According To The Bible, I Can Own Slaves.....

[Hardrock69]

I got this in an email today.

Raises some interesting questions!

Why Can't I Own a Canadian?
October 2002

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,
Jim

[bueno bob]

Ha ha!

Brilliant!

[Nitro Express]

A Christian would say Christ did away with the Law of Moses and non of those laws pertain but an Orthodox Jew is up shit creek on that one.

[jgdrag]

LMFAO

[bueno bob]

Originally posted by Nitro Express
A Christian would say Christ did away with the Law of Moses and non of those laws pertain

Another prime example of how organized Christianity just likes to make shit up as it goes along...

[ELVIS]

A burning bull probably smells like a barbecue...

[bueno bob]

Originally posted by ELVIS
A burning bull probably smells like a barbecue...

Damnit, now I'm hungry.

[Anonymous]

Damn! I gotta go back to beeliving in God.

I mean, just look at those perks! Sure beats what the Devil has to offer, any day.

Cheers! :bottle:

[bueno bob]

Originally posted by Imapus Sylicker
Damn! I gotta go back to beeliving in God.

I mean, just look at those perks! Sure beats what the Devil has to offer, any day.

Cheers! :bottle:

Just keep in mind...when you die...all of the cool people will be in Hell...

Heaven's just got a bunch of Republicans sitting around on clouds playing harps all day.

:D

[Anonymous]

Originally posted by bueno bob
Just keep in mind...when you die...all of the cool people will be in Hell...

Heaven's just got a bunch of Republicans sitting around on clouds playing harps all day.

:D

Like the Man Himself, Mr. Lemmy Kilmister once said "When I die, I'll go to Hell. THEY'll have the pool tables."

If all the cool peeps will be in Hell AND the key to Hell is not to give in to the temptations in the Bible, it kinda puts a new spin on this "religion" business, doesn't it?

Cheers! :bottle:

[Hardrock69]

Originally posted by ELVIS
A burning bull probably smells like a barbecue...


LMFAO!!!

Gee...if Christians claim those laws are null and void, I suppose I better get out a yarmaluke and a Torah and go to the Jewish Slave Market.

I could use a housekeeper/love slave....

:D

Here are a couple of cool paintings of a place I used to hang out at back in about the 2nd century A.D.....the Slave Market in Rome:



http://www.bildindex.de/bilder/mum001025Cb.jpg

http://cgfa.dotsrc.org/g/gerome5.jpg

[Hardrock69]

I dig Gerome's style...here is another one he painted called "Harem Pool":

"Yes Missy, you want the hukkah with hash, or the hukkah with reefer?"

http://www.wyldeart.com/Galleries/Victorian-Classicism/Gerome/images/Harem_Pool_1up.jpg

[Seshmeister]

Originally posted by Nitro Express
A Christian would say Christ did away with the Law of Moses and non of those laws pertain but an Orthodox Jew is up shit creek on that one.

No they wouldn't.

He supposedly said "Until Heaven and earth pass away, not the smallest letter or stroke shall pass away from the law, until all is accomplished" (Matthew 5:18).

You see without the Old Testment all you have is some hippy wandering about saying people should be nice to each other. Good for the common man but not much use if you are a christian despot, a money grabbing chruch or even nowadays Bush or Blair.

The success of Christianity has been that leaders can use the Old Testament where and when required to justify killing, raping, stealing or hating homo's and science, and pretty much anything you want.

[LoungeMachine]

Originally posted by Hardrock69
I got this in an email today.

Raises some interesting questions!

Why Can't I Own a Canadian?
October 2002

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,
Jim



This was actually lifted from an episode of The West Wing.

Almost verbatim.

And the radio hostess portrayed was a Laur lookalike that had a Phd in physical education.

[Seshmeister]

No the West Wing lifted it from this.

It's been around for quite a while now.

Cheers!

:gulp:

[Seshmeister]

The christians should also notice how many of the insane quotes from the passage are from Leviticus, the guy usually cited when it comes to biblical gay bashing.

[LoungeMachine]

Originally posted by Seshmeister
No the West Wing lifted it from this.

It's been around for quite a while now.

Cheers!

:gulp:


The West Wing episode was from 6 years ago....

Don't know how old this is.

[Seshmeister]

I'm pretty sure I posted this somewhere around that time.

It was posted here already 2 1/2 years ago...

http://www.rotharmy.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=13963&

[Seshmeister]

Originally posted by LoungeMachine
The West Wing episode was from 6 years ago....

Don't know how old this is.

Listen to it here from a christian hate website that came out screaming that the producers and actors would be sent to hell and named and pressured every advertiser.

http://www.trosch.org/ant/bartlett-00j18.ram

If nothing else you'll use up some of their bandwidth.

Cheers!

:gulp:

[Seshmeister]

Finally...

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0745700/trivia


Trivia for
"The West Wing"
The Midterms (2000)

President Bartlet criticizes a religious fundamentalist radio talk show host named Jenna Jacobs' with his detailed knowledge of scripture. The segment was adopted from a famous internet chain letter allegedly sent to Dr. Laura Schlessinger, on who the Jacobs character was based, and several of Bartlet's questions are identical to the questions posed in the letter.

[LoungeMachine]

classic.

Thanks sesh

:gulp:

[Seshmeister]

<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/rHaVUjjH3EI"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/rHaVUjjH3EI" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>

[LoungeMachine]

God, I love that clip.

I own all 7 seasons on DVD :cool:

[LoungeMachine]

What a great thread.

[Hardrock69]

I have to laugh. Regardless of where it comes from, this is valuable info to hurl at Jesus Freaks when they start foaming at the mouth and shrieking obscenities because I tell them off.

:D

But just on the humour side, it is grate.

I guess I can go to Israel and buy some slaves....there are TONS of sex workers who are imported from Russia, and wind up working in brothels there.

But then, why bother with that? There are plenty of Gorean babes here in the U.S. who would be plenty willing to be sold to me naked at a slave market.
:D

[MERRYKISSMASS2U]

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a <s>radio personality</s> bitch.

[Hardrock69]

Me Agrees. I have naked pics of her. So I still have to laff.
:D

[Hardrock69]

Apparently she liked to pose nekkid back in the day.

Read the commentary...it is just as hilarious....


http://www.bartcop.com/mengidx.htm

[LoungeMachine]

Originally posted by Hardrock69
Me Agrees. I have naked pics of her. So I still have to laff.
:D


Post them, dammit.:mad:

[Anonymous]

Originally posted by Hardrock69
Me Agrees. I have naked pics of her. So I still have to laff.
:D

Must I go to Foam max 9 or whatever detergent you live in and kick your arse so you'll post those damn pictures??? :mad:

And yeah, I HAVE checked your link, but I want, nay DEMAND better quality pictures - including the one she's spreading. ESPECIALLY that one. :D

Cheers! :bottle:

[bueno bob]

Originally posted by LoungeMachine
Post them, dammit.:mad:

Trust me, you don't want to see them.

[Hardrock69]

Here...happy?

http://www.robbscelebs.co.uk/noops096_18/dr_laura_schlessinger023.jpg

[Anonymous]

I'd hit it!

Cheers! :bottle:

[Anonymous]

Oh fakk, it's in Robb's Celebs. Why didn't I think of that before?

Missus, no more whiskey fer me tonight, thanks.

Cheers! :bottle:

[Hardrock69]

Robbs celebs rules....
:cool: