Ordinary Stories

[bueno bob]

When the reality of the last week began to hit me, I stopped and wondered at just exactly how far my life had taken me. Last week, had you told me any of this was going to occur, I might have laughed it off, or better yet told you that it was a great story and volunteered to ghost on it. Still, the truth of it is...it happened, and that's something that there's no denying.

Hell, I wouldn't possibly deny it even if I could. Still, it's a rather long story, and whether or not you'll actually be able to bear with me as I relay it all is a subject that's yet to be seen. But I'll start at the beginning, because somebody once said that it's a very good place to start.

When all this got rolling, I was still in high school - a senior, as it was, getting ready to graduate into the oncoming world of college, bills, beer runs, studying, hangovers, and getting laid. Well, maybe trying to get laid. God knows I'd been trying to get laid throughout my entire run of high school and while there'd been opportunities, I think that the women were very...unbalanced. Yeah. Unbalanced would be the opportune word.

Oh, who am I kidding? There weren't any opportunites. I was always hearing about Jack getting some action. Jack was really cool, though - blond hair, kinda long and wavy, sunglasses, letterman jacket, etc. Me? Yeah, well, I'm tall and I write a lot. Not that I'm a nerd or a dork or sit at home every Saturday night watching professional wrestling or anything - there's just a pecking order, and while Jack may just happen to be my best friend, usually when I meet somebody it always seems to be in his company...and that, as they say, is about that. Quarterback of the football team and incidentally my best friend - why he was my best friend is still a mystery, but we can go more into that later, I guess.

Anyway, on the night in question, it was early June - school was letting out in exactly three days. Jack was going to California on some kind of football scholarship - and he was good, there was no denying that. He certainly deserved it. Hell, we were a winning team - with his brawns on the field and my brains at his homework, we got him through high school almost flawlessly. And the girls were kind to him, so if he finally settled down with any one woman, he'd probably have some pretty interesting stories to tell his own teenage kids. That's giving him credit enough to say that he's going to settle down at some point, and while Jack's a great guy, I don't really know if I want to speak for him. But, personality-wise, you'll get the gist of him later on, and you can judge that for yourself. Don't let me tell you anything - hey, you're the reader; I'm just moving this thing forward a bit at a time, right?

Ah - speaking of which, here he comes now. But, let's set up the scene a bit. Here I am, dressed in a pair of jeans, tennis shoes, and a Van Halen T shirt. Van Halen, I know - it's slightly outdated today, but back in 1983 it was ALL the rage, trust me. So Jack has a Camaro, I'm leaning up against it having a beer, just kinda hanging out with myself, and it's Saturday night, about 11:30 - everybody's hanging out in the middle of a field in what we call "The Towers". The Towers is where the television and radio reception towers are at - it's out of town and fairly secluded, but open enough of a space so that people can get out of their cars, meander around, lounge, loiter, smoke pot, drink beer, have sex, and generally do all of the other things that our parents and the local authorities would frown upon. Such is usually for the makings of a great life. There's a lot of noise, but as I said, Jack's coming up to see me. As is usually the case on outings like these, he has a beer (probably his eighth or ninth of the night, which means I get to drive the Camaro home - whoo hoo! - and he also has two girls with him. One is Charlie, a blond ditz, cheerleader, you know the sort; the other is Rebecca, short, brunette, not a cheerleader but no less of a ditz herself, don't sell her short).

Anyway, Jack's about to speak to me.

(...........to be continued..............)

[Shaun Ponsonby]

This is fascinating.

What did he say?


Will the next installment beat this one?

We wait with bated breath...

[binnie]

Fuckin' hell Bob, that's really good.

You write first-person narratives with stream of conscious fluidity that is convincing.

More please.

[bueno bob]

"Cade! Cade!"

That's Jack. Don't mind him too much; he's a weeee bit tipsy right now. But you should pay attention to him, because being drunk is what he does - what he says is, well, pretty accurate at times. He told me once that alcohol ups his vocabulary skill - I told him to take the SATs drunk. He didn't, which was probably a wise move, considering he had a scholarship (somewhat) riding on the outcome.

Oh, Cade? Yeah, that's me - Steve Cade. Steven J. Cade, to be precise, but everybody just called me Cade. Not a bad name. Not as cool as Jeff or Mark - or Jack - but Cade has an air of originality to it, and how many people do you know that run around using "Cade" as a handle? Well, there ya go. Proof positive, am I right?

Anyway, where we we?

"Cade!"

"Hello, Jack," I waved and nodded amiably.

"Cade my friend!"

Jack came up to me and released the girls. Or maybe they released him, I don't really remember. Doesn't matter too much, because when Jack had too much to drink, he always wanted to hug everybody. Especially me. I wondered once if maybe he liked me more than just a friend. Problem was, I wondered that aloud in his presence. On the plus side? I found out that he did punch pretty well in addition to passing for long yardage; my bruise healed up in about a week, but believe me, that was a good teacher.

So came the hug. "MY MAN, YOU ARE THE MAN!", he said. Now, I should also mention here that whenever Jack was feeling either a. a wee bit tipsy or b. like he had REALLY good news, I became "The Man". Sometimes he was both a wee bit tipsy AND had really good news. This, as I found out, was one of those occasions. But, I'll let him tell you about it.

"Why am I 'The Man', Jack?" I asked. Keep in mind that I always had to ask him why I was 'The Man' whenever he told me I was 'The Man'.

"Cade! You are THE MAN, because I have THE GIRL FOR YOU!", he exclaimed.

Now, like I said, Jack was my best friend. In fact, he was one of the best friends I think I'll ever have. Although Jack and I never really shared many of the same traits or lifestyle attributes, there was really something about him that struck a chord in me. Maybe it was because, beneath his seemingly frivilous lifestyle and habit of disposable relationships, he really knew how to value a true friendship.

This was, of course, when he wasn't trying to set me up with somebody. Now...his setting me up with somebody is really what's at the heart of this soon to be much longer narrative. As you can probably guess, Jack is indeed currently trying to set me up with somebody, but this really isn't what the story is going to be about. Still, Jack's penchant for finding me women is really what led to all of the events that transpired last week, so...bear with me a bit further while we establish Jack a wee bit more, OK?

Gotta cut off all the extra dialogue - Jack's getting a bit impatient here.

"So, you have the girl for me? Is it Charlie or Rebecca?" I really hoped it wasn't. Jack had tried to set me up with Rebecca once, Charlie twice. Neither time went particularly well, so...

"NO, MY FRIEND, NO! Tell me, Cade - do you know that girl that I was telling you about from my, uh, biology course? That Danner girl?"

Wow. Oh, I knew Linda Danner. Knew her very well. Of course, I'd never spoken to her. She seemed smart, witty, somewhat reversed, maybe a wee bit low key. Attractive, brunette, glasses, you know - the good girl stereotype? I thought she was pretty, well, OK. Maybe Jack was coming around to his senses and finally figuring out that the girls I really liked were not too much different than me.

"Sure, I know of her," I told him, smiling.

"Well, Cade...", Jack said, nuzzling up with one arm around me, "Linda Danner is NOT THE GIRL FOR YOU, MY FRIEND! HA!"

So, that basically ended that.

"Listen, Cade, what you need is a...a...a...a take charge kinda girl, you know? Somebody who can, I don't know...get you outta yer shell a bit, right? A girl who's a real woman and TAKES what she wants, dig?"

Yeah, this was gonna get ugly, I thought to myself.

"Um. OK." I said.

"CADE - I'M GONNA INTRODUCE YOU TO RENE' HARRISON!" Jack shouted, raising his can of Budweiser hish in the sky. Apparently he was saluting the Gods of promescuity, because Rene' Harrison ran a very good chance of being their dedicated Earthly messenger.

(.........to be continued...........)

[Sarge's Little Helper]

"Cade! Cade!"

That's Jack. Don't mind him too much; he's a weeee bit tipsy right now. But you should pay attention to him, because being drunk is what he does - what he says is, well, pretty accurate at times. He told me once that alcohol ups his vocabulary skill - I told him to take the SATs drunk. He didn't, which was probably a wise move, considering he had a scholarship (somewhat) riding on the outcome.

Oh, Cade? Yeah, that's me - Steve Cade. Steven J. Cade, to be precise, but everybody just called me Cade. Not a bad name. Not as cool as Jeff or Mark - or Jack - but Cade has an air of originality to it, and how many people do you know that run around using "Cade" as a handle? Well, there ya go. Proof positive, am I right?

Anyway, where we we?

"Cade!"

"Hello, Jack," I waved and nodded amiably.

"Cade my friend!"

Jack came up to me and released the girls. Or maybe they released him, I don't really remember. Doesn't matter too much, because when Jack had too much to drink, he always wanted to hug everybody. Especially me. I wondered once if maybe he liked me more than just a friend. Problem was, I wondered that aloud in his presence. On the plus side? I found out that he did punch pretty well in addition to passing for long yardage; my bruise healed up in about a week, but believe me, that was a good teacher.

So came the hug. "MY MAN, YOU ARE THE MAN!", he said. Now, I should also mention here that whenever Jack was feeling either a. a wee bit tipsy or b. like he had REALLY good news, I became "The Man". Sometimes he was both a wee bit tipsy AND had really good news. This, as I found out, was one of those occasions. But, I'll let him tell you about it.

"Why am I 'The Man', Jack?" I asked. Keep in mind that I always had to ask him why I was 'The Man' whenever he told me I was 'The Man'.

"Cade! You are THE MAN, because I have THE GIRL FOR YOU!", he exclaimed.

Now, like I said, Jack was my best friend. In fact, he was one of the best friends I think I'll ever have. Although Jack and I never really shared many of the same traits or lifestyle attributes, there was really something about him that struck a chord in me. Maybe it was because, beneath his seemingly frivilous lifestyle and habit of disposable relationships, he really knew how to value a true friendship.

This was, of course, when he wasn't trying to set me up with somebody. Now...his setting me up with somebody is really what's at the heart of this soon to be much longer narrative. As you can probably guess, Jack is indeed currently trying to set me up with somebody, but this really isn't what the story is going to be about. Still, Jack's penchant for finding me women is really what led to all of the events that transpired last week, so...bear with me a bit further while we establish Jack a wee bit more, OK?

Gotta cut off all the extra dialogue - Jack's getting a bit impatient here.

"So, you have the girl for me? Is it Charlie or Rebecca?" I really hoped it wasn't. Jack had tried to set me up with Rebecca once, Charlie twice. Neither time went particularly well, so...

"NO, MY FRIEND, NO! Tell me, Cade - do you know that girl that I was telling you about from my, uh, biology course? That Danner girl?"

Wow. Oh, I knew Linda Danner. Knew her very well. Of course, I'd never spoken to her. She seemed smart, witty, somewhat reversed, maybe a wee bit low key. Attractive, brunette, glasses, you know - the good girl stereotype? I thought she was pretty, well, OK. Maybe Jack was coming around to his senses and finally figuring out that the girls I really liked were not too much different than me.

"Sure, I know of her," I told him, smiling.

"Well, Cade...", Jack said, nuzzling up with one arm around me, "Linda Danner is NOT THE GIRL FOR YOU, MY FRIEND! HA!"

So, that basically ended that.

"Listen, Cade, what you need is a...a...a...a take charge kinda girl, you know? Somebody who can, I don't know...get you outta yer shell a bit, right? A girl who's a real woman and TAKES what she wants, dig?"

Yeah, this was gonna get ugly, I thought to myself.

"Um. OK." I said.

"CADE - I'M GONNA INTRODUCE YOU TO RENE' HARRISON!" Jack shouted, raising his can of Budweiser hish in the sky. Apparently he was saluting the Gods of promescuity, because Rene' Harrison ran a very good chance of being their dedicated Earthly messenger.

(.........to be continued...........)

Oops. I wasn't paying attention. Tell me again what is going on.

[bueno bob]

And now, a message from Bueno Bob:

Yes, ladies and gentlemen; this story is working on becoming every 1980's John Cusack film you've ever seen. Consider it a blend of "The Sure Thing" and "Overnight Delivery", without the overwhelming Larg of Reese Witherspoon and/or Daphne Zuniga to keep you interested. Knowing this, read on at your own risk.

Thank you.

[bueno bob]

Anyway, it's a start...

More later...

[binnie]

Cool Bob, I await more.

[bueno bob]

Originally posted by binnie
Cool Bob, I await more.

More IS, in fact, coming...but now, I sleep...

[bueno bob]

Moreover, though, thanks for the feedback...sometimes I just have to write and get shit out of my system or I swear to God I'm going to fuckin' explode...

[binnie]

I know the feeling, although with a different type of writing (ie non-fiction...)

[ThrillsNSpills]

Originally posted by bueno bob
Moreover, though, thanks for the feedback...sometimes I just have to write and get shit out of my system or I swear to God I'm going to fuckin' explode...

May the creative force be with you.


Otherwise who in the Pen will clean up the intestines and blood and of course, the patented Bob moustache?

[Dan]

Just Bring It,Bob.:D

[Anonymous]

Keep it coming, Bobster. Grate stuff.

Cheers! :bottle:

[Anonymous]

Hey! I posted in this thread and haven't made fun of you.

Well...

Fuck off, then.

I mean, you gotta keep the ball rolling... :confused:

Cheers! :bottle:

[bueno bob]

OK...I have a couple of meetings to be involved in today (business 'n' shit), but tonight should prove pretty uneventful...

Expect a LOT of material by tomorrow morning...for anybody who cares...

:)

[bueno bob]

Alright folks - here's the deal.

I need a ghostwriter (or two), but ONLY in a limited facet.

Here's the situation:

I NEED FIVE NAMES. Three men, two girls, no more, no less.

Give me those names and I will incorporate them into this ongoing work of fiction later on tonight (or tomorrow...or the day after...or whenever the character shows up).

Names, names, names! :mad:

That is all...

[ThrillsNSpills]

Dwayne
Carl
Jason

Alena
Paula

[bueno bob]

Done and done!

[Isaac R.]

I'm diggin' it so far:)

Keep it up...

[binnie]

Had, a collaborative process.

It's like hip-hop authorship.

Peace out hommies!

[Shaun Ponsonby]

Looks like Bob is gonna leave us on a cliffhanger.

He's always been a twat like that.

Stupid sith.

[Anonymous]

Originally posted by Shaun Ponsonby
Looks like Bob is gonna leave us on a cliffhanger.

He's always been a twat like that.

Stupid sith.

Thank Gawd for misspelings. :D

Cheers! :bottle:

[Ellyllions]

a-hem....

Will there be a sex scene?

[bueno bob]

Originally posted by Ellyllions
a-hem....

Will there be a sex scene?

Maybe...

Listen, for anybody interested, I'm going to continue this down in Arielle's (with the ### before each post); so if you'd like to continue reading, that's where you'll find it.

Thanks, guys.

[Wawazat]

Why in the bloody hell ?

[Anonymous]

Originally posted by bueno bob
Maybe...

Listen, for anybody interested, I'm going to continue this down in Arielle's (with the ### before each post); so if you'd like to continue reading, that's where you'll find it.

Thanks, guys.

Like hell, you will.

You can always depend onthe DMs to move this shit to the Dump and you can cuntinue it there.

Hell, you can even turn it into PRON if ya like.

Or GAY pr0n, I believe that's right up your alley! :eek: Talk about a play on words!

I'm gonna arseke AWe to move me thread about hookers. Why don't you do the same?

Just a suggestion. It will have more hits than at Arielle's, at any rate.

Then there's always Non, of course.

Cheers! :bottle:

[Anonymous]

Originally posted by Ellyllions
a-hem....

Will there be a sex scene?

Hey, this is a cooperative work.

Why don't YOU write it? I bet Bob wouldn't mind... I know I won't! :D

Cheers! :bottle:

[Shaun Ponsonby]

Originally posted by Imapus Sylicker
Thank Gawd for misspelings. :D

Cheers! :bottle:

:confused:

Misspellings?

[Anonymous]

Sith.

:D

Cheers! :bottle:

[Shaun Ponsonby]

Sith=Star Wars=Darth Vader=Bob.

Unless you knew this all along and it was a ploy to make me look stupid.

Thats the kind of crazy ass plan you'd come up with.

[Matt White]

you rascals

[Wawazat]

Originally posted by Matt White
you rascals

Ah, to receive the sanction of tradition ;)

[Anonymous]

Originally posted by Shaun Ponsonby
Sith=Star Wars=Darth Vader=Bob.

Unless you knew this all along and it was a ploy to make me look stupid.

Thats the kind of crazy ass plan you'd come up with.

Ha!

You know me so well!

But you know what? Sith, my plan just failed miserably. :p

Sith, sith, sith!

Cheers! :bottle: