Funniest thing you've ever seen

[Ellyllions]

I've got a couple.

1) At a Super Wal-mart one day last year....standing in a checkout line. Saw an elderly man (good mid to late 70's) walk up to what he thought was a bubblegum ball machine and put his quarter in. I knew it was a super ball machine and was interested in seeing what he was going to do with the ball. He turns the knob and retrieves his "gumball", and I watch as he puts the ball in his toothless mouth. He tries to bite down, rolls the thing around and tries again, and then grimaces because he realized that it was a rubber ball. He takes the ball out and throws it down on the ground in disgust. The spit covered ball zooms off the ground and is bouncing in reckless abandon all around the checkout area. People were dodging and complaining and looking for the child that must've thrown it.

When I managed to get off the floor from convulsive laughter the old man was gone...

2) Working on a Friday night at my Police Department back in '96. Get a call on the radio that the guys are bringing a drunk and disorderly in for booking. Go to get the paperwork ready and let the magistrate know that he'll be needed when the (mighter-than-thou) shift Sergeant calls on my radio to ask for the waterhose to be ready in the sally-port. I think to myself, "Uh-oh somebody got pepper".

When they get to the Department, the perp is crying in laughter. Seems the "uber-cool" shift Sergeant had inadvertently sprayed himself instead of the perp.....that was the funniest most poetic justice moment of my life. If you've ever had a can of pepper spray in your hand, you'd know how hard it would be to spray yourself instead of the intended recipient.

[distortion9]

One time I drove passed a banana truck and the driver was eating a banana.

[binnie]

Ok, when I worked at a swimming pool years ago, we had this new kid start one day.

Now this guy fell out if the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.

So, for his first job we tell him that there isn't enough water in the shalow end of the pool, and that he needs to move water from the deep end to the shallow end using a bucket.

I shit you not this guy spent his 8 hour shift carrying buckets of water from the deep end to the shallow end.

Never laughed so hard in all my life!

[binnie]

Also, on holiday with the boys (again back in my youth), one guy fell asleep whilst sunbathing.


So we got some factor 50 sunblock (damn stuff was like clotted-cream) and spelt out the words DICK on his forhead (he had a shaved head, so there was plenty of room.)

This guy was asleep for about 4 hours, due to copious alchol intake the night before.

He woke up pretty burnt and had the word DICK in white untanned skin on his red forhead for the remaining 10 days of the holiday.

[Ellyllions]

OMG.....too funny!

Thanks for sharing!

[binnie]

No probs, it's a agreat idea for a thread!

[Ellyllions]

One late afternoon, we're in a special briefing on some activities to take place by the task force that evening. One State Police officer comes by to sit in on the briefing just in case their office is needed. OBVIOUS newbie...spit shined, thinking that he made that uniform look good.

So it's all official. Quiet talk in the room explaining the why's and where's it's going down. I'm standing in the back taking notes when I happen to notice the newbie State officer admiring his utility belt. Then he noticed something in his pepper spray nozzle (some lint or something I'm sure) and he takes his forefinger and scoops it clean. Looks at his finger and flicks away the whatever it was he got out of the nozzle. He regained his sense of where he was and pretended to be paying attention.

Not 5 minutes pass and I see that poor sap wipe the corner of his eye with the same finger he just cleaned out his pepper spray with. I thought I was going to puke trying to hold back laughter as this idiot started squirming in his seat. He was trying to hide the fact that his eye was on fire for fear of looking stupid. I shit you not, he sat there with tears coming down his face all the while trying to keep composure. Other officers noticed and started looking at him funny...then all of a sudden he throws that chair back and runs to the bathroom. I explained what I saw and the room roared in laughter.

Good times
Good times...

[binnie]

I bet that stayed with him for many years!


What a retard!

[Ellyllions]

We'll never let him forget it.

LOL!

[stringfelowhawk]

I was at this Chinese place with a friend one time and this couple sitting on the other side of the divider were ready to order. The waiter comes over to take it and I just fuckin lost it. As soon as he opened his mouth I was through. We had to pay and leave cause there was no way we were gonna regain our composure. Have you ever heard a chinese waiter studder?

[knuckleboner]

Originally posted by binnie
Also, on holiday with the boys (again back in my youth), one guy fell asleep whilst sunbathing.


So we got some factor 50 sunblock (damn stuff was like clotted-cream) and spelt out the words DICK on his forhead (he had a shaved head, so there was plenty of room.)

This guy was asleep for about 4 hours, due to copious alchol intake the night before.

He woke up pretty burnt and had the word DICK in white untanned skin on his red forhead for the remaining 10 days of the holiday.

yeah, we had a similar case. drinking at a buddy's house. one guy passed out early. he also had to give a lecture for work the next day. somehow, it seemed like a good idea for somebody to use a permanent marker and give him a very distinguished looking mustache. and perhaps a mole for character. although, i will be honest, the thick unibrow was a bit overboard. needless to say, he was not nearly as amused the next day as those of us watching.