A kingsnake just showed up.

[rustoffa]

Have any of y'all ever seen a kingsnake?

http://www.kentuckyawake.org/files/images/plantsWildlife/blackKingSnake.jpg

Welp, one of those just decided to chill in the living room. They're non-venomous, and usually flipthefuckout after heavy thunderstorms.

So, during the recent inclement weather, the front fucking door was left open for awhile. This was to afford a bunch of dipshit cats the chance to avoid the LOW PRESSURE annoyance.

It's all good...but you have to remember to CLOSE a motherfucking front door. I mean, anyone or anything could just make themselve's at home with that kind of open door policy.

*I had nothing to do with it*

After hearing a few LOUD NOISES in the afforementioned room, I went to investigate @ the EXACT time a scream happened!

AIYEYYYYYY!!! SNAKE!!! WAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

I walk into the living room, and there's a kingsnake sitting in front of the TV, with the dipshit cats looking @ it. I go, "it's a kingsnake, did you leave a window open?"

I'M GONNA GET THE GUN!!!

I go, "it'll just fuck your shoulder up...take it easy." Then I calmly walk over and pick the motherfucker up about a fist-width behind the head (it's in the manual).

Let me tell you, it was fucking beautiful the way that snake relaxed, wrapped around my arm, and probably thanked GOD it was being removed from a room-full of DIPSHITS.

Don't applaud, throw money.

[Ally_Kat]

I'm tired of these motherfucking snakes in my motherfucking living room.

[Unchainme]

why do these things keep happening to you rustoffa? :)

[Anonymous]

"Well, I'm the Crawlin' King Snake
And I rule my den
I'm the Crawlin' King Snake
And I rule my den
Yeah, don't mess 'round with my mate
Gonna use her for myself"

She was just watching TV... you could've waited 'till her show was over.

Cheers! :bottle:

[rustoffa]

Originally posted by Unchainme
why do these things keep happening to you rustoffa? :)

I explained why this happened.

It's really not that complicated. Just enjoy the latest debacle, rub a buddah, and breathe.

[sadaist]

I had one as a pet. Yellow & black banded. Awesome snakes. They kill Rattlesnakes too!

[FORD]

KIngsnakes are cool, but them sons of bitches can move faster than a motherfucker.

A few years back when the family was camped out at my grandma's place near Tucson AZ, my sister was bitching cause she thought she heard mice or rats crawling in the walls of the RV she was sleeping in. While she was bitching about it, this big ol' King snake slithers right by me. If it had been a rattler, I'd have been fucked, because I wouldn't have had time to react.

So anyway, I said "Don't worry about the mice. That snake that just crawled under the RV will take care of them."

I don't think my sister slept at all the rest of that week. ;)

[rustoffa]

Originally posted by sadaist
I had one as a pet. Yellow & black banded. Awesome snakes. They kill Rattlesnakes too!

Really? That's fucked up. This friend of mine back home had this friend that was a snake freak.

Anyway, there was this running joke regarding the nature of his bookshelf over the door. This snake loving dipshit thought it was funny to set up the python on the bookshelf above the door. The fucking thing would fall on folks when the door opened. It wasn't like a wire attached or anything...that's what pythons do.

This one particular night, the snake fell on this other friend of mine. He fucking flippedthefuckout, and cut a rug the other way. THEN, he ran back in and started jumping up and down on it!!!

People cried.

[Little Texan]

Kingsnakes are cool snakes. I picked one up on the side of the road one time, close to a job we were working on...first time in my life I had ever picked up a wild snake. That snake was just as calm and relaxed when I picked it up...surprised me just how tame it was for a wild animal. Well, my main purpose for picking it up in the first place was I was going to have a little fun with it. When I got back to the job, I chased a Mexican that was deathly scared of snakes around the job with it! It looked exactly like the snake that is pictured above. I'm glad rustoffa didn't flip out and decide to kill it like many other people would do, because they are quite beneficial snakes, as they kill vermin and poisonous snakes.

[rustoffa]

Originally posted by Little Texan
It looked exactly like the snake that is pictured above. I'm glad rustoffa didn't flip out and decide to kill it like many other people would do, because they are quite beneficial snakes, as they kill vermin and poisonous snakes.

Bingo. This area has alot of copperheads hanging around. I ran one over with my TORO a few weeks back. Hopefully, there'll be more shenanigans, as I re-located it under this huge butterfly bush not too far from the front door.

[Douglas T.]

I once had a Yellow Rat snake that was about three and a half feet long! it got away and was considered lost! Three years later we are moving and what do we find in a vase on the top shelf in the living room? My snake from three years ago! Musta liked our house! It's amazing it even got in the vase without tipping it, much less getting way up there on that shelf and in and out of the house everyday!

[rustoffa]

Spot the Greensnake!
:D

<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/sDBOvzD8EJM"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/sDBOvzD8EJM" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>

[Ozzy Fudd]

Have ya gave this any thought yet Brother....make that thread i told ya about... cuz your storys make me lmbo all the time:D

[Hardrock69]

This post should belong in the "Dumbasses and Wild Animals" thread but it is totally relevant so here goes:

Austin Stevens: Dumbass-master.....

Another fucking moron Aussie fucktard who thinks it's cool to grab deadly poisonous snakes by the tail and exclaim "Boy is HE PISSED OFF!"
The show I am just finishing watching?

"Search For The King Cobra".

This stupid asslick goes prowling around the remote forests of India trying to find a King Cobra.

He finds the usual spotted Cobra, as well as two or three other types of vipers that are deadly poisonous...sometimes while walking around barefoot. He does stupid shit like sticking his bare hand into a hole an exclaiming "This is EXACTLY the kind of hole King Cobras like to hang out in!".

:rolleyes:

Then he finds a King Cobra...the fucker is like 15 feet long.....and this fucking ignorant fuck has to fuck around with it.

I had to pause the show and do a screen cap cause I wanted to show all of you how stupid this idiot is.

Hey, I don't give a fuck if he has some kind of goddamn degree in herpetology or whatever. In my book he is a terminally retarded fuckhead, and I look forward to someday hearing about how he died because he was fucking with an angry puff adder or whatever. :rolleyes:

Here..enjoy the screen cap:

http://show.imagehosting.us/show/1493605/0/nouser_1493/T0_-1_1493605.jpg

[Hardrock69]

Here...another screen cap of retardo. He just has to fuck with the fucking thing:

:rolleyes:

http://show.imagehosting.us/show/1493620/0/nouser_1493/T0_-1_1493620.jpg

[Ozzy Fudd]

Please tell me he got bit....:D YA DON'T F-Around with shit that big and Deadly

[Little Texan]

In my best Steve Irwin voice Crikey! It's a king cobra! One of the most poisonous snakes in the world! I'm gonna sneak up on the little bugger, grab his head and stick it in my mouth!

[Hardrock69]

That is strange....the second screen cap is no longer available....the server at imagehosting.us is fucked up.

I will repost tonight when I get home.


The last 5 minutes were a trip.

When you keep a cobra's attention focused in front of it, apparently you can reach your hand over it's head and touch it from above.

So what does this fucking idiot do?

His goal in life (he says) was to actually touch a King Cobra in the wild.

So the fucktard is only 3 feet in front of the thing....and he does just that. I mean, this fucking thing is striking at him and angrily follwing him around, and this stupid cocksucker distracts it with one BARE HAND RIGHT IN FRONT OF IT, and then reaches down from above it with his other hand and pats it on the top of it's head!!!

Then after he does that, he grabs his fucking camera, and proceeds to take pictures of it from only 3 feet away....

Christ that guy is a fucking stupid fuck.

They should rename the channel "Idiot Planet" for showing morons like this.

The Crocodile Hunter fuckhead would kinda do the same thing.
He would find a Puff Adder or some kind of snake that would kill you instantly if it bit ya...and then he grabs it by the tail and starts going on about "Boy is he pissed off!"

I suppose I watched the King Cobra show with the same fascination I have for watching other candidates for the Darwin Awards. It is amazing that people can be so fucking stupid....

[FORD]

I think I've seen that King Cobra episode. That's one snake I wouldn't fuck with in any capacity.

I've been within "striking distance" of rattlesnakes a few times, and so far, so good. As long as they know you aren't fucking with them, they won't fuck with you.

But once those side flaps come out on a cobra's head, that's like a big neon sign, saying "You're fucked, and I can move faster than you".

[DlocRoth]

Ok now....

Anybody in this thread who wants to check it out....

Right now, 1 PM central......

In search of the king cobra is on Animal Planet.

Check it. :D

[Hardrock69]

Funny...that second image shows up on my home computer but not the one I use at work.

Oh well.

Nice Cobra...heeeer snakey snakey snake!!!

Fucking moron.

Ok, here is the screen cap of him petting the fucking thing on it's head:

http://show.imagehosting.us/show/1496705/0/nouser_1496/T0_-1_1496705.jpg

[Golden AWe]

Ride the snake!!!

http://big.supereva.com/gallery/Pin-Ups/Alley_Baggett/Alley_Baggett_0132.jpg

[Little Texan]

I didn't know the Coneheads' daughter was doing porn now!

[Golden AWe]

AHAHHA!

[Dan]

LOL.

[Hardrock69]

WOOT!
:D

[Golden AWe]

*HIC*!