging some chick the night before, he slipped out of her cooch and it went back in.....the wrong hole. lack of lube tore his dick skin all the way around and folded it up down at the base of his junk. said hed never felt a worse pain in his life, and actually i doubbled over when i heard this almost feeling his pain. the corpsman was just inspecting his stitches to make sure there was no additional tearing. fuck....im cringing right now.

Ouch!

That makes the time I snapped my banjo strong seem quite trivial.