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VanHalener
08-04-2007, 11:08 AM
Alright now, Vanhalenette is leaving tomorrow for a week long beach trip with her family and I am staying home. Why am I staying home? Because after a day or two with her sisters I may just have to kill one or both of them. Love them, but they drive me crazy. So, I need a laundry list of things to do while my woman is away.

Your mission should you accept it, and you will, is to provide old vanhalener with a list of things to do while the cat is away 'cause this mouse is ready to play. You want to laugh? Give me something to do to make you laugh. Think I'm affraid? Better think again. Well, jail sucks so keep me out of jail.
The more realistic the task, the easier time I will have pulling it off and providing pictures to prove it's done.
You sick fucks are just the help I need to get through the week without my baby, so bring it on. The fun begins August 5th.
(maybe I should be affraid)

VanHalener
08-04-2007, 12:34 PM
Alright, vanhalenette has spilt to gather last minute items with family for their trip in the morning.

Nothing on the board here for me to do, so I guess I'm going to take a few of my little buddies to the farm for a while.

IS THERE ANYBODY DOWN RANGE?!
http://i10.tinypic.com/54mgoyh.jpg

VanHalener
08-04-2007, 11:58 PM
What, no takers?...hmmmm. Must have a Van Halen concert to get to.

Destroyed many *targets today with extreme prejudice. My buddy Paul's friend Donny wiped us all up, but it was damned close. Guns away, we pounded some Belgian Fruit Lambic: apple, peach, raspberry. :killer: :rockit2: :killer:

Fruit Lambic: The acidity of Lambic provides a particularly good based for fruit beers. Because these begin with a fermentation of grain, and are primed with fruit later, they are beers and not wines. The use of fruit (like that of spices) almost certainly pre-dates the hop as a flavour-modifier in beer. In the traditional method, the fruit is added during the maturation of the beer, causing a further fermentation. The happiest results are arguable with fruits that have stones, which can impart a balancing, almondy, dryness. The best of Belgian fruit beers have the dryness of a pink Champagne, rather than the sweetness of a soda-pop. Like Champagnes, they are often served in flute-style glasses. In the Brussels area, the home of Lambic, a typical local fruit is a small, dark, variety of cherry, known in Flemish as the Kriek. Lambic-based Kriek beers are the most traditional fruit brews. Raspberries, known in Flemish as Frambozen , and French as Framboises , are also widely used. The Cantillon brewery has in recent years experimented to interesting effect with Muscat grapes, which are grown under glass in Belgium as dessert fruit. More exotic fruits, added as syrups, are used in novelty beers by the more commercially-minded breweries. The term Lambic is used only when that style of beer is used as the base. Contrary to misunderstandings in some other countries, there is no connection between the term Lambic and the use of fruit. Equally, many good fruit beers in Belgium are not based on Lambic. For example, several of the Brown brews made in Oudenaarde are used as the base for Kriek or Frambozen beers.


Here's to the Gods of Non :gulp:

May I receive a task before this is dumped.;)



T minus six hours to missin' my baby...
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*Paper, clay, and plastic targets. I shot and ate one squirrel. He asked for it for quite a while. No, really! And he tasted just like chicken.

Hyman Roth
08-05-2007, 02:40 AM
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Dan
08-05-2007, 03:05 AM
Pron,Pron And Pron.:)

BTW.....Stock-Up on hand cream and paper towels.

And Fill The Fridge Full of Piss.

VanHalener
08-05-2007, 11:29 AM
Originally posted by Hyman Roth
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Don't think I'll be fortunate enough to score an airborne jump before the woman returns.There's got to be something in the area I can jump from and survive.(thinking...will get back to you on this one)

VanHalener
08-05-2007, 12:24 PM
Originally posted by Dan
Pron,Pron And Pron.:)

BTW.....Stock-Up on hand cream and paper towels.

And Fill The Fridge Full of Piss.

Happy Birthday Dan.

Checklist:

2.5 oz bottle ASTROGLIDE Glycerine& Paraben free

2.35 oz bottle regular Astroglide

2.5 oz bottle JO Premium Personal lubricant.

18 oz bottle Suave Skin Therapy

4 rolls paper towels

1 roll toilet paper

last nights empty case of beer bottles for fridge.

Going to my mechanics shop for a while while camera battery charges. This fridge thing is going to be pretty disgusting, Dan.

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diamondsgirl
08-05-2007, 12:42 PM
Why don't you clean the whole house from top to bottom

Checklist:

Lysol Tub and Tile Cleaner
Lysol Toilet Bowl Cleaner
Lysol Antibacterial Kitchen Cleaner
Mr. Clean Floor Cleaner
Windex
Murphy's Oil Soap
Clorox Disinfecting Wipes
Pledge Furniture Polish
lots of rags
4 more rolls of paper towels :D

chi-town324
08-05-2007, 04:06 PM
Originally posted by diamondsgirl
Why don't you clean the whole house from top to bottom

Checklist:

Lysol Tub and Tile Cleaner
Lysol Toilet Bowl Cleaner
Lysol Antibacterial Kitchen Cleaner
Mr. Clean Floor Cleaner
Windex
Murphy's Oil Soap
Clorox Disinfecting Wipes
Pledge Furniture Polish
lots of rags
4 more rolls of paper towels :D :D

VanHalener
08-05-2007, 04:34 PM
Alright Dan, I had to supplement a stack of napkins for the fourth roll of towels. Gotta keep my word, so here's the gear.(there is no guarantee these items will be used this week;) )

The firidge and piss thing is still being mulled over by my team of experts. Please stand by for an update...
http://i10.tinypic.com/4lizfxx.jpg

VanHalener
08-05-2007, 04:42 PM
Originally posted by diamondsgirl
Why don't you clean the whole house from top to bottom

Checklist:

Lysol Tub and Tile Cleaner
Lysol Toilet Bowl Cleaner
Lysol Antibacterial Kitchen Cleaner
Mr. Clean Floor Cleaner
Windex
Murphy's Oil Soap
Clorox Disinfecting Wipes
Pledge Furniture Polish
lots of rags
4 more rolls of paper towels :D

I knew I should be affraid! Damnit!!!!! Good thing we generally keep a clean house. This is going to be a pain in the hoo haa, but a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

Alright diamondsgirl,

Bathroom one complete. Ain't this a bitch?!! More to come, just for you.
(walking away grumbling)
http://i9.tinypic.com/5xpbseb.jpg

diamondsgirl
08-05-2007, 05:29 PM
Originally posted by vanhalener
I knew I should be affraid! Damnit!!!!! Good thing we generally keep a clean house. This is going to be a pain in the hoo haa, but a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

Alright diamondsgirl,

Bathroom one complete. Ain't this a bitch?!! More to come, just for you.
(walking away grumbling)
http://i9.tinypic.com/5xpbseb.jpg


ooooohh wow...

I am so impressed!!

do you normally do the cleaning or does she? or do you share? or hire out?

this could lead to some serious lovey dovey when she gets home :)

a man cleans my house like that and I'll do anything he wants. :p

smaz
08-05-2007, 06:01 PM
Where'd you live DG? :D


Hmm... Using whatever objects are suitable, create a collage of any of the classic VH albums on your garage door or driveway ;)

chi-town324
08-05-2007, 06:15 PM
Originally posted by vanhalener
I knew I should be affraid! Damnit!!!!! Good thing we generally keep a clean house. This is going to be a pain in the hoo haa, but a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

Alright diamondsgirl,

Bathroom one complete. Ain't this a bitch?!! More to come, just for you.
(walking away grumbling)
http://i9.tinypic.com/5xpbseb.jpg good work bro

VanHalener
08-05-2007, 08:06 PM
Originally posted by diamondsgirl
Why don't you clean the whole house from top to bottom


Another bathroom down.:hitch:
Guest room and bath, too:cool: Chill area clean.:rockit2:
http://i14.tinypic.com/54du1jm.jpg http://i15.tinypic.com/631le9x.jpg http://i10.tinypic.com/52qicco.jpg

VanHalener
08-05-2007, 08:21 PM
Originally posted by smaz
Using whatever objects are suitable, create a collage of any of the classic VH albums on your garage door or driveway ;)

Something simple coming right up.
In the mean time...
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smaz
08-05-2007, 08:42 PM
Originally posted by vanhalener
Something simple coming right up.

Placing your VH CD's on the drive doesn't count.... :D

VanHalener
08-05-2007, 10:21 PM
Originally posted by Dan
And Fill The Fridge Full of Piss.

I am requesting a waiver on this one: after all, everything consumed from these and various other containers in the fridge will eventually be piss.

http://i9.tinypic.com/4pttmbb.jpg

VanHalener
08-05-2007, 10:35 PM
Originally posted by diamondsgirl

do you normally do the cleaning or does she? or do you share? or hire out?

A lot of people around here hire out.
We share the work. Thanks to my big mouth and your bright idea I am doing all of it by myself. :mad: ;)

Spare room vacumed and dusted.
http://i16.tinypic.com/6gvyah0.jpghttp://i16.tinypic.com/4yj7lf9.jpg

VanHalener
08-05-2007, 10:57 PM
Originally posted by smaz
Hmm... Using whatever objects are suitable, create a collage of any of the classic VH albums on your garage door or driveway ;)

Light rain has been falling for a while. This is going to have to do, for now. I might just have to surprise you later with an encore. Here's a couple albums I rescued from a record and tape shop last week sitting in front of the garage door...:killer: :killer: :bananna: :killer: :killer:
http://i12.tinypic.com/4zwhs37.jpg

blonddgirl777
08-06-2007, 01:49 AM
Originally posted by vanhalener
http://i9.tinypic.com/5xpbseb.jpg

O.K., that's exactly what I was going to ask from you but D.G. beat me to it...
Great job! Just make sure you put a new roll of toilet paper before she gets home... we, girls tend to use a lot more than you do ;)


So now my request to you is (I know it's cheesy but it works!);

When she comes home, wellcome her with a nice bath with lots of bubbles, some candles around it, a nice bottle of wine (or her favorite beverage). Some flowers laid on the bed would be very nice too.

You should be wearing just a towel around your waist and say; "Honey, I missed you sooooo much, let me love ya long time"!



And ho yes... I too, want to see pics. of all that! :D



Have fun!

blonddgirl777
08-06-2007, 01:54 AM
Originally posted by diamondsgirl
... a man cleans my house like that and I'll do anything he wants. :p

I'm there with you!

... And they say that women are too demanding :rolleyes:

blonddgirl777
08-06-2007, 02:33 AM
Originally posted by vanhalener
[B]...

2.5 oz bottle ASTROGLIDE Glycerine& Paraben free

2.35 oz bottle regular Astroglide

2.5 oz bottle JO Premium Personal lubricant.

18 oz bottle Suave Skin Therapy

4 rolls paper towels

1 roll toilet paper ...


Don't go waisting all that "energie" on paper towels...
Wait 'til she comes back home, then you'll be a dog in heat like a volcano ready to explode!

We like that stuff! :p




Unfortunately, there can't be any visual proofs of that :(

VanHalener
08-06-2007, 11:27 AM
Originally posted by blonddgirl777
So now my request to you is (I know it's cheesy but it works!);

When she comes home, welcome her with a nice bath with lots of bubbles, some candles around it, a nice bottle of wine (or her favorite beverage). Some flowers laid on the bed would be very nice too.
You should be wearing just a towel around your waist and say; "Honey, I missed you sooooo much, let me love ya long time"!
And ho yes... I too, want to see pics. of all that! :D

Have fun!

Alright blonddgirl777, your wish is my command in this thread. You'll just have to wait for a few days for yours, ok? Pictures will be provided of SOME of it.;)
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VanHalener
08-06-2007, 11:30 AM
Come on you Rothtards!

Just a few days left to get your insane requests in. Something cool has to happen here or this gay ass thread is going to get dumped.
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VanHalener
08-06-2007, 01:42 PM
I am off to work with hopes that by the time I return someone will have given me another task worthy of the Roth Army.

I'll be waiting...
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smaz
08-06-2007, 03:34 PM
Stick all the furniture in your living room to the cieling.... :D

SparkieD
08-06-2007, 03:45 PM
Go out and buy your chick a bunch of new sexy lingerie. She'll know you've been thinking about her and you can reap the benefits.

thome
08-06-2007, 04:10 PM
Don't listen to these fine women you best get to dirtying the Fukk out of that house !!crap should be everywhere!! beer bottles in the front yard is ok.

You should have dirty burnt, I can't cook stuff ,in the sink.

You should have dirty socks and clothes in the hampers.

The house should smell like cigars and vomit.

You should have bags of chips in the fridge and the beer in the
cabinet you normally keep the chips in.

Don't shave and be in the same threads you were in when she left.

If she comes home to a clean and shine house she will think you and the boys had some Hookers over and your trying to remove the Hooker evidence!!

Or she will think you don't need her and you can handle everything.

Ok you can be saved lets see.....hmmmm?

Ok Have the boys over just before she gets home tell them to turn this house into a frat house, in twenty minutes.

Or you will recieve good brownie points for the clean house it's been a toss up in my world...?:D

blonddgirl777
08-06-2007, 06:21 PM
Originally posted by thome
Don't listen to these fine women you best get to dirtying the Fukk out of that house !!crap should be everywhere!! beer bottles in the front yard is ok.

You should have dirty burnt, I can't cook stuff ,in the sink.

You should have dirty socks and clothes in the hampers.

The house should smell like cigars and vomit.

You should have bags of chips in the fridge and the beer in the
cabinet you normally keep the chips in.

Don't shave and be in the same threads you were in when she left.

If she comes home to a clean and shine house she will think you and the boys had some Hookers over and your trying to remove the Hooker evidence!!

Or she will think you don't need her and you can handle everything.

Ok you can be saved lets see.....hmmmm?

Ok Have the boys over just before she gets home tell them to turn this house into a frat house, in twenty minutes.

Or you will recieve good brownie points for the clean house it's been a toss up in my world...?:D


Now this is an option... sure!

If and only IF, you want to let her know that you want a divorce :(

thome
08-06-2007, 07:45 PM
Originally posted by blonddgirl777
Now this is an option... sure!

If and only IF, you want to let her know that you want a divorce :(

Yes, yes, the clean house is better.

She will know how much you care.Bla Bla

We.... us guys -I- need to roll around in the pen a little bit.

When the boss is away.

I think women likes it when we do.

Not every day..... or even twice a week .....lately, not even twice a month.

Ok here is what you do Vh........ get a crystal blue thong, crank up the CVH and be jumping up and down on the bed crankin out some background slide, with a beer bottle, on one of your guitars, with a lampshade on your head.

Make shure the tune is, I'm The One.

Chicks dig it!:eek:






Ok, that's what I would do.
It doesn't work for me, but she loves my Wont Give Up attitude.



I'm not actually dating her anymore .........hmmmmmm.


Better listen to 777 on this one.


:angel:

smaz
08-06-2007, 08:10 PM
Ok here is what you do Vh........ get a crystal blue thong, crank up the CVH and be jumping up and down on the bed crankin out some background slide, with a beer bottle, on one of your guitars, with a lampshade on your head.

Ok, give us the pictures on that one... :O

blonddgirl777
08-06-2007, 09:45 PM
Originally posted by thome
Yes, yes, the clean house is better.

She will know how much you care.Bla Bla


Better listen to 777 on this one.


:angel:


Yyyyep! :D

blonddgirl777
08-06-2007, 10:03 PM
Originally posted by thome
... Ok here is what you do Vh........ get a crystal blue thong, crank up the CVH and be jumping up and down on the bed crankin out some background slide, with a beer bottle, on one of your guitars, with a lampshade on your head.

Make shure the tune is, I'm The One...

Yes, very good idea but tune in "Beautiful Girls" instead (or her own favorite CVH song).

And of course... we need pics of that!

blonddgirl777
08-06-2007, 10:07 PM
Originally posted by thome
... We.... us guys -I- need to roll around in the pen a little bit.

When the boss is away.

I think women likes it when we do...


Same for us women... we need to have fun too and I'm not talkin' about a Tupperware party! :o

But tell me, do men like it when WE do? :p
(My husband does)...

VanHalener
08-06-2007, 11:27 PM
Holy shit I have a lot to do now. Good thing I have little time left.

Still working on the house cleaning request. (pictures forthcoming)

I can handle some of the other stuff tonight...
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blonddgirl777
08-06-2007, 11:57 PM
Originally posted by vanhalener
Holy shit I have a lot to do now...

Be careful what you ask for... you might just get it!!! :eek:

Hardrock69
08-07-2007, 12:03 AM
OK look. Here is what you have to do now. It will take all day, so it will waste some time.

Get a friend to help you. And this had best be done somewhere where people passing by cannot see you.

Also that way you will not have to stay at the jail.


You need the following:

1. You have this already: A Camera

2. A couple of shovels. One for you, one for your friend.

3. A Snorkel. The kind you use for diving.

4. A mountain bike. Preferably one with big knobbly tires.

5. Some alcohol. Spirits are not necessary, but you should preferably drink a six-pack at least.


Step 1: Dig a hole about 2 feet deep, and about 5 feet long, and about 2 feet wide.

Step 2: Put on the snorkel. Oh, you need a face mask too just for kicks. It will add to the visual trip in a weird sort of fashion.

Step 3: Strip butt-naked.

Step 4: Kneel in the hole/trench you have just dug with your friend. Kneel so your butt is in the air, and your face is in the dirt in the bottom of the hole.

WARNING: Be ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN that your friend is not a homo.

Step 5: Have your friend bury you in the kneeling position like that, so that the only 2 things showing are the snorkel (so you can breathe), and your butt (sticking out of the ground).

Step 6. Have your friend wheel the mountain bike up so the front tire is wedged in your butt crack. and you have to hold the bike upright with your butt.

Step 7: Your friend has to take a bunch of photos for evidence.

WARNING: Ensure you are able to breathe when attemtping this stunt. DO try this home. Of course, only under the stupervision of a qualified drunk.

The author and originator of this written order is not responsible for the failure of anyone attempting this to follow the instructions to the letter, and is not liable for anything occurring as a result of anything, anywhere, anyhow.

Now get to it!
:D

VanHalener
08-07-2007, 12:27 AM
Originally posted by Hardrock69
OK look. Here is what you have to do now...

Holy shit man!

Noted. Results may take up to 24 hours.

Please stand by...
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blonddgirl777
08-07-2007, 12:46 AM
Originally posted by Hardrock69
... Step 6. Have your friend wheel the mountain bike up so the front tire is wedged in your butt crack. and you have to hold the bike upright with your butt...

:lol:

Can't wait to see that one!!!

blonddgirl777
08-07-2007, 12:49 AM
Originally posted by Hardrock69
... The author and originator of this written order is...

In general, crazier than I am! :rockit2:
(I didn't think it was possible...)
L.O.L.

Nitro Express
08-07-2007, 01:19 AM
Originally posted by blonddgirl777
O.K., that's exactly what I was going to ask from you but D.G. beat me to it...
Great job! Just make sure you put a new roll of toilet paper before she gets home... we, girls tend to use a lot more than you do ;)


So now my request to you is (I know it's cheesy but it works!);

When she comes home, wellcome her with a nice bath with lots of bubbles, some candles around it, a nice bottle of wine (or her favorite beverage). Some flowers laid on the bed would be very nice too.

You should be wearing just a towel around your waist and say; "Honey, I missed you sooooo much, let me love ya long time"!



And ho yes... I too, want to see pics. of all that! :D



Have fun!

No kidding! I'm a lone man in a house of women. I had to buy a trailer just to get the weekly pallat load of toilet paper home. All I know is Mr. Whipple "Don't Squeeze the Charmin" dude is laughing all the way to the bank with my money.

blonddgirl777
08-07-2007, 11:32 AM
Originally posted by Nitro Express
... I'm a lone man in a house of women. I had to buy a trailer just to get the weekly pallat load of toilet paper home...

L.O.L. My Dad. (also THE minority in a house of women) used to complain about the same thing... He'd say: "Do you girls eat it or what?"

When we got a cat, it was just a coincidence that it was a female... then he said "That's it... I'm moving out... I'll NEVER win!"... as a joke, of course...

SparkieD
08-07-2007, 06:29 PM
Originally posted by blonddgirl777
L.O.L. My Dad. (also THE minority in a house of women) used to complain about the same thing... He'd say: "Do you girls eat it or what?"

When we got a cat, it was just a coincidence that it was a female... then he said "That's it... I'm moving out... I'll NEVER win!"... as a joke, of course...

Poor Tiki...me, the kid, the cat, even the fish is a girl. Our main visitors are our moms, sisters, and our niece is always here. There are no brothers, brothers-in-law, or nephews.

diamondsgirl
08-07-2007, 08:58 PM
Originally posted by Hardrock69

4. A mountain bike. Preferably one with big knobbly tires.

:D

I had no idea where you were going with this!

LMAO. :D

blonddgirl777
08-07-2007, 09:52 PM
Originally posted by SparkieD
Poor Tiki...me, the kid, the cat, even the fish is a girl. Our main visitors are our moms, sisters, and our niece is always here. There are no brothers, brothers-in-law, or nephews.

Poor Tiki, in deed!
I have a feeling that the man goes for "a walk" sometimes...???

blonddgirl777
08-07-2007, 09:56 PM
Originally posted by vanhalener
Holy shit man!

Noted. Results may take up to 24 hours.

Please stand by...

If we don't hear from him again, it's probably because he didn't read the WARNINGS...

They either forgot to let him breathe or his friend came out of the closet and decided to wheel in somethin'else than a montain bike! :confused:

VanHalener
08-07-2007, 09:58 PM
Originally posted by blonddgirl777
Just make sure you put a new roll of toilet paper before she gets home...


http://i15.tinypic.com/4xos2ld.jpg

I'll be back

VanHalener
08-07-2007, 10:01 PM
Originally posted by smaz
Stick all the furniture in your living room to the cieling.... :D

Working on this one...

VanHalener
08-07-2007, 10:43 PM
Originally posted by smaz
Stick all the furniture in your living room to the cieling.... :D

I must be accommodating, but in turn I do not wish to end my relationship with vanhalenette.

So here's the living room furniture and Mr Jose Wales...
http://i11.tinypic.com/4l5a8vb.jpg
and...

blonddgirl777
08-07-2007, 10:48 PM
Another advice...
Make sure Mr Jose Wales is all clean as well as his litter box!

VanHalener
08-07-2007, 10:49 PM
Here is the furniture on the ceiling. Come on man, I threw in the cat.

http://i18.tinypic.com/625rogj.jpghttp://i17.tinypic.com/6cnkmc9.jpg

blonddgirl777
08-07-2007, 10:51 PM
I am very intrigued as to know what are those little white triangles in that plate on the coffee table?

It looks like cheese but that's the hungry French in me speaking...

VanHalener
08-07-2007, 10:56 PM
Originally posted by diamondsgirl
Why don't you clean the whole house from top to bottom


I think I have to touch up the mirror.
HOUSE CLEANING SUUUUCKS!!!
http://i14.tinypic.com/6aq4i0i.jpg

No more cleaning until one day before my girl returns.

I need a beer.

VanHalener
08-07-2007, 11:04 PM
Originally posted by blonddgirl777
I am very intrigued as to know what are those little white triangles in that plate on the coffee table?

It looks like cheese but that's the hungry French in me speaking...

Tic-Tac-Toe game vanhalenette picked up for a nephew who likes to play when he visits. You like?
http://i18.tinypic.com/4pbpb9z.jpg

VanHalener
08-07-2007, 11:14 PM
Originally posted by SparkieD
Go out and buy your chick a bunch of new sexy lingerie. She'll know you've been thinking about her and you can reap the benefits.

Damn good idea. I guess I can snap a shot of what I buy tomorrow, but I doubt I'll post a pic with the goods in the new lingerie. :( We'll see ;)
http://i15.tinypic.com/4yambmf.jpg

SparkieD
08-07-2007, 11:14 PM
Originally posted by vanhalener
http://i15.tinypic.com/4xos2ld.jpg

I'll be back

Straighten up that damn towel! That one on the left;)

blonddgirl777
08-07-2007, 11:16 PM
Originally posted by vanhalener
Tic-Tac-Toe game vanhalenette picked up for a nephew who likes to play when he visits. You like?
http://i18.tinypic.com/4pbpb9z.jpg

I absolutely LOVE IT!!!
What store did that came from?

I knew I could smell cheese! L.O.L.

blonddgirl777
08-07-2007, 11:18 PM
Originally posted by SparkieD
Straighten up that damn towel! That one on the left;)

You're hard core girl!
It's been bothering me too L.O.L....

See, how he put the T.P. on the right side?
Good boy! ;)

SparkieD
08-07-2007, 11:26 PM
Originally posted by vanhalener
I think I have to touch up the mirror.
HOUSE CLEANING SUUUUCKS!!!
http://i14.tinypic.com/6aq4i0i.jpg

No more cleaning until one day before my girl returns.

I need a beer.


That hand towel needs adjusting! Pronto!

VanHalener
08-07-2007, 11:29 PM
Originally posted by SparkieD Straighten up that damn towel! That one on the left;)
Roth Army Women Are Strict, Jack!:monkey: :wow: That better? Little lower than the other, but it's staying right there.:bananna:
http://i15.tinypic.com/4zcim2o.jpg



Originally posted by blonddgirl777
I absolutely LOVE IT!!!
What store did that came from?

I knew I could smell cheese! L.O.L.
I cannot remember where she got the tic-tac-toe game, but I'll ask her when she calls in the morning.:D

SparkieD
08-07-2007, 11:31 PM
Originally posted by vanhalener
Roth Army Women Are Strict, Jack!:monkey: :wow: That better?
http://i15.tinypic.com/4zcim2o.jpg




Much. Did you fix the other one?

VanHalener
08-07-2007, 11:35 PM
Originally posted by thome
Don't listen to these fine women you best get to dirtying the Fukk out of that house !!crap should be everywhere!! beer bottles in the front yard is ok.

You should have dirty burnt, I can't cook stuff ,in the sink.

You should have dirty socks and clothes in the hampers.



I might be able to handle some of this, but it is going to have to be enjoyed now and cleaned up before she arrives. Notice there are no pictures of the kitchen, yet.;)

Working on thome's demands...
<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/FyO0mGwCdaY"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/FyO0mGwCdaY" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>

VanHalener
08-07-2007, 11:41 PM
Originally posted by SparkieD
That hand towel needs adjusting! Pronto!

I need to slam a beer or two while I do that.
Stand by...
<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/X6uNSR4f4DQ"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/X6uNSR4f4DQ" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>

Tiki-Tom
08-08-2007, 12:11 AM
Originally posted by vanhalener
Roth Army Women Are Strict, Jack!:monkey: :wow: That better?


No shit, Man. I can't count the times I've reached for my drink and it's been moved........ to the dishwasher.............half full:rolleyes:

VanHalener
08-08-2007, 01:06 AM
Originally posted by Tiki-Tom
No shit, Man. I can't count the times I've reached for my drink and it's been moved........ to the dishwasher.............half full:rolleyes:

Thank you Tiki-Tom. I feel a good tazing can help people understand more fully the dangers of premature sanitation.;)
<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/4Y2a3N7ZEwk"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/4Y2a3N7ZEwk" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>


:D

VanHalener
08-08-2007, 01:25 AM
Before S
Originally posted by SparkieD
Did you fix the other one?

Sort of.:( Fresh towels in the dryer.:killer:
http://i18.tinypic.com/52nsdgg.jpg

SparkieD
08-08-2007, 01:41 AM
At ease, Man...after you put those glasses away;)


How's that shopping assignment going?

VanHalener
08-08-2007, 01:59 AM
I'll have to do my shopping on the morrow: I've been getting down with a couple Fosters and a guitar.

You know why I've been with a teacher for eight years now?

'Cause teacher needs to see me after schoooooooooooool!

I think of all the education I would have missed.

But then my homework's has always been like this. :spank:

:D

http://i13.tinypic.com/5x48kcn.jpg

VanHalener
08-08-2007, 02:36 AM
Ok, she's going to smack the hair off the back of my head for that one.

Time to go play with the night vision. I'll try to bring you all something back.
http://i10.tinypic.com/4p3qx5s.jpg

VanHalener
08-08-2007, 05:38 AM
http://i19.tinypic.com/4tktr3b.jpghttp://i9.tinypic.com/637vlp4.jpg
I missed.

VanHalener
08-08-2007, 06:01 AM
Originally posted by thome

If she comes home to a clean and shine house she will think you and the boys had some Hookers over and your trying to remove the Hooker evidence!!

I hear you, but I paid a lot for these hookers and one of them spilled her drink on the bed. It's starting to smell like vomit and I need to get some sleep.

Bad Hooker. Bad!
http://i12.tinypic.com/5zcifwj.jpg

blonddgirl777
08-08-2007, 07:38 AM
Originally posted by vanhalener
[B]I'll have to do my shopping on the morrow...

Whatever you buy (as requested by Sparkie D.), I suggest that the label does NOT read; Ployester or Nylon...

ace diamond
08-09-2007, 03:03 AM
go through her fucking closet,take everything in there you fucking cannot stand,or that does not fit her,same with kids clothes.
burn it.
use said bbq bonfire to roast a pig.......because you are going to have a toga party and the drink of the day is jungle juice.
once you are blissfully bombed-and stoned....can't forget the reefer,
everything else in the house that you want to get rid of, gather it up,get your guns and use it for target practice.
round up any and all broken toys,appliances,etc.....procure a shitload of waterproof m-80's.place all said items in swimming pool.place m-80's in pvc pipe tube with some small stones for ballast. bore small hole in one end for the fuse.put that cap on,light it,place it in the pool cover your ears and run.percussion bombs are fun.

and you must do all of this while blasting either cvh or twisted sister!

party time!!!!!!

ace diamond
08-09-2007, 03:05 AM
oh, and don't forget the strippers and dominatrixes!!!!

blonddgirl777
08-09-2007, 03:18 AM
... And you sure can make a woman mad! :lol:

ace diamond
08-09-2007, 03:24 AM
Originally posted by blonddgirl777
... And you sure can make a woman mad! :lol:
:D

MY NAME IS LUCIFER-PLEASE TAKE MY HAND!

I,THE DEVIL, HAVE A BAD HABIT OF TAKING BACK WITH INTEREST WHAT I GIVE OUT.

WELLCOME TO HELL!

:boobs: :ky: :splooge: :rockit: :sperm: :boobs: :splooge: :spank: :gun: :sex: :bottle: :killer:

ace diamond
08-09-2007, 03:24 AM
what can i say.....i have a wicked sense of funny!

ace diamond
08-09-2007, 03:29 AM
Originally posted by blonddgirl777
... And you sure can make a woman mad! :lol:

WELL,WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?
YOU ARE FRENCH-IT'S NOT EVEN A CHALLENGE!

blonddgirl777
08-09-2007, 07:23 AM
Originally posted by ace diamond
WELL,WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?
YOU ARE FRENCH-IT'S NOT EVEN A CHALLENGE!

:o

:lol:

smaz
08-09-2007, 08:05 AM
Ok, you got me with sticking the furniture to the cieling :lol: Nice!

hideyoursheep
08-09-2007, 11:04 AM
Originally posted by diamondsgirl
Why don't you clean the whole house from top to bottom

Checklist:

Lysol Tub and Tile Cleaner
Lysol Toilet Bowl Cleaner
Lysol Antibacterial Kitchen Cleaner
Mr. Clean Floor Cleaner
Windex
Murphy's Oil Soap
Clorox Disinfecting Wipes
Pledge Furniture Polish
lots of rags
4 more rolls of paper towels :D
http://i162.photobucket.com/albums/t276/stewstew1234/blasphemy1.jpg:eek:

hideyoursheep
08-09-2007, 11:11 AM
Originally posted by vanhalener
IS THERE ANYBODY DOWN RANGE?!
http://i167.photobucket.com/albums/u141/lodr01/guitar.gif


LOCK AND LOAD ONE GUITAR INTO AMPLIFIER, TURN ON THE STANDBY, RANGEWALK TO THE FRIGIDAIRE FOR PERSONAL REFRESHMENT, CRANK VOLUME, AND WATCH YOUR LANE....... :D

hideyoursheep
08-09-2007, 11:26 AM
Originally posted by SparkieD
Straighten up that damn towel! That one on the left;)

DAY 4

http://i156.photobucket.com/albums/t10/mdinmore/300px-Trash_heap1.jpg
;)

VanHalener
08-10-2007, 01:10 AM
Originally posted by ace diamond
oh, and don't forget the strippers and dominatrixes!!!!

The girl next door and I got a stripper and wrecked a room with her. I'm worn out, Jack!

<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/_HBrjwPRt18"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/_HBrjwPRt18" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>

smaz
08-10-2007, 04:32 PM
You ripped up one of the floors? Nice!!! :D

I'm still waiting for the bike one... :lol:

VanHalener
08-11-2007, 02:06 PM
Originally posted by smaz
I'm still waiting for the bike one... :lol:

This has proven to most difficult. Each attempt has left my ass chapped and my ears full of dirt.

Working...

thome
08-11-2007, 03:01 PM
Is that the Strippr who lives nexxt dooooor you'ld swear that kid was 21
goin on 44..

VanHalener
08-12-2007, 04:24 AM
Originally posted by thome
Is that the Strippr who lives nexxt dooooor you'ld swear that kid was 21
goin on 44..

That's a big negatory there ghost rider.
The stripper was the machine, but I am not authorized to comment further on this matter.

& oh, she's 20:hitch:
<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/WQgqgOI5V0E"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/WQgqgOI5V0E" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>

VanHalener
08-12-2007, 05:39 AM
T minus 9 hours
<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/l8w11sG1oOc"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/l8w11sG1oOc" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>
:killer:

thome
08-12-2007, 05:59 AM
I stole some closer music for you m'brotha
<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/mZj1uElADZw"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/mZj1uElADZw" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>

Some drivin home music.now is the time to clean the house .
<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/3nnTCh-PX8I"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/3nnTCh-PX8I" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>

thome
08-12-2007, 06:09 AM
While I -POP -!1my last beer let's hope Dave Throws SOME FUNK !!BACK INTO VAN HALEN!!

VanHalener
08-14-2007, 01:26 AM
Originally posted by thome
...crap should be everywhere!!

You should have dirty socks and clothes in the hampers.:D

http://i13.tinypic.com/5076ngg.jpghttp://i19.tinypic.com/4pup53a.jpg

VanHalener
08-14-2007, 01:34 AM
Originally posted by vanhalener
The stripper was the machine, but I am not authorized to comment further on this matter.
& oh, she's 20:hitch:


You know I was just joking on that one;) She's my neighbor and paid me to help tackle a job I hope none of you ever have to take on. And you thought using a stripper on the floor was always a good thing. I don't think so!:eek:

Last day was fun. Cut the grass and started partying with friends to a Redskins victory.
http://i13.tinypic.com/6h5p5dx.jpghttp://i14.tinypic.com/5z1iau1.jpg

VanHalener
08-14-2007, 01:36 AM
http://i18.tinypic.com/5yjirz7.jpghttp://i17.tinypic.com/4zbzq14.jpg

VanHalener
08-14-2007, 01:38 AM
Of course we jammed Van Halen and talked about the reunion.
http://i10.tinypic.com/68hv0hx.jpg

VanHalener
08-14-2007, 01:41 AM
It started to get late so we decided to finish the beer before it got too late. Then it got later.
http://i15.tinypic.com/687q25y.jpghttp://i11.tinypic.com/4v2wm4x.jpg

VanHalener
08-14-2007, 01:49 AM
One buddy wanted to try smoking my carnivorous plants, but I quickly silenced him with shots of Jose Cuervo.
http://i9.tinypic.com/53pu7hg.jpg