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View Full Version : I miss Rodney Dangerfield


lesfunk
09-30-2009, 09:08 PM
:hee:.


My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home!

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying I said, 'Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said, 'No, I hate myself now.'

I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head comes off..

I knew a girl so ugly... they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, 'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.

I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.:hee:

My wife is such a bad cook, i n my house we pray after the meal.

My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex; she called me from Chicago last night.

AND,

My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't of had anything to play with.:lmao:
Diamondjimi
09-30-2009, 10:21 PM
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Diamondjimi
09-30-2009, 10:28 PM
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Hardrock69
10-01-2009, 03:32 AM
I tell ya I must be gettin' old....the other day I was walking past a cemetery and two guys came running out after me with shovels!
BITEYOASS
10-01-2009, 11:50 AM
On a related subject:

http://15.media.tumblr.com/9cyPFQbgCkhhjuld9036zPsGo1_500.jpg

BTW, this wasn't photoshopped!

It would be funny to see pee-wee shove two cocaine straws up his nose, snort a couple lines and say to Dave in his pee-wee voice "Hey Dave, I am the Walrus, coo-coo ca-choo! heh-heh!" :D
Nitro Express
10-01-2009, 03:52 PM
On a related subject:

http://15.media.tumblr.com/9cyPFQbgCkhhjuld9036zPsGo1_500.jpg

BTW, this wasn't photoshopped!

It would be funny to see pee-wee shove two cocaine straws up his nose, snort a couple lines and say to Dave in his pee-wee voice "Hey Dave, I am the Walrus, coo-coo ca-choo! heh-heh!" :D

Damn. I would keep a close eye on Pee Wee but man. Those three would be a lively table to sit at.
lesfunk
10-01-2009, 08:40 PM
you know Roth just had to dig Rodney.
standin
10-01-2009, 11:02 PM
I never saw what was wrong with Peewee. The dude was jacking off to adult porn. And not even close to "in character"

I don't necessarily approve of porn or jacking off, sex with a vowed partner is always the preferred method, but what did he do that was so wrong? OK. I will accept that in no place in the USA is sex in public legal, but is it really that big of a deal in places that sells sexual products as the main commodity?
sonrisa salvaje
10-02-2009, 11:57 AM
I'll tell ya....i got no luck. I try to look out for number 1 and i step in number 2. I go fishing - i catch nothing. I go to the orgy - i catch everything.
Hardrock69
10-04-2009, 02:19 AM
Goddam....Rodney was the motherfucking shit!
Panamark
10-04-2009, 03:01 AM
I never saw what was wrong with Peewee. The dude was jacking off to adult porn. And not even close to "in character"

I don't necessarily approve of porn or jacking off, sex with a vowed partner is always the preferred method, but what did he do that was so wrong? OK. I will accept that in no place in the USA is sex in public legal, but is it really that big of a deal in places that sells sexual products as the main commodity?

I think he was involved in a "child related" incident after the famous wank
in the theatre... I could be wrong...
But yeah, if all he did was jack off in the local porn cinema, I think you
could let that one slide.....
Panamark
10-04-2009, 03:02 AM
As for Rodney,

My favourite movies were Caddyshack and Back to school...

A line I can think of ??

After he farts, Phew, did someone step on a duck ???
And when looking at the snobby old golf club managers
wife, Wow, you must have really been something before electricity !!!