Ellyllions
02-26-2007, 02:32 PM
Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic
hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the
summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in
winter. The 2 most important events in all of history were the
invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was
invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of
modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the
splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups: Liberals and
Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the
beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum
can were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were
sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed
close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to
Bar-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the
beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement."
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting
learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the
nightly Bar-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching and hair
dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of
these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became
known as '"girliemen".'
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the
domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group
hugs and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide
the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the
largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant.
Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but
most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw
fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food
are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their
women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social
workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in
Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented
the designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the
pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and
still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game
hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers,
firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives,
Marines, athletes and generally anyone who works productively.
Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who
want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern"
the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals
believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is
why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives
were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was
tame and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.
hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the
summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in
winter. The 2 most important events in all of history were the
invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was
invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of
modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the
splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups: Liberals and
Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the
beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum
can were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were
sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed
close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to
Bar-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the
beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement."
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting
learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the
nightly Bar-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching and hair
dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of
these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became
known as '"girliemen".'
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the
domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group
hugs and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide
the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the
largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant.
Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but
most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw
fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food
are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their
women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social
workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in
Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented
the designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the
pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and
still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game
hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers,
firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives,
Marines, athletes and generally anyone who works productively.
Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who
want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern"
the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals
believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is
why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives
were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was
tame and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.