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FORD
01-30-2010, 05:28 PM
1.24.2010
BREAKING NEWS: “Glenn Beck” Confesses His On-Air Persona Is Part Of Decade-Long Sociology Experiment.

http://playhappy.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/glenn-beck.jpg
Sociologist Peter Morton

Filed by Max Canning:

New York—In a stunning admission that is likely to send shockwaves throughout the American media, “Glenn Beck” announced on Sunday that his radio and television shows are part of an elaborate social experiment to find out whether he could “make the crazy seem plausible to millions of people.”

“This has been an incredibly disturbing experience for me,” said Peter Morton, a.k.a. “Glenn Beck.” On Sunday, Morton revealed in a press conference and Q&A with reporters that he is a sociology professor at the University of South Florida who has been on sabbatical for ten years, during which time he has hosted a nationally syndicated radio show and two cable television programs as part of a major academic research project. Morton said he has authored an upcoming book, The Mass Psychology of Stupid, which describes his experiences as one of the preeminent right-wing talk show hosts in the United States.

“I cannot continue the charade any longer,” a visibly shaken and broken Morton read from a prepared statement. “This has gotten way out of hand. I started this experiment ten years ago with honest intentions, to test the credulity of the American public, and to try to gain a deeper understanding of the political psychology of the American people. Today, my experiment ends, and my search for a therapist begins.”

Morton said his experiment commenced in 2000, when he used his connections in the radio industry to secure an afternoon show on WFLA in Tampa. “By that time,” said Morton, “I had already published several peer-reviewed papers on the sociology of politics, so I came up with an alias. Americans gravitate towards people with short names that are only one or two syllables long. Notice that Obama is the first president since JFK to have a last name that’s more than two syllables, and only the third major presidential candidate since 1972 with a three-syllable name, [McGovern, 1972 and Dukakis, 1988] so I eventually settled on ‘Glenn Beck.’”

When the Glenn Beck Program premiered in 2000, Morton espoused moderately conservative views. However, as time progressed, Morton said he realized that in order to maintain ratings that would keep him on the air, he would have to “up the ante.” Gradually, Morton went from a reasonable but obscure radio show host to a right-wing fringe figure broadcast over 280 stations nationwide by 2008.

“This endeavor was only supposed to last six months, a year, tops. I was planning on losing money because I was funding it myself,” said Morton. “The next thing I knew, I was making millions of dollars for saying the craziest stuff I could possibly think of. It was exciting and scary at the same time. I had never done so little actual work in my life and here I was raking in more money than I had ever seen. But on the other hand, it was frightening to know that there was such a huge market for this. And then HLN called me one day asking if I’d want to host a TV show. A TV show!”

Morton hosted Glenn Beck on HLN for two and a half years before signing a deal with Fox News. He hosted his first show on the network on January 19, 2009, the day before Barack Obama’s inauguration. “The last year of this experiment was by far the toughest,” Morton said. “It was one thing to be an apologist for the Bush administration and go after his detractors. The work was mundane and old because Hannity and O’Reilly had already been doing it for years on television. But with a new Democratic president coming into office, I knew I’d have a chance to showcase my creativity as a propagandist.”

Within a year, Morton’s excitement was tempered by the stark realization that his insane rants had actually been resonating with millions of people. “I was trying to get fired,” confessed Morton. “But no matter what I did or said, my ratings just kept going up and up. I thought shedding what were obviously fake tears time and again over 9/11 would do it, but people just ate it up. And then I got the idea to start insinuating that Obama was in league with Hitler, Stalin, and Mao. And I thought that would do me in for sure. I mean, we all know how conservatives reacted to people who called Bush ‘Hitler.’ But as you know, not only did I not get fired, my ratings went even higher. You should see the emails I received, thanking me for telling the truth and exposing the Nazi-Stalinist, ACORN-orchestrated plot to destroy America. These weren’t a few isolated emails. This was 85% of the correspondence I got.”

Morton continued, “Then I figured, you know, I’ll just go off the deep end. I’ll just directly attack the half-white, half-black president and call him a racist, which makes no sense whatsoever, but I wanted out of there. It was becoming too much. It was a really daunting task coming up with new red meat conspiracy theories to toss to the viewers. Over the summer I was really grasping at straws with the FEMA camp thing. So I went on Fox & Friends one morning and said something about how this president has exposed himself over and over again as a guy who has a deep-seated hatred for white people or the white culture, and that he’s a racist. Don’t ask me what I meant by ‘white culture’ because I didn’t mean anything by it. There is a French culture. A Norwegian culture. An Italian culture. But there is no universal ‘white culture.’ It’s a meaningless term.”

“Well, there was a backlash from liberals, but my bosses at Fox just doubled down even after a several companies pulled their ads from my show. The next thing I knew I was being contacted by Goldline International to hawk precious metals. And I thought, ‘My audience can’t buy gold. They’re not rich.’ But then I realized I could cross the ethics line by plugging gold on my show while simultaneously advertising for Goldline on my free time. When that didn’t get me fired, I decided I had had enough. So here I am today.”

Morton also offered insights into media personalities he encountered during the experiment. “When I was at HLN, I ran into Nancy Grace in the hallways a few times. She’s an incredibly disturbed individual. Maybe bipolar, I don’t know. She’s obsessed with dead, missing, and battered white kids. Once, about two hours before her air time, she was in a panic because a missing kid she had planned on talking about turned up in his parents’ house. He was just hiding. So she was in her office hunched over her computer looking for news about victimized children. I tried to help. I said, ‘Well Nancy, a little girl got kidnapped today in New York.’ Her eyes lit up. She said, ‘Where?’ and I said, ‘Harlem.’ Then she just frowned and went back to her computer.”

Morton also discussed some of the personalities at Fox News, at one point calling Bill O’Reilly a “schoolyard bully” who’s “probably a sexual deviant.” When asked to clarify, Morton responded, “Have you read Those Who Trespass? I wouldn’t have read it, but one day he handed me a copy and said he wanted to know what I thought. It was the worst thing I’ve ever read in my life. Worse than the loofah affidavit.”

About Sean Hannity, Morton said, “Hannity was by far the worst. He’s not conservative. He’s not liberal. He’s not anything. He’s just for whatever the Republican Party is for, and against whatever the Republican Party is against. He’s like a member of the politburo. I don’t think he’s ever had an independent thought in his life.”

“By the way,” Morton added, “Ann Coulter is a guy.”

Conspicuously absent from Morton’s prepared remarks at the press conference was any mention of “Glenn Beck’s” 9/12 project—a mass gathering of disaffected Americans who last summer protested nonexistent tax hikes and other vague ideas such as “spending.” One reporter, however, did inquire about that momentous event in Washington last September.

“Yeah,” said Morton. “I’m not proud of that, but I wanted to see how many people I could get to physically show up at a specific place and time. It’s one thing to get millions of people to tune into your show from the comfort of their homes and cars, but the 9/12 project was designed specifically to see how many people would jump when I said to jump. A lot of people were wondering why I didn’t show up to my own march in D.C. The reason is that it just would’ve been too much. I did not want to see what I had created. I did not want to have to give a rousing and insincere speech. I did not want to see the rotten fruits of my deceitful labor.”

“I need a drink.”

Morton’s book, The Mass Psychology of Stupid will be available sometime in the fall.

- Max

BREAKING NEWS: “Glenn Beck” Confesses His On-Air Persona Is Part Of Decade-Long Sociology Experiment. | Inebriated Discourse (http://www.inebriateddiscourse.com/2010/01/glennbeck2.html)

Va Beach VH Fan
01-30-2010, 05:34 PM
He and O'Reilly were supposed to be here in Norfolk for the "Bold & Fresh Tour" (whatever the hell that is), but we're getting hammered by snow, and they cancelled it....

Baby's On Fire
01-30-2010, 05:43 PM
FORD...is this for real or are you just fuckin' with us?

Maybe it's you whose doing the psychology experiment, and posting fake links and news reports? :biggrin:

THIS is why I love US politics...you never know what train wreck is comin' next. Politics is not boring....

PETE'S BROTHER
01-30-2010, 05:51 PM
i keep lookin' for the link to "the onion"

LoungeMachine
01-30-2010, 05:51 PM
Reads like The Onion.

No, BOF

It's a spoof.

:gulp:

LoungeMachine
01-30-2010, 05:52 PM
i keep lookin' for the link to "the onion"

:lmao:

we came to the same conclusion at the same time

Baby's On Fire
01-30-2010, 05:54 PM
Reads like The Onion.

No, BOF

It's a spoof.

:gulp:

No shiite...that's why I was being sarcastic.

At a miniumum, the Ann Coulter being a guy revelation was a mild hint.......
Not that I doubt it...only BeckKKK would never say such a thing...cuz we'd all ask "how does he KNOW that?"

PETE'S BROTHER
01-30-2010, 05:55 PM
:lmao:

we came to the same conclusion at the same time

:beers8:

LoungeMachine
01-30-2010, 05:57 PM
No shiite...that's why I was being sarcastic.

At a miniumum, the Ann Coulter being a guy revelation was a mild hint.......
Not that I doubt it...only BeckKKK would never say such a thing...cuz we'd all ask "how does he KNOW that?"

Anne Coulter IS a man.....


But I didnt read the whole thing, just a cursory glance.....

:gulp:

Glenn BecKKK on the other hand is all female

Baby's On Fire
01-30-2010, 05:58 PM
Well...How do YOU know Ann Coulter is a man?

How do you AND Glennie know it's a man?

BUSTED!!! Fess up Lounge........

We're all friends here....we'll understand...it's okay.....you can trust us

LoungeMachine
01-30-2010, 06:07 PM
Well...How do YOU know Ann Coulter is a man?

How do you AND Glennie know it's a man?

BUSTED!!! Fess up Lounge........

We're all friends here....we'll understand...it's okay.....you can trust us

Guilty.

I had a 3 way with Ann Coulter and Glenn Beck.

whew, feel better now the truth is out there.....

:gulp:

Baby's On Fire
01-30-2010, 06:36 PM
I don't believe you...only cuz you left out the foot-tapping republican Senator(s) thrown into the mix.......That would make it more believable. Especially if it was a vehemently anti-homosexual Republican senator.....

But ain't they all?

LoungeMachine
01-30-2010, 06:42 PM
Larry was invited, but had other plans....

:gulp:

Ally_Kat
01-30-2010, 06:42 PM
Guilty.

I had a 3 way with Ann Coulter and Glenn Beck.

whew, feel better now the truth is out there.....

:gulp:

it was political hate sex :sex:

LoungeMachine
01-30-2010, 06:47 PM
it was political hate sex :sex:

No,

THAT was my one-nighter with Sarah Palin last week......

:gulp:

jhale667
01-30-2010, 06:56 PM
:lmao:

Ally_Kat
01-30-2010, 08:25 PM
No,

THAT was my one-nighter with Sarah Palin last week......

:gulp:

psh. You secretly like it when she calls you the big moose.

PETE'S BROTHER
01-30-2010, 08:35 PM
psh. You secretly like it when she calls you the big moose.

runnin' around "that crazy moose is loose in the hoose"

sadaist
01-30-2010, 10:07 PM
FORD...is this for real or are you just fuckin' with us?

Maybe it's you whose doing the psychology experiment, and posting fake links and news reports? :biggrin:

THIS is why I love US politics...you never know what train wreck is comin' next. Politics is not boring....


It's just that Ford wants this to be true so much, he thinks maybe when he wakes up it will be (or sobers up). If we posted bullshit like this about his man Obama, we'd be GARified immediately.

Ford, you gotta lay off that barleywine ale crap.

FORD
01-30-2010, 11:19 PM
Nah, I knew this was a satirical piece when I posted it. Just thought it was a good one.

And it's IPA tonight, not barleywine. :gulp:

standin
01-31-2010, 02:00 AM
Regardless that it's a good satire piece, this is interesting:

Is "white culture" a meaningless term? If so, how did the term "whitewashed" come about?

There is a white culture, Chan. Anyone that says there is not is lying.
Moreover, there are separate cultures inside the white culture, just like any other culture.
God forbid, I wear anything intensely royal blue close to my face. And I did such tonight; people of all colors will look intensely. Inspecting your blue appearing eyes ( mine are green but change with my clothes or mood) as if looking at an anomaly. Even brown eyed "white" people do this. Only another blue eyed (or light eyed) person knows what this is like.
Just like any other stereo type there are advantages and disadvantage.

Western culture does not equal white culture.

And white nor western culture = the right culture.

Not all white people are middle class or wealthy, many are poor. Not all white people are educated, many do not finish high school.

Myth and stereotypes are just that myths and stereotypes. Baggage we all carry around large and small, sometimes not even realizing it.
Nothing, but the very basics ever fits nicely into boxes. The same way that not all land holders of the south were evil men killing and abusing. Culture is culture, however, and while experiencing culture that one day will be historic culture, one can choose ethical culture or unethical culture.

:rantoff:

FORD
01-31-2010, 02:51 AM
I don't think "whitewashing" is a racial term though. Originally, it was a literal name for a cheap form of paint that was used primarily in barns and on fences, but occasionally in houses as well. Other than that, the only way I've ever heard the term used is synonymous with a coverup, i.e. referring to the Warren Commission investigation of JFK as a "whitewash".

If there's a racial use of the term, I don't think I've ever heard it.

standin
01-31-2010, 05:42 AM
I disagree, I have heard whitewashing as a racial term meaning the niggardly behavior of a "white" person. Niggardly including lying, cheating and stealing in the definition..

Just like the term whitewashing in painting, meaning thin down and being cheep. shortcutting etc.
It is a pretty common term. When I hear whitewashing I think watered down gypsy crap.

ZahZoo
01-31-2010, 09:14 AM
The term for cheap paint has evolved like many others into meanings far from it's original use... Many examples of this in American language.

Thanks for posting that article Ford... while a spoof, I couldn't help thinking how plausible it was while reading it.

WACF
01-31-2010, 10:38 AM
I disagree, I have heard whitewashing as a racial term meaning the niggardly behavior of a "white" person. Niggardly including lying, cheating and stealing in the definition..

Just like the term whitewashing in painting, meaning thin down and being cheep. shortcutting etc.
It is a pretty common term. When I hear whitewashing I think watered down gypsy crap.

You are the first one I have ever heard use it as a "white" thing.

Other than being a weak paint it also means to gloss over or cover up something....which is not tied to any race, culture or religion specifically.

Nickdfresh
01-31-2010, 11:50 AM
I disagree, I have heard whitewashing as a racial term meaning the niggardly behavior of a "white" person. Niggardly including lying, cheating and stealing in the definition..

Just like the term whitewashing in painting, meaning thin down and being cheep. shortcutting etc.
It is a pretty common term. When I hear whitewashing I think watered down gypsy crap.

Oh for fuck's sake! Do you even know what the word "niggardly" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Controversies_about_the_word_%22niggardly%22) means?


Controversies about the word "niggardly"
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

In the United States, there have been several controversies concerning the word "niggardly," an adjective meaning "stingy" or "miserly," due to its phonetic similarity to the racial slur "******." The two words are etymologically unrelated.

And I have no idea how the semantically retarded use the term "white washing," but it has traditionally been used in terms akin to "cover up"--or deceptively making something insidious or corrupt look innocent or benevolent. As Ford said, it's a metaphor derived from "white washing" a fence or barn with sort of a crude paint I think. Anyone ever read Tom Sawyer or Huck Finn anymore???..
http://www.lolwigger.com/images/wiggers1a.jpg
LOLZ

And there is no universal "white culture," believing so would make one inherently racist and as racist as the propagates known as "White Supremacists." Because believing as such would imply that all whites from all countries share an inherent culture, value system, or social norms of skin color --which is sort of retarded really...

Nitro Express
01-31-2010, 02:17 PM
All it means is Ann Coulter can be the caboose in the train. She can penetrate Sean Hanity's asshole who penetrates Glenn Beck's asshole. Since Sean is a polit buero follower and no leader that puts Glenn's vienna sausage dick on the front of the train. Ann the man is probably hung like a moose. Hanity is going to need some Preparation H.

FORD
01-31-2010, 05:09 PM
Ann the man is probably hung like a moose.

Then maybe s/he should be fucking Sarah Palin?

kwame k
01-31-2010, 11:39 PM
Thanks for posting that article Ford... while a spoof, I couldn't help thinking how plausible it was while reading it.

I was thinking the same thing when I was reading this.....kinda like, That explains a lot and I can totally see his point.

If Beck's thing is not an act.....Jesus, someone have him committed.

kwame k
01-31-2010, 11:40 PM
Then maybe s/he should be fucking Sarah Palin?

They'd make a cute couple :biggrin:

GAR
02-01-2010, 02:13 AM
Guilty.

I had a 3 way with Ann Coulter and Glenn Beck.

whew, feel better now the truth is out there.....

:gulp:

Really? So which leg on that T-boned steak were you, one of the legs.. or.. central pivot?

Center pivot'd be my guess. Thanks for the clarification FAG