Taking a woman to bed.

[Anonymous]

Alright, taking a woman to bed...

Let's start at the beginning:

At 8

http://img687.imageshack.us/img687/9103/image001bh.gif

You take her to bed and tell her a story (Fuck you, Shitvicky)

At 18

http://img20.imageshack.us/img20/5823/image002vv.gif

You tell her a story and take her to bed

At 28

http://img20.imageshack.us/img20/3840/image003t.gif

You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed

At 38

http://img69.imageshack.us/img69/3345/image004g.gif

She tells you a story and takes you to bed

At 48

http://img194.imageshack.us/img194/569/image005v.gif

She tells you a story to avoid going to bed

At 58

http://img69.imageshack.us/img69/1681/image006u.gif

You stay in bed to avoid her story

At 68

http://img704.imageshack.us/img704/864/image007.gif

If you take her to bed, that'll be a story

At 78

http://img704.imageshack.us/img704/5302/image008fz.jpg

What story? What bed? Who the hell are you?

Cheers! :bottle:

[chefcraig]

A helpful hint from your Uncle chef...before taking any woman to bed, check first for an adam's apple. Trust me on this. http://www.easyfreesmileys.com/smileys/free-ashamed-smileys-705.gif (http://www.easyfreesmileys.com/Free-Baby-Smileys/)

[kwame k]

Yikes:hitch:

[Anonymous]

A helpful hint from your Uncle chef...before taking any woman to bed, check first for an adam's apple. Trust me on this. http://www.easyfreesmileys.com/smileys/free-ashamed-smileys-705.gif (http://www.easyfreesmileys.com/Free-Baby-Smileys/)

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay ahead of you on that one, dude...

Cheers! :bottle:

[ace diamond]

Alright, taking a woman to bed...

Let's start at the beginning:

At 8

http://img687.imageshack.us/img687/9103/image001bh.gif

You take her to bed and tell her a story (Fuck you, Shitvicky)

At 18

http://img20.imageshack.us/img20/5823/image002vv.gif

You tell her a story and take her to bed

At 28

http://img20.imageshack.us/img20/3840/image003t.gif

You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed

At 38

http://img69.imageshack.us/img69/3345/image004g.gif

She tells you a story and takes you to bed

At 48

http://img194.imageshack.us/img194/569/image005v.gif

She tells you a story to avoid going to bed

At 58

http://img69.imageshack.us/img69/1681/image006u.gif

You stay in bed to avoid her story

At 68

http://img704.imageshack.us/img704/864/image007.gif

If you take her to bed, that'll be a story

At 78

http://img704.imageshack.us/img704/5302/image008fz.jpg

What story? What bed? Who the hell are you?

Cheers! :bottle:
:lmao:

[LoungeMachine]

:lmao:

The guy who couldn't get laid in 2 years is laughing?

:gulp:

[kwame k]

The guy who couldn't get laid in 2 years is laughing?

:gulp:

Back the fuck off, Lounge! According to Caps he has a girlfriend that's a member here, so I take him at his word:umm:

[LoungeMachine]

:lmao:

No shit. CAPT CAPLOCK has never lied..... :D

[chefcraig]

Uh-huh. Do you mean like the time his dad institutionalized him according to a California statute that didn't go into effect until some 18 months/two years after he said things took place? Or are you referring to the positive AIDs test caused by his use of Johnson & Johnson brand dental products? How's about the latest zinger, the artificial knee replacement? http://www.easyfreesmileys.com/smileys/free-confused-smileys-718.gif (http://www.easyfreesmileys.com/Free-Sign-Smileys/)

[kwame k]

I could see the replacement knee thing......simply a matter of weight vs structure, the knee can only hold so much weight;)

[chefcraig]

I could see the replacement knee thing......simply a matter of weight vs structure, the knee can only hold so much weight;)

I was thinking the same thing about Kelly Clarkson. Have you seen that girl lately? I'm not being sarcastic, nor am I making fun of her. It's just that much weight on such a small frame can not be healthy.

[kwame k]

Yeah I have.....it's a shame because it's totally preventable and it's not like she doesn't have the money/studio backing to hire a dietitian or personal trainer.

[Igosplut]

A helpful hint from your Uncle chef...before taking any woman to bed, check first for an adam's apple. Trust me on this.

Sounds like experience talking???

[LoungeMachine]

How's about the latest zinger, the artificial knee replacement? http://www.easyfreesmileys.com/smileys/free-confused-smileys-718.gif (http://www.easyfreesmileys.com/Free-Sign-Smileys/)

Wha??????

First I've heard of this....

So we're giving new knees to loafers on SSDI ?????

:gulp:

[LoungeMachine]

Sounds like experience talking???

He doesn't like to talk about it, man.....

:gulp:

It's another Danny Bonaduce thing.....

[chefcraig]

Sounds like experience talking???

It didn't get quite that far. It was the early 90s, and my boss at the time threw a huge party for no real reason. He also invited two or three pre-op transtesticals as a joke (they were in fact friends of his daughter, who was prominent in the local theater scene at the time). These "women" looked remarkable, and several guys at the party took an interest in them. I was talking to one of these things, when I noticed the fact that they all were wearing scarves. Needless to say, I walked away. But here's the kicker: One of our salesmen (a particularly humorless and condescending jerk) wound up leaving with one of these "chicks", to the general amusement of those clued in as to what was going on.

He left the company soon thereafter. ;)


Wha??????

First I've heard of this....

So we're giving new knees to loafers on SSDI ?????

:gulp:

Here ya go...http://www.rotharmy.com/forums/1407653-post74.html

[Anonymous]

These "women" looked remarkable, and several guys at the party took an interest in them.

These guys have no idea what's going on these days... what they're up against.

I was fooled, once, thankfully in a video.

See, I have this thing about lesbians... and back then, even youtube was a preposterous thought, let alone Tube8 or Empflix.

No, you had to download your videos, the hard way. Through eMule.

So I do a search for ladies licking ladies, and one of them caught m attention.

As I finished the download, I launch the video and, uh... make myself "comfortable".

Much to my happiness, it involved two perfect 10 girls. Well, ONE perfect 10 girl, as it turned out.

The problem is, the real girl was the, uhm, LEAST attractive of the two.

As the second one pulls up "her" skirt, I stood there, limply staring at the screen...

I had to make sure this wouldn't happen to me in real life.

I steeled myself, and I studied. I studied hard. It wasn't easy. It wasn't pretty. But nowadays, I pride myself in spotting even the most flawless one at a distance.

And believe, people, when I say they ARE flawless.

I know people who were fooled. I've seen people picking them up at bars. I've gone out with girls who feel THREATENED by that astoundingly beautiful "woman" getting all the attention in the bar, until I assure them that there's no need for it, carefully omitting the ugly truth.

It's bad out there...

http://eupodiatamatando.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/patricia_araujo.jpg
http://ego.globo.com/Gente/foto/0,,19687503-EXH,00.jpg

Cheers! :bottle:

[ace diamond]

Back the fuck off, Lounge! According to Caps he has a girlfriend that's a member here, so I take him at his word:umm:
icecreamblondie and i have been together for a year.
i love her very dearly.
i hope she won't be mad at me for this.

[ace diamond]

Uh-huh. Do you mean like the time his dad institutionalized him according to a California statute that didn't go into effect until some 18 months/two years after he said things took place? Or are you referring to the positive AIDs test caused by his use of Johnson & Johnson brand dental products? How's about the latest zinger, the artificial knee replacement? http://www.easyfreesmileys.com/smileys/free-confused-smileys-718.gif (http://www.easyfreesmileys.com/Free-Sign-Smileys/)
and until that law took effect my institutionalization cost my father 1.8 million.

[LoungeMachine]

and until that law took effect my institutionalization cost my father 1.8 million.

Liar.

:gulp:

Prove it.

[ace diamond]

I could see the replacement knee thing......simply a matter of weight vs structure, the knee can only hold so much weight;)
that would be my left knee cap.
it was destroyed in a hiking accident in the mountains near pasadena, california in the summer of 1987. i was 10 at the time.
the replacement knee cap is now 22 years old.
i am now 32 years old.

[LoungeMachine]

icecreamblondie and i have been together for a year.
i love her very dearly.
i hope she won't be mad at me for this.

She deaf, dumb, and blind too?

:gulp:

[chefcraig]

and until that law took effect my institutionalization cost my father 1.8 million.

Put that much of a hit into the food budget, eh?

[LoungeMachine]

that would be my left knee cap.
it was destroyed in a hiking accident in the mountains near pasadena, california in the summer of 1987. i was 10 at the time.
the replacement knee cap is now 22 years old.
i am now 32 years old.

:lmao:

Bull-shit

[ace diamond]

Liar.

:gulp:

Prove it.
my mother has copies of such documents.
i have read them.
have kwame k go ask my father.
he lives nearby.

[ace diamond]

:lmao:

Bull-shit
i still have the fucking scars to prove it.

[ace diamond]

She deaf, dumb, and blind too?

:gulp:
lounge, you wanna fuck with me, that's fine.
leave my girlfriend alone.
that is out of bounds.

[Anonymous]

Well why won't you give us her phone number, so we can find out if it's true?

Maybe where she lives, that'd be nice.

Dumbass... :fufu:

Cheers! :bottle:

[GO-SPURS-GO]

lounge, you wanna fuck with me, that's fine.
leave my girlfriend alone.
that is out of bounds.

Ace, you said you wanted to keep her name private in the "Upgrade" thread, but now you mention her here? :umm: You know where this is going to lead, right? It will be your fault!

[ace diamond]

well why won't you give us her phone number, so we can find out if it's true?

Maybe where she lives, that'd be nice.

Dumbass... :fufu:

Cheers! :bottle:
no.
Absolutely not.

[GO-SPURS-GO]

Well why won't you give us her phone number, so we can find out if it's true?

Maybe where she lives, that'd be nice.

Dumbass... :fufu:

Cheers! :bottle:

It's true.

She's a very nice and sweet person!!

[Anonymous]

Ace, you said you wanted to keep her name private in the "Upgrade" thread, but now you mention her here? :umm: You know where this is going to lead, right? It will be your fault!

Dude, this guy is an asshole, a class A attention whore.

"Ace", the more you talk & try to prove whatever it is you feel like proving, the more piece of shit you become in everyone's eyes.

Just shut the fuck up already.

Cheers! :bottle:

[Anonymous]

It's true.

She's a very nice and sweet person!!

Believe me, I posted that for a reason. Let's just leave it at that.

Cheers! :bottle:

[GO-SPURS-GO]

Believe me, I posted that for a reason. Let's just leave it at that.

Cheers! :bottle:

;) :beers8:

[ace diamond]

Dude, this guy is an asshole, a class A attention whore.

"Ace", the more you talk & try to prove whatever it is you feel like proving, the more piece of shit you become in everyone's eyes.

Just shut the fuck up already.

Cheers! :bottle:
GET IT RIGHT.
IT'S "ACEHOLE.
NOW,
GO FUCK YOURSELF.

:give-the-finger: :asshole:

[ace diamond]

It's true.

She's a very nice and sweet person!!

that she is.
end of subject.

[Anonymous]

GET IT RIGHT.
IT'S "ACEHOLE.
NOW,
GO FUCK YOURSELF.

:give-the-finger: :asshole:

Acehole. Indeed. More like "disgusting fat bastard from hell".

Dude, you're a fucking mess.

You claim to be this & that, yet here you are close to a fucking meltdown.

You post other people's personal info. Probably made up, but that's disgusting just the same.

Apparently, your girlfriend wanted to keep it a secret. Looking at you, little wonder. Yet, being the fucking piece of shit that you are, you post it nonetheless just because you feel like you have something to prove.

You make up shit all the time, and then you wonder why people don't believe you.

All that together makes you just about the most abhorrently stupid person I've ever met, online or offline. And the competition is really stiff.

Congratulations, skidmark... you're finally number 1.

Cheers! :bottle:

[GO-SPURS-GO]

Acehole. Indeed. More like "disgusting fat bastard from hell".

Dude, you're a fucking mess.

You claim to be this & that, yet here you are close to a fucking meltdown.

You post other people's personal info. Probably made up, but that's disgusting just the same.

Apparently, your girlfriend wanted to keep it a secret. Looking at you, little wonder. Yet, being the fucking piece of shit that you are, you post it nonetheless just because you feel like you have something to prove.

You make up shit all the time, and then you wonder why people don't believe you.

All that together makes you just about the most abhorrently stupid person I've ever met, online or offline. And the competition is really stiff.

Congratulations, skidmark... you're finally number 1.

Cheers! :bottle:

I hear what you're saying bro, and I'm not defending him here..
But aside from the few racist remarks I've seen from him, and posting her screen name here, I find the dude really funny. I think him and Lounge should become a team, like Cheech and Chong. Besides the two things I've mentioned, I feel that there's no harm in what he does. But that just me..:beers8:

[Anonymous]

I hear what you're saying bro, and I'm not defending him here..
But aside from the few racist remarks I've heard from him, and posting her screen name here, I find the dude really funny. I think him and Lounge should become a team, like Cheech and Chong. Besides the two things I've mentioned, I feel that there's no harm in what he does. But that just me..:beers8:

Nah, there isn't.

Still, if he tells me to go fuck myself, he'll get bitchslapped.

Cheers! :bottle:

[GO-SPURS-GO]

Nah, there isn't.

Still, if he tells me to go fuck myself, he'll get bitchslapped.

Cheers! :bottle:

Well I just noticed he posted some personal info in that other thread, so that's NOT cool either.

[ace diamond]

Acehole. Indeed. More like "disgusting fat bastard from hell".
NOW THAT IS WHAT I CALL A VERY HIGH COMPLIMENT.

Dude, you're a fucking mess.
WHAT ELSE IS NEW?
STATE THE PLAINLY OBVIOUS MUCH?:rolleyes:


All that together makes you just about the most abhorrently stupid person I've ever met, online or offline. And the competition is really stiff.
I WAS UNAWARE THAT THERE WAS EVEN A CONTEST.
BUT SINCE YOU MENTION IT............


Congratulations, skidmark... you're finally number 1.

Cheers! :bottle:
THANK YOU...........THANK YOU VERY MUCH............:gulp:

[Anonymous]

Well I just noticed he posted some personal info in that other thread, so that's NOT cool either.

Well, now you know why I wanted to leave it at that & why I keep telling him to just shut the fuck up already.

I think he's done enough damage for today.

Let's let it slide... the less people see it until it gets deleted, the better.

Cheers! :bottle:

[chefcraig]

All that together makes you just about the most abhorrently stupid person I've ever met, online or offline. And the competition is really stiff.

Congratulations, skidmark... you're finally number 1.

Cheers! :bottle:

I dunno brother...as hamfisted as the attempts at lucidity Ace may offer, there are some true trolls around here that simply have to rate above the guy on the clueless/offensively ignorant scale.

While Ace's nonsense is purely that, utter, sheer nonsense, the guy does offer validation to an extent about what he claims. Yeah, it's footage of him dorking it out between servings of tacos in a Mexican restaurant (maybe Italian, I didn't watch closely), but it's there nonetheless.

Yeah, he's a fuckin' nitwit. But this utter moron does make the effort to back up a few of his claims. It takes a certain amount of balls to display the absolutely awful, mind-fuckingly unlistenable clips he has provided. Yet the guy has the nuts to oprovide them. Compare that to some people around here that offer no examples of their own work, yet constantly knock down the efforts of others.

Yeah, you are being lied to by both parties. When you really think about it, it's up to you to discern which of these liars are offering the most truth, ya know?

[ace diamond]

I dunno brother...as hamfisted as the attempts at lucidity Ace may offer, there are some true trolls around here that simply have to rate above the guy on the clueless/offensively ignorant scale.

While Ace's nonsense is purely that, utter, sheer nonsense, the guy does offer validation to an extent about what he claims. Yeah, it's footage of him dorking it out between servings of tacos in a Mexican restaurant (maybe Italian, I didn't watch closely), but it's there nonetheless.

Yeah, he's a fuckin' nitwit. But this utter moron does make the effort to back up a few of his claims. It takes a certain amount of balls to display the absolutely awful, mind-fuckingly unlistenable clips he has provided. Yet the guy has the nuts to oprovide them. Compare that to some people around here that offer no examples of their own work, yet constantly knock down the efforts of others.

Yeah, you are being lied to by both parties. When you really think about it, it's up to you to discern which of these liars are offering the most truth, ya know?
gee chef...........sound a lot like a presidential debate :lmao:

[ace diamond]

Well, now you know why I wanted to leave it at that & why I keep telling him to just shut the fuck up already.

I think he's done enough damage for today.

Let's let it slide... the less people see it until it gets deleted, the better.

Cheers! :bottle:
well this will make your day.
she just called me up and reamed me.
i earned it.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you did deserved it. Now just step away from the computer, and go do something else until you calm down.

You've made enough shit today. Let's just leave it at that.

Cheers! :bottle:

[ace diamond]

Yes, you did deserved it. Now just step away from the computer, and go do something else until you calm down.

You've made enough shit today. Let's just leave it at that.

Cheers! :bottle:
i will do as i please.
you are not my parent.
you do not tell me what to do.

i may be fucking crazy, but I AM NOT FUCKING STUPID!!!

[ZahZoo]

Yeah I have.....it's a shame because it's totally preventable and it's not like she doesn't have the money/studio backing to hire a dietitian or personal trainer.

Sounds more like she needs a rodeo clown to protect the fridge from her...