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Mushroom
02-23-2010, 09:42 PM
I have a cool job opportunity which is why I need to take a piss test. I've been smoking joints and taking bong hits for 20 years. mary juana, and very good stuff at that. I need to take a drug exam to get this job. what is the best product out on the market? I refuse to carry anything physical like a bag of urine or a strap-on contraption. any suggestsions for supplements? any to avoid? thanks

see kids, another good reason to say no to drugs! :hitch:

kwame k
02-23-2010, 09:54 PM
Most of the supplements are useless.....Creatinine levels that are low usually indicate you've taken something to beat a drug test. Although, low levels are common for vegetarians.

Pot can stay in your system for months, depending on body fat and other things......

Quit now, drink a shit ton of water and buy one of the self testing kits.....if your fail that, take someone else's pee.

I've heard of too many things that work and have also heard the exact opposite. I'd never risk a job over "urban myths" or clean out kits.

thome
02-23-2010, 10:02 PM
I have a cool job opportunity which is why I need to take a piss test. I've been smoking joints and taking bong hits for 20 years. mary juana, and very good stuff at that. I need to take a drug exam to get this job. what is the best product out on the market? I refuse to carry anything physical like a bag of urine or a strap-on contraption. any suggestsions for supplements? any to avoid? thanks

see kids, another good reason to say no to drugs! :hitch:

They The Them That Would Be The They ...test for anything that masks drugs such as chemicles that show a masked -No Nothing- result.

That also means no job no pass no 200$.

You say, hey you didin't find drugs, they say take the test again and on and on and on...

Here is a real important test result that I alone understand .


I have found this thru years and tens of thousands of government dollars for research.

Billions of scientist from different more "Advanced" worlds that I ALONE!! recruited for this most important of hypothysis.

Ok here it is..... this takes real comprehension...this is M.I.T. TYPE INFO!!!!!

I don't know if I should lay this heavy stuff on the people of this world...?

Ok whew *wipes brow riddled with sweat*.....

If you want to work for a company that requires you to take a drug test to deterrmine your ability to work for them...here it is....stop taking drugs...


YES !!!! I layed it DOWN!!!!....whew lots of smarts going into that answer I hope you are worthy.


Ok here is the best part whew *wipes brow again*...If you want to continue taking drugs that some companies screen for as a determining factor of your eligebility to work there....work for some else who doesn't......

OMG!!! I DID IT!!!! The Knowlege that went into these asweres is amazingly complex..


*signs the cross * ...Go in peace my son, I must rest now.....

kwame k
02-23-2010, 10:03 PM
Oh yeah.....sweat like a motherfucker, too. Sauna or anything to sweat as much as possible......it cleanses the tissues that store THC.

Doctor Dude
02-23-2010, 11:02 PM
Do the things Kwame mentioned, and on the day of the test they will usually ask if you're taking any medications. Tell them you have been using an over the counter cough medication such as NyQuil. My buddy swears by this, he's never failed a drug test and he rocks the ganja like a mofo.

Good luck.

thome
02-23-2010, 11:30 PM
No.... here is a better system; when presented with the consent form to be tested, tell your ex future employer that never was..... to SUKKIT!!.

The constitution has no provision for the giving up of personal information of that level.


If you are willing to piss in a bucket while the HR pervert scopes your cock and technique, you should also be the kind of pansie who would work for the nazis that request it.

Then the 10$ Question: when you get busted later when they catch you with a dirty UA.

Who are you going to bitch about at the bar later that night. The nazis you used to work for or yourself for working with the nazis and not beign smart enough to comply with the provision they stated at time of employment..?

FIGHT THE POWER!

kwame k
02-23-2010, 11:38 PM
Do the things Kwame mentioned, and on the day of the test they will usually ask if you're taking any medications. Tell them you have been using an over the counter cough medication such as NyQuil. My buddy swears by this, he's never failed a drug test and he rocks the ganja like a mofo.

Good luck.

The only thing I'd say about the over the counter thing is......some of that shit they make meth out of. Ever notice you can't buy certain ones off the rack, you have to get it from them behind the counter.

thome
02-23-2010, 11:44 PM
No here is a better system..

1. Completely shave youself bald assed and get a brazilian wax of your ass, so they cannot get a hair sample that can identify everything you have eaten or taken as long as your hair has been growing.

2. Drink a raw herbal green tea powder colon cleanser everyday, can be purchased at GNC, that blows everything inside you out your ass with hurricane velocity.

3. Work out non stop "create lots of sweat" to the point that you become obsessed with 0% body fat that stores THC and other drugs.

Here is how you do it, spend all day shoving Tea hay in your mouth while sitting on the toilet and working out with a soloflex attatched to the back of your crapper.

You will be one gett'n over mf'r...

hambon4lif
02-23-2010, 11:48 PM
The only thing I'd say about the over the counter thing is......some of that shit they make meth out of. Ever notice you can't buy certain ones off the rack, you have to get it from them behind the counter.That would be Sudafed with ephedrine. Now they have a limit to how many packs a person can buy at one time. You can't buy them by the case anymore.

....I'm almost ashamed of the fact that I even know that!

kwame k
02-23-2010, 11:58 PM
Wonder if I should ruin Thome's day and tell him that they do in fact test to see if people sniff glue and huff paint :)


Nah.......

kwame k
02-24-2010, 12:02 AM
That would be Sudafed with ephedrine. Now they have a limit to how many packs a person can buy at one time. You can't buy them by the case anymore.

....I'm almost ashamed of the fact that I even know that!

No shame in admitting that, Ham.......as long as you don't mix it with Smoking Loon you're alright :baaa:

Wow, I remember when ephedrine was all the rage for dieting and as a legal speed.......

thome
02-24-2010, 12:22 AM
Here is a better system go buy a big rubber dick and drill a hole in it and then get a clean person to piss in a syringe for you then get the syringe to a certain temp then insert the syringe in the base of the dildo shove it all in your pants go piss infront of HR dude then you win.

...there could be a few perks besides keeping your 9$ a hr job.. you may get a date from HR dude due to your impressiveness or you can simply shove the rubber dick up your ass...win win..

hambon4lif
02-24-2010, 12:51 AM
:lmao:

I'm more of a weed person myself. I'm wired differently than other folks, they take a certain ammount of tokes to get stoned, and I have to take a certain ammount of tokes just to get 'normal'.

While we're on that subject....
Mushroom...prior to your test, GNC has the best 24-hour cleansing solutions. They're a little pricey ($45 a bottle) but they absolutely work. Along with that? Cranberry juice....tons of it. To the point where you can't stand the fuckin' taste of it any more...and then a bit more.
And as mentioned before, sweat it out! By sauna, or by sitting in your bathroom with the hot water cranked full-blast in your shower, and just sitting in the steam. When the pores are fully opened, the toxins will flow right out.
Last time I did this, it was at the same time I had quit smoking cigarettes, and I could actually smell the nicotine exiting through my pores.

My suggestion is a combination of all three. I used to work in a place where all employees were subjected to random drug testing, and often were, and I've never failed one yet.
That's my 2 cents.

Nitro Express
02-24-2010, 01:59 AM
Ever notice after you eat Sugar Smacks cereal you piss smells like Sugar Smacks.

Nitro Express
02-24-2010, 02:01 AM
I remember when I was 12 and got really drunk for the first time. All that clear piss amazed me.

Doctor Dude
02-24-2010, 02:17 AM
Ever notice after you eat Sugar Smacks cereal you piss smells like Sugar Smacks.

I often thought the same thing about honey nut cheerios, malt liquor had the same smell too.



:biggrin:

tojoro
02-24-2010, 02:42 PM
Then why does my pee smell like asparagus, when I don't even eat the stuff?

sadaist
02-24-2010, 03:26 PM
I remember when I was 12 and got really drunk for the first time. All that clear piss amazed me.


And right there is the answer!

Many friends of mine have passed the same way. They used one of the marijuana cleansing kits found at head shops. Followed instructions by the book. However, the day of the test, they had a friend drive them to & from. The drank as much watery beer as they could the day of the test. They were shitfaced, but they were peeing very quickly, often, and clear. They passed the drug test. YES, they were legally drunk at the time, but they passed..


Don't use something like Sierra Nevada or especially Guinness types. You won't be able to drink enough to do it. More along the lines of a Coors Light.

kwame k
02-24-2010, 03:52 PM
...showing up plastered for a piss test.....that's a new one.

They don't test for alcohol?

chefcraig
02-24-2010, 04:53 PM
The kits available at Whole Foods are the most reliable out there. Like everything else at the store, these products can be costly (anywhere from twenty bucks up to seventy in some cases). Basically, these cleansing kits are pretty much all the same. You'll get some teabags for brewing up around a gallon and a half of herbal tea, along with some vitamins. You'll need to time things just right, so you'll be able to go at the right time and have any measure of success.

These are for piss tests, but there is a product that has recently become available for hair tests. It's a shampoo called Ultra Clean, made by an outfit called ZYDOT (http://mbdetox.com/product10379/product_info.html). I have not heard much about how reliable the stuff is, so I'm pretty skeptical about it. For that matter, there is also a chewable tablet available for surprise tests. It's called Q Clean Chewable (http://mbdetox.com/product25/product_info.html), and features a money back guarantee.

Your best bet is to stop smoking at least a week before the test. This will not remove much of the trace evidence, as you've admitted to smoking for some twenty years. But it will increase your chances. Having needed to resort to these measures myself in the past, I can tell you that the kits do work. Follow the package instructions to the letter, and as I said above, try to plan out and time your attack.

Best of luck to ya. http://freesmileyface.net/smiley/Smoking/smoking-003.gif (http://freesmileyface.net)

Mushroom
02-24-2010, 05:54 PM
thanks for the input everybody. I'll give Thome a gold star for his creative writing. I still have to get through the interview on Thursday. that's the easy part! I'll plan accordingly, and put away the billabong for a while. I'm confident it will all work out!

kwame k
02-24-2010, 07:17 PM
thanks for the input everybody. I'll give Thome a gold star for his creative writing. I still have to get through the interview on Thursday. that's the easy part! I'll plan accordingly, and put away the billabong for a while. I'm confident it will all work out!


Good luck, bro.....hope you get it :beers8:

ODShowtime
02-24-2010, 10:47 PM
Don't listen to all this BS. A few posters above are correct, but there is some bullshit up there. Really the only thing that works is water and time. How much and how often you smoke, how fat you are and how often you exercise will affect the time. If you drink too much water, you'll dilute the test and have to come back.

If you are going for a normal civilian job, they will most likely send you to a commercial lab where the techs don't give a shit. Keep a bottle of Urine Luck in your pocket and when you pee behind a closed door you perform the substitution. They don't pat you down or watch. Keeping it the right temp is easy.

I've heard rare stories of pre-employment screenings being held on-site, but that's mostly for really large organizations with clinics on campus. I can tell you from personal experience that I've had repeated success with this method.

read up here:

Urine Testing - Marijuana.com (http://www.marijuana.com/urine-testing/)

Drug screens on jobs that shouldn't require them (unlike jobs such as pilots, cops, etc) are a violation of the Constitution and there is nothing wrong with negating them.

LoungeMachine
02-24-2010, 10:49 PM
The kits available at Whole Foods are the most reliable out there. Like everything else at the store, ....]

imported from China?

Whole Foods = The New Wal-Mart

:gulp:

LoungeMachine
02-24-2010, 10:51 PM
If you want to work for a company that requires you to take a drug test to deterrmine your ability to work for them...here it is....stop taking drugs...

.....

Better yet......

Don't bother applying for ANY company that would require this sort of invasion in the FIRST place...

:gulp:

Just what kind of corporate atmosphere are you getting yourself into anyway?

fuck that.

Seshmeister
02-24-2010, 11:24 PM
These are for piss tests, but there is a product that has recently become available for hair tests. It's a shampoo called Ultra Clean, made by an outfit called ZYDOT (http://mbdetox.com/product10379/product_info.html). I have not heard much about how reliable the stuff is, so I'm pretty skeptical about it.

I was about to post that the shampoo must be snake oil but it actually it looks as though it may work - at least some of the time.

Methods To Beat A Hair Drug Test (http://www.passahairdrugtest.com/methods_to_beat_a_hair_drug_test.php)

Mushroom
02-24-2010, 11:54 PM
Better yet......

Don't bother applying for ANY company that would require this sort of invasion in the FIRST place...

:gulp:

Just what kind of corporate atmosphere are you getting yourself into anyway?

fuck that.


In my case, the opportunity to manage a division within a geothermal energy company, and travel the world sounds appealing.

I do not look at this as an invasion of my privacy. I'm applying to work for somebody's company, they can run it however they want.

standin
02-25-2010, 01:34 AM
Many companies do not get to choose if or if not to drug test. The insurance companies require it.

Not all corporate cultures even the very high security and high volume subscribe to anything more than least needed for insurance and regulation. The testing you experience will tell you how the culture of that section of that corporation is.

LoungeMachine
02-25-2010, 02:44 AM
In my case, the opportunity to manage a division within a geothermal energy company, and travel the world sounds appealing.

I do not look at this as an invasion of my privacy. I'm applying to work for somebody's company, they can run it however they want.

Well then....

Guess you should have laid off the bong ....

:gulp:

ELVIS
02-25-2010, 02:16 PM
Exactly...

standin
02-25-2010, 02:22 PM
Abstinence is the only 100% guarantee. :trafficlight::patriot:
of a clean test.

chefcraig
02-25-2010, 02:27 PM
Abstinence is the only 100% guarantee. :trafficlight::patriot:
of a clean test.

How would you know this? http://www.easyfreesmileys.com/smileys/free-confused-smileys-423.gif (http://www.easyfreesmileys.com/Free-Laughing-Smileys/)

kwame k
02-25-2010, 02:28 PM
:lmao: 'cause she has a prescription?

LoungeMachine
02-25-2010, 02:35 PM
Abstinence is the only 100% guarantee. :trafficlight::patriot:
of a clean test.

wrong.

:gulp:

Second hand smoke will show up as well......

LoungeMachine
02-25-2010, 02:36 PM
:lmao: 'cause she has a prescription?

One of many, many.......

:gulp:

My money says she rattles when she walks.

standin
02-25-2010, 02:37 PM
How would you know this? http://www.easyfreesmileys.com/smileys/free-confused-smileys-423.gif (http://www.easyfreesmileys.com/Free-Laughing-Smileys/)

I reckoned if you do not smoke weed, you do not test positive for weed.
They ainít asking if he has had legal weed, they testing for any weed.
He could have just returned from a trip to Amsterdam.
:smilieci:

chefcraig
02-25-2010, 02:41 PM
I reckoned if you do not smoke weed, you do not test positive for weed.
They ainít asking if he has had legal weed, they testing for any weed.
He could have just returned from a trip to Amsterdam.


Nope. Eating a poppy seeded bagel can result in a positive test. Witness how many grandmothers have tested positive for pot use, that have never even seen a joint in their entire lives.

standin
02-25-2010, 02:45 PM
wrong.

:gulp:

Second hand smoke will show up as well......

Partially correct.

I have been throughly briefed on exactly what the tests could and could not "do."

One would need to be in a heavily weed smoked filled room. A casual encounter of brief smoke will not show on the test. You actually kind of have to smoke it. If the room is smoky enough to get you high, you are smoking it second hand or not.

Walking into a smoke filled room and turning around and leaving will not test positive. Walking in staying and getting a "contact high", you are smoking it, indirectly. Pee will test positive.

LoungeMachine
02-25-2010, 02:48 PM
Thank you for saying exactly what I said, but taking three paragraphs to do so.....

:gulp:

YOUR assertion that abstinence was a 100% failsafe was INCORRECT, however....

standin
02-25-2010, 02:48 PM
Change words to consume
Nit pik all you want, still the same.
Don't eat,drink or smoke drugs that are to be tested for and you will not test positive for drugs.

Poppy seeds are the seed from the plant that makes opium.

standin
02-25-2010, 02:50 PM
Thank you for saying exactly what I said, but taking three paragraphs to do so.....

:gulp:

YOUR assertion that abstinence was a 100% failsafe was INCORRECT, however....

What is wrong with you go play school teacher with someone else.
You want to edit my stuff, do it.
Just don't bother me with arguing about it.

LoungeMachine
02-25-2010, 02:54 PM
What is wrong with you go play school teacher with someone else.
You want to edit my stuff, do it.
Just don't bother me with arguing about it.

I can't "edit" your stuff, moron.

YOU posted abstinence was 100% guaranteed, and that claim is wrong.

:gulp:

Don't blame me for your incorrect postings

ELVIS
02-25-2010, 02:55 PM
Briefed...:rolleyes:

But she is right about the poppy seeds. No way can you test positive for pot after eating a bagel...:biggrin:

chefcraig
02-25-2010, 02:56 PM
I have been throughly briefed on exactly what the tests could and could not "do."

You have been "briefed"? Now there's a think tank that isn't hard to picture...

http://img205.imageshack.us/img205/9725/oneflewoverthecuckoosne.jpg (http://img205.imageshack.us/i/oneflewoverthecuckoosne.jpg/)

LoungeMachine
02-25-2010, 02:59 PM
Abstinence is the only 100% guarantee. :trafficlight::patriot:
of a clean test.






Partially correct.


One would need to be in a heavily weed smoked filled room. A casual encounter of brief smoke will not show on the test. You actually kind of have to smoke it. If the room is smoky enough to get you high, you are smoking it second hand or not.

Walking into a smoke filled room and turning around and leaving will not test positive. Walking in staying and getting a "contact high", you are smoking it, indirectly. Pee will test positive.



Gee, you just contradicted yourself, and proved my point at the same time....

How nitpicky of me

:lmao:

LoungeMachine
02-25-2010, 03:00 PM
Briefed...:rolleyes:

But she is right about the poppy seeds. No way can you test positive for pot after eating a bagel...:biggrin:

I'm sure he meant testing + for opiates....

see also: Seinfeld episode

:gulp:

chefcraig
02-25-2010, 03:01 PM
Briefed...:rolleyes:

But she is right about the poppy seeds. No way can you test positive for pot after eating a bagel...:biggrin:

Wrong again. The theory of positive opiate testing has been proven countless times, even on an episode of Myth Busters, for cryin' out loud. Do you not yet have basic cable in your part of Louisiana?

standin
02-25-2010, 03:02 PM
Well, it was important that I did not test positive durring a certain set of dates a time back.

I was literally sat down by the company paid doctor and throughly explained what would and would not show up. Many of the workers, (even with drug testing) did smoke and we as teams worked and played together. These guys were skilled (read: taking huge risk for money) enough that their hard partying ways was tolerated to an extent. Plus their smoking always provided an ability to fire without grievance.

PETE'S BROTHER
02-25-2010, 03:04 PM
Change words to consume
Nit pik all you want, still the same.
Don't eat,drink or smoke drugs that are to be tested for and you will not test positive for drugs.

Poppy seeds are the seed from the plant that makes opium.

is it called a poppy plant?;)

LoungeMachine
02-25-2010, 03:06 PM
Well, it was important that I did not test positive durring a certain set of dates a time back.

I was literally sat down by the company paid doctor and throughly explained what would and would not show up. Many of the workers, (even with drug testing) did smoke and we as teams worked and played together. These guys where skilled (read: taking huge risk for money) enough that their hard partying ways was tolerated to an extent. Plus their smoking always provided an ability to fire without grievance.

Literally sat down?

whew. scary stuff.

Welp, I'm sure the "company paid doctor" wouldn't lie to you....


But in the end, you WERE able to continue on in your position as the Whirybird Operator for Bangdetti and Sons Amusement Rides, LLC, right?

:gulp:

The kids were counting on you....

Mushroom
02-25-2010, 03:18 PM
my last drug test was almost 20 years ago. I started smoking the year before. I abstained from smoking 6 weeks prior to the test. the saturday before the test I was at a party, lost my mind, and smoked a gonzo doobie with some friends. I took the piss test 3 days later and passed with flying colors. big deal. everything will be alright

chefcraig
02-25-2010, 03:21 PM
But in the end, you WERE able to continue on in your position as the Whirybird Operator for Bangdetti and Sons Amusement Rides, LLC, right?

Hey, now...say what will about the job's dignity and somewhat dismal wages, the uniforms they supply you with are first class.

http://img715.imageshack.us/img715/7192/apropf.jpg (http://img715.imageshack.us/i/apropf.jpg/)

LoungeMachine
02-25-2010, 03:21 PM
my last drug test was almost 20 years ago. I started smoking the year before. I abstained from smoking 6 weeks prior to the test. the saturday before the test I was at a party, lost my mind, and smoked a gonzo doobie with some friends. I took the piss test 3 days later and passed with flying colors. big deal. everything will be alright

Must've been some dman good oregano then...

:gulp:

a] your story is bullshit

b] it wasnt pot in the joint

c] they didnt test for pot

d] you failed, but they wanted to hire you anyway.

It's one of the above.

You cannot get baked on day 1, take a piss test on day 4, and pass

:gulp:

LoungeMachine
02-25-2010, 03:24 PM
Hey, now...say what will about the job's dignity and somewhat dismal wages, the uniforms they supply you with are first class.



Make no mistake, I wasn't implying standin's life as a Carnie didn't have its perks.....

:gulp:

chefcraig
02-25-2010, 03:29 PM
Make no mistake, I wasn't implying standin's life as a Carnie didn't have its perks...

Particularly if you prefer to view life as cross between a John Waters movie and a Fellini film, with a soundtrack supplied by the Doors, the Residents and some semi-obscure sixties girl groups.

Igosplut
02-25-2010, 03:30 PM
That's why I've been my own boss most of my life.

That, and I was hardly civilized enough for a regular job....

So it made me somewhat unemployable....But you get the picture...

LoungeMachine
02-25-2010, 03:32 PM
That's why I've been my own boss most of my life.

That, and I was hardly civilized enough for a regular job....

So it made me somewhat unemployable....But you get the picture...

yep.

Same here.

And the industry I'm in thinks of a "drug test" as what kind do you think this is?

:gulp:

standin
02-25-2010, 03:41 PM
Particularly if you prefer to view life as cross between a John Waters movie and a Fellini film, with a soundtrack supplied by the Doors, the Residents and some semi-obscure sixties girl groups.

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1143/1083197652_8b811b3bcd.jpg

thome
02-25-2010, 05:44 PM
I am also self employed walking to the SSI building is a real task, and isn't that all a job is matriculations within a task..?

I drug test myself only on the weekends during the week I have too much going on.

I pass or fail if I wake up monday morning.

Nickdfresh
02-25-2010, 08:31 PM
...showing up plastered for a piss test.....that's a new one.

They don't test for alcohol?

I actually think they generally don't test for alcohol in most employment screening tests--though I could be wrong. I think it's a legal thing since alcohol is a legal drug and you weren't on their time when drinking it, yet and I've heard they can only test for ILLEGAL drugs...

However, if you crash a company vehicle, and they decide to do a drug test at the behest of their insurance provider, then they will check for booze...

Mushroom
03-08-2010, 10:47 PM
Bump!

OK, I passed the test! The rest is a cakewalk. I have to pinch myself to make sure it's all true and count my lucky stars. Job searching for 2 months, 40 resumes, small market, and I landed the right job 2 miles from home, with a significant salary increase. all accomplished while staying employed.

the "pass" word is:

Agent X :hitch:

chefcraig
03-08-2010, 11:15 PM
Hey, after all the bullshit that lead up to it, good for you man, and congrats. Well done. :smoke:

PETE'S BROTHER
03-09-2010, 12:54 AM
saweet:baaa: don't "celebrate" too soon.:stoned-smiley: