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Seshmeister

11-13-2009, 09:17 PM

Since I don't have a blog I think I'll rant here instead.

I've worked myself up into a bit of annoyance about a movie I haven't even seen like a fundie christian objecting to Life of Brian but fuck the hypocrisy I want to appeal to people to boycott this shitty 2012 movie.

In this time of credit crunch and recession I want to give 3 good reasons why you shouldn't go to this movie.

Treating the audience like retards

So we have a disaster film and it has the following characters. The first problem with this movie is the incredible offensive bullshit of the script. Now as I said I haven't seen it but I want you to take a quick quiz about the characters and let's see how well we do when someone goes to it and reports back.

There are 5 principles in this movie

a) Our hero an unsuccessful author who has family problems
b) His wife and kids
c) A dog
d) An evil millionaire Russian oligarch
e) The evil millionaire Russian oligarch 2 spoiled brat kids

Without seeing the movie I want you to ponder the following questions and see if we get them correct.

i) Will our author end up making up with his wife and kids, become more successful and learn his lesson?

ii) Although this is a movie where the whole fucking world starts blowing up will his kids survive ok?

iii) Will the dog be put in a perilous situation but survive ok?

iv) Will the evil Russian get completely killed?

v) Will his spoiled kids survive(kids almost never die in movies) but learn their lesson?

Could the first person to sit through this 2 hours and 40 minutes of computer graphic death of cinema please let us know the answers to these crazy guesses I'm making here.

Accountants Writing our movies

At a time when we are told that Hollywood is really struggling, not in the same way as the engineer in Detroit of course but in a way whereby no films that aren't geared to teenage kids are getting made, they have spent $250 million on this perhaps sack of shit. You have to wonder why bring out a film called 2012 in 2009. Ok you have the Mayan angle but they could have release it in 2011 or 2012. Van Halen didn't bring out 1984 in 1981!

Why is this?

Because to recover the $500 million they are looking for from their investment they need to get your money from the cinemas in 2009, then the DVD in 2010, then on cable TV in 2011 and then from the directors cut in 2012.

Upsetting the stupid

They are using the now old meme Blair Witch Project trick of pretending there is something in this Mayan calender bullshit in order as a marketing tool. This is causing worry and misery among stupid people and children which is kind of wrong. Enough of the anti science bullshit.

LETS ALL BOYCOTT THIS SHIT!

FUCK THIS I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME!

The event movie thing started in a good way with Jaws but now it's got to the point where it's like there is almost something wrong with you if you refuse to engage in the latest Hollywood event.

For the price of this shit they could have made 5 or 6 decent films. Be brave and say no I'm not going to this crap.

Little Texan

11-13-2009, 10:53 PM

I thought it looked like an incredibly dumb movie the first time I seen the trailer. It's another one of those Hollywood special effects extravaganzas with no actual plot.

Terry

11-13-2009, 10:59 PM

The flick trailers looked kind of boring, actually. A bunch of CGI that didn't look all that stunning (or realistic) when I saw the trailer in the theater. Tying it into the 2012 hysteria is just lame.

If I wanna watch a disaster movie, I'll stick to flicks from the 1970s. Armageddon, Deep Impact, The Day After Tomorrow and the Poseidon Adventure remake all sucked balls. from what I've seen, there's no reason to think this won't as well.

FORD

11-13-2009, 11:08 PM

If some shitty camcorder bootleg turns up online this weekend, I might watch it for shits and giggles, but I wouldn't pay to see it.

GAR

11-14-2009, 12:41 AM

amen, sesh

Coyote

11-14-2009, 04:58 AM

Kinda lost interest in movies after the latest Star Trek.

Too much CGI, not to mention the handheld camera jitter during action scenes...

ZahZoo

11-14-2009, 12:24 PM

The event movie thing started in a good way with Jaws but now it's got to the point where it's like there is almost something wrong with you if you refuse to engage in the latest Hollywood event.

For the price of this shit they could have made 5 or 6 decent films. Be brave and say no I'm not going to this crap.

Hmmm... I thought the whole event movie thing started with the 1933 King Kong Movie. Then really took shape from the 1938 radio broadcast of War of the Worlds.

You're showing your youth Sesh... Jaws?? How about 1968's 2001: A Space Oddity..?

I get your point on the scientific, mystical Mayan calendar bullshit. But to me it's about as harmless as ancient Egyptian pharaohs and the Divinci Code crap...

Don't get too stuffy on the intelectual angle... that's for quirky independant films. Remember there's the entertainment elements and we all still like to see cool shit blown up to hell... even if it is all silly...

I doubt I'll go see this in the theater... looks better suited as a DVD rental on a lazy Sunday winter afternoon, nursing one hell of Saturday nite hangover!!

ELVIS

11-14-2009, 12:53 PM

Golden AWe

11-14-2009, 04:32 PM

I noticed it's forbidden from everyone under 13!

Funny to see Bruce Lee movies are K-18 here...:D

Terry

11-14-2009, 06:33 PM

Hmmm... I thought the whole event movie thing started with the 1933 King Kong Movie. Then really took shape from the 1938 radio broadcast of War of the Worlds.

You're showing your youth Sesh... Jaws?? How about 1968's 2001: A Space Oddity..?

I get your point on the scientific, mystical Mayan calendar bullshit. But to me it's about as harmless as ancient Egyptian pharaohs and the Divinci Code crap...

Don't get too stuffy on the intelectual angle... that's for quirky independant films. Remember there's the entertainment elements and we all still like to see cool shit blown up to hell... even if it is all silly...

I doubt I'll go see this in the theater... looks better suited as a DVD rental on a lazy Sunday winter afternoon, nursing one hell of Saturday nite hangover!!

There have been times in the past where I wondered if I were missing out on something when failing to see the latest "blockbuster" that everyone else blathers about being a "must see" movie.

However, after being convinced by several people to go see Paul Blart:Mall Cop (I figured what the hell...the movie had already grossed about 130 million in domestic US box office and had been #1 for a few weeks), I now realize that millions of people CAN be wrong. Am thinking about 2012 along the same lines as all those animated "movies that are funny for kids but have clever dialogue that (slightly retarded) adults will enjoy too!"

Since one can already tell that 2012 is a film that, due to the special effects, is only gonna have any impact if seen in a movie theater, I'm probably not gonna bother with even renting it for home viewing. Checked out titles of some of the other films the 2012 director has done, some of which I'd seen and wasn't too enthused about.

However, I AM looking forward to renting Jennifer's Body when it is released on home video next month and having a nice wank. Unlike the end result of seeing 2012 in the movie theater, at the end of viewing Jennifer's Body I'll have something to show for my time and effort (even if it is a bit sticky - at least it won't be from buttered popcorn;)).

VanHalenFan5150

11-14-2009, 06:44 PM

I myself thought of the whole thing as downright stupid. Honestly... 2012? Come on, they can do better. I'd much rather have seen that movie get spent on Halo or Jurassic Park for then some $250 million shitfest.

First: 2012 is an amusing concept nonetheless, but it's been overrated and overused. They ought to stop, since science has proved there is no significance between the earth and the Mayan Calendar ending in 2012

Second: A 2012 movie... in 2009. I Lol'd so hard.

Third: I have no third point, the movie's gay enough.

Watch out Gar, you've got some competition...

hideyoursheep

11-14-2009, 08:44 PM

Kinda lost interest in movies after - Hollywood started recycling old TV shows onto the big screen. Not a stab at Star Trek, it's a stab at EVERYTHING.

binnie

11-16-2009, 08:22 AM

The sad thing is that there are lots of great films being made, they just don't get the big studio promotion. You have to hunt them out in niche theatres, and no, not those kind of 'niche' theatres :D

Seshmeister

11-16-2009, 10:48 AM

We used to rehearse above one of those places.

The manager used to come up to complain about the noise.

"My customers can't hear themselves wank downstairs..." :)

Seshmeister

11-16-2009, 10:53 AM

Hmmm... I thought the whole event movie thing started with the 1933 King Kong Movie. Then really took shape from the 1938 radio broadcast of War of the Worlds.

You're showing your youth Sesh... Jaws?? How about 1968's 2001: A Space Oddity..?

Not really - Jaws invented the huge marketing budgets and opening in thousands of screens all at once.

http://filmtvindustry.suite101.com/article.cfm/the_summer_blockbuster

The Summer Blockbuster
How Jaws and Star Wars Changed the World of Film Forever!

© Michael Peters

Jan 31, 2008

The Summer Blockbuster changed Hollywood. Studios had regained control of the system and once again the film world evolved into something other than an art-form.

There are many reasons for the failure of the 1970s art film. However, none may be as viable as the emergence of the summer blockbuster. Prior to 1975, films were released at different times of the year with no specific time line in place to guarantee a success (maybe Christmas time?). This all changed however when Jaws (1975), directed by Steven Spielberg, arrived in theatres on June 20. Audiences flocked to this film and lined up around the block for hours on end, all to witness the carnage perpetrated by a shark. The film was a major success and made the studios more money then they could have ever imagined. As a result, the art film was all but finished. It was now time for the popcorn era to begin.

Though Jaws was a major success, there was still no guarantee that the summer was the perfect time to release high concept films (little story, lots of action). That is, until Star Wars, written and directed by George Lucas, was released on May 25, 1977. The film became an unprecedented success and soon became the highest grossing film of all time (this is no longer true). The studios and George Lucas himself never had complete faith in the film and were all the more surprised by the reaction of audiences around the globe.

Prior to its success, the studios had made a deal with Lucas. They would receive a hefty portion of the profits for the film and in return, Lucas wanted Star Wars produced by his own company, insisted on the music rights and profits from sales of the soundtrack, sequel rights and lastly, merchandising rights. The studios believed that Lucas was out of his mind, especially with this final request. They had a right to feel this way though. Up until this point, merchandise such as shirts, action figures and so on had never been a successful enterprise in the past. So, they agreed to these terms and gave him full rights to any profits garnered from the merchandise. What happened afterwards changed the way cinema and films would forever be marketed.

The tremendous success of Star Wars brought about a new day in film. Films no longer had to be a success in order to gain a profit. Merchandise and soundtracks could now be seen as possible revenue income. Lucas had made so much money with the merchandise of Star Wars that it proved to the studios that they could exploit this success from now on.

Studios also began to realize that there was no money to be truly made of art house films any longer. The artists who had been in control for the past decade had become egomaniacs and their desires were becoming increasingly inflated as a result. Their successes went to their heads and their visions became morbidly obese. Films were costing more to produce and were not making the profits they had once garnered.

As well, times were changing. There was, once again, optimism in the air. Society no longer wanted to be bombarded with character driven stories. They wanted to be entertained once again. The success of Jaws and Star Wars was perhaps not the final nail in the coffin on the art house era but it was more than likely the most important.

Since the late 70s, films have desired to entertain, especially in the summer. They have stripped their art house attire and have become ‘dumbed-down’ escapist filled entertainment (with a tremendous amount of merchandise to boot). Computer generated graphics have risen to such a degree in the past few years that they have become the key character in some films. The truth of the matter is, is that some people would rather be entertained then to be taught. There are still films that strive to teach but these are few and far between in the world of entertainment. To some, the summer is the greatest time for movies. For others, it is a definitely an example of all that is wrong with Hollywood.

Read more: http://filmtvindustry.suite101.com/article.cfm/the_summer_blockbuster#ixzz0X2S3QpIA

Seshmeister

11-16-2009, 11:01 AM

Cinema Summers - Sky Movies (http://movies.sky.com/cinema-summers)

In May 1975, The Godfather was the highest grossithe-godfatherthe-godfatherng movie of all time. Four years after the release of Francis Ford Coppola’s epic mafia tale, no movie had come close to the worldwide box office success it garnered.

It would then come as something of a surprise that, come the summer of 75, a movie of The Godfather’s calibre would be knocked from its lofty perch by what appeared to be a simple popcorn movie.

As it transpired, this was not just a popcorn movie, but a seismic change in cinema and the way audiences view (and marketing departments sell) Hollywood productions.

That movie was Jaws.

It wasn’t so much that Spielberg’s tale of a shark looking for dinner off the coast of a small US town was capable of beating The Godfather’s success, more so the speed at which it happened.

The Godfather had been out for years, and Jaws raced past its box office take in less than 2 months. Three months after that, Jaws became the first movie ever to break the $100m barrier.

Ever since the release of Jaws, Hollywood has sought to re-capture that success with every passing summer. For Jaws was the first ‘summer blockbuster’ or 'event movie'.

From Star Wars to Independence Day, Hollywood has followed a path laid out by Spielberg and Universal. The idea was brilliant yet simple - to create a marketing campaign that depended on teasing the audience.

It’s an approach that has been honed over the years. So much so that a release schedule for posters now exists. First the Winter/ Spring teaser, with no sign of the movie’s title, before the slightly more information-friendly one-sheet appears. Then, as the movie reaches release, tell the audience what they’ve been missing.

Despite the incredible temperatures of 76, it would be two years before a studio managed to capture Spielberg’s summer, as 20th Century Fox nailed the marketing campaign for Star Wars, which dwarfed even the Jaws box office take.

And the years that followed reads like a veritable guide for blockbuster hits – Jaws 2, Alien, Empire Strikes back and Indiana Jones all appeared in subsequent years, as did the likes of E.T., and Star Trek.

More relevant to today is the fact that most of these movies not only came out in the summer, not only did they have superb marketing campaigns, but they largely had ready-made audiences.

Jaws, the novel, was the best selling book of 74, while Jaws 2, Empire and Star Trek were all based on previous incarnations, be it at the cinema or on TV.

What the success of Jaws did for studios is hard to quantify. More than just showing how to make a big summer movie, Jaws made so much money Universal needn’t have released another picture that year. Thus, the phrase ‘tentpole movie’ entered the producers’ lexicon.

Studios could now plan like never before. Find a movie with a ready-made audience (say, a computer game adaptation, a book or even a cartoon) double that audience with a clever ad campaign, and release at the height of the summer.

Today this approach allows studios to hit targets, meaning more, allegedly risky, ventures can be taken by their ‘independent’ arms (Fox Searchlight with Little Miss Sunshine for example).

In today’s terms, Indiana Jones IV, Prince Caspian and, The Dark Knight are all on the trajectory that fired Jaws into the stratosphere. Should the movie in question not be a sequel or adaptation, studios will require ready-made audiences from elsewhere, hence the paycheque Angelina Jolie’s likely to receive for Wanted.

Of course, the formula suffers from the sheer volume of movies that aim to achieve summer success. So many glossy, vacuous popcorn thrillers arrive in the months of June, July and August that it’s a veritable minefield of bullshit cinema.

Today, 33 years after Jaws thrilled in a way so many movies attempt to emulate, the best way for a studio to find a moment of quiet to attract attention in, they must wait
later in the year. Which is why winter is becoming the new summer.