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Nitro Express
01-15-2010, 05:52 PM
I've had a few. I was in Newport Beach, California in a large shower with a chick and we poured a bottle of Hawaiian Tropic tanning oil over ourselves and were getting all kinky and slithery in the oil and we both slipped and nearly ended up breaking a few things. Ended up with some bruises but nothing broken thank God.

I was doing a chick doggy style real hard in college and the bed side rails came loose off the headboard and the bed fell down and the girls head smashed into the headboard with me ramming on the back of her. It ended up in crying and me running to the freezer naked for some ice.

God must watch all this and just laugh his ass off.

PETE'S BROTHER
01-15-2010, 08:09 PM
couple weeks ago, we we're stayin' at some friends' house for the nite. drinkin' in the hot tub, blah, blah. we go upstairs, to one of their kid's room we sleep in there, to change outta swim suits, and proceed to proceed. cj, 20yrs old, picks the lock to his door and catches us in the act. he leaves, we finish, go downstairs and i apologize. he says "no worries, just saw an ass and kneecaps".

HarrySchwartz
01-16-2010, 12:01 AM
Anyone here besides me a member of "The Mile High Club"?

Piece of advise for the guys - Girls with tattoos are easy!!!

blonddgirl777
01-16-2010, 12:31 AM
What a cool thread!

Mr. B.G. and I where having sex in Vegas (living in a little bungalow) and couldn't care less about the pasta boiling on the stove top... It ended up in a kitchen fire!
L.O.L...

blonddgirl777
01-16-2010, 12:33 AM
... Girls with tattoos are easy!!!

NOT!!! :015::angel10:

Nitro Express
01-16-2010, 12:56 AM
Anyone here besides me a member of "The Mile High Club"?

Piece of advise for the guys - Girls with tattoos are easy!!!

Yeah. I had sex in Denver.

Nitro Express
01-16-2010, 12:57 AM
What a cool thread!

Mr. B.G. and I where having sex in Vegas (living in a little bungalow) and couldn't care less about the pasta boiling on the stove top... It ended up in a kitchen fire!
L.O.L...

That's what I call some smoking hot sex.:biggrin:

Nitro Express
01-16-2010, 01:02 AM
couple weeks ago, we we're stayin' at some friends' house for the nite. drinkin' in the hot tub, blah, blah. we go upstairs, to one of their kid's room we sleep in there, to change outta swim suits, and proceed to proceed. cj, 20yrs old, picks the lock to his door and catches us in the act. he leaves, we finish, go downstairs and i apologize. he says "no worries, just saw an ass and kneecaps".

A friend of mine threw a big party when I was in high school. After a while people started dissapearing into various bedrooms. The next day I went over to see if he needed some help cleaning up and we got rid of all the beer cans and cleaned it up and his parents came home early and we were going phewwww, that was close! After a while his little brother comes up and goe's,"mom. My sheets are wet and smell funny." I'm like "see ya later, I've got to go now. bye!"

Anonymous
01-16-2010, 02:19 AM
I was making sweet larve to this grrrl, who really likes to scratch... well, I'm a little puusy when it comes to pain. I just can't stand it... it hurts me!

So, she scratches me once, I shout "Ouch! What the fuck?" Well, the equivalent in Portuguese, anyway. She says, "sorry" & we continue.

She raked me again & this time it was too much. I lost it. Yes, I do mean the hard-on. By the way, I even got a trauma after that which is not yet completely surpassed, but anyway...

We had a talk after that... she agreed not to rake me again.

And there we go... she's on to & going wild... she presses her fingernails to the wall... DUDE!!! you could HEAR the fucking scraping on the wall as she's coming... it's INSANE! It goes on & on, and all I could think of while ramming her harder from below was "Dear Gawd, don't let me ever be that wall, please..."

Cheers! :bottle:

Anonymous
01-16-2010, 02:26 AM
By the way, this is the only thing I'm ever gonna tell about my non-paying sexual adventures.

I don't even know why I did it, maybe I'm drunk, maybe I want to share the fact that I developed an issue after losing one hard-on, or maybe I became an attention whore.

Either way, the bulk of my tellable sexual mishaps (the ones done professionaly) are here:

Imapus Sylicker's adventures down Easy...Easy Street (http://www.rotharmy.com/forums/roths-romper-room-sponsored-hitchworld/46663-imapus-sylickers-adventures-down-easy-easy-street.html)

These I don't mind telling.

Cheers! :bottle:

Panamark
01-16-2010, 02:28 AM
Why do your in laws always put the loudest bed in the guest room ??? :mad:

PETE'S BROTHER
01-16-2010, 03:01 AM
and it's always a twin or double so you're on top of each other to start

THEDOCTOR
01-16-2010, 01:08 PM
Once I was in the middle of a shoot and we were actually filming in my house and right in the middle of things ,my mom calls and leaves a message on the answering machine which could be heard very loudly. Everyone was looking at me ,and we all just started laughing. Talk about buzzkill! So that footage got erased ,obviously!
Also one time I was in a motel and me and my girl were being so loud the people in the next room started banging on the wall and yelling "shut the fuck up!" We just cracked up....and kept going ....lol

Panamark
01-16-2010, 04:23 PM
I always try and outdo noisy fuck couples like you :)
Pity the third lot of people who have to listen to the
battle !

VanHalener
01-17-2010, 12:43 AM
My girl gets rug burns so hot her legs catch fire. I always end up looking like an EMT in a porn movie burn unit every time the little slayer is pulled out for a breather.

http://i153.photobucket.com/albums/s214/inaripriestess/ihasahotdog/WarningAlcoholConsumption.jpg

thome
01-17-2010, 01:04 AM
One time I got drunk and tried to see if I could get drunker by sticking a bottle of wine up my ass and forgot my new webcam was on.

Does that count..?

Nitro Express
01-17-2010, 01:26 AM
Why do your in laws always put the loudest bed in the guest room ??? :mad:

I can relate. Been there. We fucked on the floor because of it.

Nitro Express
01-17-2010, 01:29 AM
I remember fucking this really tall girl and a waterbed doggy style. It's not like one of those short girls that you just grab and ride. You had to fuck way up on this chick and with no support for the knees it was a fucking workout. It was like doing the limbo. I shot my load and passed out exhausted.

Warham
01-17-2010, 11:48 AM
It's not like one of those short girls that you just grab and ride.

Those are the best.

5'4" and under, please.

Nickdfresh
01-17-2010, 12:03 PM
Anyone here besides me a member of "The Mile High Club"?

...

Is that gay code for having been on a very large penis?

VanHalener
01-17-2010, 12:29 PM
You may be the one in one thousand so listen up.

Sexual mishaps of the most horrible kind are reported in America 1,000 times a year: the broken penis.

"According to Sheldon Levine, D.O., of Orland Park, Illinois, there are about 1,000 cases of broken penises reported each year. In most cases, a broken penis occurs during sexual intercourse."
A Broken Penis: Facts About a Real, Debilitating Condition - Associated Content - associatedcontent.com (http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/513347/a_broken_penis_facts_about_a_real_debilitating.htm l?cat=5)



"Q. How do I avoid a broken penis?

A. The only way you can avoid this condition is to curtail your sexual intercourse or be extremely careful. This may put a severe damper on your sex life. As there are only 1,000 reported cases of broken penis each year, you are better off to go about your business and not worry too much."

ONLY 1,000?! A woman must have written that!


"Q. How will I know if my penis is broken?

A. You will know. The first thing you will hear is a snap. Then you will feel pain that you have never before felt. You may even experience blood. Although the penis is broken, it will not break off, according to Dr. Levine. Of all the cases of a broken penis, there is no single incidence of a penis breaking off."

Thank God, it doesn't break orf!

"Q. What do I do if my penis breaks?

A. Get thee to a hospital emergency room and fast. Years ago, ice packs and pain killers were the remedy of choice. This often left men with either a penile curvature or impotence. Today, simple surgery will repair the torn ligaments and you will be good as new in a few weeks, says Dr. Levine."

Now let's be careful out there.

Panamark
01-19-2010, 09:58 AM
You can break your cock ???

What about Vaginitis when the vagina basically closes
while you are in there, many many partners have been
wheeled into hospital in this position ! lol

What would you say ?? Um she was having trouble with
the vacuum cleaner and here we are !!! :)

VanHalenFan5150
01-19-2010, 07:52 PM
A sexual mishap?

Hmm. I made good friends with my "right hand man" at age 12. :hee:

Just kidding.

standin
01-19-2010, 08:11 PM
Sexual mishap = Thome :lmao:

VanHalener
01-19-2010, 09:27 PM
You can break your cock ???

What about Vaginitis when the vagina basically closes
while you are in there, many many partners have been
wheeled into hospital in this position ! lol

What would you say ?? Um she was having trouble with
the vacuum cleaner and here we are !!! :)

Years ago my family and I were having dinner when we started to hear what sounded like something killing our Sheltie just outside the kitchen door. Forgive me if I have told this brief story already.
(This is a Sheltie)
http://i598.photobucket.com/albums/tt69/penner/sheltie.jpg
(A traveling mutt was giving it to my dog)
http://i79.photobucket.com/albums/j143/awildsheepchase/Foto25.jpg
After checking out the noises I returned to the dinner table laughing about my little dog finally getting some, only to be turned away by my dad who told me to go scare the dog off so we would not end up with a litter of mutts.
The moment I jump off the side porch to scare the dog away, WHOOSH, he's GONE! Not only is he hauling ass through my back yard headed for the fence like greased lightning, he's dragging my poor Sheltie on her back by his dick. HOLY SHIT I've never seen anything like it and pray I never do again!
Up the fence he goes...UMPHH! Two paws on the rail....come onnnnn, pullllll...come ONNNN!!!...

That's when I had to back off and let nature take it's course.

That mutt was two paws over the fence and my Sheltie was hanging upside down by the mutt's dick, swinging like a pendulum and terrified.

I hope you laugh because it's true, and it was funny as hell, but laughter quickly turned to pause that day gentlemen. Seeing Stretch Dongstrong hang my pup then try to ease his junk out of her was disconcerting. The confused looks on their faces will haunt me forever.

So folks, if you see some pup rolling your dog just remember these three words of advice...


Let It Be

YouTube - The Beatles -Let It Be (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j9SgDoypXcI)

Sensible Shoes
01-19-2010, 10:00 PM
That's called a tie. Do not disturb the tie or somebody can get hurt.

thome
01-19-2010, 10:06 PM
thome unrequited love......

I think back on all those girls (crap I learned) I knew in highschool....It's a wonder I can read at all....lol

Once upon a time in the west...lol. I was walking down the hall and the absolute sexiest of all girls was walking towards me, "she makes me nervous"....I got no style..I was always good with the other girls, but this one was a -Swedish Hairless- if you know what I mean tall, hippie (wide hips) bobbed hair that probably wouldn't grow past her shoulders....so fine just smoking...creamy white skin, crystal blue eyes....

So anyway... ( walking towards me, by this time it was all slow motion), she looks me straight in the eye and does -an move- I have only seen done once after, with any kind of style... ...she purses her lips in a pukker crooked half smiles opens her twisted half crooked smile and slowly while her mouth opens she winks all in the same movement.

She looked like a hurricane of love YEAH! in slow motion, as I passed her..... I forgot my name..

I went home and started looking for my school directory I was pissed I couldn't find it anywhere. So.......... hrs later I locate it and muster up the nerves to call her, she comes to the phone and I say hi, she sais hi ,I say so I saw you in school in the hall today and I wonder if we could go out or something, she sais who is this, I tell her my name, she sais who??? again and this goes on for like five min, me describing someone who she doesn't even know that exists , her saying who???......lol

I mentioned (just gimmie) that wink...

Then she tells me she winks at everybody, I was crushed.

The next day she is there in the hall laughing at me as one of her friends points me out.

Embarassed and red faced the non-worthy me walked on by.....

So, I ditched the next class and spent it sitting in the girls restroom with five other girls smoking ciggys and talking about what a bitch she is.

Did you know the had chairs in there..?

Chicks ,I love em!

sadaist
01-20-2010, 05:01 PM
Our two boxers got stuck butt to butt. Happens with dogs. Anyways, we could tell they were both in pain and female was not letting go. My wife sits on the ground and grabs the girl. I stand & turn the male on top of the female in the doggy position. Figured at least get things pointing the correct way before release. Still she wouldn't let him go. Tried to relax her by giving her some roast beef. Nope, she ain't letting go. So I'm pulling slightly on the male one way, wife on the ground pulling slightly on the female the other.

POP!

they come apart suddenly like an explosion. Covering my wife. She sits stunned and screams horrified & "wet", what the fuck is this!? what the fuck is this!?

All I could do was laugh & tell her she might be having a litter soon herself.

Both dogs then proceeded to eat the roast beef I had brought out before.

Panamark
01-21-2010, 02:33 AM
I witnessed whilst chatting to my late Grandfather on his balcony,
two dogs locked together running up the street.
The dog on top was only running with his rear legs and
was hold the one underneath wih his front paws like his
life depended on it.

To make it worse, I think they were both male !

My Grandpa, (in this awkward moment, I was like 12,)
looked at me, smiled and said "Well theres something you
dont see everyday" lol...

I saw this again on one occasion when I was in Mississipi,
just outside my wife's parents place. These two were more
like what was described above, kinda like their butts were
stuck together, god knows which dogs bits were going where,
but they run away too, not looking happy at all.....

Would be hillarious to see two humans running up the road
in this situation :)

Panamark
01-21-2010, 02:35 AM
Hey we are missing the obvious !!
The good old qweef,
First time I heard one of those I thought,
WTF ?? I just had sex with this chick and
she drops a huge fart afterwards ??

Anyone else experience that ??

sadaist
01-21-2010, 02:52 AM
Hey we are missing the obvious !!
The good old qweef,
First time I heard one of those I thought,
WTF ?? I just had sex with this chick and
she drops a huge fart afterwards ??

Anyone else experience that ??


Unfortunately, yes. An old girlfriend of mine had a problem with that after doing it doggy style. Don't know why. So, I just started making sure the TV was on loud, music was playing, or a well timed cough to mask the sound. I didn't want her to get embarrassed and not let me fuck her that way anymore.

Nitro Express
01-21-2010, 03:30 AM
You can break your cock ???

What about Vaginitis when the vagina basically closes
while you are in there, many many partners have been
wheeled into hospital in this position ! lol

What would you say ?? Um she was having trouble with
the vacuum cleaner and here we are !!! :)

I love it when chicks tighten up their vaginal muscles when you are in there, but I never got stuck. I have a friend who is an ER nurse. He can tell some pretty funny stories. It's amazing what people get stuck up an orfice. One chick came in with a bannana stuck in her and the stem was on the cervix side. Ouch!

Nitro Express
01-21-2010, 03:35 AM
They say peer pressure is the strongest force in the universe but in my opinion horniness is. If you don't want a litter of puppies get your bitch fixed. Horny mutts will find a way over the fence, under the fence, through the fence and sink the pole.

Nitro Express
01-21-2010, 03:41 AM
I never experienced farting except for air burping out of the vagina. With one chick I was with I couldn't use Trojan brand condoms. Her vaginal juice would react with the latex and make the worst smell. If I used Lifestyles no problem but man she would turn a Trojan rank.

Another chick had such an acidic pussy it would burn your dick. After banging her I had to take a shower and get the pussy juice off my dick because if it was left on, it would cause a rash. Maybe I was allergic to her because my wife had a friend who was allergic to her husband's semen. Talk about a bummer.

GAR
01-21-2010, 03:56 AM
I remember fucking this really tall girl and a waterbed doggy style.

I have a real tall chick story that involves me nearly giving her the clap while totall pissed limp, and drinking all her beers, farting in bed half asleep the entire time with my pants down to my ankles.

I love really tall chicks, but I am a luvvah not a drinker.

Panamark
01-21-2010, 03:59 AM
I never experienced farting except for air burping out of the vagina. With one chick I was with I couldn't use Trojan brand condoms. Her vaginal juice would react with the latex and make the worst smell. If I used Lifestyles no problem but man she would turn a Trojan rank.

Another chick had such an acidic pussy it would burn your dick. After banging her I had to take a shower and get the pussy juice off my dick because if it was left on, it would cause a rash. Maybe I was allergic to her because my wife had a friend who was allergic to her husband's semen. Talk about a bummer.

Some pussy's get very acidic if not flushed after a big load of cum
is dumped in there.. You sure you were the only one Nitro :biggrin:

Panamark
01-21-2010, 04:03 AM
Unfortunately, yes. An old girlfriend of mine had a problem with that after doing it doggy style. Don't know why. So, I just started making sure the TV was on loud, music was playing, or a well timed cough to mask the sound. I didn't want her to get embarrassed and not let me fuck her that way anymore.

Maybe you were accidentally dipping into port 2 and she was
actually farting ? Easy to do in that posistion :)

GAR
01-21-2010, 04:04 AM
Another time about 20 yrs ago I was screwing in back of a car parked not far off the beach from where I live now, at night, when I suddenly feel a cool chill across my belly.

I touch it, and I'm completely wet.. BATHED in blood.

"I told you I was a virgin" she says.. and as I was already completely ensued of the situation, another one encroaches as a CHP begins tapping incessantly on the fully-steamed and misted up windows.

"Uh yeah license registration, all that. Who's car is this? And who are you, what are you two doing this late on the side of the road?"

Hold on a sec.. I say. "Here take my leather jacket and cover up.."

I am amazed to this day the cop didn't yank me out of the car and throw me on the hood as always.. he'd discover the bloodbath on the front of my shirt with here bloody hindportions quite visible beneath her miniskirt. I'd a been imprisoned for sure till they figured it all out.

GAR
01-21-2010, 04:06 AM
Some pussy's get very acidic if not flushed after a big load of cum

I was thinking along lines of papilloma virus.. or a hidden Yeaster Egg up in there somewhere.

GAR
01-21-2010, 04:10 AM
One time with my ex-galpal (the nutty one) I pulled out and shot a load, hitting the TV screen from about 6 ft away, which caused an arguement over who would clean the screen.. since it was her fault the release was initiated to begin with

GAR
01-21-2010, 04:11 AM
Another time, I followed silently her out to the laundry and waited till she bent over to get the clothes out of the dryer and I shoved her head in there and - shoved myself in after.

Panamark
01-21-2010, 04:13 AM
Another time, I followed silently her out to the laundry and waited till she bent over to get the clothes out of the dryer and I shoved her head in there and - shoved myself in after.


And you all lived happily ever cleansed ??

GAR
01-21-2010, 04:16 AM
Who hasn't bucked the bronco with yer 400 pound cowgirl only to break or tweek the bed supports, ruining the bed?

Or how about this: you are screwing all weekend, forgot you wiped your fewfie sweated and bodysalt-encrusted balls n assfluids on the handtowel (cuz no other towels are clean since you been fucking and showering off n fucking and showering all day) so you fold the handtowel out on the marble floor, and then get out of the shower to dry forgot you ensoiled the handtowel and proceed to rub all your cum n shit over your face.. but ONLY after drying your body and freshly-shampooed and conditioned Doo with said cottoned-deathrag.. oh I'm so gonna puke if I reread this ...

GAR
01-21-2010, 04:17 AM
uhg. Had to do it phlehh..

GAR
01-21-2010, 04:20 AM
How about this: getting cummed on in the face, the first time you get your chick to have a squirting orgasm using the hookfinger/gspot trick thingy?

phfleeeehh pheww phfaaaaaeeeckkkk.... ptuooie..

GAR
01-21-2010, 04:24 AM
Ever had a Reverse-Cowgirl when she's drunk and she cums, goes KO and keels over to her right while sitting atop you and you get a facefull of Firehydrant-force puke?

We're talking: vodka tonics with all the colorful acoutrementes that a Marie Callenders' Homebaked Potpies have to offer: peas, carrots, celery, chopped potato, gravey, chicken..

Mmmm mmm goo... no I wouldn't say "good" since it didn't stay down.. obv.

Panamark
01-21-2010, 04:29 AM
I suddenly feel sorry for American towels !

GAR
01-21-2010, 04:38 AM
In junior high, there was this one kid who claimed to have hosed his ma's best towel.

He rolled it around a broomstick, pulled the broom out of it, folded a sandwich bag inside it with the edges envoloping the outsides then punishing it while the couch cushions between held it down.

This actually works. It works really well. So I hear.

Panamark
01-21-2010, 05:26 AM
Its amazing how inventive we males can be to actually avoid
real sex ??? :eek:

GAR
01-21-2010, 05:48 AM
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/JLUSyxRnUGw&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/JLUSyxRnUGw&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

Anonymous
01-21-2010, 07:06 AM
My Grandpa, (in this awkward moment, I was like 12,)
looked at me, smiled and said "Well theres something you
dont see everyday" lol...

Your Grandpa said lol????

Cheers! :bottle:

Panamark
01-21-2010, 08:01 AM
Your Grandpa said lol????

Cheers! :bottle:


He laughed out loud, so its all good ;)

Golden AWe
01-21-2010, 08:46 AM
I first scored in 1998 an right after that in 2001

Panamark
01-21-2010, 08:58 AM
I reckon I can beat that Herr Awe !!

Panamark
01-21-2010, 09:01 AM
It was in the early 80's, they were cummimg in from every direction.
I knew I had to shoot fast and early, and did !!!

PETE'S BROTHER
01-21-2010, 10:18 AM
'84 or '85 for me

Nickdfresh
01-21-2010, 11:08 AM
Another time, I followed silently her out to the laundry and waited till she bent over to get the clothes out of the dryer and I shoved her head in there and - shoved myself in after.

You shoved your head up her asshole? Isn't your own enough?

binnie
01-23-2010, 04:31 PM
What about Vaginitis when the vagina basically closes
while you are in there

That happened to me during my first year at Uni - it was this girl's first time too. Luckily the spasm passed after five (very long and awkward!) minutes. Took me a long time to convinve her to let me in there again!

thome
01-23-2010, 04:53 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Panamark

What about Vaginitis when the vagina basically closes
while you are in there




That happened to me during my first year at Uni - it was this girl's first time too. Luckily the spasm passed after five (very long and awkward!) minutes. Took me a long time to convinve her to let me in there again!

No harsh dudes but ...?

I have been waiting for like days for one of The RA women to comment here but maybe they have more class than to talk about something. I learned about in 7th grade health class....?

standin will correct this she has no class..


I think what you guys are talking about is a cramp of the kegle (sp) muscle.

Sometimes these women were called snappers usually a blessing in increased friction, when controlled at will, some come by this "talent" naturally other can work at it.

standin
01-23-2010, 05:34 PM
No harsh dudes but ...?

I have been waiting for like days for one of The RA women to comment here but maybe they have more class than to talk about something. I learned about in 7th grade health class....?

standin will correct this she has no class..


I think what you guys are talking about is a cramp of the kegle (sp) muscle.

Sometimes these women were called snappers usually a blessing in increased friction, when controlled at will, some come by this "talent" naturally other can work at it.


What a cool thread!

Mr. B.G. and I where having sex in Vegas (living in a little bungalow) and couldn't care less about the pasta boiling on the stove top... It ended up in a kitchen fire!
L.O.L...


NOT!!! :015::angel10:


Sexual mishap = Thome :lmao:


That's called a tie. Do not disturb the tie or somebody can get hurt.

Real cool, scarface.

thome
01-23-2010, 07:57 PM
Real cool, scarface.




I was looking for the deffinition of what my post is about.

How the deffinition used in the quotes is wrong.

How the word is for another sexual mishap, not the described situations.

A deffinition of something you are a expert in.

Panamark
01-24-2010, 12:06 AM
That happened to me during my first year at Uni - it was this girl's first time too. Luckily the spasm passed after five (very long and awkward!) minutes. Took me a long time to convinve her to let me in there again!


I'm glad you had the good sense not to run up the road stuck together
like the dogs, I think your chances of getting back in there would have
been severely hampered had you taken that approach :biggrin:

Dr. Love
01-24-2010, 01:25 AM
I've got a few. Mostly college stories.

After my first semester in college, I loaded up my car, ready to go home for the christmas holiday (about a month long). My girlfriend at the time is sitting in the passenger seat and is not wanting me to go. So to get me to stay a little longer, she offers to give me a blow job.

I, of course, loved her blow jobs -- she was one of the ones that would swallow and was very very good with her tongue. Anyway, she goes down on me, and I'm getting into it, breathing harder and harder. At some point I guess the temperature started to drop in my car (it was december) and I started to accumulate more moisture in my windpipe from the heavy breathing.

A little bit of moisture suddenly made me need to clear my throat, which I did somewhat akwardly since I was breathing very hard at that point -- very close to cumming -- and she stopped at the worst possible moment; orgasm was intimate.

"Did you say something?" she asked.

"No!" I gasped, and I think she understood what was about to happen, trying to get her mouth back down before my semen went everywhere.

Unfortunately she wasn't fast enough. I shot her directly in her open eye. Hard. Needless to say she wasn't pleased; she started screaming about how it was burning her eye. I, of course, was no help at all, basking in that post-orgasmic glow and starting to laugh as I realized that I just shot her in the eyes.

Thankfully it was christmas break and she had a whole month to cool down. She was good after a few days. Called me squirt for a while.

Dr. Love
01-24-2010, 01:34 AM
Let's see,

I stopped going to college for I guess about a year. I was tired of going to school all the time and wanted to take a break. All my buddies were still off at college, so I didn't have many people to hang out with during the fall. So to fill my time, I dated a few different girls.

One of them was a virgin, but claimed she gave the best blowjobs in the world. I told her that I would be the judge of that, and so for probably about two or three weeks straight I'd go over to her house after work every day and we'd compete to see if I would cum or if she would tire out before. I always lost -- but ultimately I guess I always won.

Anyway, I'd try a few different things to distract myself ... think about work, listen to music (she'd play van halen for me), think about math problems, whatever. It never worked for long of course. Well, one day while I was getting head, laying on her bed ... my phone started ringing. I looked at the number and saw that it was one of my buddies. So I answered it, figuring he could distract me a little while.

I chatted with him for probably less than a minute total. He asked what I was doing, I told him I was just laying around. He told me about some shit going on with him, and then asked what I was doing that weekend. Before I could answer, the girl stopped sucking on me and grabbed the phone from me, put it up to her head and said, "Dr. Love is getting a blow job right now. He'll call you back." and hung up the phone and tossed it aside.

I didn't last much longer. Called the dude back later, he told me that was the most awesome and unexpected phone call he'd ever had. Obviously she didn't call me Dr. Love, but you get the point.

Actually I think about her from time to time when I hear Panama. I remember going off right at the part "... aint' no stopping nooowwwwwww" which there wasn't. We stopped dating after she asked me to take her virginity and I shook my head and said "nah". She threw me out.

I didn't like her that much and while I was cool with the blowjobs I felt she was getting too emotionally attached and she seemed kind of like one of those nutty ones. Which she turned out to be, going to a party my friend threw the next day while I was working with her hair chopped off to 2" long and bleached totally white. Grabbed the nastiest guy there and fucked him. Called me afterward to tell me what she did.

I told her to go see a doctor cause the dude had STDs. Dummy.

binnie
01-24-2010, 01:24 PM
Oh man, you came in her eye!

Not many girls would find that funny.....

Robert McCall
01-24-2010, 08:39 PM
I've had a few. I was in Newport Beach, California in a large shower with a chick and we poured a bottle of Hawaiian Tropic tanning oil over ourselves and were getting all kinky and slithery in the oil and we both slipped and nearly ended up breaking a few things. Ended up with some bruises but nothing broken thank God.

I was doing a chick doggy style real hard in college and the bed side rails came loose off the headboard and the bed fell down and the girls head smashed into the headboard with me ramming on the back of her. It ended up in crying and me running to the freezer naked for some ice.

God must watch all this and just laugh his ass off.

Doubt it.