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View Full Version : No Pussy for WARF: Day 77


WARF
05-01-2009, 03:52 PM
Like the GRATE song from Bad English....

Sometimes I wanna give up...

I wanna give in...

I WANNA QUIT THE FIGHT!!!

uh uh u huh uh u hu h

I have tried to lure women... with booze... drugs... alcohol... PORN!!

Nothing.... fucking nothing...

The GODS of PUSSY have casted a black cloud over my head...

And will not give WARF a drop of pussy juice!!

I must be fucking cursed like the fucking Chicago Cubs man...

Maybe they will win the fucking world series... before I get a piece of POONTANG!!! .... OR POOH-NA-NA...

Anyways...

I was gettin' all shades of fucked up last...

And I thought definately last night would be the night....

Of course... I could always go the LoungeMachine route... and pay for it...

But that's NO FUN!

I like my PUSSY like I like my OXYGEN...

FREE BAY-BAY!!!!!

Last night was close.... but no fucking cigar....

Here is a transcript of my late night Text Message battle for pussy...

(Actual Text Messages Below!)

(Hold up let me find my cell phone...)

(Mind you... this is a hot short little piece of ASS.. blond hair blue eyes... small perky tits... 21 years old anyways..)

WARF: Hey, I was just passing by from work... did you wanna smoke a dutch with me?

Britney: Oh, I would love too. But I'm with people.

(hours later...)

Britney: Can I come over? It's just me, Samantha, and Rachell.

(WARF plays it off... already knowing the one girl is average.. and the other is kinda nasty...)

WARF: I'd love to have you over... but there is a couple girls here already... but they should be leaving soon.

WARF: Get rid of your friends, I still got some weed for me and you.

(2 am now)

WARF: Me and Mike are horny, and the other girl was gettin' undressed but the other girl cockblocked us and they both left... and now were sitting here with CHUBBIES.

WARF: I still have a ton of alcohol, and weed.

Britney: Oh my god lol. Well I have nowhere to chill.

Britney: Well what would you guys like to do?

WARF: umm what do you think we wanna do?

Britney: Lol i don't wanna do that

WARF: Do what? What r u talking about?

Britney: hook up

WARF: Well we still have chubbies, come over!

Britneys: what's chubbies?

WARF: Two ten inch cocks

WARF: Hello?

WARF: HELLLLLLLO????

uh u hu h uhu hu h uh u h uh uh uh u hu u huh

Stay tuned for more updates...
Nickdfresh
05-01-2009, 04:22 PM
Here's my motivational speech for you WARF:

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Terry
05-01-2009, 06:04 PM
Wow. Going on 3 months pretty soon, eh? You must have pounded your pud into a nubbin' by now.

I bet if you offered him 5-stars, a shiny buffalo nickel and a Duran Duran poster Savicky would let you skull fuck him.
Dr. Love
05-01-2009, 06:53 PM
Girls like a guy that can make them laugh. You should try being funny once in a while.
WARF
05-02-2009, 12:56 AM
Why don't you go rope some fucking cattle!!!
GAR
05-02-2009, 02:43 AM
I think you fucked up telling them you had 2 ten inch cocks.

She could misinterpret that as meaning you had two cocks.

Or she might think you're lying about having 2 cocks when after she gets your trousers off, you have like 5 or 6 cocks.

A virtual cockpantry. A pants-poultry of roosternecks, and she's thinking when they get to crowing, that's gonna be loud dawning and she doesn't wanna be there when it happens.
GAR
05-02-2009, 02:46 AM
Do what I do:

Next time you have to explain what a chubby is, tell her it's 3 inches long and slosh it thru a bowl of crushed ice till she shows up.

Then she'll think she actually did some good, working yer bone from a frigid ice cubelette to a raging 3-1/2" incher.. but don't tell her you have two 3 inch cocks.

Only women have two 3 inch cocks, one for each orifice usually the blue one with the bunny, and the cheapie white plastic one with the dumbass model rubbing it on her stupid face on the cardboard box. As if dildoes were for massaging the neck or face.
WARF
05-02-2009, 02:59 AM
Thank you Dr. Gar!
hideyoursheep
05-02-2009, 05:01 AM
Pretend you don't care....


You'll be tripping over it.
Nickdfresh
05-02-2009, 11:37 AM
GAR: the pontificater of cock...
GAR
05-02-2009, 01:15 PM
On a discussion thread topid now down, at diamonddavidleeroth.com SensibleShoes was fully in favor of my body modification, splitting my knob into two forks so I could piss twice as fast like a two-headed serpent.

If one could do that, fork their knob, that would be like having two cocks!

Nick, have you ever had two cocks?
GAR
05-02-2009, 01:17 PM
With all the tattoos n piercing threads we've posted in the past, I bet tits been done before.. if you can think it, somebody's already done it mark my words.

Double your pleasure, double your fun with a two-headed gun!
Dr. Love
05-02-2009, 01:47 PM
Girls like a guy that can make them laugh. You should try being funny once in a while.


Why don't you go rope some fucking cattle!!!

I can see this is going to take a lot of practice...
Nickdfresh
05-02-2009, 02:41 PM
On a discussion thread topid now down, at diamonddavidleeroth.com SensibleShoes was fully in favor of my body modification, splitting my knob into two forks so I could piss twice as fast like a two-headed serpent.

If one could do that, fork their knob, that would be like having two cocks!

Nick, have you ever had two cocks?

No GAR, I haven't ever even "had" one cock other than the one I was born with. Nothing wrong with that, just my thing...
Blaze
05-02-2009, 03:10 PM
With all the tattoos n piercing threads we've posted in the past, I bet tits been done before.. if you can think it, somebody's already done it mark my words.

Double your pleasure, double your fun with a two-headed gun!
This is a bait, isn't it?

Body modification - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_modification)

Genital Bisection is beyond deviant.
Everyone has a deviant to one extreme or another, but other than it's anomaly qualities, not much to note.
Some persons have their genitals completely removed, I guess to each their own.

But, I believe in the Kevorkian cause too.....
Igosplut
05-02-2009, 03:22 PM
This is a bait, isn't it?

Body modification - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_modification)


That's all he can do. Wikipedia is his only hope of conversation....
sadaist
05-02-2009, 03:27 PM
Next time you want pussy, just go to the muff thread, rub one out, then think of all the money you just saved by not taking anyone out to dinner or buying their drinks. Kinda like switching to Geico.
sadaist
05-02-2009, 03:30 PM
Britney: Can I come over? It's just me, Samantha, and Rachell.


and the answer to this question is always a simple YES!!!