How to build a Fart detector

[GAR]

I'm looking for circuits to build a fart detector.

I need a loud alarm to sound anytime someone's shitty pants deplete themselves of gaseous sulfurs.

Anyone ever heard of a sulphur detector?

[Panamark]

Maybe Im being basic and too biological, but a nose is hard to beat !

[Panamark]

A well directed bic flame at the offending output pipe can
have spectactular results.

Why do you seek such a device, is your room becoming stenchy
beyond acceptance or are you suspicious of your room mates and
that poo smell on you pillow at night ??

For a project of this magnitude, we need more scientific reasoning.

[GAR]

Well, Gar's First Order of Fart Dynamics clearly specifies "..anytime a big gutfull of gas is yet to be released, or has been, a release of pheromones by the offender is prereleased - causing those within the room to walk up or wish to walk up to the person with gas."

It never fails. I'm about to fart, or have farted, and people come up to me.

Now, I could be in the stockroom doing cleanup at the KFC after everybody else goes home, around 1am... but some dumbass will stick around and for SURE walk up to me and ask a question right after I've farted.

Or just stand there. Right before. Just come up on me out of the blue.

A fart detector would work well in this instance, like an earthquake detector warning people "do not go near."

[Panamark]

And they gave Obama the Nobel Peace Prize ?

How about a baseball cap with a flip up sign stating
clearly "I am about to FART"

Simple and honest.

[VanHalenFan5150]

.

Why do you seek such a device, is your room becoming stenchy
beyond acceptance or are you suspicious of your room mates and
that poo smell on you pillow at night ??

For a project of this magnitude, we need more scientific reasoning.

You know that if you barebutt fart on someone's pillow, they are likely to get pink eye?

[kwame k]

Now, I could be in the stockroom doing cleanup at the KFC after everybody else goes home, around 1am...

Now it makes sense why you're so scared the Mexican's will take your job.

Thanks for the sig, BTW!

[GAR]

I don't like people coming up to me when I'm farting! It's like.. I dont' want people lookin at me naked, neither n'stuff..

[GAR]

You know that if you barebutt fart on someone's pillow, they are likely to get pink eye?

Last week I farted on my chick's butt, and she got really offended.

I don't know why! That's where her farts blow outta.. and it was as if my fart was kissing her farts!

uhhhuhhuhuhuuhh...

[VanHalener]

Last week I farted on my chick's butt, and she got really offended.

I don't know why! That's where her farts blow outta.. and it was as if my fart was kissing her farts!

uhhhuhhuhuhuuhh...

LOL

you're a sick phuck GAR.

[VanHalener]

Here you go...

[GAR]

Hmm..

Power Source: 110vAC / 60Hz at 6 Watts
CO sensor: CO sensor is calibrated at 200ppm CO specific to avoid false alarms
Sensor: Alarm trip point set at: < 25% LEL (lower explosive limit)
0.95% by volume Natural gas (methane) in air
0.53% by volume LP-gas (propane) in air
0.48% by volume butane in air

Less than 1 percent methane in the air.. wonder if the sensitivity could be increased..

[Panamark]

I reckon you should just light the fuckers if you are that worried.
Destroys the methane and leaves a much more pleasant
after smell... Impresses the hell out of KFC patrons too !

[fryingdutchman]

Hey GAyR...

We'll send you the schematics for the bullshit detector that goes off every time you post.

It should work just fine.

Watch your mailbox....

[Igosplut]

I'm looking for circuits to build a fart detector.

Keep your mouth shut, you won't need it then....