The Ultimate Fretboard Masturbation Thread....

[Diamondjimi]

Youtube is rampant with dudes claiming to be the fastest in the world.
It's gotten waaay outta hand. Most of it is some of the funniest shit on the net...

Now there's good speed and there's bad speed. Let's expose all of it shall we?!

Let's start off with this joker...
Sheer WANKING!:lmao:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=28abpbNwZlU&feature=related

[Diamondjimi]

WOW!!! :rolleyes:

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[Diamondjimi]

Sheer insanity!!!!

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[Panamark]

That last guy sounds like when you have a mosquito buzzing around
your head when you are trying to sleep. You know the one, the fucker
that you can never find when you turn on the light but when you
get back into beds with the lights off, out he comes again !!

FUCK !! :mad:

[Diamondjimi]

I hear ya there. How much of their waking hours do these guys spend/waste to gravitate to this height of absurdity?

[Panamark]

It would be understandable if what they were playing was actually enjoyable to listen to ??
Great argument for less equals more..
I would rather listen to Dave Gilmour's slowest solo than any of these so far..
Yngwie has a lot to answer for !!

[Seshmeister]

Sheer insanity!!!!

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In the 320 BPM version he clearly misses an G in the 31st bar and stubs a B at the 82nd.

[Panamark]

Yeah I noticed that too but had a feeling you would also find it annoying, and I didn't want to
deny you your post Seshman :)

[VanHalenFan5150]

I thought this thread was about fast masturbating. Lol. My bad.

But yes, there are too many people on YT claiming to be the fastest.

[Diamondjimi]

In the 320 BPM version he clearly misses an G in the 31st bar and stubs a B at the 82nd.

You cought that,eh?! ;)

[Panamark]

I thought this thread was about fast masturbating. Lol. My bad.

But yes, there are too many people on YT claiming to be the fastest.

It is about widdly widdly wankery......
Sure its impressive, but not expressive
these dudes are playing the same scales./modes/patterns
up and down a step. The end effect is you think, ok, that
sounds like a pentatonic minor, ooh now he is playing it
down two frets...

No heart and soul. I totally believe there is a place forever for
these techniques, but change it around a bit dudes ??

Lets take Randy Rhoads, he used a lot of these techniques
but there was pure soul with his variation and phrasing
in the solo's... These fuckers sound like sequencers.

[jhale667]

That's what distinguishes the greats...even when they're playing something technical, it serves the song and most importantly, sounds MUSICAL rather than like someone doing exercises...

[Reverberator]

I can wank really fast , but I try not to anymore as I keep missing the tissue and it's ruining the carpet.

[Diamondjimi]

I can wank really fast , but I try not to anymore as I keep missing the tissue and it's ruining the carpet.

Classic Verbie! :lmao:

[jhale667]

This guy is the king of the silly wank. Mattias Ia Eklundh :

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[Diamondjimi]

This guy is the king of the silly wank. Mattias Ia Eklundh :

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http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v204/Federaljim/laffingturd.gif

3 tricks played with an annoying tone = :barf:

Fuckin shite. Sounds like an 80's music store wanker....

His jokes suck equally as much! :shiznit:

[Diamondjimi]

Did I mention his picking is lacking as well?

[jhale667]

The speed picking is the worst part of it...his tapping is pretty fluid. Not impressed by the Gorilla amp...:hee:

[Diamondjimi]

Not impressed by the Gorilla amp...:hee:

Ahahaa, it sounds like ASS!

It has two options,, an "on' switch and 1 dail labeled "Suck"! :biggrin:

[Seshmeister]

Its self defeating I think because to get some of those harmonics to ring you have to have a sucky guitar sound.

[Reverberator]

As good as the technique is on some of this shit , it is just that.

[binnie]

It's a collection of men who never have, and never will, touch a woman......

[Diamondjimi]

It's a collection of men who never have, and never will, touch a woman......

So, are you insinuating Savicki is a shredder? :biggrin:

[jhale667]

Its self defeating I think because to get some of those harmonics to ring you have to have a sucky guitar sound.

"You must have Gorilla amplifier." ;)
I've seen his "harmonic chart" laying out every possible harmonic on every string across 24 frets, but seems it's true you need to have ridiculous amounts of gain going to get some of them to ring like that, and a recessed Floyd (or other locking trem) would be pretty much mandatory for how far he's pulling some of the notes up...


So, are you insinuating Savicki is a shredder? :biggrin:

I thought binnie was referring to living girls...isn't Savicki into dead chicks? :lol:

[chefcraig]

I'd be willing to bet his neighbors in the apartment complex simply adore the guy.

[jhale667]

This is actually pretty cool...

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:guitar:

[Diamondjimi]

Everything he's ever played, capsulized into 2 minutes 42 seconds. Nothing new here but wtf...

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[lesfunk]

Here's My boy, Jimi Bell. I've actually played with this guy!

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[Diamondjimi]

That's some serious shreddin there. His picking and note articulation is quite accurate. Me likes!:D

[Mushroom]

1. EVH on a bad day is more interesting than these wankers
2. It was a pleasure to hear Yngwie after all that nonsense
3. I'm glad I got married because I would kill myself trying to play that fast
4. Except for 1 wanker, all these wankers need to sit just to play - makes for one exciting rock show!

[lesfunk]

That's some serious shreddin there. His picking and note articulation is quite accurate. Me likes!:D

Here's his site if you want to check it out. http://jimibell.net

[Diamondjimi]

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[Seshmeister]

That's just really unpleasant, I think very very few people would want to listen to that. If the end result is something that noone would want to listen to you may as well spend thousands of hours trying to become the greatest farter in the world. In fact that would be better as it has more novelty value.

Mushroom made a good point about how all shredders seem to be sitting down.

I'm not a shredder but I've started practicing standing. I find it more difficult although maybe it willl just take a bit of time.

[Seshmeister]

This is actually pretty cool...

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:guitar:


The only use for that would be if someone approached you because they needed a sound for when the flying saucer came out on their retro video game and that's fairly unlikely to happen as it's easier just to program something like that in. :)

[jhale667]

Mushroom made a good point about how all shredders seem to be sitting down.

I'm not a shredder but I've started practicing standing. I find it more difficult although maybe it willl just take a bit of time.

People should practice standing up - unless you're into wearing your guitar under your armpit live - you'll have to in order to approximate where it was when you were learning all those shred licks sitting...

[Seshmeister]

And the golden rule is that how cool a guitar looks is in proportion to how low slung it is.

These people that have their guitar up at their armpit look ridiculous for some reason.

I'm not sure why it matters but it does and I don't make the rules... :)

[jhale667]

Too low and it looks equally recockulous, though. Anything past the belt-line? Ghey. ;)

[VanHalenFan5150]

You can disagree with me all you'd like, and yell at me all you want if need be, but, I still think it's a tie between Paul Gilbert, Impelliteri, and Michael Angelo for the spot of fastest guitar player. Mind you, I took into consideration how they play. They're not being a six-string sweet douche, they're actually playing with feeling, whether wanking or playing something really nice.

[VanHalenFan5150]

That's just really unpleasant, I think very very few people would want to listen to that. If the end result is something that noone would want to listen to you may as well spend thousands of hours trying to become the greatest farter in the world. In fact that would be better as it has more novelty value.

Mushroom made a good point about how all shredders seem to be sitting down.

I'm not a shredder but I've started practicing standing. I find it more difficult although maybe it willl just take a bit of time.

I find standing up easier, as it gives me much more access to the higher notes on the fretboard. I play with the strap up like an old man or Ed would, almost right at my chest.

[Diamondjimi]

Too low and it looks equally recockulous, though. Anything past the belt-line? Ghey. ;)
:lmao:

[Diamondjimi]

I find standing up easier, as it gives me much more access to the higher notes on the fretboard. I play with the strap up like an old man or Ed would, almost right at my chest.

I think Ed played much better with his guitar higher.

Strap high...

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Strap low...
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25 years of booze/coke/meth abuse +relapse aside I guess Ed thinks "Well, since I don't really care how I play anymore, I'll simply lower my strap to look cool and fall back on all the old cliche's I created when I was a young man..."

[VanHalenFan5150]

I think Ed played much better with his guitar higher.

Strap high...

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Ah, the good old US Festival solo... :D