GET LAID NOW! (You have until October)

[Kristy]

"Harold Camping, leader of the ministry Family Radio Worldwide, has concluded after careful study of the Bible that the world will begin to end on May 21, 2011. It will actually take several months for the process to be complete, but Camping is certain that by October it will all be over, and his group is doing their best to warn everyone."

So mark your calenders, kids. The end has been studied so you know it has to be true. I'm sure Harold & Co. will be stocking up on plenty of cyanide and Kool-Aid...just in case. Hey, look on the bright side, at least we get summer before Doomsday.

Story here:http://www.livescience.com/strangenews/bible-sect-apocalypse-prediction-110103.html

[Kristy]

Camping believes the Rapture will start to take place in May. You know, where all the purist fundies will fly like doves into the realm of Heaven and sit by the throne of God like mindless automatons while the rest of us rot in our diseased piles of sin and filth. In a way, I'm sincerely hoping this guy is right.

[chefcraig]

Harold Camping has changed his "prediction" several times now. This was discussed at the beginning of last month here:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Nashville Billboards Announce Jebus' Return May 21, 2011 (http://www.rotharmy.com/forums/showthread.php?61021-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!-Nashville-Billboards-Announce-Jebus-Return-May-21-2011&highlight=camping)

And yes, Camping is certifiable. Harold Camping's Heresies EXPOSED! (http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/Wolves/harold_camping.htm) :baaa:

[Kristy]

Damn, well, I certainly didn't predict that this subject had already been posted. Not as popular advertised where I live even if the Lord travels in mysterious ways.

http://i.huffpost.com/gen/233812/thumbs/s-MAY-21-2011-large.jpg

[Nitro Express]

Watch these fools max out as many credit cards as they can get and spend all their savings only to find life and the credit collection agencies live on.

[Kristy]

I might join this cult if it means getting out of my student loans.

[FORD]

Rev. Camping needs to read his Bible again. Nevermind the part where Jesus says that not even HE knows the day or the hour of His return, but also the part where the tribulation lasts seven years. Not five months.

So if the Rapture does actually happen on May 21, it's going to be May 21, 2018 before the world ends. May has been historically a shitty month for me personally, so it really wouldn't surprise me all that much if something fucked up happened then.

But not the Rapture, because I'm supposed to be on the "good list" when that happens.

[Kristy]

May has been historically a shitty month for me personally, so it really wouldn't surprise me all that much if something fucked up happened then.

Really? It's April for me. Hate that shitty month with all heart.

[Guitar Shark]

I am ready whenever you are, Kristy.

lol...

[fifth element]

let's all stop paying our bills now...
concentrate on having the "time of our lives"

after all...if the good rev says it's so it MUST be so......right??...LOLOL

[Nitro Express]

January has always been my hard month. It's a cold/dark depressing month. I ski and snowmobile but I always seem to busy in January too enjoy those.

[Nitro Express]

let's all stop paying our bills now...
concentrate on having the "time of our lives"

after all...if the good rev says it's so it MUST be so......right??...LOLOL

Sadly rapture is conditional on obeying the Lord's commandments. Too bad. There's a few people I want to kill and some things I want to steal. I want to sleep with the married woman down the street, and cause massive property damage to institutions I hate. Walmart and Wells Fargo would be the first to go. I just cant have fun without laying waste to the Ten Commandments.

[Terry]

Meh...whatever.

It's been a good ride.

[ashstralia]

a wag on another forum posted:
'May 21; Meteorite Demolishes Church'

i lol'd

[Seshmeister]

Nevermind the part where Jesus says that not even HE knows the day or the hour of His return

Yeah just to expand on that part of your fairy tale as it is one of the more amusing bits.

He says that he will return during the lifetime of some of the folk he's talking to.

Matthew 16:28 "Truly I say to you, there are some of those who are standing here who will not taste death until they see the Son of Man coming in His kingdom."

Mark 9:1 Then he said to them, "I tell you with certainty, some people standing here will not experience death until they see the kingdom of God arrive with power."

Luke 9:27 "But I say to you truthfully, there are some of those standing here who will not taste death until they see the kingdom of God."

Unless there are some 2000 year old goat herders wandering about without anyone noticing then yet again more fucking plot holes than the Da Vinci code.

The reason it's amusing is that they were almost certainly all dead even by the time this stuff was being written 60 years after the 'events'.

These guys weren't decent story tellers never mind rocket scientists...

[bueno bob]

I've been getting a kick out of these people lately. I was on my way up to Vancouver a while back and got behind some assclown that had stickers and posters and whatnot all over his beat up pickup truck announcing the date and a radio station. Obviously dismissed it like any good agnostic would, but I was remotely curious about the radio station.

About a week later on my way back from PDX, I got onto the light rail (was the only rider at the time) and found a pamphlet in one of the seats, which I still have around the house somewhere. The bible has been "studied" to come up with this date/time, but in no way, shape or form did it say HOW the day/time was arrived at - only that it WAS. Much the same as Scientology can't tell you WHY they've arrived at their conclusions, only that people who are apparently much smarter than I "studied" much apocrypha to come to it.

And, in a lot of regards, the same way just about every active religion can't explain WHY it believes what it does other than "Well, it's old belief that's managed to survive this long and people much smarter than you are have studied it, ergo YOU should believe it."

The sad part? When the DAY OF DAYS comes, one of two things will happen:

1) Except for the "true believers" who get called up in rapture, we're all fucked - which proves they're right, God exists, et al...or
2) The day comes, nothing happens, and guess what? It's just "PROOF THAT GOD DOES LOVE THE HUMAN RACE AND WE'VE ALL BEEN GRANTED A SECOND CHANCE!!"(c)

Thus, they're absolutely right, proving their faith, or they're completely fucking WRONG, proving their faith.

Religion is for weak minded fucking idiots. Period.

[ELVIS]

Yeah just to expand on that part of your fairy tale as it is one of the more amusing bits.

He says that he will return during the lifetime of some of the folk he's talking to.

Matthew 16:28 "Truly I say to you, there are some of those who are standing here who will not taste death until they see the Son of Man coming in His kingdom."

Mark 9:1 Then he said to them, "I tell you with certainty, some people standing here will not experience death until they see the kingdom of God arrive with power."

Luke 9:27 "But I say to you truthfully, there are some of those standing here who will not taste death until they see the kingdom of God."

Unless there are some 2000 year old goat herders wandering about without anyone noticing then yet again more fucking plot holes than the Da Vinci code.

The reason it's amusing is that they were almost certainly all dead even by the time this stuff was being written 60 years after the 'events'.

These guys weren't decent story tellers never mind rocket scientists...


That's not what He's saying...

[Seshmeister]

I'm sure over the hundreds of years the churches have come up with some crazy verbal gymnastics to try and weasel out of the words in the book like they always do. I can't even be bothered to look that up at the moment.

Bottom line is that is what is written in the book under the standard meaning of words, anything else is a riddle.

[Nitro Express]

The successful religions get the next generation hooked and they use marriage to do this. In the religion I grew up in, you would catch shit for not marrying another member in the temple. Of course to qualify for temple admittance you had to pay the church 10% of your gross and do everything the church leaders told you to do. There was no paid clergy so you had plenty of busywork every week. It sucked.

What they did was create a situation where if you did leave, you would catch shit from your family and community. Since many members worked for other members or family, it could cost you your job. People just stayed in because it was less hassle and then the impossibly high demands of the church just turned everyone into a slick liar to keep the illusion going.

The doctrine was just filler basically. With the internet a lot of it has been proven a hoax but it doesn't matter, the system is set. You could have the flying spaghetti monster as the god or worship and it wouldn't matter. A successful church has a social system that keeps the membership in line and they go and do because of family and peer pressure. They have it all figured out.

[Terry]

Well, all these doomsday prophecies seem a bit silly re: pinning down an exact date the world will end, since basically anyone can drop dead at any moment.

I mean, considering life can be over in an instant, why wait to do the things you want to do?

Me, I'm gonna give the missus a solid rodgering tonight. Not because I believe the world is going to end in May or October...or December 2012, but because I could die in my sleep choking on sesame seeds from a Big Mac bun I ate shortly before going to bed.

[Nitro Express]

I think people just cook up these prophecies to get laid.:biggrin: