I need a serious man to man talk with someone, or anyone

[VanHalenFan5150]

Okay, apart from this thread title having a really badly worded title, I have something I need to talk about with a bunch of guys who have probably been through this.

My dad is the biggest prick ever.

Once the thread gets started i'll begin to open up more... I'm serious about this whole thing though, once I start telling you guys what i'm going through it's not a laughing matter. I don't want to get made fun of or anything... I just wanted to throw this out there and have an adult to talk to...

[kwame k]

Dude, you're 15........if your father wasn't a prick in your eyes, there would be something wrong with you.

[VanHalenFan5150]

Dude, you're 15........if your father wasn't a prick in your eyes, there would be something wrong with you.

LOL.

Well, I love him, he's still my dad. I just think he's a prick.

[Dr. Love]

Has your Dad been trolling you?

http://static.funnyjunk.com/pictures/apy.png

[Va Beach VH Fan]

My opinion, don't do it here....

[VanHalenFan5150]

I wouldn't call it that. I might as well explain the whole situation. My dad was born the last child of 6 in a middle class family. He was always pushed around. Anyway, he has a twin who he really connects with, and this summer my dad was a total jerk to his twin bro. The next day his twin loses his arm and my dad goes apeshit on me my mom and my sister... calls my mom an unemployed bitch, says i'm retarded, fucking stupid and useless to him, and nearly choked my sister... Then he gets into huge arguments because of his short fuse and he actually destroyed his wedding ring...

Talk about fucked up, i've seen it all

For some reason, which is beyond human nature (which in itself is to take your anger out on people who don't deserve it)... I don't feel like an acceptable outlet for his anger

[Terry]

Shit, when I was 15, my old man and me didn't see eye to eye on just about anything.

Sounds simplistic to say, but odds are in ten years you'll look back at what you're going through now in terms of your relationship with your old man and laugh, because in all probability you'll be out on your own anyway and whatever you're going through currently won't matter much to you down the line.

I mean, unless it's some really fucked-up physical abuse shit going on, the passage of time will work most things out for themselves.

[BITEYOASS]

Okay, apart from this thread title having a really badly worded title, I have something I need to talk about with a bunch of guys who have probably been through this.

My dad is the biggest prick ever.

Once the thread gets started i'll begin to open up more... I'm serious about this whole thing though, once I start telling you guys what i'm going through it's not a laughing matter. I don't want to get made fun of or anything... I just wanted to throw this out there and have an adult to talk to...

You want my advice? TALK TO ACTUAL PEOPLE DAMNIT! There, now my prickishness makes you father look like ole' jolly st. nick! :biggrin:

Also, do what I did and come up with a plan on getting the fuck out of the house after graduating high school.

[Terry]

Yeah, really. Seriously, it's never too early to start planning for post-high school life.

If shit at home gets too heavy, I'd agree with BITE and talk to a professional...shit, even a high school guidance counselor or somebody qualified to help you deal.

[VanHalenFan5150]

Well you can read my previous post below, Terry and tell me what you think

[Little Texan]

Does your dad have a problem with alcohol?

I don't know what kind of advice I could give you since my dad never laid a hand on any of us in anger, but if your dad is being abusive to you, your mom and your siblings, then that is unacceptable, maybe even criminal behavior. From what you posted, it sounds as if he is verbally and physically abusive.

[Little Texan]

I mean, unless it's some really fucked-up physical abuse shit going on

It sounds as if that is exactly what's going on here. Read post #6.

[VanHalenFan5150]

It sounds as if that is exactly what's going on here. Read post #6.

Well my dad drinks in moderation. He'll have a gin and tonic occasionally, perhaps maybe every couple nights or so, a little vodka and lime sometimes, and a cheapo beer every night at dinner (unless he has tea) and as such he's no way alcoholic... I do though prefer him drunk. He tells me how much he loves me, how proud of me he is, how awesome I am at guitar, and how all of his old friends told him that I was something special and to keep me close. :/

I guess I should have mentioned how often he is drunk... I think I can count on one hand how many times he's been drunk. He'll get a buzz when he hangs with friends and a little tipsy on company party night but he almost never gets drunk

[GAR]

At least you have a dad and family around at 15.

You've only got 3 more years to go before you can do what you want, and your dad sounds like he's realizing his limitations.

Twins usually have an unexplainable bond between each other, and when one experiences a loss or illness, the other one feels miserable about it. This is documented way too much and is too common for me to provide links so just google it yourself.

If I had family around I'd probably stayed on school up thru Caltech, but I saw the guitar as a way out of being poor white trash. Which back in the 80s, when there was a music industry, some I knew actually did well then but no longer so I wouldn't recommend music as a way out.

Another way out is to graduate early like I did by taking your GED, but instead of going thru community college or a 4-year possibly with some kind of scholarship (which I don't know anything about) you can do a 3-year stint in the Navy or Air Force, save up alot of dough, then you got yourself a nice nut to do college with.

High RPM music is very stimulating to your low IQ friends, but this is short-lived. Don't focus on your dad's issues, worry about your own.

[VanHalenFan5150]

Gar... Thank you for your insight, which for once is not actually Googled... I appreciate it, but I do think that music will take me somewhere, and I think many here will agree

[GAR]

Another option, is you can go to Juvenile Court and get "emancipated" which is a term that means for all intents and purposes, the law now recognizes you as an adult responsible for yourself.

So if your old man is the type that tends to knock you around when he's had too much of the Slippery Sauce, and you want to leave, find a room for rent and pay for it using Welfare, you can do that as an Emancipated Minor.

Oh man, if I had become an emancipated minor and then joined Naval Air Command or something.. one backup plan I had for example, was graduate with a 2-year degree and then enlist as an officer going in, and continuing my education while in service at the service's expense. But what happened, was so many many many bands in the LA area got signed after playing out sometimes 3 years together, sometimes 3 weeks.. and that spoiled my vision to become what I am today.

Just to think I coulda been blowing up shit in Grenada, or Panama.. cuz that was right around that time. Instead I let guitar overtake me and not the other way around, so that's what happens when you lose sight of your goals, distraction and regret in not following thru.

State of Florida will actually pay you to take care of yourself to age 19 I believe, but the social worker you're assigned will have you go thru counseling, have a financial plan on how you're going to get thru school and all before she signs off on a positive report to the court. But mention "yeah I just wanna rent a house so I can bang metal riffs in the garage with my dropout buddies, knock up my girlfriend and drink beer for free all afteroon then deal pot in the evening" forget it. It wont work because it's not the 70s any more...

[VanHalenFan5150]

I love my dad... I mean, he's my fucking dad! I came from his penis! I don't want to live on my own until i'm ready to. I want to be affluent like he is. But for one... He is a monster, I do not by any means grow up to act like him. Especially not to my kid/s. I want to be one of those cool dads you rarely ever hear about

[GAR]

I do think that music will take me somewhere, and I think many here will agree

"Misery loves company" cliche, comes to mind. You'll get lots of support from those around you saying "yeah do it" and make that your life focus and all, I'm telling you from experience spanning the course of three decades during the Golden Age of guitar rock, that today is no longer such an age OK.

I havent' and won't critique your playing or your enthusiams for guitar, what I'm telling you though is look at it with the contrast of what's ahead for guys like you after graduation. You do NOT want to be working at Home Depot for 5 years until you wake up to the fact that the better companies that pay real money, want to drool over a young person with a resume no matter how you do the job or not or if you're better or worse than the guy you replace.

That's just how business is. It rewards people who throw 4 years or more of their lives away for that little piece of paper called a diploma, why I don't know except for tradition and because it shows sacrifice and that maybe they think a person with a diploma will likewise sacrifice for the company, too if hired.

And I don't know about what your household believes, but the commandment that says "honor your father and mother" doesn't specify an OUT with "honor your honorable father" - that's just the way it is. So hold your tongue while you're around him and under his roof, after that you can also hold your tongue until the day he dies.. hopefully though you move out before that happens.

[GAR]

I love my dad... But for one... He is a monster, I do not by any means grow up to act like him.

Then don't drink. That was another age your dad went thru, when you could go out drinking all night and hopefully you made it home without too much body damage to your vehicle.

Drinking is a waste of time and money, and if that's what your dad want's to do with his, respect his space by staying out of it and holding your tongue and you'll both get along till you graduate.

[VanHalenFan5150]

Then don't drink. That was another age your dad went thru, when you could go out drinking all night and hopefully you made it home without too much body damage to your vehicle.

Drinking is a waste of time and money, and if that's what your dad want's to do with his, respect his space by staying out of it and holding your tongue and you'll both get along till you graduate.

Exactly... That's what I plan to do; stay clean for my whole life

[Nickdfresh]

Another option, is you can go to Juvenile Court and get "emancipated" which is a term that means for all intents and purposes, the law now recognizes you as an adult responsible for yourself.

So if your old man is the type that tends to knock you around when he's had too much of the Slippery Sauce, and you want to leave, find a room for rent and pay for it using Welfare, you can do that as an Emancipated Minor.

Oh man, if I had become an emancipated minor and then joined Naval Air Command or something.. one backup plan I had for example, was graduate with a 2-year degree and then enlist as an officer going in, and continuing my education while in service at the service's expense. But what happened, was so many many many bands in the LA area got signed after playing out sometimes 3 years together, sometimes 3 weeks.. and that spoiled my vision to become what I am today.

Just to think I coulda been blowing up shit in Grenada, or Panama.. cuz that was right around that time. Instead I let guitar overtake me and not the other way around, so that's what happens when you lose sight of your goals, distraction and regret in not following thru.

State of Florida will actually pay you to take care of yourself to age 19 I believe, but the social worker you're assigned will have you go thru counseling, have a financial plan on how you're going to get thru school and all before she signs off on a positive report to the court. But mention "yeah I just wanna rent a house so I can bang metal riffs in the garage with my dropout buddies, knock up my girlfriend and drink beer for free all afteroon then deal pot in the evening" forget it. It wont work because it's not the 70s any more...

Dude, you're a loser that posts trolling and Google nonsense 20 times day on a silly rock website. Who the fuck are you to give advice to anyone?

[VanHalenFan5150]

Dude, you're a loser that posts trolling and Google nonsense 20 times day on a silly rock website. Who the fuck are you to give advice to anyone?

His only valid point was the whole "don't drink and stay quiet" notion, other than that I didn't really heed his advice. Though I will be going to college... Anyway, I don't want to start a flame war, and if one arises i'd like this thread to be closed.

[Nickdfresh]

His only valid point was the whole "don't drink and stay quiet" notion, other than that I didn't really heed his advice. Though I will be going to college... Anyway, I don't want to start a flame war, and if one arises i'd like this thread to be closed.

His only "valid point?" I think he brought up several unvalid ones, like emancipation--which is a very sticky legal issue...

[chefcraig]

Enough, both to the guy that started the thread, and those that chose to chime in. Look, by some weird assumed "fellowship", some common sense advice for what is taking place might happen to surface by picking and choosing amongst some replies here on what is essentially a message board. Fucking swell, but the truth is, if an individual is hurting, the internet is pretty much the last place to go for help.

Yeah, a good portion of folks are willing to apply all sorts of advice, yet in reality no one knows of your own personal issues. For cryin' out loud dude, find someone that exists in your own neighborhood that you can reach out to. This idea of an internet community is a bunch of baloney when it comes to folks that you can physically embrace.

I'm not kidding. Kind words of support only can go so far, particularly if offered in a vacuum. Find some real humans close to you, in order to get through this. I'm not demeaning the efforts of others here in cyberspace, but in my opinion, you'll need to find true human compassion and contact to work through your issues. And you aint gonna find it on a website.

[VanHalenFan5150]

I agree with you 100% Craig, not going to argue at all there. I've been talking to my girlfriend and all of my friends... and even my MOM (who has been getting the brunt of my dad's apeshit habits) when I need to. I never realized how many people are there for me when i'm about to fall... But anyway, would a mod please delete the thread? Or at least close it. Thanks for the advice, guys.

[Anonymous]

I was gonna post basically what Chef posted. The REAL problems must be dealt with the help of those that actually know you, not internet faggots.

THIS, however, has me worried:


I never realized how many people are there for me when i'm about to fall...

And on this, I do offer you advice. It sounds like you're spending way too much time in places like this. As a teenager, you should be out there setting the foundations for what's gonna be your adult life. And that shit ain't happenin' here. In case you haven't noticed, this forum is full of 25+ to middle-aged people who can afford the time for this because our lives are pretty much settled. You're 15. Go away & come back when you're a full-fledged loser.

Cheers! :bottle:

[GAR]

Dude, you're a loser

Opinions are like assholes, everyones' got one?

Where's your sage advice on this with perspective.. SHOW us YOUR asshole, Asshole!

[GAR]

Go away & come back when you're a full-fledged loser.

Wow, I wish I had some kind of intereactive medium like this when I was 15, locked in my room. I had the radio, the 8-track, my guitar and piles of books.

Guy comes in here looking for advisement from experienced people, well it looks like you have nothing in common to share except putdowns.

You should take that back.

[Anonymous]

Fuck off, you disgusting piece of shit.

Should the kid take your advices, you fucking pedophile? You want him to turn out like you, a skid mark of mankind, spending your days in a forum where most people would be glad to kick your teeth in just for saying hello, just because this is the only place where people even bother to validate your existence, even if it's with contempt & disgust?

Just die. :wow2:

[GAR]

Look here my Uni-browed Euro Bro: I'm waiting to see what you offer him in the ways of advisement and you're coming up EMPTY.

[Anonymous]

Here's another advice: Kid, read attentively what this shit stain spews & then do the exact opposite.

You'll turn out pretty well.

Cheers! :bottle:

[GAR]

Well, at least that was from the heart..

[Diamondjimi]

My best advice to "VanHalenFan5150" is to completely disregard ANYTHING GARy posts..

Talk with a guidance councilor or a close family member/friend.........

[Blaze]

It is fully understandable to reach out to people that might not be so bias because they are not so close.
However, you expected different answers than you already had from those close to you, didn't you?

Fame does not put a check in the mail, nor does it put answers in your brain, remember that.

Your creativity will take you many places. One of those places might be to work.

If you really wanted to express yourself to your audience, us,
Should you have done this in a way to make us experience your contextual environment?
Perhaps, but it is difficult and often becomes work , even if it is still a hobby, to go some place (as you put it) and take the engaged with you.

Remember, life happens on the way to the future.

I hate that you got alloted a dysfunctional family, not all families are dysfunctional, but many are.

You did not come here for advise, you came to tell us how you feel and wanted an dissection of you,
which would provide you with answers.

Of course many dissections are painful, thus your "OMG! Please close this. How foolish!" statement.

I think you realize, now in hind sight, that a creative journal entry with a thread request of "Hey guys, what do you think?" Would have served you well. It would have been more work, but allowed for a better dynamic.

Cheers!

[GAR]

Thread said "man" to man. WTF?

[Sensible Shoes]

I think I do have something to say to you that is valid.

The internet is a great place to turn for support when you're blowing off steam. The MOMENT you feel you have to really take action, go find a qualified real person. yes others have told you this, I have LIVED it. I would never give up DDLR or the Army friends I have made, and I have actually met many of them. Out of them there are TWO that I would really call on the phone and say "Please get your ass here NOW I am in real trouble." The problem with that is - they're all hundreds of miles away.

You are essentially talking with "personas" here. Everytime you actually meet someone you've known on the internet, you find you really don't know them at all. Not bad people, it's just never the same. And it is ESSENTIAL that you learn the difference.

You sound like you have a difficult situation and without knowing the players, it's really impossible for us to give you plausible advice. It's possible that it's nothing more than your dad feeling crappy that he had words with his twin the night before a horrible accident and this is a one time thing. We simply don't know, and you're fifteen. That's not a slam, it's just that life has not handed you enough of these crises for you to have real perspective on how serious it is. We do know that it is bothering you enough to bring it to this table. So take the next step and go talk to a qualified adult. Start at school, it's the cheapest option, and seeking out a counselor may involve your parents.

Real people kiddo. Gotta go with real people.

[Jagermeister]

I came from his penis!

:lmao:

[Va Beach VH Fan]

I recommended not to even bring the subject up, which wasn't heeded....

Now that it's blossomed to yet another pissing contest, I'm closing it....