HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Nashville Billboards Announce Jebus' Return May 21, 2011

[Hardrock69]

:lmao:

The hillbillies down here are a superstitious lot. Easily frightened (rain really scares them).

Now they figure they only have 6 more months until Jebus is coming back! :biggrin:

http://www.tennessean.com/article/20101201/NEWS06/12010350/Nashville+billboards+claim+Jesus+will+return+May+2 1++2011


There are 24 shopping days left till Christmas.

And 171 days left until Jesus' second coming.

That's the message on 40 billboards around Nashville, proclaiming May 21, 2011, as the date of the Rapture. Billboards are up in eight other U.S. cities, too.

Fans of Family Radio Inc., a nationwide Christian network, paid for the billboards. Family Radio's founder, Harold Camping, predicted the May date for the Rapture.

Their message is simple — "He Is Coming Again" — and their aim is to get unbelievers to turn around quickly. But critics say the billboards are a waste of time, one more failed attempt to predict the end of the world.

The Rapture is going to be a great day for God's people but awful for everyone else, said Allison Warden, 29, who orchestrated Nashville's billboard campaign. She's a volunteer with WeCanKnow.com, a website set up by followers of Family Radio. She and other fans designed the billboards, along with T-shirts, bumper stickers and postcards to get Camping's predictions out.

Warden traveled from her home in Raleigh, N.C., to Nashville last week to check out the billboards, purchased through the end of the year. She wouldn't say how much they cost or name who paid for them.

She is absolutely sure that Camping's prediction is right.

"It's a certainty," she said.

But the Rev. Fred Fuller of Madison Campus Seventh-day Adventist Church disagrees. He says the Bible points to Jesus' return, but no one knows when.

"The Bible says no one knows the day or the hour," he said. "I don't believe that date-setting or the scare tactic of an immediate date is a biblical approach."

Predicting the second coming for Jesus dates to the first days of Christianity, when believers said he would return in their lifetimes. Since then there have been a series of failed predictions. One of the most famous, known as the Great Disappointment, happened in 1843, after William Miller and his followers sold their homes and waited out in a field for Jesus to come back.

Former NASA engineer Edgar C. Whisenant sold millions of copies of his book 88 Reasons Why the Rapture Will be in 1988.

Richard Landes, director of the Center for Millennial Studies at Boston University, said predictions of the end of the world provide relief from the pressures of daily life for some. That's why they continue to be so popular.

"Whatever the mess that your life is in, it makes everything nice and simple," he said.


Billboards in other cities

Tom Evans, a spokesman for Family Radio, insisted the predictions are true, and he and other Family Radio supporters want to save their friends and neighbors from God's judgments. The billboards are also up in Louisville, St. Louis, Detroit, Little Rock, Omaha, Kansas City, Fort Wayne, Ind., and Bridgeport, Conn. In cities with Family Radio-affiliated stations, the message is on the air.

The latest prediction comes from a verse in Luke 17: "As it was in the days of Noah, so shall it be in the days of the Son of Man."

It's a matter of simple math, said Evans.


Calculation of the date

According to Camping's prediction, the Rapture will happen exactly 7,000 years from the date that God first warned people about the flood. He said the flood happened in 4990 B.C., on what would have been May 21 in the modern calendar. God gave Noah one week of warning.

Since one day equals 1,000 years for God, that means there was a 7,000-year interval between the flood and rapture.

"We hope that anyone would get a Bible out and try and prove that this is wrong," he said.

To spread their message, Family Radio is also sending out caravans of RVs across the country, with the Rapture message. One should make its way to Nashville after the first of the year. They're sending missionaries around the world to hand out tracts.

But he thinks only a small number of people — about 3 percent — will take the billboards seriously.

"Sadly, only eight people survived the flood in Noah's time," he said. "The number of people that are going to be saved is going to be very small."

At least one Nashville resident remains unconvinced. Sophie Boes is a manager at Whiskey Kitchen, the downtown restaurant closest to a Gulch billboard. She said she'd never seen a message like it.

"Wow," she said. "Welcome to the South."



I think people should be encouraged to sell everything they own and go stand on the street corner naked that day to show their devotion to Jebus. :lmao:

[Anonymous]

Sell? Whaddayamean, sell? They should GIVE their stuff away, to show the Lard they're ready for Hellven.

I wanna yacht!

Cheers! :bottle:

[PETE'S BROTHER]

Sell? Whaddayamean, sell? They should GIVE their stuff away, to show the Lard they're ready for Hellven.

I wanna yacht!

Cheers! :bottle:

typical diva wants.....

[Hardrock69]

Well, ok they should sell what they have and then give the money to the poor.

I am looking forward to seeing a bunch of broke, naked homeless people standing around with their arms raised up in the air screaming "TAKE ME NOW JEEEEZUSS-AH!".

This oughta be a real hoot! :lmao:

[Nitro Express]

Jesus might be cumming. He's an exalted master and I would imagine in his realm, you get laid a lot.

[Nitro Express]

Sell? Whaddayamean, sell? They should GIVE their stuff away, to show the Lard they're ready for Hellven.

I wanna yacht!

Cheers! :bottle:

My advice is start a church. If you are a good showman and BS artist, you can buy your yacht with tax free income.

[PETE'S BROTHER]

baby jeebus in wisconsin too

http://host.madison.com/ct/news/local/health_med_fit/vital_signs/article_6c761f9a-fd70-11df-89a0-001cc4c03286.html

Just days after posting billboards in the city of Milwaukee equating abortions with black genocide Pro-Life Wisconsin, an organization that fights all forms of birth control and abortions, has erected two signs in La Crosse featuring ultrasound images the organization claim represent the baby Jesus in the Virgin Mary's womb.
Placed over the fetus in the billboards is a miniature halo. "He's on His Way. Christmas Starts with Christ," the sign reads, linking viewers to www.churchads.net, described by a Pro-Life press release as a Christian nonprofit in England that sponsored the campaign there.

[Seshmeister]

The rapture was invented by an insane little woman from Scotland in the late 1800s. I guess since most hillbillys are descended from Scottish peasants then this makes sense.

The reason it caught on is simple economics. If you say to people that they will go to heaven when they die if they give their money to the church then people tend to put off giving up their money and may just put something in their will. There is then always the danger that they don't get around to making a will, or that the pesky family step in and try and inherit instead.

With the rapture con the church gets the money right away because judgement day might come any day now.

[chefcraig]

The whole "Jesus is coming" routine reminds me of the signs in pubs that announce "Free Beer Tomorrow".

Remember what happened in Ohio? "Touchdown Jesus" Statue Struck By Lightning, Burns To The Ground (http://www.rotharmy.com/forums/showthread.php?59309-quot-Touchdown-Jesus-quot-Statue-Struck-By-Lightning-Burns-To-The-Ground&highlight=)

[Hardrock69]

Actually, it turns out the organization who is having these billboards put up is based in California, and they are having them put up all over the US.

But that's ok.

I wonder how many churches will get sued by people who want their lifes savings back when they wind up arrested for being broke, homeless and naked on May 21 and Jebus does not show up to bail them out of jail? :biggrin:

[chefcraig]

Just for fun, here is a link to a few words on the legitimacy of this Harold Camping fellow. Apparently this isn't the first time the nitwit announced the Lord's return or managed to misinterpret the Bible...

Harold Camping's Heresies EXPOSED! (http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/Wolves/harold_camping.htm)

[Hardrock69]

Here is a good trick to pull on them.

IF it should come out in the press that these idiots are going to gather somewhere to wait for Jebus to scoop them up and drag them screaming away to their eternal reward, and IF there is any place to hide a small but powerful PA system (like if it is near a downtown and expecially if you can get up on top of a fairly tall building, say, about 5 stories tall), you create some recordings of loud thunder with the Moron Ta-bur-nakull Kire singing some kind of bullshit, all leading up to some kind of climactic peak where there are trumpets blasting out and stuff and then this loud deep voice thunders
"I AM THE LORD THY GOD AND I HAVE RETURNED!!!!!!"

THEN YOU HAVE ONE FINAL BLAST OF THE TRUMPETS AND THEN........YOU PUT ON THIS!

<object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/AHb4gs1hwck?fs=1&amp;hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/AHb4gs1hwck?fs=1&amp;hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>

[PETE'S BROTHER]

and then the godzilla roar!!!!!!

[Jagermeister]

http://growabrain.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/jesus_is_coming.jpg

[Little Texan]

Just for fun, here is a link to a few words on the legitimacy of this Harold Camping fellow. Apparently this isn't the first time the nitwit announced the Lord's return or managed to misinterpret the Bible...

Harold Camping's Heresies EXPOSED! (http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/Wolves/harold_camping.htm)


Harold Camping now proclaims the Lord's return will be in October, 20, 2011!

WOW! He's coming back on my birthday next year? COOL! :biggrin:

[Hardrock69]

When even 1844 did not pan out, some of the followers abandoned the movement. Many however tried to find a new explanation. They were too embarrassed to admit their error. They had invested too much to be wrong. Ellen G. White eventually led the Seventh-Day Adventists to the conclusion that Jesus had returned invisibly in 1844, and that He would soon make His presence known.

:lmao:

[chefcraig]

WOW! He's coming back on my birthday next year? COOL! :biggrin:

Cool, so you'll be coming and going at the same time! http://freesmileyface.net/smiley/holidays-and-party/party-073.gif (http://freesmileyface.net)

[Hardrock69]

Groovy! That is gonna be one HELLUVA party! WOOHOO!!!

[Hardrock69]

As a matter of fact, this gives all us other peeps who believe in alternative spirtual existentialisticalizational systems just one more reason to party on May 21, 2011!

Damn...it's on a fucking WEDNESDAY.

I am going to call up God right now and bitch Him out. I want it to be on a Friday at least, perhaps even a Saturday, so we can all raise Hell without having to go into work the next morning with a hangover. :(

[PETE'S BROTHER]

As a matter of fact, this gives all us other peeps who believe in alternative spirtual existentialisticalizational systems just one more reason to party on May 21, 2011!

Damn...it's on a fucking WEDNESDAY.

I am going to call up God right now and bitch Him out. I want it to be on a Friday at least, perhaps even a Saturday, so we can all raise Hell without having to go into work the next morning with a hangover. :(

wouldn't have to work, duh, hello, rapture?!?!?!?!?

[chefcraig]

The world is supposed to end on December 21, 2012. This happens to be the day after my birthday, so I'll either wake up with a hangover then drive down to the beach to watch the tidal wave roll in, or stay at home, climb up on my roof and wait for them to come to me. Either way, it's a day off from work...

[Jesus Christ]

Take heed that no man deceive you.

For many shall come in my name, saying, I am Christ; and shall deceive many.

And ye shall hear of wars and rumours of wars: see that ye be not troubled: for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet.

For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom: and there shall be famines, and pestilences, and earthquakes, in divers places.

All these are the beginning of sorrows.

Then shall they deliver you up to be afflicted, and shall kill you: and ye shall be hated of all nations for my name's sake.

And then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another, and shall hate one another.

And many false prophets shall rise, and shall deceive many.

And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold.

But he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved.

And this gospel of the kingdom shall be preached in all the world for a witness unto all nations; and then shall the end come.

When ye therefore shall see the abomination of desolation, spoken of by Daniel the prophet, stand in the holy place, (whoso readeth, let him understand:)

Then let them which be in Judaea flee into the mountains:

Let him which is on the housetop not come down to take any thing out of his house:

Neither let him which is in the field return back to take his clothes.

And woe unto them that are with child, and to them that give suck in those days!

But pray ye that your flight be not in the winter, neither on the sabbath day:

For then shall be great tribulation, such as was not since the beginning of the world to this time, no, nor ever shall be.

And except those days should be shortened, there should no flesh be saved: but for the elect's sake those days shall be shortened.

Then if any man shall say unto you, Lo, here is Christ, or there; believe it not.

For there shall arise false Christs, and false prophets, and shall shew great signs and wonders; insomuch that, if it were possible, they shall deceive the very elect.

Behold, I have told you before.

Wherefore if they shall say unto you, Behold, he is in the desert; go not forth: behold, he is in the secret chambers; believe it not.

For as the lightning cometh out of the east, and shineth even unto the west; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be.

For wheresoever the carcase is, there will the eagles be gathered together.

Immediately after the tribulation of those days shall the sun be darkened, and the moon shall not give her light, and the stars shall fall from heaven, and the powers of the heavens shall be shaken:

And then shall appear the sign of the Son of man in heaven: and then shall all the tribes of the earth mourn, and they shall see the Son of man coming in the clouds of heaven with power and great glory.

And he shall send his angels with a great sound of a trumpet, and they shall gather together his elect from the four winds, from one end of heaven to the other.

Now learn a parable of the fig tree; When his branch is yet tender, and putteth forth leaves, ye know that summer is nigh:

So likewise ye, when ye shall see all these things, know that it is near, even at the doors.

Verily I say unto you, This generation shall not pass, till all these things be fulfilled.

Heaven and earth shall pass away, but my words shall not pass away.

But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only.

[chefcraig]

Long winded son of gun, ain't ya? Lost me somewhere around the third sentence. :indifferent0020:

[ThrillsNSpills]

Take heed that no man deceive you.

For many shall come in my name, saying, I am Christ; .

[/b]

indeed

[Nitro Express]

Has anyone stopped to think why in the hell would Jesus Christ want to come back? We would nail him to the cross in half the time today.

[PETE'S BROTHER]

maybe waterboard him first....

[Hardrock69]

Remember when there was the tomb of Jesus Family that was supposedly found a couple of years back?

Demonstrated to the world that those who so fervently rant and rave about how Jesus was real, and is coming back were the ones who were EXTREMELY desperate to discount ANY possibility that tomb could have belonged to Jebus's family.

If Jebus himself came back now, firstly people would think he was a nutcase, and would try to lock him up. Then, when it became apparent he had super powers, the government would become extremely afraid and would try to destroy him.

And, all the while, Christians everywhere would claim he was the Anti-Christ and would stop at nothing to prove he COULDN'T POSSIBLY BE Jebus.

So strange. You would think, with all the wishing and hoping he is coming back, that they might actually believe it when he did. But in fact, he would be destroyed in no time, at the very hands of those who supposedly "worship" him.

I think they are actually just worshipping the act of 'murder', or 'ritual sacrifice', and that if Brian came back, it would just the same.

[Seshmeister]

It's a lovely bit of spin to have the evidence of something happening being that there is no evidence.

It's no accident that Christianity was the most successful of the dozens of similar religions.

[Anonymous]

My advice is start a church. If you are a good showman and BS artist, you can buy your yacht with tax free income.

I'm both. Unfortunately, I'm also plagued with a conscience.

They can be a real money stoppers, can consciences. Wouldn't wish one on me worst enemy.

Cheers! :bottle:

[Hardrock69]

wouldn't have to work, duh, hello, rapture?!?!?!?!?

Rapture only for "Christians". The rest of us would be "left behind". :biggrin:

Oh, and it seems I was wrong. I looked on my computer's calendar, but forgot to change the year to 2011.

It IS on a Saturday. WOOHOO!!!! We gots to have a Rapture Party! All the Christians are going away!
No more idiots with bullhorns standing outside of Van Halen concerts yelling at us we are all going to burn in Hell! :hee:

How convenient that the idiots who put up these billboards would claim the Rapture is supposed to happen on a Saturday.


On that note, they had this item on the local news just now. They called up the organization responsible for this, and they spoke with a woman who was absolutely 100% certain it was going to happen.

Her first error (aside from being a fucking moron) was that she said they had arrived at the precise date by examining scripture from the KING JAMES BIBLE.

HELLO? WTF? A Bible that was not even published until fucking 1611?

And was a severely watered down, re-arranged and incomplete version at that!

Here is a page with the COMPLETE history of Bible translations: http://www.historyworld.net/wrldhis/PlainTextHistories.asp?historyid=ac66

Oh, and this idiot said that the flood happened specifically on May 21, 4990 BC. How in the fuck do they know this? Did they go find an old worn-out copy of The Daily Mung from Mesopotamia and read an eyewitness account?

And furthermore, they claim that one of God's days lasts for 1,000 years of our time.

The Bible does NOT say, “With God one day is a thousand years and a thousand years is one day.” The apostle Peter actually wrote in 2 Peter 3:8 : “Beloved, do not forget this one thing, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.

He used a figure of speech known as a simile to compare a day to a thousand years. It is not that one day is precisely equivalent to 1,000 years or vice versa. Rather, within the specific context of 2 Peter 3, one could say that they share a likeness.

The verse just does not say "With the Lord one day IS a thousand human years". It just does not fucking say it. :umm:

It does not fucking surprise me that these idiots are so illiterate they cannot understand what simile is.

Hey, I just realized something. Katypig (please forgive me for the blasphemy of mentioning her cursed name here) will probably get taken away also! WOW! Isn't that fucking grate? :biggrin:

I am not going to ramble on any longer about how those losers are ignorant. I have typed way too much in the past on this subject.

Pretty much anyone with half a brain is going to understand they are the worst sort of brain-dead imbeciles. And it just amazes me when otherwise rational-appearing humans act as if they gave themselves a lobotomy and have abandoned all common sense.

But I will continue to laugh at them for the next 6 months, and for the rest of my fucking life. :hee:

And I am going to have one HELL of a fucking party on May 21! :biggrin:

[Jesus Christ]

Hey, I just realized something. Katypig (please forgive me for the blasphemy of mentioning her cursed name here) will probably get taken away also! WOW! Isn't that fucking grate? :biggrin:


Uh, no she's not invited. :jesuslol:

[Hardrock69]

:lmao:

My hats off to you Jesus. I cannot deny you have a truly great sense of humor. :D

[Nitro Express]

Christianity works the same reason a good marketing plan works. People like to feel special. It's the oldest trick in the book. People will gladly pay you to feel special and successful religions make you feel part of an exclusive group. The Mormons promise Godhood to those who allow the church to fleece them the most and then have the exclusive clubhouse (temple) and special entry card (temple entrance card). If you pay enough money and do enough work, they give you an exclusive card much like a retailer or airline does. In reality, they are using you as slave labor and taking your money and offering nothing back. The church leaders will sick their security on you and tell you to get lost and talk to your local bishop if you go to talk with them. But then try getting a meeting with the pope if you are Catholic. Everything is on their terms but people sadly pray, pay, and obey.

[Little Texan]

I prefer this billboard...

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lckzlzQ4Lu1qapkmyo1_500.jpg

[Nitro Express]

People take Christmas way too seriously. It should be a fun brainless holiday and who didn't like it when they were a kid? Getting out of school, getting presents, the snow and lights looked cool. It's the type of thing you have to go back to the inner child and what's great about being an adult is you can get drunk and find someone to fuck at the Christmas party. If anyone doesn't like it and has sour grapes, say, Merry Christmas asshole and go your merry way.

[ashstralia]

and nasa have something they'd like to tell us in a few hours....

:)

[Seshmeister]

As the Earth rotates, stars will appear to spin around the star most nearly in a direct line with the axis of the Earth's rotation which in the Northern hemisphere is the star Polaris.

So the three 'Wise' men would have wandered around in a giant circle.

[Hardrock69]

"Hey did not we passeth by this very village but 3 months ago? Yea and verily forsooth I were to recall that same prostitute standing in that same doorway....."

:hee:

[Seshmeister]

"Quick ask her if she'll do the three of us for a bag of myrrh"

[Hardrock69]

:lmao:

[Satan]

And now, this comment from a Chicago Cubs fan at Demoncratic Underground......



9671751, Cubs are playing the Cardinals that day
Posted by AngryAmish on Thu Dec-02-10 09:09 AM

7:05 start. Gonna be an interesting series especially with Theriot on the Cards talking smack about the Cubs.

Question the league office has yet to answer: If a player is Raptured, can you then fill his roster spot? Do you have to put him on the DL? He ain't dead but he is not injured. There is a rule that placing uninjured players on the disabled list is a big no-no. It could cost draft picks and get the club fined. So, assume Starlin Castro gets raptured. Isn't he coming back to earth after the tribulations? Does his estate get his salary? Assuming the tribulations last ten years, would he be a free agent? Sure, the easy way to answer this is send him to AAA and yes he does have options. But what if a sneaky, yet biblically wise GM picks him up via the Rule 5 draft?

Jesus, why are you screwing up my Cubs? It is clear that you don't like them (102 years and counting without the World Series). But this is just rubbing salt in the wound.

[chefcraig]

And now, this comment from a Chicago Cubs fan at Demoncratic Underground......




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBU5e2HqcrA&feature=related

[Nitro Express]

As the Earth rotates, stars will appear to spin around the star most nearly in a direct line with the axis of the Earth's rotation which in the Northern hemisphere is the star Polaris.

So the three 'Wise' men would have wandered around in a giant circle.

It's Polaris in our day and age but due to the slight wobble of the earths axis (precession) it might have been a different star in a different 2000 years ago.

[Hardrock69]

Notice how Satan is trying to derail this thread.

Carry on!
:hee: