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View Full Version : Bad Movies = Great Comedy



Hardrock69
12-28-2010, 11:06 PM
Was at the used book/DVD store today. In the DVD section under "Action", I found:

For $3.95, a 3 DVD set called "Martial Arts Masters". Of course there was the obligatory Bruce Lee disc with a documentary called "The Real Bruce Lee", one called "Bruce Lee: The Man, The Myth",
and the movie "Fist Of Fury". Considering these are all on one DVD, the encoding is sure to be horrible.

Discs 2 and 3 have cheap kung fu movies starring Sonny Chiba.

I am right now watching "Shogun's Ninja" on Disc 3, 112 minutes of bad acting, bad dubbing, bad sound effects, terribly stupid story, and third-rate disco music. Yes, you heard that right. A fight scene will begin, and a lame porno bass-riff will begin, with sorry drum machine programming.

On this disc, it is followed by "Ninja Wars", "Rage Of The Masters", with Bonus Feature: The History Of Martial Arts.

Disc 2 has Sonny Chiba in "Street Fighter", followed by "Return Of The Street Fighter", "Sister Street Fighter", and Bonus Feature: "Sonny Chiba Biography.

They appeared to have filmed this in 4:3 aspect ratio, and it has Chinese subtitles some of the time, but they cut the top and bottom of the picture off to make it appear as if it is widescreen, so when the Chinese subtitles appear, you can only see the top of the characters. It says Dolby Digital 5.1 surround sound, but as I am watching it on one computer with just a stereo setup, while working on my main PC, I do not know if it truly is 5.1, or some lame impersonation of it. And yes, the encoding sucks. Any reasonably fast motion, and the digital block noise is rampant.

New fight scene. More lame disco music. This is great. Exactly why I bought it. "Over 14 hours!" of bad kung fu movies for $3.95.

I also found:

GLADIATORS - 9 movies on 3 DVDS - OVER 13 HOURS! for 5.95

More bad movies.

Let's see here - Disc 1 - Giants Of Rome - filmed on location in Italy in 1968. This probably is Italian which guarantees the dubbing will be horrible.

Rebel Gladiators - 1962 with Alan Steel (how stupid..was this idiot a gay porno star?)

Spartacus & The Ten Gladiators - 1964 with Dan Vadis (was this moron the 50X great-grandson of Quo Vadis?) :biggrin:

Bonus feature: Sword & Sandal poster gallery

Disc 2 has: The Giant Of Marathon - 1959 with Steve Reeves (who was a classic actor in the cheezy sword and sandal genre)

Ugh...more bad disco music from "Shogun's Ninja". :biggrin:

Nothing like hearing moronic bass lines with the sound of swords clanging and people dying and going "ARRRRGGGHHHUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHH...AHHHHHHHHhhhhhh.... ........" in the background. :hee:

Followed by:

The Last Glory Of Troy - 1962 - another Steve Reeves exercise in Gladitory stupidity

Giants Of Thessaly - 1960 - a cheap Jason & The Argonauts film with some guy named Roland Carey.

Bonus feature: Steve Reeves Bio

Disc 3:

Duel Of Champions- Italian 1961 'nuff said.

Colossus And The Amazon Queen - 1960 with Dorian Gray This might prove to be interesting. If it is a foreign film, I might even get to see some titties! WOOHOO! :hee: Certainly the Italian films are likely to show some serious naked female skin.

Gladiators Seven - 1963 with Steve Harrison

Bonus Feature: The Glory Of Death


Both of these sets were put together by the St. Clair Entertainment Group of Princeton, NJ.

Hell, even selling this crap new for 10 bucks a set they were probably able to make some good bucks.

Surely with all the "bad movie" fans there are out there like myself.

Other great things I dig like this are bad 1970s Blaxploitation films, and bad early 70s hardcore porn titles like "Hippies In Heat".

Call it the Ed Wood Syndrome. Bad movies so bad they actually have Comedic value, even though the director was trying to actually create a serious film. :hee:

And one other added bonus to the Gladiator set, every single film synopsis ends with any one of the the awe-inspiring warnings: Not Suitable For Children, Questionable For Children, or Not For Children.

All the cheep kung-fu movies are simply "Rated R". :biggrin:

indeedido
12-28-2010, 11:14 PM
"Billy, do you like movies about gladiators?"

Hardrock69
12-28-2010, 11:47 PM
Heh.....Colossus and the Amazon Queen....the color is horrible. Looks colorized with a sickening shade of 'green'. But yes, it is Italian, and this shipload of Gladiators have been captured by an island of Amazon bitches. They were all set to escape, but then one of them asked the question "If we are being held captive by women, who wants to escape?" :biggrin:

Oh and the first look at the women they were all bathing in a small lake. No boobs, dammit. But lotsa skin. God the dubbing is horrible.

Oh God....all the slaves of the Amazons are a bunch of homos. :lmao:

Hardrock69
12-29-2010, 12:08 AM
:lmao: So now all the Amazon bitches of course have chosen all their gladiators. One of them said: "I is the God's gift to the women of Southern Greece. Let's be off my babies. Y'all is my women now". :biggrin:

There was an actually quite good movie made in the late 50s called Queen Of Outer Space with Zsa Zsa Gabor. Had really good production values. The studio spent some serious bucks on the sets, the costumes, the actors. Same exact fucking plot though. Spaceship of guys crash land on a planet ruled by women. Once the women got over acting all tough, they became horny vixens that just wanted to fuck. They could have taken this entire cast from this shitty gladiator film and put them in Queen Of Outer Space and it would make no fucking difference. :hee:

Blaze
12-29-2010, 12:30 AM
Your description was great! :baaa:

chefcraig
12-29-2010, 08:16 AM
From one of the greatest shows of all time...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_EAXYH4b4yM


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENZ8s5RW5DU&feature=related

Terry
12-29-2010, 08:35 PM
The ending of Bruce Lee: The Man, The Myth, with various scenarios of what "could have REALLY happened" when Bruce was reported dead, was particularly humorous.

One of the best bad movies is Armageddon. The missus actually likes that flick, whereas I think it sucks so bad. Once in a while we'll come across it on tv and watch it together. She'll totally enjoy it because she likes it, while I'll enjoy it because it's so shite.

Anaconda is another glorious pile of La La Land poo.