PDA

View Full Version : DIO: 'I Had A Guitar Player Who Had A Crooked Cock'



Full Bug
10-28-2009, 07:33 AM
Ronnie James Dio

His weirdest interview ever! The Rainbow and Black Sabbath singer spills on spider sex, dick etiquette and chats with Baal


October 2009


Dio’s website calls him “the grand wizard of classic rock”. He’s been recording since 1958, and first achieved recognition with his band Elf, who supported Deep Purple in 1972. He then joined Rainbow, and sang with Black Sabbath after Ozzy Osbourne was kicked out.

In 1983 he released his first solo album, Holy Diver, the title track of which was recently covered by the metalcore band Killswitch Engage. He currently fronts Heaven And Hell, a return to the Black Sabbath line-up he was part of.

Do you collect anything weird?
Frogs. I was in Cornwall in 1975 and discovered a little shop, and inside there was a frog playing guitar, and I just couldn’t help myself. I started to collect frogs, and I have a lot of people who care about me and give them to me. I have a frog with a large phallic member with a teacup on it.

Do you believe in ghosts?
When I was in Rainbow, we were at a place called the Château, north of Paris. There wasn’t a lot to do other than record, so one day we had a séance. We contacted this woman named Sarah who kept saying nothing but, “Kill Thomas, kill Thomas, kill Thomas”. This went on for a week.

So we asked Sarah some questions, and found out Thomas was her son, who she wanted us to kill because he killed her, in childbirth. We asked if we could talk to someone else and the glass started to go everywhere. It said: “I am Baal. I create chaos. You will never finish this project.” It got a lot more involved than that. That’s the tip of the iceberg.

What’s the closest you’ve come to death?
An automobile accident in the early days of Elf. Our driver was killed, as well as my best friend and lead guitar player. I went through the windscreen and then back, ripped a part of my scalp off, broke a leg and broke an arm.

One of the guitar players in the back hit his face on the engine and had 16 stitches near his eye, and one almost had his legs amputated… it just went on and on. Just a horrible experience.

Do you have any recurring dreams?
I have nightmares on the road – I guess that’s just the stress of being in different places and having a different diet. The worst one was waking up in a bus and seeing all the people who’ve died before me and someone saying: “Don’t worry, you’ll be with us soon.”

Have you ever had a crush on someone that most people would think was gross?
Sophia Loren’s lower lip. I always just thought she had a magnificent lower lip.

What does your orgasm face look like?
I don’t know… I don’t think I’ve ever really looked! Probably white and sticky.

Have you ever seen any quirky genitalia?
I had a guitar player who had a crooked cock. It was hard to miss; I guess he was proud of it. Sometimes we had to pee together and you know, you check it out.

I thought you weren’t meant to!
Yeah, you can sneak a peek! You can look and go, “Holy, look at the size…” and then tell your friends, “Some guy was in the toilet with a knob like a bell!” But you don’t give it a stare, for sure.

What’s the oddest thing you’ve eaten?
I don’t eat vegetables, because I can’t stand the sliminess – like green beans. Or anything that looks like it’s got something still growing inside it. I do eat potatoes, they’re like a quasi-vegetable; and I’ll eat tomatoes as long as they’re crushed up in a sauce. Other than that, I only eat meat. So, kangaroo.

What’s the strangest thing a fan’s ever sent to you?
I can name almost all the frogs. The strangest things are books of the dead – but I figure that’d be expected.

What’s the strangest thing in your house?
Aside from myself? Sometimes you collect so many things they start cohabitating. I’m looking at a frog, and next to the frog is a wolf, and then there’s another frog who’s playing the saxophone, and next to him is a gargoyle on a candlestick, and next to him is Henry VIII. And I have some really beautiful crosses.

What’s the biggest animal you’ve killed?
A squirrel, accidentally. I love animals. I’ve always had dogs and cats. They put things in perspective: I see how wonderfully made they are and how flawed we are.

And now, the classic Bizarre challenge: choose between coprophilia, necrophilia and bestiality and explain your decision.
If I had to choose, bestiality. I certainly don’t want to screw any dead people and I don’t want to eat shit; at least there’s some kind of sexualness going on in the other one that I can get a live perspective on, anyway.

Which animal?
A spider. A black widow, of course!

What would go through your head when it started to eat you after sex?
“Ouch” is the first thing I’d say, and “stop” would be next, and “Oh my God” – you know, the usual epithets hurled out when these things happen, when you get eaten by a spider.

Do you think the sex would be good?
Probably not.

Panamark
10-28-2009, 10:04 AM
*mental note to self* dont take a piss next to DIO...
that little bugger is head high to your jewels and obviously
sneaks a peek....

What would the convo be like "Ah DIO, its foookin cold today,
my knob is doing the shy retretaing turtle thing, ah I see yours
is too, ah hang on,
ya short little fucker I cant see your doodle !!!

Hmmmmmm

Va Beach VH Fan
10-28-2009, 10:28 AM
Now that was one strange interview....

lesfunk
10-28-2009, 11:08 AM
In Dio's defense, He's head high to the cock of a normal man and when peeing in public restrooms he's probably been spattered in the face enough to become devnsive.

WACF
10-28-2009, 11:47 AM
Those are weird questions to begin with...

ELVIS
10-28-2009, 01:26 PM
devnsive ??

Seshmeister
10-28-2009, 01:39 PM
In Dio's defense, He's head high to the cock of a normal man and when peeing in public restrooms he's probably been spattered in the face enough to become devnsive.

Exactly, to him the world is all elbows and assholes. :)

FORD
10-28-2009, 02:15 PM
Does this mean there will be a Dio/Paul Stanley collaboration soon?

They can call the album "Hey, Nice Crooked Dick" :biggrin:

lesfunk
10-28-2009, 04:04 PM
Exactly, to him the world is all elbows and assholes. :)
A better question would be, "Mr. Dio, does being splashed on the cheek when standing next to someone in a public urinal upset you?"
or...
"Mr Dio, when riding the bus do you notice much difference in the odors emitting from the assholes of different people?"

lesfunk
10-28-2009, 04:05 PM
devnsive ??

Fukov U

Golden AWe
10-28-2009, 05:30 PM
I have a Crooked Cock!

Anonymous
10-28-2009, 05:47 PM
C'mon peeps, don't make fun of the dwarf, I mean guy.

But what really upsets me in that interview is when Dio says HIS orgasm FACE is "probably white and sticky".

I'm glad he didn't expand on the subject, and I thank the interviewer for dropping it, even if he shouldn't even have brought it up in the first place.

By the way, mine isn't crooked but bends to the right. I think. Lemme check, I'll need a little help.

http://www.hairfinder.com/celebrityhairstyles/cindy-crawford2.jpg

Yup, to the right.

Cheers! :bottle:

Golden AWe
10-28-2009, 07:11 PM
http://www.hairfinder.com/celebrityhairstyles/cindy-crawford2.jpg

Yup, to the right.

Cheers! :bottle:

I just watched a episode of "3rd Encounter from Mars" or what's the name of the John Lithgow show, with Cindy and some other models as aliens from Venus trying to take over the world...in black, open space goddess suits...UFF!!!!

Panamark
10-29-2009, 01:41 AM
Gives new meaning to "Rainbow in the Dark"
perhaps he was pissing next to a bandmate in a dimly
lit urinal and noticed his bandmate had been taking
lots of vitamin B !!

Panamark
10-29-2009, 01:43 AM
I have a Crooked Cock!

Yes, but its on probation now isnt it ???

Mr Badguy
10-29-2009, 08:05 AM
Never mind that shit, what we all want to know is...

...who is this wonky cocked axe man?

I bet he`s talking about Viv Campbell again.

First it was B.O.he had, now this.

And how can you tell if someones cock is crooked from seeing them take a piss?

Surely they would have to have a hard on, in which case if you were standing next to them there would be a right knuckle.

Diamondjimi
10-29-2009, 10:29 AM
Dio the willy watcher...

Panamark
10-30-2009, 08:31 AM
Standing in that urinal head high to pissing penises,
must be Heaven and Hell !!
(heaven for the part where you are relieving yourself )

Mr Badguy
10-30-2009, 09:11 AM
The Knob Rules!

Pee-on Knights!

Pishing Well!

Etc.

Panamark
10-30-2009, 09:14 AM
The Knob Rules!

Pee-on Knights!

Pishing Well!

Etc.

LOL ! NOt bad,
but nobody relieves for the dancer !

ELVIS
10-30-2009, 10:08 AM
Falling Off The Edge of The Seat

Anonymous
10-30-2009, 03:58 PM
I just watched a episode of "3rd Encounter from Mars" or what's the name of the John Lithgow show, with Cindy and some other models as aliens from Venus trying to take over the world...in black, open space goddess suits...UFF!!!!

3rd Rock from the Sun, is that it? man, I gotta find that show. I've been in love with Cindy ever since I was 11.

Just my luck.... I watched so many episodes, and I had to skip that one. DAMN!

Cheers! :bottle:

Anonymous
10-30-2009, 04:26 PM
I just watched a episode of "3rd Encounter from Mars" or what's the name of the John Lithgow show, with Cindy and some other models as aliens from Venus trying to take over the world...in black, open space goddess suits...UFF!!!!

Found the episode on YouTube. All praise the Tube.

Here's the links, if anyone's interested:

Part 1: YouTube - 3rd RFTS S03 E14- 36! 24! 36! Dick! (1)(1/3) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fj419zmZukw)
Part 2: YouTube - 3rd RFTS S03 E14- 36! 24! 36! Dick! (1)(2/3) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OVrc4Awuosc)
Part 3: YouTube - 3rd RFTS S03 E14- 36! 24! 36! Dick! (1)(3/3) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MnoyBi156HE)

Gonna watch it rite now. This is gonna be grate!

Oh Cindy, how I love you.

Cheers! :bottle:

letsrock
10-30-2009, 04:31 PM
So that guitarist was always pissing in Dio's face?

Nitro Express
10-31-2009, 03:03 AM
For some reason this reminds me of the story of David Lee Roth taking a piss into a bathtub at a club that was used as a urnal and he heard a voice. He flares his arms to see if someone is to the side of him and the dude is in the tub being pissed on. Dave goes,"Do I tip this guy?" That story from his book always cracked me up. Only in New York.

Nitro Express
10-31-2009, 03:04 AM
C'mon peeps, don't make fun of the dwarf, I mean guy.

But what really upsets me in that interview is when Dio says HIS orgasm FACE is "probably white and sticky".

I'm glad he didn't expand on the subject, and I thank the interviewer for dropping it, even if he shouldn't even have brought it up in the first place.

By the way, mine isn't crooked but bends to the right. I think. Lemme check, I'll need a little help.

http://www.hairfinder.com/celebrityhairstyles/cindy-crawford2.jpg

Yup, to the right.

Cheers! :bottle:

She's still fuckable.

sadaist
10-31-2009, 04:48 AM
Those are weird questions to begin with...


I like interviews with oddball questions. Even with Hagar I wish someone would finally quit asking him about Van Halen or Cabo.

letsrock
10-31-2009, 01:41 PM
For some reason this reminds me of the story of David Lee Roth taking a piss into a bathtub at a club that was used as a urnal and he heard a voice. He flares his arms to see if someone is to the side of him and the dude is in the tub being pissed on. Dave goes,"Do I tip this guy?" That story from his book always cracked me up. Only in New York.

But Dave didnt stare at the guys cock. Ronnie did.
Maybe this is why Vivian Campbell is gone. Ronnie enjoyed being pissed on.

Anonymous
10-31-2009, 06:39 PM
She's still fuckable.

Hey, hey, HEY! A bit of respect, alright? You're talking about The Godess, I'll have none of that "still fuckable" thing.

Cindy is a lovely, wonderful, beautiful Godess, she deserves more respect.

She will ALWAYS be fuckable.

Cheers! :bottle:

Panamark
11-01-2009, 08:31 AM
Giving this some more thought,

in a urinal situation, you kinda have to pull the old fella out
on a twisted angle. (As opposed to the luxury of your own cubicle where you can
relax and let it go).. If I was DIO I would be seeking the cubicle, otherwise, even in that
awkward few seconds where you communicate with that pisser next you....
You are at face-stranger's coch level ??

OR !!!! Dio takes a little step ladderr in when he has to whiz..
I found mine very useful when I was only 2 foot high....

Coyote
11-01-2009, 09:07 AM
Do you collect anything weird?
Frogs. I was in Cornwall in 1975 and discovered a little shop, and inside there was a frog playing guitar, and I just couldn’t help myself. I started to collect frogs, and I have a lot of people who care about me and give them to me. I have a frog with a large phallic member with a teacup on it.

And he was a frog, albeit animated... :biggrin:
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/6sn1UqbbbqQ&hl=en&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/6sn1UqbbbqQ&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

bueno bob
11-02-2009, 09:03 AM
Bizarre interview, but I guess it beats "Is there ever going to be a Rainbow reunion?" and "How do you feel about Ozzy/Vivian/etc" for the 678,789th time...

Hellraiser!!
11-04-2009, 06:45 AM
Funny interview!!!

Right on Coyote, first thing that came in my mind was this old Butterfly Ball video when I read about his frog obsession...

And I'm sure he was talking about Vivian Campbell when he mentioned the guitarrist with the crooked penis....

DavidLeeNatra
11-05-2009, 03:59 AM
Dio is not in the height of anyone's penis...because he is always using one of these...

http://images.mytoys.com/intershoproot/eCS/Store/de/images/146/72/1467235-n.jpg

Sensible Shoes
11-05-2009, 08:00 AM
For some reason this reminds me of the story of David Lee Roth taking a piss into a bathtub at a club that was used as a urnal and he heard a voice. He flares his arms to see if someone is to the side of him and the dude is in the tub being pissed on. Dave goes,"Do I tip this guy?" That story from his book always cracked me up. Only in New York.

Didn't the guy in the tub tell him "a little more to the right". ?

Seshmeister
11-05-2009, 08:59 AM
Better than having a cock that's had a crooked guitar player

Panamark
11-05-2009, 10:38 AM
Are we getting the context right ?? Was it Vivian Campbell's wayward
weiner that has been caught more than once pick pocketing ???
Or Tony Iommi's dark pecker of doom that enjoys a good jewel
heist with the right connections ?