View Full Version : Top Ten BIGGEST POSER Guitar Solos
My Top Ten, biggest "poser" guitar solos list.. compiled from:
a) Hindsight..
b) the comfort of my big white leather Comfy Couch
c) safety of home-levels type volume retaining clarity of performance
d) but of course, from video history lessons of the Youtube
e) .. and the non-linearity of the Innertnet allowing me to fast-forward thru so much ff-able BULLSHIT that I can wade thru the bad parts, to get to the good parts.
If you see any of said "good parts" in the bad parts, please point them out.
And yes, Virginia, I did watch them all from start to finish!
Also if you have a BIGGEST POSER to add, by all means feel free to vent your wrath here, because I guarantee they will see it here and reconsider guitar lessons from your encouragement.
OK my first choice in the list beginning at Number Ten: Bruce Kulick!
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I see him bop around in pickup bands now and then, here he is/was at the height/pinnacle/zenith of his career in music: KISS @1988..
OK that was an utter bullshit solo, he's since gotten better I'll give him that. But for his midway reference to Hot For Teacher and then denigrating it with further hammeron modes I'd tinkered with and discarded as a 14 year-old, he earned his spot here at Number Ten
Panamark
01-09-2010, 02:39 AM
My physchic left gonad predicts Yngwie J Malmsteen will rate
a mention here....
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I went to the NAMM show in 1987 - and bouncing in and out of different conferences, Mark St. John (also a former KISS member) was playing with his White Tiger band and unfortunately for this thread, I found it.
I recall now how utterly reviled I was that the "star-farm" franchise KISS was supposedly known for, could have cultivated a guy like THIS for even one session, let alone one album.
This is a man in hiding of something: either behind cocaine, or behind the distortion.. because he's obviously grasped some key concepts of soloing but just doesn't seem capable of pulling it all together.
He references the classic hammeron-fave basics of "Toccatta in Fugue Dm" yet the pick just won't stop oscillating back n forth in the same "as fast as possible" breakneck speed.
Because he's plowing thru thick curds of sloppy distortion, and because I was at this event and reminded of my disgust, he earns and WAY deserves his Number 9 spot here.. and that's being generous because if it werent' for the fact that he's a goner I'da put him at #10 for sure.
He shouda called this band "Wet Tiger" because this event really threw the wet blanket for my enthusiasm in playing for a month afterwards, I was so disillusioned a name-guy like that could compose such a shitty piece of crap as that could retain even one endorsement..
My physchic left gonad predicts Yngwie J Malmsteen will rate
a mention here....
Panamark is pointing me in a direction I fear may yield some amusement.. we'll see.
I've gained alot of weight in the past 15 years too, so being being overweight ain't gonna earn him a spot by itself. I will check out what he's been doing though.
RATM - Rage Against The White Man.. Raw Angry Teenaged Mexicans or so you'd think was the name based on the vocalist's totally racist banter - guitarist Tom Morello has a legion of culture-shocked losers who wanna play as AWFUL as he: one of them did my homework for me for Number 8, with his Top Ten~!!
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YAY how kewl is that.. OK here is a list someone did supposedly representing the ten best Morello "shreddings" if you could call them that, yet unnervingly they yield only scorn from me.
So we'll critique Tom while also critiquing said sad idolazings simultannoyesssly
10. Township Rebellion - this Ship was sank by too much relinace on Harmonizer ballast.
9. Roll Right - this is a four-note Armoire chest of busted drawers.. bowed thru a cheap-sounding digital delay and, like the original guitar-bow guy Jimmy Page, accentuated with a wahwah. Oh but that's not all folks- hear now, and you'll also receive random dissonant notes fretted by the back-edge of the pick. Seriously.. four-note solos? Is this so ground-breaking an achievement they put him on the cover of Guitar World several times now? Fuck this.. you have to hear it to believe it.
8. Bullet In The Head - More rhythmical dissonant pick-fretting, followed by a repeated bent wah-phrase.
7. Mic Check - he should call this solo Glass Slide Chuck, because this time the randomness is a glass slide! YUP that's all he's doing.. proving marijuana is not only a gateway drug to harder stuff, it's also the gateway to STUPIDITY
6. Freedom - single-note/single bar phrase ended with an arpeggiated chord played clean-channel. It's not a solo, kiddies, when the bass is riffing faster than you.
5. Testify - more hiding behind the wacka-wacka disco wah pedal.
4. Guerrilla Radio - doubles the Sanford and Son harmonica /not a solo you FAG!
3. Know Your Enemy - fights with the Eventide for supremacy: winner-Eventide by KO in the first 12 seconds.
2. Bulls On Parade - he fucking rubs the wound E string with his fingernails, ended with more rhythmical wah-wah. I swear. That's all he does! Its not a fucking guitar solo... solo spot maybe, but don't tell me it's music when it's clearly groove, or rhythm.
You know, I heard about this tune before passing my time thru Guitar magazine articles, and I can't for the life of me absorb from this what the FUCK they were on about puffing this guy up.
1. Killing In The Name Of - OK when Marylin Manson rehearsed at the studio I got to fool with this thing their guitarist had in his pedalboard called a Digitech Whammy Pedal.. that's the noise, I thought, in that one MTV band's solo!
So there we have it:
Literally, this is all the guy ever had in his hipbag of goodies to bring to the table and I resent them ever giving him any sort of recognition as a socalled Guitar Guy in the industry. Okay he found a niche in life: railing against White America, but he should have learned the instrument after he learned to write songs - which are good enough rhythmically.
He just needs to push himself away from the Peace Pipe and the Revolucion' indoctrination and maybe he'll get somewhere. Because right now, that shit don't float nobody's boat but the Mexicans who were taught by them Latino Studies socialogy courses in college to hate Whitey.
VanHalenFan5150
01-09-2010, 09:07 AM
Tom Morello is a Berkley music major graduate. He has an IQ of around 164, I believe. And he's a pretty practical guy, with all of the pedals and effects he uses. You could appreciate his music for what it is. He helped shape the 90's metal sound. I'm pretty sure you've heard his two biggest hits, "Killing In The Name" and "Bulls On Parade". Those are two stereotypical classic metal songs. Without the introduction of them, metal would certainly not be the same thing. And, instead of bullshitting on his RATM stuff, have you ever cared to take a listen to his Pre-RATM band, Lock Up? Or, perhaps, his post-RATM band, Audioslave. If you actually took the time to appreciate all of a band or artist's music, you'd probably still be a troll, but alas a more respectable person. You once noted that you refused to listen to all of our favorite band's BIGGEST EVER hit, "Jump", because it was, in your words, "pussy music, too soft." That really starts to show the asshole side of you...
Leave Tom Morello alone.
Nickdfresh
01-09-2010, 10:14 AM
Tom Morello is a Berkley music major graduate. He has an IQ of around 164, I believe. And he's a pretty practical guy, with all of the pedals and effects he uses. You could appreciate his music for what it is. He helped shape the 90's metal sound. I'm pretty sure you've heard his two biggest hits, "Killing In The Name" and "Bulls On Parade". Those are two stereotypical classic metal songs. Without the introduction of them, metal would certainly not be the same thing. And, instead of bullshitting on his RATM stuff, have you ever cared to take a listen to his Pre-RATM band, Lock Up? Or, perhaps, his post-RATM band, Audioslave. If you actually took the time to appreciate all of a band or artist's music, you'd probably still be a troll, but alas a more respectable person. You once noted that you refused to listen to all of our favorite band's BIGGEST EVER hit, "Jump", because it was, in your words, "pussy music, too soft." That really starts to show the asshole side of you...
Leave Tom Morello alone.
Don't argue with GAyR. You're always be at a disadvantage because he has no fucking idea of what he is talking about and just makes shit up or Googles it.
Morello is a great guitarist, he's innovative and refuses to use synthesizer and keeps to the classic, stripped-down vintage of guitar rock...
Nickdfresh
01-09-2010, 10:17 AM
RATM - Rage Against The White Man.. Raw Angry Teenaged Mexicans or so you'd think was the name based on the vocalist's totally racist banter - guitarist Tom Morello...
So we'll critique Tom while also critiquing said sad idolazings simultannoyesssly
10. Township Rebellion - this Ship was sank by too much relinace on Harmonizer ballast.
9. Roll Right - this is a four-note Armoire chest of busted drawers.. bowed thru a cheap-sounding digital delay and, like the original guitar-bow guy Jimmy Page, accentuated with a wahwah. Oh but that's not all folks- hear now, and you'll also receive random dissonant notes fretted by the back-edge of the pick. Seriously.. four-note solos? Is this so ground-breaking an achievement they put him on the cover of Guitar World several times now? Fuck this.. you have to hear it to believe it.
8. Bullet In The Head - More rhythmical dissonant pick-fretting, followed by a repeated bent wah-phrase.
7. Mic Check - he should call this solo Glass Slide Chuck, because this time the randomness is a glass slide! YUP that's all he's doing.. proving marijuana is not only a gateway drug to harder stuff, it's also the gateway to STUPIDITY
6. Freedom - single-note/single bar phrase ended with an arpeggiated chord played clean-channel. It's not a solo, kiddies, when the bass is riffing faster than you.
5. Testify - more hiding behind the wacka-wacka disco wah pedal.
4. Guerrilla Radio - doubles the Sanford and Son harmonica /not a solo you FAG!
3. Know Your Enemy - fights with the Eventide for supremacy: winner-Eventide by KO in the first 12 seconds.
2. Bulls On Parade - he fucking rubs the wound E string with his fingernails, ended with more rhythmical wah-wah. I swear. That's all he does! Its not a fucking guitar solo... solo spot maybe, but don't tell me it's music when it's clearly groove, or rhythm.
...
1. Killing In The Name Of - OK when Marylin Manson rehearsed at the studio I got to fool with this thing their guitarist had in his pedalboard called a Digitech Whammy Pedal.. that's the noise, I thought, in that one MTV band's solo!
...
Oh, this is just hysterical! GAyR hates Rage, but yet has heard everyone of their songs apparently! Well, perhaps we could invite Morello to critique some of your work GAR? Oh wait! You don't have any! You're just a jealous, hater wannabe 40 something never-was with a bitter streak against anyone who's actually made money in the music industry...;)
ZahZoo
01-09-2010, 12:21 PM
I'd give this one a 9.5 on the poser scale...
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jhale667
01-09-2010, 12:24 PM
Oh, this is just hysterical! GAyR hates Rage, but yet has heard everyone of their songs apparently! Well, perhaps we could invite Morello to critique some of your work GAR? Oh wait! You don't have any! You're just a jealous, hater wannabe 40 something never-was with a bitter streak against anyone who's actually made money in the music industry...;)
Yeah, and GAR's got a thing against minorities who can outplay him...;)
kwame k
01-09-2010, 12:28 PM
Yeah, and GAR's got a thing against minorities who can outplay him...;)
...much like his mental/emotional level, he never progressed musically past say......1995. Except for RATM he's pretty much staying in the Hair-80's.
jhale667
01-09-2010, 12:28 PM
I'd give this one a 9.5 on the poser scale...
Wow - Mayer = weak sauce! :umm:
Igosplut
01-09-2010, 02:03 PM
Why do I get the feeling that there's going to be a "GARgles shitty post dump" thread in Non shortly??
kwame k
01-09-2010, 02:11 PM
Why do I get the feeling that there's going to be a "GARgles shitty post dump" thread in Non shortly??
Law of averages, maybe:)
And the loser (other than GAyR) is.........
Samuel Roy Hagar, for "Cheese Walks In".
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Total poser wanking buffoonery :biggrin:
I'd give this one a 9.5 on the poser scale...
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Exactly, Zah gets it!
We Americans are a nation of merit, and if you're a POSER then this thread is calling you out.
ace diamond
01-10-2010, 05:00 AM
well, i must say i am very surprised and stunned that i am not being slammed and my
lyrics, music, style, etc has not been even mentioned, let alone torn to shit.
however, i do consider it inevitable, like roth being back in van halen.
just an fyi, even though i know nobody cares, i come from the rock and roll
songwriting, singing, playing, lyrics, etc....school of thought in the "Keep It Simple, Stupid!"
method.
am i capable of learning, writing, and playing more complex and complicated stuff?
the truthful answer is:
yes, i am.
i mean, the 1st song on my new cd me proving to myself i could write a song longer
than AOR radio would give a damn about.
the title track of my new cd, "DISASTERPIECE THEATRE"
is 13:33 long.
the cd only has 7 songs on it.
i know most of you won't like it, and will rip me to shreds.
especially jhale667.
however, please bear in mind, i have had only 1 proper guitar in my life.
otherwise, outside of that, i am self taught.
nobody's perfect.
there is an innocent rawness and honesty you get from my cd's that,like me, a caveman and a dinosaur alike, is considered "old hat" and gone or is current going the way of the dodo bird in favor of RapCRAP, E-TARDS, teenyboppers, vocal groups(i spit on the term "boybands" as an insult to actual bands as well 1950's doowop, which some of it i like...from more than 50 years ago...)
barber shop quartets should take great insult along side "the inkspots".
not only have i met "the inkspots", i do like the music they made in the 1950's.
i only met them and had the chance to thank them a few years ago.
the members of the group that are still involved are very nice gentlemen.
kwame k
01-10-2010, 05:56 AM
Ego much, Ace?
No one gives a fuck about your music to comment but in your never ending need for attention you........I know you guys are eventually gonna pick me, if not, I'll post this to get a reaction......well here's your attention crack for the day.....now go away the grown-ups are talking.
ace diamond
01-10-2010, 05:59 AM
Ego much, Ace?
No one gives a fuck about your music to comment but in your never ending need for attention you........I know you guys are eventually gonna pick me, if not, I'll post this to get a reaction......well here's your attention crack for the day.....now go away the grown-ups are talking.
whatever, dude.
:rolleyes:
kwame k
01-10-2010, 06:00 AM
Truth hurts........
http://i286.photobucket.com/albums/ll103/realtodd/untitled-3.jpg
sadaist
01-14-2010, 09:52 PM
The guitar solo that bugs me the most starts with...
"C.C. - pick up that guitar and...talk to me"
:barf:
Or anything where Vinny Vincent licks his guitar strings.
The guitar solo that bugs me the most starts with...
"C.C. - pick up that guitar and...talk to me"
:barf:
Especially this fucked up version. Though it did break up the band, so I guess that was a good thing...... while it lasted.
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ace diamond
01-14-2010, 10:38 PM
this thread does not belong in non.
will a mod kindly put in house of music where it belongs?
ace diamond
01-14-2010, 10:49 PM
Yeah, and GAR's got a thing against minorities who can outplay him...;)
hale, you do realise of couse, that even i would be included in that group
:lmao:
ace diamond
01-14-2010, 10:55 PM
...much like his mental/emotional level, he never progressed musically past say......1995. Except for RATM he's pretty much staying in the Hair-80's.
yeah, and with the exception of 2 songs in 1996 and a 2007-2008 cash grab tour,
everyone on this site is still in the early 1980's as well.
it's a good thing.
especially considering that come the late 1980's van hagar happened,
and in the late 1990's, van ga y occured.......and the 1990's really fucking sucked for the most part.
hey, kiss and black sabbath got back with their mark 1 line-ups in the 1990's, so it wasn't all that bad.
hell, black sabbath even had their mark 3 line-up briefly in the 1990's
with ronnie james dio and vinny appice.............
and the tony martin stuff.........oh boy...............very underrated......
at least that made that decade somewhat bearable.
Seshmeister
01-14-2010, 11:28 PM
Tom Morello is a Berkley music major graduate. He has an IQ of around 164, I believe. [/I][/B]
Just a little point on this. Personally I get very suspicious when I start hearing famous peoples IQs being thrown around.
For example Sharon Stone is usually described as having a 160 IQ and she's a fucking idiot. Similarly with Noel Gallagher.
I tend to think that their publicists just make that shit up or they say it as a joke in an interview and it sticks.
Not that any of this is relevant to the point about guitar solos. Personally I'm not a big Morello fan but I can appreciate he has found himself a unique voice so that goes for something in my book.
Cheers
:gulp:
Nickdfresh
01-14-2010, 11:33 PM
The guitar solo that bugs me the most starts with...
"C.C. - pick up that guitar and...talk to me"
:barf:
....
Should have said, "C.C., just put the fucking guitar down and walk away! Just---walk----AWAY!!"
Seshmeister
01-15-2010, 12:03 AM
Especially this fucked up version. Though it did break up the band, so I guess that was a good thing...... while it lasted.
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To be fair at least you could always tell that Poison weren't miming... :D
The guitar solo that bugs me the most starts with...
"C.C. - pick up that guitar and...talk to me"
Oh dude... DOOOODE that is like THEE biggest piece-o solo right there!
I bumped into him 3 times over the years:
When Poison got kicked offstage at the LA Street Scene for inciting a riot, he's yelling at the Mexican kids in Metallica tees flipping him off to go back to Mexico or some shit and they start pulling monitor off the tiny stage and threatening him..
in 86, I was in a lounge, and he's talking really really loud so everyone can hear him talk on the phone to a fan..
then a decade later he's in a music store so loaded on smack he can't even stand up to shake my hand hello..
L O S E R
Panamark
01-15-2010, 02:08 AM
Bert Michael and CC
They were made for each other.
Hardrock69
01-15-2010, 02:43 AM
Fuck Posin.
I feel one of the lamest guitar solos of all time is the 1-note guitar solo Glenn Tipton plays in the mid-section of Victim Of Changes when they are playing live. He doesn't drag it out too long these days, but in the 80s-90s he could keep on playing that fucking single note bend for 5 fucking minutes, and it always bugged the shit out of me.
That said, Glenn Tipton is an incredible guitarist even when not playing at all when you compare him to some fucking loser like CC Deville.
And Garfuckle wishes he were competent enough on his cardboard Charvel copy to lick CC's ass....
Hardrock69
01-15-2010, 02:48 AM
Fuck Posin.
I feel one of the lamest guitar solos of all time is the 1-note guitar solo Glenn Tipton plays in the mid-section of Victim Of Changes when Judas Priest are playing live. He doesn't drag it out too long these days, but in the 80s-90s he could keep on playing that fucking single note bend for 5 fucking minutes, and it always bugged the shit out of me.
That said, Glenn Tipton is an incredible guitarist even when not playing at all when you compare him to some fucking loser like CC Deville.
And Garfuckle wishes he were competent enough on his cardboard Charvel copy to lick CC's ass....
ace diamond
01-15-2010, 11:56 AM
Fuck Posin.
I feel one of the lamest guitar solos of all time is the 1-note guitar solo Glenn Tipton plays in the mid-section of Victim Of Changes when Judas Priest are playing live. He doesn't drag it out too long these days, but in the 80s-90s he could keep on playing that fucking single note bend for 5 fucking minutes, and it always bugged the shit out of me.
That said, Glenn Tipton is an incredible guitarist even when not playing at all when you compare him to some fucking loser like CC Deville.
And Garfuckle wishes he were competent enough on his cardboard Charvel copy to lick CC's ass....
:lmao:
oh........fuck........can't..........breathe...... ..fucking........sides.......hurt.......
PETE'S BROTHER
01-15-2010, 12:08 PM
:lmao:
oh........fuck........can't..........breathe...... ..fucking........sides.......hurt.......
alright, alright.....just....hold your breath for about five more minutes and the pain will go away(for all of us)
Va Beach VH Fan
01-15-2010, 12:35 PM
Surprised anything including Mick Mars hasn't been mentioned....
Hardrock69
01-16-2010, 08:26 PM
Uh yes. Kansas City 1989. Worst guitar solo I have every seen by a headlining band. Stood there with my jaw on the floor at the wretched crap that fucking loser was producing onstage.
That was when I knew for sure I would never give a fuck about them again.
A friend just sent me a pro-shot DVD of a show they did in South America in 2008. Argentina I think.
I gave it away. Fuck those junkie losers. Vince Neil sucks fucking shit, and sounds like it too.
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