PDA

View Full Version : How About Classic SNL Skits?



ALMOSTsaved
01-16-2007, 11:39 AM
I think one of my favorite eras of Saturday Night Live was the Hartman, Farley, Rock, Spade and Sandler years. Here is a classic skit from that particular era. If anyone else has any particular favorite skits, how about posting them here for us to see.

<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/AmM21leOGeg"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/AmM21leOGeg" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>

FORD
01-16-2007, 12:06 PM
Good luck finding a lot of them in YouTube NBC has some sort of "bot" scanning that site so any mention of "SNL", "Saturday Night Live" or "that show that NBC airs late on Saturday evenings" will get your videos pulled as soon as you can post them.

Of course, NBC is now posting their own clips, but as far as I know, it's only from recent shows.


Speaking of recent shows, about the only thing SNL has done in recent years that was truly funny was the "Barry Gibb Talk Show" skits. These are good enough to almost forgive Justin Timberlake for all the shitty music he's made.....

<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/HTwFCvLbieI"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/HTwFCvLbieI" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>
Episode 1 - 2004


<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/vi5_qdj1UgU"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/vi5_qdj1UgU" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>
Episode 2 - 2005


And god damn it if the NBC NAZIS haven't yanked episode III..... Bastards!

ALMOSTsaved
01-16-2007, 12:19 PM
Damn, I hope they don't pull those Barry Gibb skits before I can watch them. Every time I go to play the video, my Lumberg-esque boss finds a way to linger around...Thanks for posting those!

Hardrock69
01-16-2007, 01:28 PM
One of my faves was when they had Strother Martin on there.

They were making fun of his role in the infamous P-farm movie "Cool Hand Luke", and he was reprising his role as the Warden, this time as "Le Capitan", at a summer total immersion French Language camp called Camp Beau Soleil. .

I found this script online....seeing Garret Morris mumbling French after being let out of the box was fucking grate!!! But then, of course, the classic moment was when he uttered that line.....



Camp Beau Soleil

Luke Johnson ..... Bill Murray
Alvin Williams ..... Garrett Morris
Claire ..... Jane Curtin
La Capitan ..... Strother Martin
Mr. Honeycut ..... Brian Doyle-Murray
Campers ..... Gilda Radner, Tom Schiller, Peter Aykroyd, Matt Neuman
Bounty Hunter ..... Tom Davis


[ FADE IN on two campers, Luke Johnson and Alvin Williams, standing alone outside a small cabin. They are wearing tight striped shirts and berets. A woman, Claire, comes out of the cabin in the same outfit ]

Claire: Bonjour, and welcome to Camp Beau Soleil. My name is Claire and I will be your head counselor. I think you'll find that at Camp Beau Soleil learning French can be fun. It may be a little hard at first, but don't worry. I'm sure that by the end of this summer, the two of you will be speaking French like natives. Oh, here's the camp director. We call him Le Capitan. Le Capitan.

[ Le Capitan and his assistant Mr. Honeycut come out of the cabin and stand on the porch. They are dressed like Southern sheriffs, and Mr. Honeycut is carrying a rifle ]

Le Capitan: A couple of new arrivals. Let's see what we got here ... (reads from a clipboard) ... Luke Johnson?

Luke Johnson: Yeah, that's me.

Le Capitan: It says here that you lived in Switzerland for three years. How is it that you don't speak French already?

Luke Johnson: I have this mental block. I can't learn languages. I have a note from my doctor.

Mr. Honeycut: When you talk to the captain, you address him as Le Capitan!

Le Capitan: Mental block? Well, this summer you're going to be totally immersed in the language of French people. You will eat like them, you will sleep like them, and when you leave here you're gonna talk like them. How about you ... (reads from clipboard) ... Alvin Williams.

Alvin Williams: (nervously) Hey man, I, I, uh, wasn't even supposed to be here, man. Uh, I was supposed to go to Music Camp but my parents, they forgot to sign me up in time.

Mr. Honeycut: Hey! Ferme le bouche!

Alvin Williams: Huh?

Le Capitan: Thank you, Mr. Honeycut. Now, while you're at Camp Beau Soleil you're going to follow the rules. Rule #1 - All berets must be worn on a slant. If your beret is not on a slant, you spend a night in the box. Rule #2 - No semi-soft cheeses in the bunks. Anyone eating brie or camembert or any of those other semi-soft cheeses spends a night in the box. Rule #3 - Use the formal "vous" when addressing your counselors and staff. Anyone using the familiar "tu" spends a night in the box.

Claire: A night in the box can be very uncomfortable. Listen: Une nuit dans la boîte est très inconfortable.

Le Capitan: If you follow the rules, we'll get along fine. Now, I can be a nice guy or I can be one real mean son of a bitch.

Claire: Son of a bitch: Fils d'une chienne.

Le Capitan: From here on in you will speak French. Here at Camp Beau Soleil, only I speak English.

Alvin Williams: Hey man, that's not fair. I ain't speaking no French, man. I'm here for, you know, the fresh air.

Le Capitan: Mr. Williams, I can see right now that your mind ain't right, and a man can't learn a foreign language when his mind ain't right. Mr. Honeycut, take him to the box.

[ Mr. Honeycut takes Alvin by the arm and leads him off-screen ]

Le Capitan: And you, new meat, I hope you ain't gonna be any trouble. I'll see you at the movie tonight. Miss Claire here will lead you to your bunk and show you how to use the bidet.

[ CUT to Mr. Honeycut and Alvin at the box, a small structure that looks like a doghouse with "LE BOX" painted on it. Mr. Honeycut unlocks the door ]

Alvin Williams: Hey, where are you taking me, man?

Mr. Honeycut: You backsassed Le Capitan. You gonna spend a night in the box.

[ Mr. Honeycut hands Alvin a bucket and a tape recorder ]

Mr. Honeycut: Here's your bucket. Here's your headset. The dialogue tapes are in there.

[ Alvin climbs into the box and Honeycut locks him in. Inside the box, Alvin is listening to the instructional tapes in horror ]

Voice On Tape: "Hello Jean, how are you?" "Bounjour Jean, comment allez-vous?"

Alvin Williams: Oh no. Oh no!

[ DISSOLVE to several campers sitting in a small room with a projector, watching a movie. They laugh constantly. Luke sits in the back and starts talking to the camper sitting next to him (Gilda Radner) ]

Luke Johnson: They didn't have to put him in the box his first day.

Camper: Shh! Le film, le film!

Luke Johnson: Aw, forget it. What's the big deal about Jerry Lewis, huh? I don't see the point of this.

Camper: Silence! (speaks French, imitates Jerry Lewis)

Luke Johnson: They're not getting me to speak French. It's a dying language. I don't care how good the sauces are, the food stinks! I'm getting out of here. Look at this ... (takes out a brouchure) Here's a camp, Camp Mowaga. Look at the facilities! Canoeing, hiking, horseback riding, all the instructions are in English! That's where I'm going! I'm running away tonight.

[ Luke takes a huge loaf of French bread and takes a bite. He slowly sneaks out unnotices as the other campers continue to watch the Jerry Lewis film ]

[ DISSOLVE to the next day, outside the small cabin. Claire comes out ringing a bell ]

Claire: Bounjour campers! Le Capitan wishes to speak with you all.

[ All of the campers, except for Alvin and Luke, are gathered together as Le Capitan comes out of the cabin ]

Le Capitan: Bounjour, campers.

Campers: Bounjour, le capitan!

Le Capitan: Well, it seems that last night one of you got a little rabbit in their blood and decided to take off. Don't worry, he won't get far. No one has ever gotten out of here without a thorough knowledge of conversational French. Ain't that right, Mr. Williams?

[ Alvin Williams walks out the cabin like a robot and drones couple of French phrases before joining the other campers ]

[ Two Southern-accented bounty hunters enter with poodles instead of bloodhounds ]

Bounty Hunter: They got him, captain! They're bringing him in now.

[ Mr. Honeycut drags Luke back to the camp, his clothes torn and dirty, his wrists in handcuffs ]

Mr. Honeycut: We caught him about five miles down the road, headed for Camp Mowaga.

Le Capitan: Camp Mowaga. What in the hell did you think you'd do there, boy? Make a few lanyards? Get a junior life saving badge? That's not much to show for your whole summer, is it?

Luke Johnson: Maybe not. But at least you don't have to wear those European swim trunks that are cut so that they don't leave anything to the imagination.

[ Mr. Honeycut pokes Luke in the stomach with the butt of his rifle ]

Le Capitan: Luke ...(holds up a picture of a cartoon cat)... how big is the cat?

Luke Johnson: (long pause) It's a little cat.

[ Honeycut hits Luke in the head with a piece of wood ]

Le Capitan: Luke, how big is the cat?

Luke Johnson: It's a little, bitty cat.

[ Honeycut hits Luke even harder, making him fall to his knees ]

Le Capitan: What we got here is a failure to communicate bi-lingually! Le chat es petite! HOW BIG IS THE CAT?
http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a164/vanishinggirl/coolhandluke4.jpg

Luke Johnson: Le chat es petite.

Le Capitan: AGAIN!

[ Honeycut hits Luke again ]

Luke Johnson: Le chat es petite.

Le Capitan: There now. That wasn't so bad, was it? You see, everybody? What we had here was a boy whose mind wasn't right. It may take a while, but we will get his mind right. First he'll master the grammar, then he'll get the vocabulary, and he'll come along good. And before you know it, he'll be more French than the French. Miss Claire, why don't you lead all of the campers in a little song?

Mr. Honeycut: Oh, "Frere Jacques" mon favorite.

[ Claire blows a note from a harmonica and leads the campers in a rendition of "Frere Jacques". Text appears on-screen, read by Don Pardo ]

Don Pardo (V/O): Recent Congressional Sub-Committee hearings have led to an investigation into the dangers of teaching foreign languages in a camping environment. Camp Beau Soleil has since been converted to a camp for chubby children. Interested parents may call toll free 555-3872.

[ APPLAUSE ]

[ FADE ]

ALMOSTsaved
01-16-2007, 04:52 PM
I have never seen that skit! I must find it!

Douglas T.
01-16-2007, 05:34 PM
Probably dating myself here:
<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/4CA4POuuq5M"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/4CA4POuuq5M" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>

Douglas T.
01-16-2007, 05:43 PM
Originally posted by FORD
Speaking of recent shows, about the only thing SNL has done in recent years that was truly funny was the "Barry Gibb Talk Show" skits. These are good enough to almost forgive Justin Timberlake for all the shitty music he's made.....


Yep ... Limbertake was in rare form that night! One of the funniest SNL's in a while! they was using him every chance they could! That skit where he was a cup of coffee or something, I remember that being funny too!

Coyote
01-17-2007, 08:32 AM
"Samurai Deli".

MAPRamone
01-17-2007, 09:44 AM
Originally posted by Douglas T.
Probably dating myself here:
<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/4CA4POuuq5M"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/4CA4POuuq5M" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>

ZAPPA!

ALMOSTsaved
01-17-2007, 09:49 AM
I received an E Mail from YouTube last night saying NBC had filed an "infringement" complaint regarding my uploaded "Disfunctional Family Feud" video and had removed it. Seriously, does NBC have people hired to surf the YouTube trenches to find anything and everything SNL related? If so, I WANT THAT JOB! I'd only report the really shitty skits.

Hardrock69
01-17-2007, 12:32 PM
Hey, you can always zip into a zip file and post it at Rapidshare.....NBC would never be able to delete it then....
:D

ALMOSTsaved
01-17-2007, 04:30 PM
This is true. But you can't embed one of those here or on MySpace can you?

Tiki-Tom
01-18-2007, 12:56 AM
I always dug Billy Crystal's "Fernando's Hideaway" skits. Wish I could find those on the net.

" as you can see, the booth is empty, and I am very upset. I don't feel marvelous. I look marvelous, but I don't feel marvelous. Which is hokie-dokie for me, because, as you know, my credo is "It is better to look good than to feel good." You know what I am saying, and you know who you are".

SNL was so great years ago. I can't sit thru five minutes of the newer shit.

Douglas T.
01-18-2007, 09:41 AM
<embed style="width:400px; height:326px;" id="VideoPlayback" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" src="http://video.google.com/googleplayer.swf?docId=5619097745224237454&hl=en" flashvars=""> </embed>

Douglas T.
01-18-2007, 09:44 AM
<embed style="width:400px; height:326px;" id="VideoPlayback" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" src="http://video.google.com/googleplayer.swf?docId=1041308024487251942&hl=en" flashvars=""> </embed>

Douglas T.
01-18-2007, 09:48 AM
<embed style="width:400px; height:326px;" id="VideoPlayback" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" src="http://video.google.com/googleplayer.swf?docId=-5200652307277755874&hl=en" flashvars=""> </embed>

Douglas T.
01-18-2007, 09:50 AM
MORE COWBELL!
<embed style="width:400px; height:326px;" id="VideoPlayback" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" src="http://video.google.com/googleplayer.swf?docId=-9043576637174212674&hl=en" flashvars=""> </embed>

Douglas T.
01-18-2007, 10:12 AM
VERY GAY as hell but good soundtrack!

<embed style="width:400px; height:326px;" id="VideoPlayback" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" src="http://video.google.com/googleplayer.swf?docId=180867911912294222&hl=en" flashvars=""> </embed>

Douglas T.
01-18-2007, 10:16 AM
<embed style="width:400px; height:326px;" id="VideoPlayback" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" src="http://video.google.com/googleplayer.swf?docId=-2733243579088628138&hl=en" flashvars=""> </embed>

ELVIS
01-18-2007, 12:03 PM
Originally posted by FORD


Speaking of recent shows, about the only thing SNL has done in recent years that was truly funny was the "Barry Gibb Talk Show" skits.


Hahaha...:D

I never even heard of that!

Awesome, thanks...


:D

ELVIS
01-18-2007, 12:06 PM
Originally posted by Douglas T.
Probably dating myself here:


THAT is gay...

Vinnie Velvet
01-18-2007, 12:26 PM
I grew up on the 80s SNL, but did see the 70s stuff on re-runs, anniversary episodes, etc.

Classic stuff.

Of course, SNL these days is pretty much SHIT.

IMO.

Hardrock69
01-18-2007, 01:25 PM
Originally posted by Hardrock69
Hey, you can always zip into a zip file and post it at Rapidshare.....NBC would never be able to delete it then....
:D

Yes, but which is better? Posting something you are sure is gonna get taken down? Or posting something without an embedded player that will stay there for much longer?
:D

I found a page the other day that was only a week or two old, with a list of the 50 greatest cartoons of all time, and youtube links for them. Almost all of them were Warner Bros. cartoons, and they all had the same message at youtube: This video has been removed at the request of Warner Bros. for copyright violations.
:rolleyes:

fe_lung
01-18-2007, 04:31 PM
The Shmidts Gay ad was great. I've seen it on re-runs since then and they don't use the VH song anymore.

Douglas T.
01-18-2007, 04:48 PM
Originally posted by ELVIS
THAT is gay...

MOST SNL is gay! ZAPPA ROCKS!

Coyote
01-18-2007, 05:29 PM
Originally posted by Douglas T.
MOST SNL is gay! ZAPPA ROCKS!

Aw, hell yeah!

<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Kkxf4OyBWIs"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Kkxf4OyBWIs" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>



<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/6j9cRJdIBN8"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/6j9cRJdIBN8" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>

For those dumb fucks who don't recognize the guest performer on these... Hang your head in shame...

Mr. Vengeance
01-18-2007, 06:18 PM
James Brown Celebrity Hot Tub

Alvin, The Stevie Wonder Experience

Just a couple of my faves.

stringfelowhawk
01-20-2007, 06:33 PM
There's a skit I have seen only once a few years ago on E of two cast members(I forget who) were spoofing the stereotypes that Joe Pesci and Robert Deniro play in all the mob movies they do together. This was right after Casino came out I believe. I admit it was funny when the guy playing Pesci took a bat and started wailing on a guy like what happened to him at the end of the movie. But, what the cast didn't know was Joe Pesci and Robert Deniro were in New York at Deniro's place and they heard beforehand that SNL was doing a skit about them. So, like Barbra Streisand they show up unnanounced about midway through the skit and hilarity ensues. The skit stops cause the cast is caught completely offguard and for an instant its uncomfortable because it seems like they are taking offense to the stereotypes these guys are portraying in their name. You all know how good they are about keeping a straight face, I mean, everyone remembers "I'm funny how?" from Goodfellas and Deniro spoofing himself in Analyze This. They are explaining that they were acting and not actually like the people they play in the movies but actually get in character while they're doing it and needless to say it ends with the real Joe Pesci teaching his doppleganger how to swing a bat at someone's head.
Brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!! Yet hardly ever seen as its not even on the anniversary dvd.

Hardrock69
01-21-2007, 01:54 AM
Another prison type skit was with Garrett Morris, who played a prisoner up for a parole hearing.

So they talk a moment and then ask him:

"What is the first thing you are going to do once you are released from prison?"

And he starts singing really loudly:

"I'M GONNA GIT ME SHOTGUN AND KILL ALL THE WHITEYS I SEE....

I'M GONNA GIT ME SHOTGUN AND KILL ALL THE WHITEYS I SEE....

AND THEN WHITEY....WON'T BOTHER MEEEEEE......"


And then they drag him out the door lol....
:D

Hardrock69
01-21-2007, 02:05 AM
Oh, here is the actual transcript, and the page I got it from has some photos:





75k: Peter Cook & Dudley Moore / Neil Sedaka

Lifer Follies

Warden.....George Coe
Director.....Peter Cook
Assistant.....Gilda Radner
First Prisoner.....Dan Aykroyd
Second Prisoner.....Chevy Chase
Third Prisoner.....Garrett Morris
Fourth Prisoner.....John Belushi

[ open on interior, Warden's Office ]

Warden: Well, I am aware of the success of this program in English prisons, and I'm certain we can make it work here. I must say I am impressed with your credentials. It's not often that a maximum security institution in the middle of Utah gets a full-fledged director from the Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts to direct the annual prison show.

Director: Thank you, Warden. To my way of thinking, there is no better therapy for the man on death row than to work with his fellow lifer in harmony, for the enjoyment of all his neighbors. It seems to make life in these dismal places more tolerable for all. This is my assistant, Miss Thompson, who will take notes during the auditions. [ points to his Assistant ]

Warden: How do you do, Miss Thompson?

Assistant: Hello.

Warden: [ to the Director ]

Director: What play are you planning to have the men put on?

Director: "Gigi".

Warden: I beg your pardon?

Director: "Gigi".

Warden: I see. Well, there are seventy-three lifers here, each waiting to show you his particular talent. I don't suppose I have to remind you that these are desperate men, Mr. Marley. most of them would kill to get into this production.

Director: [ chuckling ] And many of them have.. ha, ha ha..

Warden: Miss Thompson, at the risk of being rude, I would suggest you button the top button of your blouse. Some of these men have not seen a woman in fifteen years.

Director: We're ready. Could we see the first prisoner?

Warden: [ nods, opens door to let in first prisoner ] Name?

First Prisoner: I'm Boyd Norman, 11764. I'm a structural steel engineer from Whitburn, Arizona, I'm glad to be here, and I'm serving twenty-five consecutive sentences of fifty years each.

Director: Ah, yes, Boyd, it says here that you stepped into a fmaily reunion with a flamethrower.

First Prisoner: Yes, I torched the whole place. Aunts, uncles, kids, cousins, sisters-in-law, nephew, nieces, wife, twenty-seven of them.

Director: I don't imagine you get much mail.

First Prisoner: Now, I'll tell you quite honestly, I know what I did. I participated actively in my own trial, acting as a witness for the defense and the prosecution. I set several legal precedents when I conducted a battery of simple psychological word cue tests on myself in court. I have a good grasp of current trends in psychiatry and psychopathology, and I'm going to be quite frank with you here, I'm glad I'm locked up. I'm glad you're here, too, it's about time we got a dose of culture around here for a change.

Director: And what will your audition piece be?

First Prisoner: Well, I dance with insects. I've studied zoology while I've been here, and I have some common household roaches here - Cuca blatteria, as they are called - and I'm just gonna lay them out here and sing a number from the show "The Night They Invented Champagne". And And I've trained them.. [ takes bugs out of jar and puts them on the floor, then starts to sing and dance and kill the bugs by jumping on them ] Igot plenty more! [ puts another bug on the floor, still singing and dancing and killing the bug deliberately ] You know, what's great is when you crush their prothorax. [ puts another bug on the floor and tries to crush it ] You ain't even gonna get an inch.. you ain't even gonna get an inch! [ two guards start to drag him out ] I swallow chihuahuas whole!!

Director: Very good physical presence. I think we might use him in the chorus.

Warden: Next! [ Second Prisoner enters ] Name?

Second Prisoner: Clyde, Sankyou.

Director: Sankyou. It says here you are serving a life sentence for kidnapping a family of four, child molestation, impersonating an officer of the Coast Guard, and setting fire to the only exisitng answer print of "To Sir With Love".

Second Prisoner: Yes, sir.

Director: What are you going to di for us, Mr. Sankyou?

Second Prisoner: I'd like to tell a joke, and then I thought I might play "Moon River" on the harmonica.

Director: Well, that would be nice.

Second Prisoner: Yes, well, sir, the joke requires a bit of audience participation. So, if you wouldn't mind, would you repeat my name again for me?

Director: Alright.. Clyde Sankyou.

Second Prisoner: You're welcome. Ha, ha!

[ Assistant laughs uncontrollably. Second Prisoner plays "Moon River" on harmonica, then suddenly stops playing and lunges for the Assistant. Everyone screams and pulls him off. ]

Director: I suppose that was part of the audience participation?

Second Prisoner: Sir, if I may redeem myself, I understand the play you're doing is "Gigi". I thought I might sing one of the songs from the original show.

Director: Go ahead, Mr. Sankyou.

Second Prisoner: You're welcome. [ sings ]

"Thank heaven for little girls,
For little girls wear tiny underpants,
And sometimes they pull their dresses over their heads,
And they go walking in a deserted lot without anyone else around.."

[ Second Prisoner lunges for Assistant again, as the guards drag him out of the office ]

Director: We'll be in touch, Mr. Sankyou.

Warden: Terribly sorry.

Director: Quite alright. May we see the next man, please?

[ Third Prisoner enters ]

Assistant: Name?

Third Prisoner: Garrett Johnson.

Director: It says here, Mr. Johnson, that you are serving a life sentence for first degree murder and insulting an officer of the law.

Third Prisoner: That's right.

Director: What are you going to do for us today?

Third Prisoner: I've been in dolitary for years now, and I've studied and developed my talent for writing music, and I've written lots of songs. Here's a song I'm gonna sing which is the sum of my philosophy. [ sings ]

"I'm gonna get me a shotgun and kill all the whities I see,
I'm gonna get me a shotgun and kill all the whities I see.
When I kill all the whities I see, then whitey he won't bother me,
I'm gonna get me a shotgun and kill all the whities I see.
Then I'll get a white woman who's wearing a navy blue sweater.."

[ Guards pull him away ]

I belong to AFTRA!

Director: Wonderful sense of rhythm.

Warden: Next, please!

[ Fourth Prisoner enters with pianist ]

Warden: This is Mike "The Chef" Pontrello, alias Phil Harmonica, alias Johnny Bananas, alias Wesley Cunningham Aylsworth III.

Assistant: Name?

Fourth Prisoner: Steve Beshakas.

Warden: He is serving a life sentence for killing forty-three people at point blank range.

Fourth Prisoner: I was cleaning mygun. It was an accident. But the past is the past, and I believe I should be in this year's show because..well, I think this song says it all, and I'd like to dedicate it to all the wonderful people on the parole board. I'm not just saying that 'cause the warden's here. I mean it. By the way, I think the warden is doing one heck of a job. He's a great guy - let's hear it for the warden. [ everyone claps, as he begins to sing ]

"That's life - that's what all the people say
You're ridin' high in April, shot down in May
But I know I'm gonna change that tune
When I'm back on top, back on top in June
That's life, I can't deny it,
I thought of quittin' out, but my heart just won't buy it
If I didn't think it was worth a try,
I'd roll myself up in a big ball and die.."

[ Fourth Prisoner suddenly rolls onto the floor, then jumps up and lunges for the Director, trying to kiss him. The guards pull him off and drag him away ]

Fourth Prisoner: I'm gonna kill you! I love you!

Director: [ to Warden ] I think we've found our Gigi.

[ fade ]

http://209.85.165.104/search?q=cache:q1FquZKKm9IJ:snltranscripts.jt.org/75/75klifer.phtml+SNL+Garrett+Morris+Parole+Shotgun+W hitey&hl=en&gl=us&ct=clnk&cd=1

Ozzy Fudd
01-21-2007, 11:14 PM
BUMP

Ozzy Fudd
01-21-2007, 11:15 PM
Great thread lol

kathleenvh
01-22-2007, 12:53 PM
hey mr.vengeance, 'hot tub' is one of my faves too! :D

<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Fly5uOB3NpU"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Fly5uOB3NpU" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>

Seshmeister
01-22-2007, 04:24 PM
Wow I'd hate to see the worst of SNL...