Blair resigns

[Steve Savicki]

http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s1i10898

Tony Blair has decided to resign as Prime Minister and will be taking over the duties of director and manager at the newly refurbished Sainsbury Market on Oxford Street; adding that the lucrative salary and immediate store discounts made his speedy departure from Number 10 more appealing. Handed a fist full of keys, one of which would be used to unlock the main front door for shoppers every morning, Mr. Blair was heard to mutter, "Oh, that's just great."

Learning they would no longer reside at Number 10, have Chequers as a weekend retreat, limitless limousine and maid service, that her husband was out as Prime Minister, switching to a job in trade, Cherrie Blair became momentarily traumatized. Quickly regaining her composure, Ms. Blair immediately filed to dissolve her marriage, generously granting full custody of her children to her husband. She did, however, ask for the family cats.

The President of the United States finally got through to the former Prime Minister, asking why he jumped ship. Mr. Blair explained that he hadn't exactly jump ship, and was fully prepared to stall his departure from office for another ten years, but early that same morning, while in the process of giving his cats their fresh bowl of clotted cream on the back step, he was bending down and, "The door slammed shut behind me, and faster than you can say Margaret Thatcher, I was the new manager of Sainsbury's."

"You want me to send some SAC bombers to strafe the capital and get you back on top as Prime Minister of Old England?"

"It's England. How many times do I have to remind you. You've got New England, but that doesn't suggest we should be referred to as Old England."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, but do you want some boots on the ground in London? Humvees at Parliament Square? Ring Buckingham Palace with troops? Say you were overthrowing an attempted coupe?"

"It's coup. The p is silent. No, I may as well depart from political life with some measure of dignity. Sainsbury's has a good retirement program, health benefits, prescription drug coverage, two weeks paid vacation, I could rent a caravan....."

"Okay, Bubble Boy, let me know if you change your mind. I'm here for you. All it takes is a phone call, and it's war, and you'll be back in business. And I don't mean trade business. Should of never fed those cats that clogged cream."

[Steve Savicki]

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/09/07/world/main1982171.shtml

Tony Blair's role as Britain's Prime Minister may be in its closing act, but he made it clear on Thursday that no one is going to push him off the stage before he's good and ready.

"I'm not going to set a precise date now, I don't think that's right." he said. "I will do that at a future date, and I'll do it in the interests of the country."

It's no secret that Blair alienated many members of both the Labour Party when he joined the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq. Since then, successive scandals have undermined his popularity, both among voters and inside the government.

This week, many of those who want to get rid of him joined forces publicly — and nastily.

The Junior Defence Minister, Tom Watson, put it this way in a letter leaked to the media:

"...I no longer believe that your remaining in office is in the interest of either the party or the country I share the overwhelming majority … that the only way the Party and the Government can renew itself is urgently to renew its leadership."

In other words: When are you going to quit?

The man who has the most vital interest in the answer is Gordon Brown, Britain's most senior public official and Blair's Chancellor of the Exchequer. Brown is the front-runner for the Prime Minister's job. The sooner Blair goes the better, as far as he's concerned.

Many political insiders here say Brown is the one who organized what amounts to the putsch this week to force Blair to quit early.

If so, he will be a disappointed man. Blair simply repeated what has been common knowledge for months — that he will leave office within a year. However, even that has left him something of a lame duck.

The man whose solid alliance with the United States so famously earned him the nickname of President Bush's poodle is gong to be squeezed. He will find it harder to use British troops and institutions to support America, both in Iraq and Afghanistan. And Brown, the man most likely to succeed him, is determined not to be known as anyone's poodle, but rather a guard dog of British interests with a distinctly old-fashioned Labour — read: socialist — flavor.

[Warham]

I've heard that he might not immediately leave until the year is out, maybe longer.

[Steve Savicki]

LOL, we posted at the same time.

So who will become Bush's new poodle?

[Nickdfresh]

Dupe.