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Ozzy Fudd
08-30-2007, 12:53 PM
I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't afford one. So, I'm wearing my garage door opener.

You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't really like me anyway.

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!

I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is 'when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.'

I thought about making a fitness movie, for folks my age, and call it "Pumping Rust."

I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest is falling into your drawers!

I know, when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I want to say, "No, it's for company!"

Employment application blanks always ask 'who is to be notified in case of an emergency.' I think you should write, "A Good Doctor!"

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do... Write to these men? Why don't they just put their picture s on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they deliver the mail? Or better yet, arrest them while they are taking their pictures!

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then, it dawned on me; they are cramming for their finals.

As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.
:D

VanHalener
08-30-2007, 05:02 PM
I'm an old bastard also, my brother from the other mother. ;)

SO FUCKING WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:rockit2: :bananna: :rockit2: :hitch: ROCK AND ROLL NEVER FORGETS, BABY!

I picked this one for ya because it's about where my seat for the D.C. show is. No matter. I'll be on the move, Jack!:wow:

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Jérôme Frenchise
08-30-2007, 06:17 PM
Originally posted by Ozzy Fudd
I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't afford one. So, I'm wearing my garage door opener.

You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't really like me anyway.

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!

I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is 'when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.'

I thought about making a fitness movie, for folks my age, and call it "Pumping Rust."

I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest is falling into your drawers!

I know, when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I want to say, "No, it's for company!"

Employment application blanks always ask 'who is to be notified in case of an emergency.' I think you should write, "A Good Doctor!"

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do... Write to these men? Why don't they just put their picture s on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they deliver the mail? Or better yet, arrest them while they are taking their pictures!

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then, it dawned on me; they are cramming for their finals.

As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.
:D

This is brilliant, Ozz!! :D

Did you fancy writing this yourself putting yourself under an old man's skin? If so, you're a genius! :cool:
Well, if you didn't, it's a great find.

:cheers:

Terry
09-02-2007, 01:13 PM
Nice thing about getting older is no longer giving a shit about being trendy, or having much concern with who the latest pop culture 'icons' are and what they're doing...along with my testosterone cooling off slightly, so I'm no longer like some Pekinese ghetto dog perpetually in heat, continually looking for a leg to hump.

chi-town324
09-02-2007, 05:13 PM
ever heard the expression "YOUNG DUMB AND FULL OF CUM" alot can be said of getting older..

jharp84
09-02-2007, 05:49 PM
Wisdom! My father(god bless) had a friend who once stated"when you hit my age all you need is a pork-chop sandwich and a good bowel movement"!!! I'm not there yet! But it makes more sense to me as the years go by!!

jharp84
09-02-2007, 05:51 PM
Ozzy - 5 stars for making me laugh on a bad day!!

Katydid
09-03-2007, 11:05 AM
Ozzy,

You must be about my age (just turned 59).

Why do men age gracefully, (take Willie Nelson for example, he's in his 70s.) When women are gray, wrinkled, and smoke pot they are considered old hags.

Well, I may be old, but I'm not dead. That's one reason I post in here from time to time. The young idiots in here keep me young at heart.

If I could screw off their brains which are like a bucket of worms and put some of my hard learned lessons from the school of hard knocks.

I suggested once in a letter to Charlie Sheen (God has given me "assignments" all my life...) that there should be a "Mentor group" something like the big sister, big brother program. Well soon after a group of Hollywood actors started one. It has grown now to the inner cities. I saw on tv last week that a group of grandmothers started a mentor group where kids could hang out, watch tv, eat a good meal, etc. until their parents got home from work.

Although I get bad mouthed and they try the shock factor on me in here, I believe I have been of service to this site. And you have as well.

Check out my website: http://www.rotharmy.net

ddirvine
09-03-2007, 11:50 AM
Thats a great post ozzy.

A sixty year old business associate told me that at his age a good shit beats any fuck he ever had. LOL

Katydid
09-03-2007, 06:53 PM
Here are a few more someone sent me:


19 Things to Remember

1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.

2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.

3. If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.

4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.

5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.

6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark
to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many
people a company can operate without.

8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?

9. Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.

10. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.

11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.

12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM.
It could be a right number.

13. Think about this...No one ever says "It's only a game" when his team is winning.

14. I've reached the age where the Happy Hour is a nap.

15. Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it.

16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.

17. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of OLD LADIES
running around with tattoos? (And RAP music will be the Golden Oldies!)

18. Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry
in a Mercedes than in a Ford.

19. After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you
are probably dead.

Unchainme
09-03-2007, 06:56 PM
Originally posted by Katydid
Here are a few more someone sent me:


19 Things to Remember

1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.

2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.

3. If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.

4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.

5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.

6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark
to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many
people a company can operate without.

8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?

9. Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.

10. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.

11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.

12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM.
It could be a right number.

13. Think about this...No one ever says "It's only a game" when his team is winning.

14. I've reached the age where the Happy Hour is a nap.

15. Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it.

16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.

17. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of OLD LADIES
running around with tattoos? (And RAP music will be the Golden Oldies!)

18. Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry
in a Mercedes than in a Ford.

19. After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you
are probably dead.

"A Word to the wise ain't nesssecary, It's the stupid ones who need it!"-Redd Foxx

Katydid go fuck yourself.

Hyman Roth
09-03-2007, 08:34 PM
Originally posted by Katydid


...

I suggested once in a letter to Charlie Sheen (God has given me "assignments" all my life...) that there should be a "Mentor group" something like the big sister, big brother program. Well soon after a group of Hollywood actors started one. It has grown now to the inner cities. I saw on tv last week that a group of grandmothers started a mentor group where kids could hang out, watch tv, eat a good meal, etc. until their parents got home from work.

...



And to think if God hadn't picked Katydid to speak to and hadn't assigned to her the task of writing Charlie Sheen a letter, there wouldn't be any big sister/big brother programs in the inner-cities today....

Hmmm...the Lord sure does work in mysterious ways.

binnie
09-04-2007, 04:38 AM
Originally posted by Ozzy Fudd


I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is 'when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.'


That's one to remember!

Susie Q
09-04-2007, 09:00 AM
Originally posted by Unchainme
"A Word to the wise ain't nesssecary, It's the stupid ones who need it!"-Redd Foxx

Katydid go fuck yourself.

ROTFLMAO! Oh God...Unchainme, are we starting with the "quotes" again? Ozz's post was funny, but yours made me laugh the most.

I'm waiting for Al to pop in here and get goin'....LOL

Katy was almost normal until she took the credit for the mentor program. That's where I lost it.

Serendipity~Dr. Penis

ALinChainz
09-04-2007, 11:22 PM
Originally posted by Katydid
Check out my website: http://www.rotharmy.net

1. Ozzy is no where near you age. No one here is. Try the AARP website and even then, the oldest person there would think, "ewww."

2. You are nothing but a liar. Nothing. The biggest nothing. Ask your kids.

3. The website may be yours, but that name won't be. Count on it.

4. Hi Susie!!!! :D

Susie Q
09-06-2007, 11:57 AM
Originally posted by ALinChainz
1. Ozzy is no where near you age. No one here is. Try the AARP website and even then, the oldest person there would think, "ewww."

2. You are nothing but a liar. Nothing. The biggest nothing. Ask your kids.

3. The website may be yours, but that name won't be. Count on it.

4. Hi Susie!!!! :D

HAHAHAHA!!!!! Now the circle is complete. Hey Al!!:p :D

Ozzy Fudd
09-06-2007, 01:24 PM
Originally posted by ALinChainz
1. Ozzy is no where near you age. No one here is. Try the AARP website and even then, the oldest person there would think, "ewww."

2. You are nothing but a liar. Nothing. The biggest nothing. Ask your kids.

3. The website may be yours, but that name won't be. Count on it.

4. Hi Susie!!!! :D

well i am 50 soon to be 51 man time flies. i got this from a friend i changed it somewhat. it made me laugh and i wanted to share it with you all.:D

ALinChainz
09-06-2007, 10:04 PM
She's got ten years on you Oz ... and you're a DLR/CVH fan.

She is way closer to a dirt nap than you are.

:D